by Aliyat Lecky
Orlando pushed back in his chair and grabbed the paper to read the daily news. The largest headline caught his eye instantly, “Gay Marriage on the Rise in the Twin Cities.” He concentrated on the two women smiling broadly from the grayscale photograph. “Damn, there must be something in the water around here.” He continued to read the article. This week at St. Paul Reformation Church, home of Pastor Anita Hill, the first ordained minister who is in an openly gay committed relationship, celebrates its third wedding ceremony…
***
“HELEN, I’D LIKE you to reconsider moving out.” Despite his low, calm voice, Helen was startled by the sudden presence behind her.
“Richard, I cannot have this conversation again. I have to find my own place for this very reason. All my presence does is make us both uncomfortable. You are miserable, and I hate making you feel this way.”
“You don’t understand. I like you being here.”
“You say you do, but I believe you will feel much better after I’ve left.” Helen began to store her laptop away.
“You don’t have to stop working, Helen. I didn’t want to disturb you.”
“I know you don’t, Richard.” She lowered her head. She found that suddenly she couldn’t face him. “But I have to leave, if not for your sanity, then my own.” As she was leaving the room, Richard seized her tightly by the forearm. These physical exchanges were increasing in number and frequency. Another reason she had to escape her home. She was worried that Richard’s physical aggression was intensifying with each exchange. The last confrontation was especially frightening. He had backed her into a door and wouldn’t allow her to pass until she listened to what he needed to say. He pinned her by holding her shoulders against the hard door. That particular episode lasted more than twenty excruciating minutes.
“Richard, I need to get back to work.” Helen lied.
“What do you mean get back to work? You just closed your computer. You mean you want to avoid talking to me.”
“Yes, if you are going to continue to manhandle me, yes. I suppose that is precisely what I mean.” Helen gave each of his hands a momentary glance to emphasize her point.
He ignored the implication of her nonverbal cue. “I think we need to talk.”
“Richard, you need to let me go,” Helen asserted.
“Just give me a few minutes.”
Helen winced as his hands constricted the blood flow to her lower arms. “Richard, time-out.” She employed the agreed-upon safe phrase they chose the last time they visited their therapist when Helen voiced her concern about Richard’s physical maltreatment.
Richard responded immediately, as if the very phase had burned his hands from her skin. “I’m sorry. I apologize, Helen.”
Helen didn’t wait around to listen to the rest of his apology. She passed by him quickly once she was released to find the safety of her locked room and her private thoughts. If only she could shake free of the notion that she was somehow culpable for Richard’s current state of mind, she could free herself from her present situation, enduring Richard’s tirades, and increasing physical abuse. An hour later, she was in her car, driving toward a stiff drink and enough noise to drown out her problems.
***
HELEN STARED INTO her drink, not really thinking about the physical environment and ignoring the stimuli around her.
“A penny for your thoughts?” Noami smiled down sweetly. “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight.”
“No?” Helen swelled with emotion. Her chest muscles pulled taunt across, restricting the intake of air. “I didn’t expect to find you here, either.”
“I wasn’t planning on being here, but it’s LaDonna’s birthday, and Veda asked me over. They’re up in the VIP area.” Noami gestured over their heads to the open loft that circled the main floor. “I saw you come in, so I came down to say hello.”
“I’ve been here for a while.”
“Yes, I thought I’d give you some space, but you look like you could use someone to talk to.” Noami sat in the chair opposite Helen. “So, here I am. Tell me what’s going on.”
Helen’s reluctance to talk about her problems showed clearly on her face. “No, thanks. I’m fine. Why don’t you go back to your party? I plan to call Angie. She’ll meet me. Thanks.” Helen lied. She did call Angie, but Orlando had told her she was asleep, and refused to wake her.
“I don’t think she will. I called to invite her here tonight, and she mentioned that she was planning on turning in early. She said she wanted to be home to stay next to the phone in case you called. She mentioned that Richard’s been giving you a hard time.” Noami hesitated. “Talk to me.”
