by C. E. Case
His friend. She smiled at him as they settled into the backseat of the town car. He winked and patted her hand.
"Thanks for all this, Patrick."
"Sure, kid," he said. "How far are you from Hilton Head, anyway?"
#
Her apartment was cold and smelled of dust and neglect. The power was still on. There was a note from her neighbor about Patrick picking up her cat. She turned on the lights and sat down on the couch. There was no edible food left in the fridge, but there were six messages on her answering machine. Two from Patrick, one from the neighbor, two from the police, and one from Meredith.
She played Meredith’s message twice, shocked at how foreign Meredith's accent sounded already after three hours back in Charlotte. The boys were noisy in the background, chaotic and frightening. Her eyes welled up.
"Hey, Nat, just wanted you to hear a friendly voice when you got home. The boys say hello--"
"Hi, Natty!" they chimed.
"Anyway, welcome home." Meredith paused. Natalie counted the seconds. Then, "Take care, Natalie."
Natalie couldn't listen to it, not with the lump rising in her throat and the tears stinging in her eyes. She ordered Chinese, and then realized she didn't have any cash. She used the emergency supply in the shoebox in her closet. While eating, she went over her finances.
Not good.
She found herself surrounded by Chinese containers and paperwork, depressed and tired and in pain. Her cat was gone and she was alone with the hum of the refrigerator. She picked up the television remote.
She set it down.
She knew she'd succumb eventually to the need for money, to the need for the fantasy of other people's lives filling her home, to the path of least resistance.
She glanced at the phone. She remembered all the nights she'd waited for it to ring.
She picked up the receiver and dialed.
# #
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Two Months Later
Meredith sat in the uncomfortable, too-small chair across from her lawyer. They were in a holding office, waiting for the judge to arrive. In fifteen minutes, they would all herd into the courtroom and her life--the sliver of life she held onto between Vincent's death and today--would be gone. She'd been crying more and more.
The boys caught her last night. They'd piled into bed with her and said "What's wrong, mommy?" and "We'll be good, don't cry," which made her cry more.
"Call Natty, she'll help," Merritt said.
That had been even worse.
She put her head in her hand.
Her lawyer coughed.
Samson Okoru had worked his way through law school with the state's help, in return for a defense attorney post in a small town. On behalf of North Carolina, and not on behalf of her, he did this work. He was completely professional, but she was pretty sure he thought she was guilty.
A knock came on the glass of the open door. She glanced up.
Natalie grinned.
"Took you long enough," Meredith said and stood.
"I started driving as soon as I hung up the phone. It's a long drive."
"Do you have to go back?"
"This weekend, to put the rest of my stuff into storage and sign the final paperwork. I can't believe those turkeys are taking my condo."
"I'm sure it's a nice condo."
"I'm sure."
Samson said, "You have five minutes," and then left, heading for the water fountain.
"I'm sorry it took so long," Natalie said.
"Don't be." Meredith felt her eyes filling with tears. She hastily wiped them away. All that time lost--all those weeks--she'd be damned if she was going to lose this time, too, by crying.
"The preliminary background check is done. I can take the boys if--while--" Natalie stopped talking and swallowed.
"Good."
Natalie reached out and pulled Meredith against her.
Meredith bit her lip until it hurt. "Good."
Natalie's hand cupped her head. Meredith was amazed at how right the embrace felt--how much she remembered Natalie's body from before, when she'd spent weeks convincing herself she'd imagined it. Here was Natalie--real and holding her. Meredith reached up and cupped Natalie's face. She pulled back far enough to see Natalie and laughed.
"What?"
"I never saw you in a suit before. I guess I never figured--you look so powerful."
"You’ve got the idea."
"Nat."
"I promise, I'm just muscle. The press are out there."
"I know."
Samson tapped on the glass. "The judge is here. The bailiff is calling us."
Meredith swallowed.
Natalie took Meredith's hand from her cheek and kissed her palm. "I'm right here."
"Thanks." Meredith held Natalie's gaze, trying to express all she felt, all the thudding in her heart.
