by Mick Kitson
There are a number of species of birds in the forest and on the moors. For birds of prey there are Red Kite, Kestrel, Sparrowhawk and Osprey but Osprey are migratory and would be gone by now. There are also Golden Eagles and White-Tailed Eagles and I want to see one of those. There are also Owls, probably Tawny Owls. Other migratory birds you get here are Great Grey Shrike and Woodlarks.
The birds you can eat are Black Grouse and there are also Capercaillie. Rich people come up here in August and shoot the Grouse on the moor tops and I wondered if I could get one even though we only had an airgun and not a shotgun. I thought they would be easy to see with snow on the ground further up.
You needed a jumper because the wind was still northerly and although there hadn’t been much more snow in the night it was cold and it cut you. It is wind that can kill you in the open, not cold, because wind chills and reduces temperature by convection so you need a windproof layer of clothing or a shelter to stop it.The best fabric is Gore-Tex, which is what Peppa’s Helly Hansen is made out of. Gore-Tex stops wind but is breathable so it allows moisture from the body to pass through it in one direction only and you don’t get a moisture build-up on the inside of your layers, which could freeze in very cold conditions and that would also kill you, eventually. Our fleeces were windproof too and I put on another sweatshirt over my T-shirt and checked shirt and then my fleece and Peppa had a purple lambswool jumper she put on under her fleece which creates layers to trap air and keeps you warmer. Soon I could make her a hat out of rabbit skin but I gave her my beanie and she already had gloves.
We went towards the burn, me with the airgun and Peppa brought the slingshot. I took the backpack with the pellets and belVitas and raisins and the map and compass and two waterproofs in case of precipitation and I had worked out a route that went along the top of the valley where the loch was and up and over, then skirted most of the moor round Magna Bra. It was four miles and would bring us back to our wood at the top. It was mostly along the edge of woods and bits of forestry planting and some bits were in the open on the moor. It was four miles and I thought it would take us all day because we were going to walk and not run. Also the first long bit along the valley was south facing so there would be less snow which had come in from the north. We were also going to stop and try to shoot birds if we could.
There was still stratus and still a north wind but it was less and more of a breeze. After we crossed the burn and went through the woods we found a deer path in the snow that led all along the valley top. It looked like there was a small herd of red deer and they might’ve been females and the path was recent and there were droppings and we just followed it. I kept scanning all around and listening and Peppa walked in front of me. If we saw anyone or heard a helicopter or a car or a ranger’s truck we were going to drop and get straight into the forest, so we kept close to it, just on our right. And the deer had done the same thing. They don’t like being too far away from cover.
Sparrowhawks fly low and fast along the ground and hunt in woods and they eat songbirds. Red Kites fly high and circle and sometimes they circle carrion, like Vultures in Africa, because that is mostly what they eat but they do hunt rabbits and voles and rats. Golden Eagles fly high too but they can see prey from almost two miles away and when they start to descend to make a kill they go almost as fast as a Peregrine Falcon which is the fastest living creature on planet Earth. They like to roost in high places like trees and rocky crags and sometimes on fence posts at the top of moors and in winter they eat mostly carrion, like Kites.
Most of the stuff I know, I know from Wikipedia and websites about things I am interested in, and also from YouTube videos and from TV. At school I was in a special unit for vulnerable learners where I could be online most of the day and I had to talk to Mrs Finlayson about my feelings.
I know a lot about survival, making fires and shelters, snaring food, making bird traps, filtering water, reading tracks and watching the weather. I also know a lot about British animals and most birds except sea birds.And fish and amphibians and reptiles. I know about trees and quite a lot of plants, especially if they are plants you can eat. I know the Latin names of all the native British trees. I also know about cooking and food hygiene and quite a lot about health and common ailments and alcoholism which is a disease. I know how to nick stuff and how to read timetables and how to set up email accounts which you need if you are buying stuff on Amazon with dodgy cards. I also know how to use a drill and fit locks in doors.