Helen was tempted to tell Noami everything she had experienced since the breakup. Richard’s boorish behavior, the breakthroughs they had made with the counselor, and her own strides toward independence. Somehow, the words failed her. Perhaps she was a place too public to divulge so much of her private life. Yet, she did want to talk to someone. Angie was home asleep, Mom was probably upstairs, and Helen had no intention on crashing that party, though she was sure she would be welcome.
“Do you want to go to my place to talk? It’s quiet there.”
Helen shook her head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Helen, I’d like to be your friend. I miss you. Let me support you as a friend. You obviously need someone to talk to. Why not talk to me?”
Helen was uncertain how to respond. She needed to talk, but wasn’t sure that she could handle being alone with Noami. That might push her over the edge. “Noami thanks. I appreciate your concern. It’s just that I think that might be a little difficult for the both of us.”
“Yes, I know. I want to help you. Besides, there is no way I am going back up there after seeing you like this.” She put her hand over Helen’s. “Come on. Let’s go talk. We don’t have to go to my place. We can walk outside. It’s not as cold as it has been.”
Helen followed Noami out of the club into the cold night. She and Noami began walking slowly down Hennepin, discussing the events of their lives since their last parting. Noami eased them into the conversation by informing Helen about the new lucrative job she was offered. A referral she received led to a six-figure commission of a series of family portraits for a wealthy, well-known Minnesotan family. It was the largest job she had received in her entire career. She felt as though her work was beginning to get some real recognition. She was becoming recognized for her artistic talent.
Helen, on the other hand, was much slower to divulge any new developments. She was cautious about what she wanted to reveal. Her news didn’t match Noami’s good report. Before long, both women were shivering, and agreed to go to Noami’s place, only to avoid freezing. Noami’s well-lit, cozy loft was a lovely contrast to the chill damp of negative-one wind chill they experienced outdoors.
As Helen entered the space, she was instantly overwhelmed by a myriad of emotions. She looked about the room, recounting every moment she shared with Noami there.
“Helen?”
“Oh, pardon me. I was just…absorbed with my own thoughts.”
“I know. This is difficult for me, too.” Noami smiled, taking Helen’s coat. “Would you like a drink? What were you drinking at Bath’s? Madras?”
“Well, I was nursing one. I’d rather have wine if you have it.”
“Oh, I have a great riesling. I only just discovered it. Delicious. It’s white, I suppose. But you probably already know that. Or malbec?”
“Malbec, thanks.”
The wine warmed Helen entirely, eliminating any lingering chill from their walk. After a few awkward moments, they both tried to relax. Being in Noami’s home was quite uncomfortable for Helen, though no more than for her host.
“I want you to know, Noami, that as difficult as it was to take, I respect your decision, and I accept why you…” Verbalizing their breakup was too painful. “I mean, I understand how you feel.”
“Do you?” Noami asked. “I
was hoping you’d understand.”
Helen noticed that her facial expression belied the seriousness of her statement. There was a glint of mischievousness behind her eyes.
“I do understand.” One moment Helen was sipping her drink, the next, she and Noami were kissing, desperate to taste what they each had missed so fervently.
Noami whispered in her ear, “You have no idea how hard it is to be this close to you. You create art with movement. You are beautiful. I want you to be mine completely. I don’t want anyone to think of you the way I think of you, to feel for you what I feel for you.”
Helen was overwhelmed by Noami’s passionate attention.
The following morning, Helen dressed quietly, careful not to wake Noami. She didn’t want to leave. She wanted nothing more than to rouse Noami and make love to her in the wake of the sunrise.
Instead, she left her a note. Noami, I know last night doesn’t change how you feel about being involved with me, given my current living arrangement and marital status. In the light of day, I have to admit that you’re right. Last night was special, too lovely to ruin by not getting us right. Thank you for listening and having me over last night…again, and again. (Naughty smiley face). Love, Helen.
