by Sorenna Wise
“Hi,” I said, with a practiced service-industry smile. “Nice to meet you.” I’m lying, I thought. This is not nice at all. Alyson nodded politely, and then she and Blaise exchanged an oddly significant look. I used the lull as an excuse to make my getaway, resolving to ponder that look later, in the safety of my apartment. Had they been talking about me? Did she know something I didn’t? What stories had Blaise decided to tell? The whole time I was making the rounds to my other tables, the questions needled at the back of my mind. Where did they meet? Why wasn’t she with someone smarter? And most importantly, why had he brought her here? Blaise and I had hardly been separated long enough for him to honestly believe I might’ve gotten another job. Is he trying to make me jealous? I wondered, followed shortly by, Oh God, is it working? All of a sudden, I was in the exact same spot he’d been in when he caught me coming out of the diner. I grimaced. Couldn’t karma give me a break?
Over the next hour, whenever I left table thirty-three, I felt like Blaise and Alyson were talking about me behind my back. It is such a juvenile feeling to have when you’re in your mid-twenties and you’re worrying that your ex-boyfriend, who is also a functional adult, is gossiping like a kid on the playground with his hot new girlfriend. But it was more than just idle fretting on my part. I sincerely sensed that there was something going on underneath the surface of their date, and no matter how I tried, I couldn’t shake it. I told myself it was just irrational ex-girlfriend paranoia, that sinking feeling you get when you see your ex out with someone else for the first time. And I would have succeeded, had Blaise not opened his mouth when I came by to give him the check.
“So,” he said, “are you seeing that guy again?” He said it casually, the same way he would have if we really were just old friends. I hoped fervently that neither of them would notice all the blood had just drained from my face.
Oh my God! I screamed internally. Why are you doing this to me!? Out loud, I said, “What guy?”
Blaise might not have been the sharpest crayon in the box, but even he didn’t fall for that. “You know.” He spoke with a strange, deliberate cadence. “The one at the diner. What was his name? James?”
“Jake,” I said. I wanted to die. “I don’t know. He might call if he’s free.”
Blaise nodded sagely, as if I’d just revealed to him everything he ever needed to know. He stuck his credit card into the billfold and handed it back to me, grinning. “Thanks,” he said. “I’ll leave you a good tip.”
“Oh, you’re so thoughtful.” This time, walking away from the table, I could have sworn I heard him start to whisper.
I made it a point not to go back to them for more than the few seconds it took me to put the receipt down in front of him, pretending that I was busy running things to other guests. They lingered for a little longer than I thought was necessary, and I skulked around the back of the restaurant, impatient for them to be gone. When they finally headed out the door, I practically ran to get their settings cleared, eager for the memory of the encounter to fade. It did please me to see that Blaise was true to his word—the tip he’d left was enormous. Nonetheless, something had to be up. It was just too odd, too coincidental. And who was that girl?
I didn’t tell anyone about seeing Blaise and Alyson at the Pearl, not even Audrey. Something about the whole situation wasn’t sitting right with me, and I wanted to have some time to think it over myself before people started offering opinions. I was still mulling it over while I waited for Jake to pick me up on the night of our second date. Maybe I was desperate, crazy, or both, but I’d given him my address largely because Audrey’s opinions weighed heavy on my mind, and I guess I’m nothing if not impressionable. I decided I was willing to risk being stalked if it meant I could kiss him.
Yes, I know how it sounds, and no, I don’t have anything to say for myself. Say whatever you want—that I was lonely after Blaise left me, that I was really just on the hunt for a rebound—it doesn’t matter. Because that second date was when everything hit the fan.
There’s a boardwalk on the eastern side of Pelican that’s a favorite with the flocks of tourists that pour into town during the winter. Though we both knew it would be packed, Jake took me there anyway. He held my hand as we strolled through the evening crowd. I pretended I was people-watching, but I knew I was being too quiet. It was only a matter of time before he asked what was up. I didn’t know what to say. If I refused to answer, he’d think he was the problem, and I might not get a third date (which I really did want). But at the same time, I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to tell him about running into Blaise yet again. I was on thin ice and trying very hard not to be that girl who couldn’t stop talking about her ex. Then again, I thought, I wouldn’t talk about him at all if he didn’t keep showing up.
“Let me guess,” Jake said, at which point I realized I hadn’t responded to his question. “You heard from your ex and he wants to talk.”
I cringed at the near-accuracy of his conjecture. Still, who did I think I was kidding? If there was drama last time, why wouldn’t there be a continuation of the same drama now? Nevertheless, I found myself plagued by a permeating guilt. “Actually…” I hesitated. Walking beside me, Jake did not move to look at my face. “I saw him at work a few days ago.”
“He came to see you?” Jake sounded genuinely impressed.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I mean, he had a girl with him.” And once again, this man I barely even knew had somehow wrangled the truth from me. In a way, it was almost depressing.
Jake let out a short laugh. “He was probably trying to make you jealous. Why else would he just happen to take her to dinner where you work?” Hearing him reiterate my own thoughts was somewhat comforting, but I remained unable to shake the general feeling of unease. “And I bet she was pretty too, right? Not prettier than you, obviously.”
I smirked, squeezing his hand. “Nice save, Casanova.” I recalled Alyson then, her perfect hair and hard, frosty eyes. “Yeah, she was pretty. Like, almost too pretty for him. They looked weird together.”
“Maybe he hired her out,” Jake suggested.
“I don’t know where he found her. She seemed…” I paused, searching for the right words to describe the feeling she’d given me. “Not only out of his league, but out of everyone’s. She was really aloof. I wouldn’t have liked to go to high school with her.”
“So she was a mean girl, huh?” He was quiet for a moment, watching a man attempting to win his young daughter a goldfish at one of the makeshift wooden booths that dotted the walk in between quirky shops and boutiques of photographs and seashells. “Sounds kind of like Aly.” I waited, sensing that this was a lead-in to a story I really wanted to hear. He shot me a sidelong look. “Do you want me to win you something?”
I frowned at him. “Who’s Aly?”
He got ahead of me and turned around so he was walking backwards, my hand still wrapped in his fingers. “I bet I could get you a stuffed animal.”
“Is she your crazy ex?”
He glanced at me, smiled, and sighed. Then he stopped walking so abruptly that I almost ran into him. When he spoke again, his voice was strangely low. “Listen Ari, this is going to sound odd to you, but I can’t just talk about her.” I wanted to be alarmed by what he was saying, but the feel of his hands on my waist succeeded in distracting me. “Later,” he said softly. “In the car or something.”
Under any other circumstances, that would’ve set off massive red flags for me. Right then, though, I was mesmerized by just how close we were standing. He smelled clean and masculine, and I could feel the muscles of his chest through his shirt. “Okay,” I said. And honestly, I probably would have agreed to anything.
So we didn’t talk about “Aly” anymore that night, nor did we discuss Blaise again. Internally, I vowed to make more of an effort to keep our collective pasts out of the conversation, if only to preserve my sense of dignity. Plus, I was annoyed that Blaise had somehow integrated himself into a relationshi
p that wasn’t even about him. He didn’t even know Jake, so why was I letting him have such an effect? I promised myself that from there on out, I was going to be a stronger woman who was not defined by the idiot surfer she used to date. If Blaise made another appearance, I’d just tell him to piss off.
Easy, right? God, if only I knew.
Jake pulled up to the curb in front of my house, and we sat together in his car for a while, neither of us speaking. I had my hand on his wrist, absently tracing the lines of his veins with my thumb. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he said. “That was probably a little creepy.”
It took me a moment to remember what had happened. Afterward, everything had gone pretty much as expected, and I had completely forgotten about his strange response. I shrugged.
“Don’t worry about it.” The expression on his face made it clear that he already was.
“It’s not like it’s a big secret. We were together for so long that everyone who knew us knew when we broke up.” There was a moment of silence. “I just don’t want her to scare you away.”
Now, I’ve been told a lot of things by men I have tried to date—things ranging from, “You’re too intimidating;” to “I thought you were a lesbian.” I’m pretty used to bullshit excuses from guys. But Jake’s words gave me pause. “What does that mean?” I asked cautiously.
“Well…” It took him a long time to figure out what he wanted to say. “I said I couldn’t talk about her because I was afraid she’d hear me.”
“Wait, what?” I asked. “She was there?”
“She might have been. I can’t say for sure.” Another pause. “She’s been stalking me since I left her.”
“Oh.” I tried to think of a reply and came up empty. Noticing, Jake spoke again.
“She’s not violent or anything. She’s never even spoken to me. But I’ve seen her in a lot of places she really shouldn’t have been, so I’m positive she’s keeping tabs on me somehow. She’s probably waiting for me to get a girlfriend.” He glanced up, out of the windshield. “So I thought you should know.”
“Is this how you’re asking me to be your girlfriend?” I said it as lightly as I could, to make sure he knew I was joking.
He grinned sheepishly. “I guess I need to work on my delivery.”
“I’ll just say yes and save you the trouble.” And that’s when he leaned over and kissed me. It was just a chaste little touching of the lips, but it made my heart race as if I’d been about to invite him into my bedroom—which, to be fair, I might have done if I hadn’t been so concerned about making a good impression. “Thanks for the warning,” I told him. “I was a track champion in school. If it turns out I can’t take her in a fight, I can definitely run away.” That made him laugh, and some of the concern disappeared from his handsome face.
“Who knows?” he said dryly. “Maybe we’ll see her sometime.” Then he kissed me again and said, “Anyway, don’t let me keep you. I’ll call you soon.” Every fiber of my being wanted to protest, but I knew we couldn’t just stay sitting on the street forever. I slipped out of his car and up the stairs to my apartment on the second floor, turning back to wave when I opened my door. I didn’t go inside until the sound of his engine had faded into the distance.
So that was the bizarre beginning of our courtship. I guess those were sort of becoming a trend with me. