The Riches of Mercy

by C. E. Case

  "Great." He launched into a story of their fall break, and Natalie listened, red with rage, breathing hard. She listened quietly and wished she could scream, instead.

  #

  On Saturday, Natalie made dinner, even though it was hard to deal with the stove when she sat underneath it. Macaroni and cheese from a box. On Meredith's instructions she added a vegetable mix from the freezer and set out ketchup on the table. She didn't know if she could watch them eat it.

  Hollingsworth followed her around, wary of the metal contraption housing her. Only when she was in bed or on the couch would he leap up to join her. Sometimes when the chair was otherwise unoccupied, she would find him curled up and asleep. Hollingsworth dozing in the wheelchair miffed the boys because they liked to roll the wheelchair through the house. Which miffed Meredith. One big happy family.

  She'd timed dinner so she was stirring the butter into the noodles when the door flew open and Merritt and Beau bounded through.

  "Natty!" they called.

  Her name sounded so much better on their lips than Patrick's. The bastard. She shouldn't think about that when the kids were home, hugging her. She pulled Merritt onto her lap so Beau could crowd her good leg without touching her bad one.

  Meredith followed more sedately. She held Natalie's gaze, smiling, until Natalie's face ached from smiling back. She wanted to hug Meredith, too, but her arms were full, and Meredith finally reached over and tousled her hair, smoothing locks in front of her eyes.

  Natalie blew the hair back. "Thanks," she said.

  "Hey, anytime I can beautify you, you just let me know."

  "Mommy, you made Natalie ugly." Beau said.

  Meredith cringed, but Natalie laughed. "What am I, Clark Kent?" she asked.

  "What's your superpower?"

  "Making dinner?" Natalie said.

  "Right. Good one. All right boys, set the table."

  Beau and Merritt climbed off of Natalie and slunk toward the silverware.

  Natalie patted her lap. "Space free."

  Meredith blushed.

  "I got fired today," Natalie said.

  "What?"

  "That was just for dramatic effect. Kind of. Placed on 'administrative leave.' They said I was drunk when I had the accident."

  "You weren't drunk. I saw the toxicology report myself. I just violated HIPAA. I'm sorry."

  "It's all right. I mean, you're telling the patient."

  "Sure, but--Natalie, I'm so sorry." Meredith took Natalie's hand, and Natalie squeezed it, drawing it against her arm.

  They stood together until Beau banged his fork on the table, and said, "Hungry!"

  "You're raising monsters," Natalie said.

  Meredith let her hand go. "Wolves, disguised as sheep."

  "We're going to be soldiers, like daddy," Beau said.

  Natalie glanced at Meredith, who went to kiss the top of Beau's head. "Yes, you will. And what else did daddy tell you to do?"

  "Go to college," Beau said.

  Merritt picked up macaroni and cheese with his fingers and put it on his plate.

  "Guess he's ready for Stanford," Natalie said.

  "I told them they weren't allowed to leave the state for college unless they were real smart and wanted to go to Emory. They had no idea what I was talking about. They're four, you know."

  "I finally found the audience for my cooking," Natalie said.

  "Aw, honey, if you read the directions on the box, cooking's real easy."

  "Don't you think I've tried?" Natalie asked.

  Meredith grinned.

  Natalie freed the pot of macaroni and cheese from the boys long enough to get some only lightly spittle-covered noodles for herself.

  "Hold hands," Meredith said. And then when she saw Merritt's orange-stained hands, she mouthed "Sorry" to Natalie.

  Natalie shrugged. Three days with children in the house and she'd already acclimated to parts of her feeling gross. She clasped the slippery, warm hand. Merritt giggled.

  Meredith bowed her head. "Dear Heavenly Father, bless this food we are about to eat. We pray it may be good for our body and soul. If there be any poor creature hungry or thirsty walking along the road, send them in to us that we can share the food with them, just as You share your gifts with all of us. Amen."

  "Amen," Beau said. Then he got out of his chair and ran to the door.

  Natalie blinked.

  "Every time I say that he goes to the door to let in the hungry and the thirsty."

  "Have any come?"

