by Aliyat Lecky
The others contributed her animated mood as one who was simply excited about the day’s events, or that she was inspired by the great company of a good friend. However, David noted that when she spoke of a day spent in the company of merely a friend, there were subtle differences. With her best friend Angie, Helen commented on their interactions as if she took them for granted like the familiarity of a sister. With Carle Stovies, the woman she had met as a fan but shared enough in common that a friendship blossomed, she referred to informally, as if remarking about a favorite song she had memorized as a child, but had heard after years of a long absence.
The way Helen spoke of Noami, David determined, was altogether different. While she talked about her, Helen would pause involuntarily, as if to catch her breath. When she simply mentioned Noami’s name in passing, she did so with almost a whisper. In addition, she smiled more when she discussed the time she spent with Noami. Her mannerisms become light and playful as she illustrated their outing to the museum as if it were her first visit. She chattered coquettishly as she described the trip she, Angie, and Noami made to the farmer’s market, just for spring rolls. More than that, Helen had changed since she met Noami. That was clear to David. If David was forced to put his finger on when the transformation began, he would suggest her birthday weekend after a few out-of-town dates early that spring.
That spring had long passed now, giving way to the summer.
INTERLUDE – SUMMER SOLSTICE
SUMMER USHERS IN long, sweltering days in which to play or hide from the heat at one’s leisure. The uncomfortable weighty dampness of spring is bullied away by the oppressive humidity of summer. During this all-too-short season, the citizens of Minnesota take full advantage of the late blood-orange sunsets and early breezeless cinnamon sunrises. Summertime in Minnesota is a season most missed when it has passed, and most long for as it approaches.
Throughout this season, the sunlight hours are never taken for granted as they are in states like California or Arizona. The residents do not squander away the twelve sun-lit hours of the warm season. Minnesotans spend a lot of time outdoors. The outside activities begin early in the day, with the wake-up sounds of lawn mowers clipping across meticulously manicured green grass, or the scraping sounds of metal as homeowners tend to their gardens while their neighbors exchange pleasantries over well-shaped hedges, and complaining about the cost of irrigation in a state covered in water.
There is also golf. Golf is the official summer sport of Norse kinsmen and Viking descendants hell-bent on making par beneath the sun’s warm glow, and of course, the chic umbrellas. Elsewhere, the day is spent sitting on lake beaches, or watching the little ones play in the shallows while their older siblings zoom around recklessly on jet skis, churning muck from the lake bottom, and oblivious to the shouted complaints of anglers in their boats. Summer is also fishing season in Minnesota. Is it any wonder that, at any given time, one-third of the state’s population is engaged in some activity requiring time spent out on one of the glistening bodies of water? No one could argue that summer is the season when the land of ten thousand lakes is at its best.
Summer is a time of the year when people wake early and retire late. The season brings families together, drawing out the most reclusive of relations with the promise of a perfect day, which begins frightfully warm and ends just a hint above cool. The time in between is pregnant with opportunity to simply love life. Yes, summer in Minnesota is the time of the year fraught with occasion for grilling meats, various vegetables, and other lip-smacking edibles. Minnesotans are artisans during grilling season.
However, the most anticipated events of the summer aren’t the chances to try out new grills, fish, or the leisure time spent lying about on the many manmade beaches, or traversing the plush golf courses. The most anticipated events of the summer are Minnesota’s copious food and craft fairs. The summer is punctuated by these victuals and trade festivals. Starting with the Taste of Minnesota, which takes place in June and where the sole purpose of the event is for everyone to stuff themselves at the hundreds of food booths, Minnesotans eat their way through the summer. The Taste is followed after a measure of recovery time by the State Fair, where entertainment, crafts, rides, and animals compete with food booths serving anything that can be served on a stick to avid fair-goers. The Renaissance Faire follows shortly after. Elaborate costumes and improvised merriment are the accoutrement for heavily seasoned, slowly roasted turkey legs or frozen oranges sold by shy, busty wenches and off-season actors playing parts that are all-too familiar. Last to come, but not the least of any, is Ribfest, a delectable, though mightily expensive prospect for Minnesota’s carnivorous elite to spend the day on their two favorite pastimes, networking and chewing the fat—literally. This day is enjoyed primarily by the upper middle class set of Minnesota who no longer care to make the drive down to St. Paul’s Harriet Island to intermingle with the common folk.
