Scruffy - A Diversion
Page 33
Felicity, it might be added, has worn extremely well and at forty-two looks no more than thirty. She has put on a little weight, but Tim always liked her better that way. Her first-born, the boy Anthony Bailey, is about to go up to Oxford to pursue his studies under the eye of his godfather, Professor Clyde. He has elected science over the Army or the Navy and as a Crufter is certain to make his mark in that field. He has two sisters and a younger brother, also Cruft products.
Five years after the end of the war Sergeant Lovejoy reached the age of retirement and with his wife bade farewell to the Army, Gibraltar and the Barbary apes. They returned to England and on a holiday visit to Hope Cove where they had first met they found that the Guest House where they had stayed was up for sale. The combined savings of the Sergeant and the competence left his wife by her relatives enabled them to buy this property, carry out the necessary improvements and decorations and bring it back as a successful year-round holiday hotel.
With Tim Bailey’s extraordinary services being recognized with the C.B.E., it is only natural that his right-hand man Lovejoy should win the lower order of B.E.M., and this dignity was conferred upon the ex-Keeper of Apes in a subsequent Honours List and celebrated in all the newspapers with extravagant stories and suitable photographs.
But John Lovejoy achieved far greater rewards in a pleasant and contented existence with his wife. They like and respect one another and he has made her a good, kind husband, and for this he has had a most astonishing and unexpected return.
It will be remembered that spinster Constance Boddy had made total abstinence on the part of the Gunner a condition of her yielding to him, and outside of the one rousing wing-ding, the last jamboree at the Admiral Nelson, Lovejoy kept his pledge.
Well, in these late and approaching twilight years Mrs. Lovejoy closes an eye. On Saturday nights Mr. Lovejoy steals away to The Crown and Anchor and has himself a couple with the boys. He takes Guinness and lime for old time’s sake. And on his return home, even though his steps be slightly unsteady, Mrs. Lovejoy sees no evil, hears no evil and speaks no evil—a truly remarkable and loving woman.
Howard Cranch is Air Marshal Cranch, solid with gold braid, medals, years, dignity and the problems of the jet age. Packed away in a trunk are his costumes, his Chinaman’s wig, his minstrel make-up and his musical instruments with which he used to entertain. Memories, however, cannot be tucked away as easily as old clothes, and often he will look back to his days upon the Rock and the monkey flights, and at such times he is quite likely to substitute “well” for “good” and when asked how things are, reply, “Well, well” in the manner of a certain Spanish Señor Blasco Irun of long, long ago.
The Brigadier retired to Surrey where he raises mushrooms with great success, selling them to such famous hostelries as the Savoy, the Connaught, Claridges and the Berkeley, while Lord Cruft was gathered to his forefathers only last year, full of honours and the regrets of the new generation that theirs cannot be Cruft babies.
Sir Archibald before his passing was given a Barony for his many and varied services to humanity, not the least of which was his describing and popularizing what he named the Lovejoy Technique to be applied in certain cases of difficult delivery. He was also celebrated, and after a time was able even to joke on the subject, as the only gynaecologist who had ever successfully brought a pair of twin monkeys into the world.
Alfonso T. Ramirez, retired from the Navy Yard and suitably pensioned, still lives at Gibraltar where he is known as a rabid Anglophile and staunch supporter of the British against enemies past, present and future.
The manner in which this happy transformation came about was the following: On a certain day shortly after the end of the war two special policemen attached to the Colonial Office appeared at his Laboratory where he was working, and summoned him to accompany them to Government House. Half-fainting, convinced that all had been discovered, sure that he was being led off to interrogation, torture and execution, Mr. Ramirez went with them, knees quaking, teeth chattering, sweat pouring from his pasty countenance.
He was taken to the office of the Governor, at whose desk reposed a box. Upon his entrance His Excellency arose and made the following speech:
“Mr. Ramirez: during the war you performed a considerable service to the Government and the nation, which has not been forgotten. Owing to the nature of that service, of which I need not remind you except to say that by using your intelligence and knowledge of certain species of apes you were instrumental in bringing about a conclusion greatly to be desired, it was not possible to reward you suitably at the time lest dangerous information be conveyed to the enemy. Now, however, it is His Majesty’s pleasure to tender you this scroll in appreciation of your deed.”
And suiting action to words the Governor opened the box and produced a beautifully engrossed parchment which detailed the fact that Alfonso Tomaso Ramirez had been of signal service to his country and had thereby earned its gratitude.
As is well known the Germans have a built-in forgetter, an apparatus that aids them not to remember past wickednesses. This Mr. Ramirez shared. The awarding of the scroll turned him from phobe to phile. Treugang disappeared for ever. Besides, what had the Germans ever done for him?
Old Scruff? In any event he would not be alive today. The life span of apes doesn’t stretch that far. However, he was denied old age. One remembers in the Golden Bough the boxer king of the Greek isle who had to fight every newcomer and kept his crown and his life only as long as he won. Well, it was like that with Scruffy. One of the imports from North Africa was bigger, tougher, stronger, younger, more aggressive, truculent, possessive and malevolent. They had it out. Scruffy lost. He went down fighting, bravely, dirtily, gallantly, struggling to do his conqueror in as long as there was still the faintest spark of life in his great, grey body, and when it was extinguished his canines were still tight in the flank of the victor, who was himself not counted for very much good or use thereafter from the mauling he had received.
It is sad to be compelled to report that Amelia never got over the loss of Scruffy, for whom her affection remained constant, and she was found dead in a tree by Sergeant Lovejoy soon after Scruffy’s passing. The autopsy reported something gastric and pulmonary, but both Lovejoy and his wife knew that she had died of a broken heart. And strange, though grieved, they were content to have it so.
There was then a most private subscription initiated for which contributions were received from such diverse characters as the then Majors Clyde, McPherson and Bailey, Sergeant and Mrs. Lovejoy, the Brigadier, the Colonial Secretary and even, when he heard about the subscription and its purpose, the Governor.
From these funds was purchased a small bronze plaque let into the concrete platform of the look-out on the Upper Rock, inscribed, “Scruffy–Amelia 1945,” followed by a single line of epitaph and accolade, “Thanks to Them.”
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
PAUL GALLICO was born in New York City, but since 1936 has lived partly in Devon and partly in the South of France. He has been in turn a successful columnist, sports writer, journalist, film script writer, novelist and war correspondent. He is today an author of international renown. The Snow Goose, his classic story of Dunkirk, was written in 1941. In Scruffy Paul Gallico uses an actual wartime incident as the background to his highly entertaining story.
Table of Contents
SCRUFFY: A DIVERSION
1: Introducing Scruffy
2: The Brigadier is not Amused
3: What O.I.C. Apes Means
4: Felicity
5: Scruffy Lifts a Scalp
6: Lady French Passes the Fish
7: Wherefore Art Thou Juliette
8: Background to a Sacking
9: The Great Gunpowder Plot
10: Felicity’s Return
11: Mr. Ramirez Writes a Letter
12: Major Clyde Pays Some Visits
13: The Prime Minister Expresses Concern
14: Group Captain Cranch is Briefe
d
15: Ramona
16: Lovejoy to Hope Cove via London
17: . . . Where He Encounters Innocence
18: Scruffy Declines
19: Miss Boddy Accepts
20: Mr. Ramirez Plays Cupid
21: Dr. Lovejoy’s Technique
22: Epitaph for Two Apes
ABOUT THE AUTHOR