NINETEEN
“YOU DON’T HAVE to leave so soon, do you?” Magda reached past her empty cup to grab Mom’s arm down on the table. Helen watched with keen interest. No one held Mom down.
“Yes, I’m going. I’m tired. I worked late last night at the club, to closing, and I had to get up to bake. At my age, you should be telling me to go home and nap.”
“Tell her to stay a little longer, Helen.”
“No, I won’t. Besides, I have to leave very shortly myself.” Helen responded truthfully. She had an appointment to keep. They had been going to counseling faithfully every Tuesday and Thursday at precisely four o’clock. Richard said he was attending the bi-weekly session to save his marriage. Helen didn’t buy that. She believed he was attending in order to hold her home. Truth be told, Helen believed he had long given up on salvaging their marriage. He wanted to win. Helen, of course, was very clear about her willingness to spend hours divulging her innermost secrets to Richard and a stranger. She too had her own agenda. She wanted to be sure that when she left, she could do so with a clean break, and without blame assigned to anyone. Helen wanted to preserve as much of an amicable relationship as possible.
“Besides, Magda,” Mom insisted. “You always tell me to stay, and then you ignore me for most of the day.”
“What?” Magda asked, shocked by Mom’s accusation.
“Yeah, right.” Mom pushed her chair back, ready to leave. “You know exactly what I mean.” She winked and nodded at Helen.
Helen looked from Mom to Magda, completely bewildered.
“Mom, now you know better than that,” Magda said in protest.
“Right.” Clearly, Mom wasn’t buying Magda’s line. “I don’t know about that, but what I do know is that at least you’re not moping around fawning after my daughter, Veda.”
Helen winced. Mom had a habit of being blunt in way that made adult women blush. “Oh, don’t be too hard on her, Mom. After all, it’s been weeks since she complained about LaDonna and Veda.” Helen attempted to be helpful and changed the subject. “But, anyway, I’m going to the Walker Art Center this evening for Noami’s show. Anyone want to join me?”
“I’d love to,” Mom answered immediately.
Magda’s response wasn’t so immediate.
“What time? Should we meet, or drive together?” Mom continued, not waiting for an answer. “I know Veda and a few others were planning on going. Should we all go together? That way, I know I won’t have to get a cab.” Mom paused to check Magda’s countenance before she added, “What about you, Magda? You mentioned last week you wanted to support Noami with her first exhibit.”
Helen sat patiently, waiting for Magda’s response. She had gotten to know Magda a great deal on her daily trips to the coffee shop, as being home all day working made her too easy a target for Richard’s sporadic mood swings
“Magda, you should come. I’m sure we’ll have a great time. Afterwards, Noami is hosting a reception in her studio. She says it will be intimate. Not too many people are invited.” Helen’s expression read hopeful. She hoped Magda would join them. As of late, Magda had shown herself to be a great companion, and Helen enjoyed her company.
“We’ll see.” Magda’s answer was noncommittal, but at least she didn’t decline the invitation.
“It should be fun, Madga,” Mom said. “Besides, what else are you going to do? No one will be at the club if we all go opening night. That’s a Friday.” Mom meant no one in their group of close friends.
Magda was perturbed by Mom’s last comment. “If you mean by no one, Veda, then—”
“That’s not who I meant.” Mom cut her short. “Actually, I’m happy you have decided to do your own thing.” Mom smiled sweetly at Helen, who was completely oblivious to Mom’s slick nod in her direction. “I’ll see you later. Helen, we’ll talk later to get the plans straight. I’ll call Veda to find out when she planned to go. I’m sure LaDonna’s going as well. I’ll let you know.” Mom excused herself to the back to retrieve her coat.
Helen looked out the window at the ice, which had replaced the melted snow overnight. “She better be careful, or she’ll slip out there.” She turned to face Magda, who remained silent after Mom’s departure. “Is there much ice out back? That’s where she parks, right?”