Noami waited patiently for the line to connect to find out if Helen was a Taste person, or if she preferred the exclusivity of Ribfest. She counted four rings at the unanswered end before she decided to hang up the phone.
“Hello, Helen speaking.” Helen answered just in time.
“Why do you always answer your cell phone so formally? Didn’t you check the number before you answered to see that it was me?” She was pleased with herself for not hanging up before Helen was able to answer.
“Force of habit, I suppose. How are you, Noami?”
“I’m fine, ‘Hello, Helen speaking,’ how are you?” Noami admonished herself silently. She liked the way Helen made her feel, but didn’t want to appear too eager.
“Fine. Lovely, now that you’ve called. I was just thinking of calling you.”
“Good.” Noami had called for a specific reason, but didn’t want to rush into an invitation. She had to get a feel for Helen’s mood. Besides, she was suddenly feeling less confident about the signals she thought she was getting from Helen. The possibility that she had misread Helen’s openness did exist. Noami had done her best to make evident her attraction to Helen at the club.
When Helen came to her loft to pick up the portrait, Noami tried to make it clear that she was interested in spending more time with her, but she didn’t simply come out and say so definitively. Perhaps she was wrong about her. After all, Helen was married with children, but that didn’t mean anything, except of course, that she was unavailable. The other part Noami was sure of. She was certain they had connected on that level, and as spring waned fully into summer, Noami found ways to explore new experiences with her.
“Are you busy next Saturday? I was thinking about going over to the Taste. I thought you might like to come along.”
“The Taste of Minnesota? Is it that time already?”
To Noami, Helen sounded a bit uninterested. “Do you usually go?” Noami couldn’t help but wonder if Helen would prefer Ribfest. That would be too bad.
“I haven’t gone to the Taste in years. Richard’s always dragging me to Ribfest, but won’t go with me to the Fair.”
Noami considered the implications of Helen’s choice of words. Drag. She liked the sound of that. It sounded promising. “Do you like the Fair?”
“Yes, I love it, but I can’t ever get anyone to go with me. I’ll tell you what. If you’ll go with me to the State Fair, I’ll go with you to the Taste on Saturday. Deal?”
“Deal. I’ll see you Saturday.” Noami ended the call a little less confident. “Deal.” That didn’t sound like a date, but more like an arrangement—a transaction. Noami decided then and there that she would have to be a bit more obvious with her intentions.
***
AT TWO O’CLOCK IN the afternoon, the throng of fair-goers at the Taste of Minnesota was at a record high. The walkways were so congested, that groups of people were forced to walk single file, and couples took turns leading one ahead of the other. Noami exploited the opportunity to take Helen by the waist, while moving closer from time to time to navigate dir
ection.
“There. The corn on the cob is just there.” She removed her hand from Helen’s side just long enough to point toward the great ear of corn hanging above a row of cash registers manned by indifferent-looking teens. “Then I’m done. It will take me weeks to work off all that we’ve eaten today.” Noami had no inclination to eat anything else, but Helen had said she wanted corn when they had first arrived.
“No kidding. I’m already stuffed. I don’t want corn, but you have some. I’ll watch.” Helen smiled over her shoulder at Noami as if she were really enjoying herself. “Besides, if I eat another thing, I’m certain I won’t be able to face myself in the mirror tomorrow.”
“No, never mind. I don’t want any either.” Noami commented truthfully. “I only pointed it out because you mentioned you wanted some earlier.”