Natalie gave her a faint smile.
Samson held out his hand. Meredith took it, brushing past Natalie. The door to the courtroom opened in front of her. She dropped her lawyer's hand. Natalie's hand touched her back.
"Vincent's parents are already inside," Samson said.
Meredith took a deep breath. "I'm ready."
#
The trial was an exhausting recitation of charges and details. They'd broken for lunch before opening statements. Meredith struggled to stay awake as the judge droned on.
Natalie furiously scribbled notes.
At lunch, the lawyer tucked them into a dark van. Meredith just buried her face in Natalie's neck while Samson practiced his opening statement.
Natalie gave him tips.
"Why didn't you do this before? If you were going to do it at all?"
Natalie bit her lip.
Samson coughed and took a sip of water.
"What?" Meredith asked, lifting her head.
"We did," Natalie said.
"We talk on the phone a few times a week. She's good."
"I could have been a D.A., they told me," Natalie said.
"Nat."
"Don't worry. I won't be writing wills for old people. I'm consulting for a firm in Charlotte. We'll see. I might get out of criminal law."
Samson snorted.
Natalie touched Meredith's cheek. "My heart's not in it."
"The military wants a plea arranged. They don't want PTSD or homosexuals or war atrocities all over the news. Tomorrow we may have an offer," Samson said.
"I can't go to jail," Meredith said.
"It's the parents driving it, then?" Natalie asked.
"The whole town. Merry, you really should have considered Charlotte. Death has turned Vincent into a hero," Samson said.
"He was always a hero," Meredith said.
"Your freedom isn't going to change anyone's minds."
"What are they going to do? Them and their minds? They'll be too damn polite to shun the boys, and too damn greedy to shun my money at the market. And wait until I deliver one of their babies or patch up a bloody knee."
Samson sipped water.
Natalie grinned. "And to think she's staying because she likes these people."
"I'm not raising my boys in some strange city with strangers."
Natalie nodded.
"You've got more friends than you think, Merry," Samson said.
"I have enough."
"They've risked shunning too."
"It's hard to do the right thing," Natalie said.
"Real easy to do the wrong thing," Meredith said.
Natalie pulled her back into a hug.
#
Meredith cried when the prosecution called her a murderer.
She promised Natalie and Samson and herself she wouldn't, but she did, in the face of the lies about money, about promiscuity, about selfish greed and her cold-heartedness. She made herself look at the crime scene photo. Vincent, lying on her kitchen floor, blood soaking his shirt. She remembered the fear inside her--the picture transported her back to fear, sharp and painful. She'd bel
ieved he could stand back up and come after her. Calling 911 had been about calling for backup.
Vincent looked like an angel in the picture. At peace.
When her lawyer spoke, she only stared at her hands, feeling nauseous and ashamed at his gentleness. He made a rational, calm argument for forgiveness.
She knew didn't deserve forgiveness.
# #
Chapter Thirty
Natalie came home with her. She walked with a slight, almost imperceptible limp. The boys knew who she was when she stepped over the threshold. They hugged her. They squealed.
Natalie winced at the sound. "I've been away too long."
Meredith took her hand.
After pizza, they put the boys to bed together. Meredith handled reading stories, snuggled against Beau, while Natalie sat with Merritt and closed her eyes and listened. The boys seemed mostly asleep when Meredith and Natalie left, but Meredith made Natalie stand outside their door, listening. A minute in, they brought Merritt water. Two minutes in, Meredith shushed them.
"They must think you're a god," Natalie said.
Meredith grinned. She took Natalie's hand. They stood another minute. Meredith shushed the boys again. Natalie and Meredith giggled together. Then Natalie's hands were running up and down Meredith's arms and Meredith was holding her waist and the boys could have lit their room on fire and Meredith wouldn't have noticed.
Natalie bent her head and barely brushed her mouth against Meredith's. Meredith held herself still, simply returning the pressure and then increasing it until there was a solid, affirming kiss.
Meredith pulled away. "Hungry?"
Natalie grinned and shook her head.