“Not to worry, she catches a cab. She won’t drive anymore.” Magda wore an odd grin on her face, which gave the impression of being slightly perturbed. “What’s going on with you and Noami? I know you two aren’t together. Or that’s what you say, but you spend an awful lot of time together.”
Helen smiled. “We are working on being friends, getting to know one another.” She offered no more than that.
Magda leaned back in her chair, a Bosnian interrogator. “You know, Helen, I think you two are involved, and you’re keeping it from us.”
“No, really, we’ve nothing to hide. We’re just friends. To be more than that while I am still…you know my situation, would be unfair to both of us.” Helen felt the sides of her face warming slightly. She tried to change the subject. “Are you going to the opening?”
A somber air passed between them. “Helen, first tell me, are you going to be there as a guest or a host of sorts with Noami?”
“A guest, just like you and the others. I do hope you will come. It should be fun. Besides, we have to support her on her opening night.” Helen looked over Magda’s shoulder at the purple clock. “Shit, I have to go. I’ve promised to watch the year change with Richard and a few friends.”
“Richard? Why would you spend such a night with him?”
“A formal evening. He didn’t feel up to going alone. So I said I’d go along. Angie and her husband will be there, too.”
“Don’t go, Helen.”
“I promised. We negotiated. That’s all we do, really, negotiate. Actually, he makes me feel guilty, and I cave in to his demands. At least the ones I can live with. It’s all a part of saving a part of our lives together so we remain affable in our interactions.”
“What does little Noami think of you two tripping the night fantastic in formal getup tonight?”
“She doesn’t have a say, as we are only friends, but I don’t think she’s thrilled about it. Anyway, she’s with her family tonight. They are having a family party celebrating her exhibit.” Helen shrugged.
“Are you not going? Were you invited?”
“Yes, her mother invited me. She’s very sweet. But no, I’m not going.”
“No, instead, you will kiss away the year with your estranged, sexy American husband.”
“Well, I won’t kiss away the year with him, but a dance might be in order. As I mentioned, we are meeting Angie and her husband for a New Year’s Eve party. I have to go and get glamorous.” She winked, givin
g her best Mae West impression, which came off more like a cross between Ann Bancroft, Marilyn Monroe, and Helen Mirren. “Later.” She bent to kiss Magda’s cheek. “Have fun on your date, Magda. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Which is precisely nothing.”
“I bet you wouldn’t say that if you were out with Noami this evening,” Magda said.
“You’re right. Later.”
***
THE EVENING STARTED out quite well. Initially, the party of four enjoyed themselves. They shared laughs and traded barbs as they had for so many years. They poked fun at whomever seemed to be behind the post, three ganging up on the one, in turn. For the most part, their banter was harmless, until Richard took a swing at Helen’s taste in women. From there, the evening went downhill. It took a particularly nasty turn when Richard stepped completely out of line by suggesting to Helen that she might make a better date if she paid him a little more attention, then accused her of sneaking off to the bathroom to call Noami when she had done no such thing. The fact that Richard made the remark in hearing range of another small group, thoroughly humiliating Helen, made matters worse.
Richard began to drink much more than he was accustomed after being unreservedly chastised by both Orlando and Angie for his behavior. Once tipsy, he became completely unabashed in his insults and jabs at his wife. At first, Helen pretended to ignore his rude comments, but before long, she found she could no longer disregard his discourteous remarks that were too vicious to be disregarded. He was downright devious.
As the evening slowly progressed, Richard became unhinged. At one point, he forced Helen out on the dance floor by threatening to make a scene if she refused to dance with him. Later, while she was standing near the buffet table, conversing with a long-time friend, he came up behind her, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her indecently close to him, pressing his lips to her neck, knowing she wouldn’t risk him causing a commotion if she were to shun his touch. Finally, he went too far by announcing to a complete stranger that his life was in crisis because his “beautiful wife standing there, showing the world her tits, had recently decided to leave him.”