I can clean and hoover and make a healthy meal plan. I also know about some bits of history like the Indian Wars of the 1860s in the USA, the French Revolution, the Covenanters in the seventeenth century in Scotland and the Battle of Stalingrad in the winter of 1943. I am good at doing maths in my head and I know all the times tables so I can also divide and do fractions and percentages. I can shoot with an airgun and cast a fishing rod, but not a fly rod which uses a weighted line to get the fly out to the fish and I have never done that. I can read a map, do grid references, plot a course with a compass and work out elevations and gradients. I have killed one person, quite a lot of fish and, so far, two rabbits.
The hardest thing about killing Robert was not doing it or telling Peppa I was going to do it, it was telling Peppa what Robert had been doing to me and how he said he was going to start doing it to her. When I told her she said ‘Kill him Sal’ and I said ‘Aye.’
She was worried about Maw but I told her the plan to lock her in her room so she wouldn’t get the blame and then to run and survive. And she said she’d only do it if we went back and got Maw after a year so I said okay we would. She was pleased she wouldn’t have to go to school and she knew that if anyone found out about Robert we’d get took and split up. Two boys in her class were fostered and they were brothers and they had a sister who was fostered in Edinburgh and they only saw her in a family centre once a month. And she said fuck that.
I didn’t want to tell Peppa about what Robert had done since I was ten because she thought I was the best and cleverest and most brave person in the world and she thought I knew everything and I looked after her all the time and kept her safe. And if she knew about Robert I thought it would make me look soft and I should’ve bitten his cock off. When it started I was more amazed than scared and the way he spoke and the smell of drink and weed off him and his half closed eyes kept coming back into my head for days afterwards. So did what he said about telling.
Robert was skinny and he had a little fluffy beard on his chin and he smelled sour like vinegar or he smelled of drink. He had tattoos on both his forearms and a tattoo of a panther on his chest and roses and knives on his shoulder. He had veins that stood out on his arms and on the side of his head near his temple and his skin was grey and rough. Maw met him when she was lap dancing in a club in Glasgow when I was nine and Peppa was six and she had lost her job at Cutz for not coming in but she could still cut hair. And she said she wanted to be a dancer and she could dance and she had brown hair and big tits and she was pretty. Robert was a guy who dealt weed and pills to the girls at the club and he also got stolen cards and could sometimes get ones that got you cash from machines.
One morning there was four hundred pounds in twenties on the kitchen drainer and I took four of them for food and a new backpack for Peppa for school. That was the day Robert first stayed and Maw said ‘This is Robert Sal, he’s my new boyfriend.’ And I stare at people, not because I don’t like them or because I am rude but because I need to get a really good look at them so I know. I stared at Robert and he said ‘Geeza smile Sally’ and Maw went ‘Smile Sal’ and I smiled with my mouth but not my eyes and he said ‘That’s better Blondie. I knew your da’ and Maw said ‘He did aye Sal, he knew Jimmy’ and Robert said ‘Sally Broon. Sally Broon.’
I could’ve told him my name is not Sally it is Salmarina which means sea salt in Spanish and Maw thought it up when she was sixteen and she thought it sounded classy and like a kind of wine. Peppa’s real name is Paula but when she wa
s wee Maw used to call her Wee Red Pepper because of her hair and then we all started calling her Peppa with an a. And then Maw said we were Salt-N-Pepa who are girl rappers from ages ago, because of my name and Peppa’s new name, and we watched some of their videos like Shake Your Thang and Push It. I think the words are about sex but Peppa used to love them and stick out her arse and shake it about like they did on the videos.
Peppa was called Paula after a saint and a pope because her da was a Catholic. Robert started calling her Black Peppa because she was half African which is racist and it used to make Peppa go mad at him. He always was racist to her and called her half-breed and half-a-darkie, and she called him a fucking twat.
We have both got Maw’s surname: Brown. Although my da’s surname was Mazur because his papa’s papa was Polish and he came to Scotland in the Second World War to build coastal defences. And Peppa’s surname should be Adichie if she took her dad’s name which she might one day. Maw’s first name is Claire but when she was dancing she said her name was Nicole and sometimes she told people her name was Jordan.