“Yes, but that was before the Aussie potatoes, the beef kabob, the corn dog, the falafel, not to mention the tub of cookies.” Helen dangled the half-full bucket and sighed deeply.
“You’re right. I’m too full to think straight. Let’s go.” Noami maneuvered their line of two back toward the entrance. “We can catch the shuttle back to where we parked and walk all the food off on Summit Avenue. I love looking at those old homes. They have so much character.” Noami let her arm remain around Helen’s waist longer than necessary. She wanted to send a clear message, as well as determine just how open Helen was to her advances.
Later, as they strolled down the Avenue, admiring the old homes in the historic neighborhood, Noami declared her feelings. “Helen, you know I am attracted to you. I think you realize that, but I want to make it clear to you.” She halted their stroll in front of an enormous turn-of-the-century three-story mansion. Noami faced Helen, wanting to read her. Helen looked intrigued at least, but she did respond to Noami’s declaration. “I’d like to spend more time with you.” Noami paused again. Still no response. Helen only looked around, as if she were worried she might run into an acquaintance at that very moment. “Get to know you better.” Noami forged on.
“I’d like that,” Helen said.
“But?”
“But things are complicated, Noami.” Helen turned and began to walk back the way they came.
Noami regretted her boldness. She had been told all her life she was too brash and too impulsive. “Helen, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I like you, and I want you to know it.”
“I know. It’s just…”
“A little uncomfortable?” Noami wished that for once she could keep her mouth shut. She didn’t want to ruin her chances with Helen Dahl. She was so inexplicably drawn to her. She dreamt of her, fantasized about their first kiss, and about being intimate. Noami chided herself and cleared her head of adolescent thoughts. She was too old to be acting like a sixteen year old. “Helen, if I’ve made you uncomfortable…” Noami searched for the words in order to make amends as Helen fumbled with her bag, looking for her keys.
“No, you haven’t. I’m flattered. I think you’re beautiful. How could I not find you attractive? It’s just that I wasn’t sure, and hearing it…well, it’s different when you have confirmed it for me. The potential for a little harmless flirting has evolved into possibilities that are more exceptional. I’ve a lot to think about. I’m sure you understand.”
Noami beamed down at Helen while she buckled her seat belt. That hadn’t gone too badly. She waved at the back of Helen’s BMW as she sped down the street, and home to her husband. There was still a chance.
“I’ll give her a couple of days to recover,” she said to herself.
***
THAT WASN’T NECESSARY. The following morning, Helen called. “I’ll be at Sappho’s most of the day working on my novel. Do you have any free time this afternoon? If so, stop by.”
Noami turned over in her bed. Helen had called before she had even thought about leaving the comfort of her bed. She had planned to spend most of the day working on a few commissions she had lying about the loft, but Helen’s call had changed all that. She would spend the morning working diligently on a family portrait for the owner of one of the largest hotels in the downtown area, but the others, she would put off until she returned that evening. With any luck, Helen might return with her. Noami chastised herself immediately. She needed to proceed slowly with Helen. She was still unsure of her potential as a lover of women and giver of great pleasure that Noami was certain she had buried deep down.
She spent time with Helen that day, and the next. In fact, Noami and Helen spent the remainder of their hot summer days investing as much time as possible in each other’s company. Their time together was interspersed by Minnesota’s summer fairs, and Helen’s absences due to book tours. The State Fair was approaching, and Noami had been looking forward to it, and her date with Helen, for days. Helen had been away for two weeks on a book tour, and had just returned. Noami hadn’t had a chance to see her in the three days she’d been back. Since her return, Helen had been busy with family affairs. Noami was feeling a little anxious because with the exception of short conversations, she had very little contact with her.
“Angie, do I have a chance with her?” Noami asked. “What if she’s decided not to get involved with me?” She had also been spending time with Helen’s best friend.
Angie sipped her iced java with the air of an impatient nanny of a high-strung charge. Noami was a little irritated that she seemed to find her state amusing.