  Meredith called out, "Beau, come back. She's already here."

  Beau skittered back. He frowned but climbed back into his chair.

  Natalie picked up her fork but waited until the lump in her throat subsided so she could eat.

  #

  Natalie hadn't talked to her law school friends in nearly a year. They'd all once been close, spending at least two hours a night studying together in the law library. Quizzing each other, memorizing words, eating bad pizza and good Chinese food. After every semester they'd go out for beer, and the second time Natalie puked it all up, she decided after every semester she'd have ginger ale.

  Thinking about drinking made her slightly nauseous. But it always made her think of her friends. She'd been a blip on their social networking for a while, and commented on baby pictures or a good book, but she hadn't paid much attention. So it took her a good ten minutes to figure out her blog's password. Then she composed the note. "You'll never guess where I am..."

  #

  Meredith knocked on Natalie's door.

  "Come in."

  Meredith opened the door. "Heard you typing. Thought you might want breakfast."

  "I do want breakfast." Natalie put the laptop aside.

  Meredith chuckled and maneuvered in a tray. Natalie was small under her quilt--tired, still. And yet, something about the way her dark hair shined in the lamplight made Meredith's breath catch. She settled the tray over Natalie's lap, just like at the hospital, except this one was made of wood and the dishes on top were ceramic, not plastic.

  The pancakes were homemade, but not as good as Colleen's.

  Natalie raised an eyebrow at the water glass with dandelions and clover blossoms.

  "Boys picked those for you. But I made them promise not to come in."

  "Where are they?"

  "In the living room, petting your cat," Meredith said.

  "Is my cat all right?"

  "When I left he was."

  Natalie bit her lip, but gazed at the plate.

  "Do you want syrup?"

  "Yes."

  Meredith tapped the little polished silver vessel.

  "What's that?" Natalie asked, tapping a glass.

  "Iced tea."

  Natalie took the glass and carefully took a sip.

  "Unsweetened," Meredith said.

  "I see."

  "Gotta start you slow."

  "We do have tea in Charlotte, you know," Natalie said.

  "Is it Lipton?"

  Natalie shook her head. She put the glass down and poured syrup on her pancakes.

  "Ain't tea," Meredith said.

  Natalie snorted.

  Meredith eased off the side of the bed.

  "Going to work?"

  "Day off. We get those sometime. I was thinking of going to Wal-Mart and getting a few things. It's a couple of towns over."

  "Want me to watch the boys?"

  "They can get pretty wild on you. How about you take one, I'll take one."

  "I think I can handle that. Maybe after breakfast."

  "Got a preference?" Meredith asked.

  Natalie took another bite of pancake, chewed, swallowed, and said, lifting her tea to toast Meredith, "I love them both the same."

  Meredith's chest constricted. "Good answer. I'll leave you to your breakfast."

  "I really do," Natalie called, as she went through the door.

  # #

  Chapter Fourteen

  Natalie got up early Sunday morni
ng and carefully made her way out of her bedroom. The boys were already awake. Merritt colored in the kitchen. Beau played with blocks. What he was building, Natalie couldn't guess.

  "What're you doing?" Natalie asked as she wheeled herself into the kitchen. Her legs itched. Her hips were sore. She wanted out of the chair, but she was pretty sure she'd forgotten how to walk.

  Merritt came over and crawled onto her lap. He'd gotten good at avoiding her broken leg by wedging himself against the arm of the chair and her shoulder.

  Beau said, "We can't watch TV without mommy. And we have to be quiet. She's asleep."

  "What time does she usually wake up?"

  Beau glanced at the clock. "Um. Nine."

  Merritt began combing his fingers through Natalie's hair. Natalie hoped they weren't sticky.

  The kitchen clock read 8:15.

  "Should we make Merr--Mommy breakfast?"

  "Okay," Merritt said.

  Beau put down his blocks.

  "What's her favorite food?" Natalie asked.

  "She likes eggs," Beau said.

  Merritt pushed his face into Natalie's shoulder and giggled. "With hot sauce."

  "It burns," Beau said. He wore a dismayed expression.

  "Hot!" Merritt shouted.