"Want to watch television?"
"No."
"I think I hear the boys."
"No you don't."
Meredith tugged Natalie closer, slipping an arm around her waist. "I don't know what to do with you."
"You've got to put up with me. We're a family now," Natalie said. She smoothed Meredith's hair back from her face and kissed the corner of her mouth.
Meredith kissed Natalie's cheek. She sighed as Natalie kissed her jaw.
"Are you going to be old-fashioned?" Meredith asked.
"Kátit," Natalie said.
Meredith tilted her head. "Bless you."
"The only phrase I know in Russian. Well, that I can use effectively. I learned it from the gangs at my high school, long before I learned the English equivalent from my defendants."
Meredith snorted, and said, "Fine, brat. Tell me."
"In the colloquial it means, 'Word.'"
Meredith slapped Natalie's stomach. Natalie laughed and pulled Meredith into a hug. Meredith tucked her head against Natalie's neck. Natalie stroked her hair.
"Kátit," Meredith said.
"There, now you're as bilingual as I am."
"Good." Meredith kissed her neck.
Natalie trembling, said, "I'm not sure who's supposed to take care of who."
"I've been thinking. We have complementary strengths."
Natalie pressed her cheek to the boys' door.
"Hear anything?" Meredith asked.
Natalie shook her head.
Meredith pulled back from the hug. She took Natalie's hand and led her upstairs to the bedroom. Natalie swallowed. Her hand was sweaty in Meredith's. Meredith held Natalie's fingers between both of her hands.
"Are you ready?" Meredith asked.
"Your bedroom."
Meredith nodded.
"Our bedroom."
"Yes."
"For the rest of our lives."
"Probably," Meredith said.
"I'm ready."
"You are old-fashioned," Meredith said.
"Maybe we should have waited. For this."
Meredith shook her head. "There were no guarantees."
Natalie lifted her hand to guide Meredith's fingers up to her lips. She kissed each one and said, "There are now."
"I love you," Meredith said.
She never said it in their epic phone conversations over the last two months, afraid her dream wouldn't come true, afraid to spoil it.
"I love you, too."
"Come inside." Meredith pushed open the bedroom door.
They walked in together. Natalie pulled away and went to the bed. She smoothed her hand over the pillow. Meredith was proud of the quilt on her bed, of the drapes she'd chosen, of the furniture matching, but her things weren't very modern. Maybe it wasn't the bedroom Natalie wanted to spend the rest of her life in.
"Hey," she said.
Natalie glanced up.
"Now, don't think I'm going to be sleeping naked every night. I have nightgowns and flannel pajamas and slippers."
"Slippers?"
"Bunny slippers from the boys--well, from Vince, through the boys, when they were two--kind of morbid, I suppose. Real fur."
Natalie raised her eyebrows, walking back to Meredith.
"And crocodile slippers. Those are fake."
Natalie settled her hands on Meredith's hips.
Meredith swallowed. "And my dad's old leather slippers. His feet are too big, though."
"What about tonight?" Natalie asked, slipping one hand around Meredith's waist to bring her closer.
"Tonight--" Meredith started, her words cut short by Natalie's kiss. She lost her breath when Natalie touched her. First her breast and then her side and then her hip. She guided Natalie's hand back to her breast. Natalie squeezed. Meredith squirmed. She wrapped her arms around Natalie's neck, afraid she would swoon.
Natalie worked her fingers under Meredith's top. Meredith clung to Natalie, unable to keep a gasp from escaping her lips. Natalie's kiss touched her neck. Wherever Natalie touched her, she felt answering fire inside of her. She pushed back against Natalie's hands.
She was startled by her own urgency. Natalie was touching her before she had a chance to breathe. She hadn't caught up to Natalie being there in her arms. Already making love to her.
They hadn't been sexual during their separation. Nor loving, nor tender. As practically as possible they made plans, rooted in realism, within their limitations. Flights of fantasy had no place between them. Romanticism was the enemy of anyone facing prison.
