The Riches of Mercy

by C. E. Case

  "Nearly seven. The boys have to be at school by eight. We should really go home and pack their lunches."

  "Just this once, can't we go to the cafeteria?" Merritt asked.

  "You want to eat that food?"

  "It's what all the other kids eat."

  "Square pizza and unspeakable vegetables?"

  Beau nodded.

  "Merritt?" Natalie asked.

  "I like my own lunch. But just this once."

  "Just this once," Meredith said.

  "And Hardee's for breakfast? It's your lucky day."

  "Mommy's back," Merritt said.

  "Good point."

  Meredith glanced around. She saw faces she recognized from PTA meetings or shopping or neighbors. Some folks were just eating their breakfasts. Others stared. At her, at Natalie, at her and Natalie. "Nat," she said. "I've been thinking."

  "About what?"

  "Once I'm out, really out, maybe we don't have to stay in Tarpley after all."

  "I tried getting you to leave."

  "I know. But this was all I knew." Meredith stared hard enough that some people glanced away. "But now that I've been up at Conrad, I've been like, desensitized. I know I can survive someplace else."

  "This is your home."

  Meredith took Natalie's hand over the table. "You're my home."

  "Sweet, but--"

  "I know. We'll talk about it later. I just wanted you to know how I feel."

  Natalie squeezed her hand.

  #

  Natalie left Meredith to paw at her stuff while she went to shower. Meredith had been in the living room, gazing around at toys and mementos. When she got out of the shower, wrapped in a robe, Meredith had made it to the upstairs bedroom. She held a picture of Vincent.

  "How're you doing? Is it weird? Being here?"

  "It's really weird." Meredith turned around. "Mind if I take a shower?"

  "It's your house."

  Meredith made a face.

  "It's a free country?"

  "Now I know you're just messing with me."

  "Yes, ma'am."

  Meredith went into the bathroom. "I'm sorry. It must be a major disruption to have me here so unexpectedly. And the hospital and all."

  "Everything else is a major disruption. This is fine. I just don't want to get used to it."

  The water went on.

  They hadn't really touched other than some hand-holding in the car. Natalie felt the trepidation, the distance between them. She craved Meredith but she still stung from the rebuke. She was still worried about the kids.

  The hollowness threatened to explode if she touched Meredith and Meredith didn't want it. And yet, she craved it. She sat on the bed and glanced at the clock. 10:14 a.m. Only two days ago she'd been complaining to Jake. She'd concocted a getaway plan. Now here she was with Meredith in her shower. She scooted up on the bed, lying back on the pillows. Maybe if she took a nap, she could wake up without the sinking feeling of ennui.

  The water shut off.

  Meredith came out, hair wet. Naked. "That felt so great. I missed my shower. I almost cried."

  "Because you missed your shower?"

  "I miss everything." Meredith sat on the bed.

  "Even me?"

  Meredith twisted, tucking her cheek against Natalie's arm. "Especially you. Don't make me cry."

  "I won't."

  "Good."

  "How's prison?"

  Meredith laughed. "How's the case?"

  "Same."

  "Same."

  Natalie turned on her side and pulled Meredith closer. "I can't believe you're really here."

  "Did you secretly get Beau stung by a bee to spring me?"

  "I would never."

  Meredith nuzzled her neck.

  "I wish I was clever."

  "Oh, you are. You just save it for someone else's kid."

  "He pays me."

  Meredith snorted.

  Natalie rubbed Meredith's back, marveling at how good it felt. Marveling at how her mood could change so swiftly.

  "Before you ask," Meredith said.

  "Yes?"

  "I'm not sleepy."

  "All right."

  "I don't want anything to eat."

  "Okay."

  "I think the house is perfectly clean."

  Natalie rolled onto her back, bringing Meredith with her. Meredith dug her elbows into Natalie's shoulders, enough to rise up and see Natalie's face.

  "It's the middle of the morning," Natalie said. "What do you want to do?"

  "I want to, hm. I want to pretend nothing else exists."

  "Not even--?"

  Meredith touched her lips. "Not even."

  Natalie tried to keep the doubts to herself. The expectation that a few stolen moments with Meredith could combat the days and months without her, or their arguments wouldn't intensify, the boys would get older and less cute and more independent and it would be harder to protect them. She might never have a case that would make her rich and famous, not after hobbling away from the last one.

  That the sadness in her life could be cleared away by a few kisses was laughable. She should have known at the start. She'd been such a romantic when she'd had money and no attachments.

  She stared at the ceiling as Meredith kissed along her collarbone.

  Meredith shifted, and soon Natalie felt her robe parted, and then there was bare skin pressing against her, breast to breast, leg to leg. She groaned. Meredith freed her arms from the fabric. Laid her bare.

  "I'm doing better in prison," Meredith said, between kisses against Natalie's jaw. "Settling in. But you're doing so much worse, aren't you?"

  "I'm okay."

  "I should be here." Meredith slid down, kissing her chest, and then her stomach. "Taking care of you." Her fingertips traced Natalie's bad side.

  "Merry." Natalie reached for her head.

  "I love you."

  "I love you, too. Come back."

  Meredith lifted her head.

  Natalie met her eyes and tugged at her hair. "Here?"

  Meredith knelt and hovered until her lips were just over Natalie's.

  "I wonder what normal life will be like," Natalie said, as Meredith settled against her. Her hips rose of their own accord, scissoring their legs. The shifting to readjust, to position, became light rocking. A comfortable, warm heat grew in her belly as she kept her hands in Meredith's hair.

  "This is normal," Meredith said.

  "Come on. This is not normal." Natalie touched Meredith's nose with hers.

  "What do you want? Something like Jake and Daniel have?"

  "Something like you and Vincent."

  Meredith didn't slow her grinding, though consternation came into her expression. "This is nothing like Vincent and I."

  "But--"

  Meredith kissed the corner of her mouth. "This is so much better." She kissed Natalie's lips fully. Natalie arched into the kiss, using her hands to hold Meredith's head close, so she could nip and explore. Her tongue found Meredith's and the kiss deepened. They moved together, still slowly, but with longer, harder thrusts.

  Natalie sighed and broke the kiss. "I love being naked with you."

  Meredith grinned.

  "I feel like it gives my life purpose."

  "What purpose?"

  "To be naked with you."

  Meredith laughed. Natalie rolled them over so she was on top. Meredith pulled her down for a kiss.

  "We have hours," Natalie said.

  "When I come back, we'll do other things besides make love."

  Natalie pushed into her. "Oh?"

  Meredith's eyes closed. "Like chores."

  "This isn't a chore?"

  Meredith slapped her ass. "You just said it was your purpose in life."

  "Hm, but I lied."

  Meredith grabbed her hips, arching up. "Oh yeah?"

  "My purpose in life is to make you come."

  "You're going to have to wait," Meredith said, as she rolled her head against the
pillow, panting when Natalie kissed her face.

  "I don't think so."

  "No? You feel too good for a wham, bam, thank you, ma'am."

  Natalie grinned, but settled herself more snuggly against Meredith underneath her. "My leg might disagree."

  "That's okay. Put all your weight on me. I can take it."

  Natalie kissed Meredith, closing her eyes. They slid together, mouth to mouth, body to body. Meredith's hands moved along Natalie's back, over her ass, up to her neck and shoulders, wherever she could reach. Soon they were moving together more forcefully. Meredith twisted in frustration, trying to make more contact with Natalie's center. Their kisses were light, sloppy brushes of lips between gasps. Natalie rolled, putting more of her weight on her good side.

  "Are you ready to concede?"

  "To what?" Meredith asked, trying to pull her back.

  "To my purpose in life."

  Meredith's eyes opened. She met Natalie's. Their movements stilled. Then Meredith turned on her side, facing Natalie, and threw a leg over her hip.

  "I'll take that as a yes."

  "Please. Hurry."

  Natalie moved her hand between Meredith's legs. Meredith pulled her closer, kissing her hard. Natalie groaned, and then lost her breath entirely when Meredith's hand touched her. They moved together, Natalie feeling clumsy but Meredith's cries and kisses showing she didn't seem to mind.

  "Natalie."

  "I'm right here. With you. Serving the universe."

  Meredith kissed her again, and then shuddered, sending vibrations through them both. She slipped away from Natalie to press Natalie's hand against her, jerking. When she finally stilled, gasping for breath, Natalie rolled leisurely onto her. Meredith wrapped her limbs around Natalie. "Thank you."

  Natalie kissed her cheek.

  "There was something you stopped me from doing earlier."

  "Now's good," Natalie said.

  "You have to get off me, then." Meredith pushed at her.

  "But you feel amazing."

  Meredith grinned.

  Natalie slid to the side, letting Meredith touch her shoulder and guide her onto her back.

  "I love you. I am so sorry about everything."

  "Merry."

  "I love you so much."

  Natalie brought her close for a kiss, and thought she could kiss Meredith forever. Meredith touched her again. Natalie was grateful for Meredith's lips on her breasts. Then her abdomen. Then lower. Natalie groaned and offered herself.

  If she was good, if she sacrificed, if she managed to keep everyone she loved alive, she would be rewarded.

  # #

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  "Dear Mommy" was in Beau's blocky lettering. The rest of the letter was Natalie's penmanship. "School is nice. I don't have many friends yet, because people think I'm mean. Natalie says smile more. Smile smile smile."

  Meredith studied the smilie faces drawn all over the letter. She showed it to Burdette.

  Burdette smiled.

  "She says laugh, too, but not at anyone. It's hard. Merry doesn't have many friends either, but he likes his. He's like, cool."

  "The like is crossed out," Meredith said.

  "Good luck."

  Meredith folded the letter and put it in her pocket. The green beans and mashed potatoes on her plate hardly seemed like a good compliment to her letters. Nor did just Burdette. Since Robin had joined them at meals, things were livelier. But Robin was at an appeal hearing.

  People came, people went. She couldn't keep track anymore. If a face became familiar, she'd try and remember their name, too.

  "Want my roll?" Burdette said.

  "Yes."

  Burdette held it up. "For your milk."

  "Fine."

  They swapped.

  "Your mind seems elsewhere, girl," Burdette said.

  "I'm thinking of home."

  "You ain't homesick."

  Meredith shook her head. "Just thinking." She ate the roll. "I have to get to the infirmary."

  "Can I have the good drugs, Doc?"

  Meredith was so used to the question she didn't even acknowledge it. She took her tray to the counter. She'd gotten past her fear of the infirmary and of the demanding patients and the lines between what she could do off-the-books and what she should never do.

  Jolene's death hit her hard. There'd been other deaths. Other transports. New rashes and old conditions, HIV shots and pre-natal vitamins.

  "It's almost like the outside," she'd told the doctor. "Once I remember they're patients and not--"

  "Peers?"

  "Yeah." She was glad he'd said peers. Criminals were the furthest thing from her mind.

  "I'm sure you have your share of drug-seeking, indigent behavior in the hospital, too, amongst the real emergencies."

  "And the thousandth person with the common cold," Meredith said.

  "Feeling like death isn't dying. You'd know. So you'll be all ready to go back. When's the parole hearing?"

  Meredith hugged herself. "Thursday."

  "Natalie coming up?"

  "With the kids. She's taking them out of school. I wish she wouldn't."

  "Stuff in life more important than school. Almost anything, in fact."

  "Says the doctor."

  "I blew off a few classes."

  "That's reassuring."

  "We can't all be perfect, Merry." He squeezed her shoulder. "Your hearing is more important than school. Believe me."

  She didn't know what to believe.

  #

  Ida let them sit on the picnic table, shoulder to shoulder, trying to keep warm in the unreasonably cold early October, as long as they faced her. She sat at a desk doing paperwork. In her warm concrete room.

  Meredith squeezed Natalie's hand. "You didn't have to come. I'm seeing you tomorrow."

  "Miss the chance to see you?"

  Meredith's cheeks were red from the wind.

  "I know routine is important," Natalie said.

  "In my life. Not in yours."

  "Tell me about it. No two days are the same. Heck, no two visits to Burgaw are the same. That place is definitely not like this place. And every day it's something different with the kids. The bus doesn't come. One of them has an earache. Playdates--they have playdates now--with people who have never heard of you."

  "Who are these people?"

  "New staff at the hospital moved in with their kids, Beau and Merritt's age. They're brown."

  Meredith snorted.

  "They're teaching Beau manners. He takes off his shoes at the door now."

  "All the better not to kick Hollingsworth so hard."

  Natalie nodded. She brought Meredith's bare, chapped hand between hers, rubbing to create friction. She glanced at Ida.

  Ida wasn't watching.

  She pressed.

  Meredith bumped her shoulder.

  "Want to go over what you're going to say?" Natalie asked.

  "I have no idea what I'm going to say."

  "Samson will be there. And me."

  "Thank you."

  "They'll want to know everything. All the stuff you never thought you'd have to say again. That you thought was private. For your therapist."

  Meredith closed her eyes.

  "I'll be bringing a letter from the hospital."

  "For what?"

  "For your future gainful employment."

  "Right. What will I make? Minimum wage?"

  "Well, not as much as a WalMart worker, but more than KFC."

  Meredith put her head on Natalie's shoulder. She opened her eyes. Ida was staring right at her. She straightened.

  "So, they'll write down everything you say, and Samson says, and the letter, and whatever questions they ask me, and they'll FedEx it to the Commission."

  "What questions will they ask you?"

  "What kind of home life you'll have. If you'll have a bed, if there's enough to eat. The basics."

  "I hope they don't ask you if you're obnoxious."

 
Natalie grinned. "There are other options."

  "Like what?"

  "You could go to a halfway house. Or a group home situation. Or go to Wheeler's or a friend's. Or even live on your own."

  "You mean, in an apartment? Or I could kick you out?"

  "You might not want to kick me out until you transfer back guardianship of your children, but yes."

  "I don't want any other options."

  "No?"

  Meredith curled her fingers around Natalie's. "I want what I've been dreaming of."

  "Okay."

  "Okay?"

  "We'll do it."

  # #

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  "Dearest Meredith," Natalie's letter started. Meredith had waited until she was in bed to read. "I can't help but see you everywhere. When I'm arguing with the principal--twice already!--when I'm with Luis, or when I'm just in the kitchen, or when I'm alone at night, as I know you are now, reading this, I can't get you out of my mind. You're my imaginary friend. I realize when you come back it won’t be the same. But this is better than your absence. It's like I'm one step closer to you. Hurry home soon, or I'm going to rob a bank and get myself thrown in Conrad.

  All my love, Natalie."

  #

  His suit made him itch. The unfamiliar wool chafed him. Luis shifted in his seat, hoping to pull the fabric away from his skin.

  Natalie glanced at him.

  He frowned, trying to hold still. The court room was mostly empty. No spectators bothered to come this time. Not even his father. Just the judge, the prosecutor, and the victim's family.

  The victims. He scoffed.

  "Ants in your pants?"

  Luis wondered if a male attorney would be even more of a jerk.

  The judge tapped his gavel, signaling the end of a speeding ticket case, and flipped through his day planner. He glanced at the defendant's table. Luis folded his arms.

  "The People v. Luis Duarte?" the judge asked.

  "Yes, Your Honor." Natalie stood.

  "The entered plea is not guilty. Do you wish to change your plea?"

  "No, Your Honor."

  "Are we hearing on bail?"

  "No, Your Honor."

  "Change of venue?" He glanced at Jacob Weinstead first.

  "I think we're fine, Your Honor."

  "Okay. Opening statements are set for three weeks from Tuesday. Ten o'clock. Any discovery?"

  "I think we have everything, your Honor."

  "Very well." He reached for his gavel.

  "Wait, wait," Luis said. He tugged on Natalie's sleeve. Everything was happening so fast.