  "Shssh," Natalie said.

  Merritt grunted.

  "Beau, see if we have any eggs," Natalie said.

  Beau scampered to the refrigerator.

  "Merry, do we get the paper?" Natalie asked Merritt.

  Merritt nodded. "On Sundays."

  "Go get it," she said.

  Merritt slipped off her lap and wandered in the general direction of the door.

  Beau carefully set the hot sauce and the eggs on the kitchen counter and then frowned.

  Natalie wheeled over.

  Beau said, "We can't reach the stove."

  "Good point. Maybe mommy will make everyone breakfast."

  Beau nodded. He looked determined and marched back over to the refrigerator, and pulled out the milk.

  "We can have cereal," he said.

  "Where are the bowls?"

  He opened the bottom cabinet and pulled out a bowl, and then more carefully stretched to pull a spoon from the silverware drawer. His triumphant grin faltered when Natalie narrowed her eyes at him. She waited. He gazed down at his bowl.

  Merritt scrambled in with the paper, which he dumped on Natalie's lap. "I want cereal," he said.

  "Me too," Natalie said.

  "Oh," Beau said. He got out two more bowls and two more spoons. Natalie took it upon herself to open the Corn Flakes box. Meredith had picked up a boggling assortment of bulk cereals at the Wal-Mart.

  "I want Froot Loops," Merritt said.

  Beau and Natalie turned on him, growling.

  "Or Corn Flakes," he said.

  #

  Meredith studied herself in the bathroom mirror. Her face was pale and splotchy. She prodded her puffy skin. Noises came from downstairs--the occasional giggle, rustling around, but the happy family below couldn't block out the memory. The blood. Vincent's anger. Heat rising inside her to match it.

  The memory was so incongruous with what awaited her downstairs she didn't know which one was real. Death was forever. The rest was transitory. She didn't know how she could face her children.

  But Natalie was downstairs. She wanted to see Natalie. Every time she did, she felt lighter. Almost happy. Just from being in the same room.

  To be in the same room, she'd have to go downstairs, and face her children, too.

  Her eyes stung with fresh tears. She tightened her bathrobe and went downstairs. They were piled onto the couch, reading the comics page. Dirty bowls were stacked in the sink. A cereal box was open and out on the counter, along with eggs and hot sauce.

  "We made breakfast!" Merritt said when he saw her.

  "I made breakfast. You ate it," Beau said.

  "I helped."

  "Did not."

  "Did too. I brought the paper." Merritt said.

  "Boys. Merritt did bring the paper. Beau got the bowls," Natalie said.

  Beau and Merritt both looked smug.

  Meredith put the eggs and the hot sauce away and poured herself a bowl of cereal.

  "Natty's reading us Garfield," Beau said.

  Natalie cringed.

  "Is it funny?" Meredith asked.

  "There's lasagna," Merritt said. He began laughing so hard he rolled off the couch and onto the floor. He writhed until Beau kicked him.

  "Ow," he said.

  Beau laughed.

  Hollingsworth shot across the living room, headed toward the French doors.

  Beau took off in pursuit.

  "Kitty!" Merritt said, joining the chase.

  "Cats are evil after all," Meredith said.

  Natalie gave her a lazy grin and then flipped the page to Dear Abby.

  "Sleep well?" Meredith asked, bringing her cereal into the living room.

  "Yes, actually. You?"

  Meredith shrugged.

  "It's Sunday," Natalie said. "Do you go to church?"

  Meredith shook her head. "Not anymore."

  Natalie nodded. She read the paper.

  "Oh, no. Did you want to go? There's a Catholic Church right here in Tarpley. Or, if you're Orthodox or something, I don't know if you are. I think the church is all the way down in Wilmington. We should have left hours ago--"

  "And yesterday. Orthodox, and I haven't been to church since I was confirmed."

  "It's just--most guests want to go and be a part of their spiritual community, you know? It's like being homesick. Makes people feel grounded."

  "I don't know what would make me feel grounded. Why don't you go to church?"

  Meredith fiddled with her spoon.

  "Sorry, it's none of my business. Forget I--"

  Merritt and Beau came back, holding Hollingsworth between them. "We watch church on TV," Beau said.