“Noami, you know Helen is my best friend. You gotta know I’m on her side. You know I’m rooting for her.”
“I know.”
“Do you know what’s at risk for her?” Angie put her drink down. Suddenly, she became quite serious. Her eyes narrowed, as she appeared to sum Noami up. “Have you thought about that?”
“Yes.”
“Have you really? This decision is not easy for her to make. She’s got a lot of shit going on these days. Give her some space.”
“I do. I have.”
“You have, huh? But I don’t think you get it.”
“Angie, I do. I get that Helen is torn.”
“Hell, she’s torn. Hell, Noami, she’s vulnerable.”
Noami didn’t blink. She knew the day would come when Angie decided to have the talk with her about Helen’s feelings and all that was in jeopardy. The moment had arrived for Angie to read her.
“Listen, Noami, you’re, what, in your early forties, at the latest? Well, Helen’s got at least a few years on you. Let’s be honest, way more than a few. If I told you exactly how many, she’d kill me. She’s been married for twenty-six years. She’s content with her life…mostly. At least she was until she met you. Do you understand what is at risk here? Her children. Her husband. Yes, she does love him. Her career. Her entire way of life!” Angie halted briefly for emphasis. “If you decide you’re no longer interested, that’s it. You go on with your life, but Helen will have nothing. You get that? Nothing.” Angie’s face softened slightly. “Look, I get it, you like her. But is it worth it? For her, I mean. You could walk away now, and she would recover. No harm, no foul. She’d be okay. You could walk away before anyone gets hurt.”
Noami had been staring intently into her cup of frozen yogurt, considering every word Angie was saying. She wondered if she was being selfish, and if her pursuit of Helen would end poorly for them both, or at least for Helen. However, when she looked up to face Angie to respond, she spotted Helen a few yards away just across the busy boulevard. She hadn’t spotted them yet, as her attention was on safely crossing the street. She was wearing a fitted black summer dress and heels. Her hair was pushed back out of her face by the sunglasses she wore at the top of her head. She was a vision of loveliness, and upon seeing her, Noami’s heart leaped from her chest, and she realized just how much she missed Helen while she was away. In that moment, she had little choice about how she could respond.
“No, Angie, I can’t walk away.” Noami spoke to Angie, but her eyes were on Helen’s form as she crossed the street. Sure, Helen
was indeed older than she was. Sure, she came with complications, not to mention a husband who was a state senator. Sure, either of them might end up getting hurt, but there was no guarantee in any relationship. Those were all things she needed to consider, but Helen Dahl was worth it, and Noami realized she had developed deep and worthy feelings for Helen. Even though they had yet to broadcast their relationship—if that were ever possible, given Helen’s marital status and highly public husband—Noami was in love with her, and was not willing to give her up as long as there was a chance things might work out. “But,” Noami continued as she anxiously watched Helen’s approach. “I don’t know if she wants the same thing from me that I want from her.”
Angie looked over her shoulder to see what Noami had been looking at. She spotted Helen as she stepped on the curb. A mischievous smirk spread across her face. “She does. She talks about you all the time. Sometimes I have to tell her to cut that shit out.”
***
THE CLOSING DAY of the State Fair on Labor Day weekend officially signaled the end of summer. On the last day of the fair, the number of people who visit double compared to any other day of its short run. Noami was no different from most Minnesotans who waited until the last day to squeeze in a trip to the fair. Noami and Helen had spent most of the afternoon walking about the congested streets of the fairgrounds. They had decided to skip the next wave of late-arriving fair-goers, forgoing the fireworks display, and choosing instead the quiet of Noami’s loft.
“Can I get you something to eat?”
“No way. Not after all the junk I ate today. I can’t believe you talked me into eating a fried Snicker’s bar.”
“Ah, come on. It wasn’t that bad,” Noami said.
“No? The idea is disgusting. Deep-fried Snickers. What was I thinking? If I gain another ounce, I’ll have to start hitting the gym twice a day.”