Natalie's lips touched her ear. She hissed, pulling herself more tightly against Natalie until she was pressed against Natalie's thigh. Her hands gripped Natalie's shoulders as hard as she could. Her shoulders ached.
The touch of Natalie's lips made her feel as if she were falling.
"Natalie, the bed."
"Right," Natalie said. She pulled back, breathing hard. She disentangled herself enough to pull them both to the bed. She turned down the sheets. She fluffed the pillows.
Meredith rubbed Natalie's back, feeling the muscles flex and extend.
"I'm sorry," Natalie said, sitting on the edge of the bed to take off her socks. "I've been thinking about this a lot."
"Me too." Meredith kissed the top of her head.
Natalie dropped her socks on the floor.
"We'll have to talk about that, too."
Natalie settled her hands on Meredith's hips.
"Later," Meredith said.
Natalie stood. She took Meredith's face in her hands to kiss her. Hard. Deepening. Meredith tangled her fingers in Natalie's hair. She tugged her closer. Natalie bit at Meredith's lip. Meredith seized. Natalie broke the kiss and showered smaller, damp kisses on her cheeks and neck.
"I've never wanted to do that to anyone," Meredith said.
"Not even Sharon Stone?"
Natalie turned them so Meredith's back was to the bed. She gently urged Meredith down. Meredith sank onto the mattress. Natalie worked up Meredith's shirt and pulled it over her head.
Meredith folded her arms around her torso, blushing and feeling cold. "Maybe when she was a cowboy," she said.
"I didn't see her as a cowboy."
"What were you thinking of?"
"Basic Instinct?"
Meredith poked N
atalie in the stomach. Natalie sat beside her on the bed. Meredith shifted toward her. Then they were kissing. Natalie's hands were on Meredith's bare skin. Meredith found herself lying back on the bed with Natalie over her, her mouth following the slope of Meredith's breast to the cup of the bra.
"Natalie," she said.
Natalie worked her hands under Meredith's back, against the mattress, and unclasped her bra. She drew it back and Meredith freed her arms.
"Not on the floor," Meredith said.
Natalie snorted and got off the bed. "Where?"
"The closet--there's a hamper."
"A hamper?" Natalie glanced at the bra.
"Don't argue." She worked herself up on the bed to lie back on the pillows.
"I can see how this is going to go." Natalie tossed the bra in the hamper and turned around.
"Will you miss the bachelor lifestyle?"
Natalie knelt on the bed. She met Meredith's eyes with an expression of lust that made Meredith's chest ache. She thought she should be scared, but all she felt was an answering call inside her.
"Not as much as I would miss this," Natalie said.
Meredith reached for her, but Natalie ducked away. She opened the top button of Meredith's jeans.
"Hurry," Meredith said.
Natalie unzipped the fly and worked the jeans over Meredith's legs. Meredith blushed, feeling each inch of her exposed. Natalie tugged her panties down with the jeans. She didn't ask Meredith before dumping them on the floor.
Meredith, naked, sat up and cupped Natalie's chin and drew her forward. She leaned back and gazed into Natalie's eyes, dark and wide, gazing into hers. In the moment before Natalie's lips touched hers, Meredith whimpered. The light brush of Natalie's mouth was a relief.
Meredith pulled Natalie close, holding Natalie's head so their kiss became more intense. She arched up, rubbing herself against Natalie's clothed body. She hooked one leg over Natalie's calf.
They had been so careful at the beach house, so unsure. But now, no thinking. Just touching. Groping. Natalie's lips burning and Meredith tugging up the back of Natalie's shirt, stroking her back, wanting her closer. Natalie's thigh moved between her legs. She groaned. Natalie shivered against their kiss.
She groaned again at Natalie's hand on her breast. "Don't stop," she said.
Natalie kissed her shoulder. Natalie's lips were so soft they felt like cotton against her skin. Meredith wanted to lie back and feel each touch of Natalie's lips, but desire was building within her making the passivity impossible. She found the seam of Natalie's pants and pressed. Natalie shifted, bringing herself to Meredith's fingers.