  "We do. We're starting a little late. That's all right." She turned on the TV.

  Natalie put down her paper.

  "You don't have to--" Meredith started.

  Natalie waved her off. "Have to set a good example for the children."

  "By watching television on a Sunday morning," Meredith said.

  Natalie grinned.

  #

  "Ready for bed?" Meredith asked, coming into Natalie's sunroom.

  Natalie sat on the bed.

  "It's only eight."

  "It's Sunday night. The boys are tucked in. Something else in mind?" Meredith asked.

  "I'm just thinking about my week. Therapy. The hospital. It seems overwhelming, even though I'm not actually doing anything. I would give anything for a shower."

  "Anything?"

  Natalie closed her eyes. "I can't take a shower."

  "It would be difficult."

  "Yeah."

  "But not impossible."

  Natalie opened her eyes and met Meredith's.

  "Can't get your leg wet," Meredith said. "The cast."

  Natalie nodded.

  "We'll use plastic."

  "What about--"

  But Meredith was out the door before Natalie finished. She heard the water come on in the bathroom with the tiny bathtub across the hall. If she'd needed to use the stairs, her shower would have become impossible. She didn't know what to do. Undress, perhaps. Or start hobbling. Or go get the plastic.

  "Don't move," Meredith said from down the hall.

  Natalie sighed and gazed at the ceiling.

  Meredith came back with a kitchen trash bag, which she split into sheets, and then, with duct tape in her hand, considered Natalie.

  Natalie raised her eyebrows.

  "Do you mind? Me, uh, seeing you."

  "You have before, I guess."

  Meredith nodded, not quite looking at her.

  Natalie could undress herself. She’d gotten almost okay at it since coming from the hospital. Meredith unbuttoning her shirt made her feel like a child. She swatted. Mer
edith hesitated.

  "Why don't you get things ready in there," Natalie said. Maybe this was a bad idea. "I'll call you."

  Meredith nodded and slipped out of the room.

  Natalie exhaled and finished unbuttoning her shirt, leaving it and her bra on the bed. She stood, leaning heavily on the wheelchair's arm, and managed to get her pants to drop. Taking off her underwear required sitting back down, butt to leather seatrest, and slowly, inch-by-inch, pushing and leaning. She considered kicking them under the bed, but instead managed, with her good leg, to get them into the hamper.

  Her robe was at the end of the bed. She debated attempting to put it on, but decided the struggle wasn't worth it. The boys were asleep, anyway. She covered her lap with her hands, leaving her arms strategically stretched over her breasts.

  "I'm ready," she said.

  Meredith opened the door. The water was running. Meredith chuckled at her pose. She took up the plastic and wrapped Natalie's leg, and examined at the bandage on her side.

  "What do you think?"

  "It'd probably be good to wash your side. As gently as you can, then I'll rebandage it."

  "I didn't contemplate how much this was all going to hurt."

  Meredith went to the bedside table and tapped two pills out of her bottle.

  "I never take that much anymore."

  "And you never take a shower anymore, either," Meredith said, wrinkling her nose.

  "I'm pretty good at the self-sponge baths."

  Meredith grinned and handed the pills and water to Natalie.

  "All right, all right." Natalie took them and let herself be wheeled into the bathroom. The humidity greeted her and she nearly purred. The vinyl shower curtain was pushed aside, and inside a folding chair sat.

  "Your chair's getting all wet."

  "You wanna stand in there?"

  “Well, no."

  Meredith stroked her hair, and then unbandaged her side, examining the stitches. "Time to get up. I'll close my eyes if you want."

  "Then we'll both fall over and crack our heads."

  Meredith winced.

  Natalie latched onto Meredith's arm and pulled herself up, grateful when Meredith hugged her waist and helped lift her. She stepped safely into the tub and sat down on the chair. Meredith handed her a loofah.

  "Soap?"

  Meredith handed her soap.

  "Take your time. When the hot water runs out, call. I'll clean the kitchen."

  "You're not going to help?"

  Meredith closed the curtain. "I'm going to leave you alone."