They didn’t notice the four twenties I took and after that whenever Robert was there I noticed where he put his money or his wallet and I robbed him when he was out of it. Soon he moved in, one day he came up with a holdall and his airgun and fishing rod and some golf clubs. I was in the flat on my own and Peppa was doing gymnastics at the centre and I was going to get her. I heard the key in the door and thought it was Maw and then Robert came in lugging his holdall and he said ‘Ah’m going to stay for a bit alright?’ and I said ‘Does Maw know?’ and he said ‘Aye. She gave me the key. She got an afternoon shift at the club.’
Then he said ‘Do you want to make us a cup a tea?’
And I said ‘No.’
And he said ‘Oooh alright. Are we going to be pals?’
And I said ‘No.’
Then he said ‘You’re tall aren’t ye?’
And I said ‘Aye.’
And then he said ‘Do you want a spliff?’
I said no and I had to go and get Peppa and he started making a joint in the front room on the sofa.
We stayed skirting the trees on the edge of the moor and followed the deer path all along but we saw nothing we could shoot. Then we came to a gorge where another burn came down into the valley. There was a little waterfall there and it plunged down into a pool with rowan trees and hazels and small oaks around it.The water thundered and you could hear it as you got nearer. As we got to the pool a huge heron flew up and its wings went slow. Peppa shot a stone at it and it swerved in the air and carried on flapping down into the valley.We climbed up alongside the gorge and came out at the moor where it goes up and up and the snow was sparkling and there was dry grass sticking out of it and blowing in the wind. The sun was breaking the clouds up and they were skidding along on the wind and when the sun came out there was a bright glare like headlights in your face off the snow. The show was crunchy and had a thin layer of ice on the top and was about fifteen centimetres deep. Peppa was squinting into the glare and the whiteness of the bank we were climbing made me feel dizzy and all you could hear was our feet crunching the snow. At the top there were big rocks and we sat with our back to them and ate belVitas and raisins.
We were looking out right across the valley across the loch, and you could see all the different woods, some were plantations in blocks and we could see the forestry track going along the top on the other side and in and out of them. Then I heard Peppa whisper ‘Sal . . .’
She was lying on the snow looking up past the rock we’d been leaning on and she pointed. Further up in amongst little boulders were two Grouse. They were both females and had grey and brown feathers with little black flecks and they were pecking at heather where it had got no snow on it at the sides of the boulders.
I tried to move as slow as I could as I got the airgun up and lay flat by the rock. It was pumped seven times and had a pellet in the breech. The Grouse were close enough to hit and the nearest one had its back to me and I got the bead on the site on the middle of its neck. You have to squeeze the trigger and hold your breath as you get your finger round it and then release the breath slowly as you squeeze.
When I shot and the gun went fut both of them took off and made a noise like ‘tek tek’ but the one I shot flew forward and then smashed down on the snow and rolled over and over and then started running and flapping one wing out. I said ‘Peppa get it’ and she got up and ran towards it, and I followed.The Grouse ran along changing directions and going tek tek and there was a line of blood on the snow behind it. And it kept going with Peppa racing behind it and her feet stamping holes in the snow and me racing behind her holding the gun. The Grouse was zigzagging all the time and Peppa kept slipping and stumbling. I was pumping the airgun to try to get another shot at it while it couldn’t fly. One wing was trailing along the snow and the other was waving out and the blood trail on the snow followed it.Then it changed direction again and jumped and half took off and then crashed down again and rolled over and lay still.
It still had its eyes open when I got to it and it was breathing fast and the blood on the snow around it looked black. I put another pellet in the breech and shot it straight in the head point blank so it didn’t suffer and its head thudded against the snow and more blood came out of the back of it. It was soft and warm and felt small and light when I picked it up and its head hung down. Peppa stroked it and said ‘It’s nice isn’t it?’ I said ‘Aye.’ Its feet were big and there were short claws and it had scales like a reptile because birds evolved from reptiles.
Peppa said ‘Do you feel bad about it?’
And I said ‘Aye,’ and I did, even though we were going to eat it. It was small and soft when you held it and its beak was small and it had an orange bit over its eye that looked like eye shadow and it was pretty. We put the Grouse in the backpack and carried on along and up onto the moor.
Chapter Six
Town
There wasn’t much meat on the Grouse and I let Peppa have most of it, but it was good with salt on it roasted on the stones. We walked the whole moor right up to another hill and then back round skirting right round Magna Bra. We didn’t get any more birds but we saw Kites and Geese flying over. We didn’t see anyone or any forestry 4x4s or helicopters. It was over four miles by the time we got back and collected wood and cooked the Grouse.
That night I told Peppa about the Covenanters in Scotland who didn’t want the English king’s religion or bishops in the church and who had meetings out in the moors and hills in Ayrshire and Galloway at night.They had preachers who wore masks and talked about God at secret meetings, and from 1680 until 1688 there was a time called the Killing Time when the king sent soldiers down into this area and they massacred the Covenanters and made thousands of them go to Ireland. There was a woman called Margaret Wilson who wouldn’t give up her religion so they got her and some others and tied them to posts in the Solway Firth at low tide. They gave her the chance to say she loved the king and would go to his church but she wouldn’t so they let the tide come in over her and she drowned. And Peppa said ‘Why didn’t she just say what they wanted?’ and I said ‘I dunno,’ and I didn’t.
I would’ve. It doesn’t matter what church you go to. We never went to church but we did some religion in school and a minister came in at Easter and Christmas and went on about Jesus. Even Peppa said she would’ve just told them what they wanted, and her da’s a Catholic.
I found out about the Covenanters on Wikipedia when I was reading about Galloway and I saw the words ‘The Killing Time’ and googled them and there were things about Margaret Wilson and all the killing in Galloway then.
Next day we washed our knickers and socks and T-shirts in the burn and I made a clothes line out of saplings and paracord over the fire. I told Peppa we had to wash or we’d get dirty and you can get body lice and infections. And Peppa said ‘Aye you’re right hen, ah dinnae want a fishy fanny’ and I said ‘Me neither.’
; We got the fire going and built right up and then I boiled the kettle and soaked our towel with hot water and Peppa stripped off and washed herself all over and kept shivering and jumping and going ‘Aaah!’ when I was rinsing and wringing the towel for her. She got a dry T-shirt on and hopped about by the fire till she was warm and dry and then got dressed. Then we boiled the kettle again and I stripped off. Peppa sat on a log watching me. The fire kept your front warm but your back and arse froze in the breeze which was still northerly.
Peppa said ‘You’re getting pubes.’
I said ‘Aye.’
She said ‘I don’t want them.’
‘Well, you’ll get them.’
She said ‘Will mine be ginger?’
And then I laughed. Sometimes she can make me laugh like that, like exploding and not knowing where it came from. And she was raging I was laughing.
‘It’s alright for you. I’m gonna have ginger pubes and they’ll call me Ginger Pubes.’
‘Who will?’
‘Lads and that.’
‘They’ll not. They won’t see them.’
‘Aye, but they’ll know. Because of ma hair.’
‘Peppa you’re gonna be beautiful’ I said.
She was pushing her chest together trying to make a cleavage. She went ‘Will I have tits like Maw with a cleaverage?’
I said ‘I dunno. I haven’t.’
‘Aye, but you’re still growing yours Sal.’
Mine were tiny like pimples and I didn’t wear a bra, I didn’t need one. I didn’t want big ones like Maw. Robert was always staring at them and grabbing them. I hadn’t had a period yet either but I thought I might sometimes when my belly got sore and swelled up but I didn’t. I knew what to do if I got it and I had some Always Ultra in the rucksack and some non-perfumed wipes. I also had the ibuprofen and codeine for period pain.
There were no rabbits in the snares so we took them up and we walked over from the first warren and found another one beyond the ferns and oak trees nearer the lochside and we set three more snares and left them. We went back to the bender and got more wood. The standing dry wood near us was all used up now and we were having to drag it back from by the burn or further up in our wood. I cut some more spruce branches for the top of the bender and for the bottom where the tarp didn’t meet the ground.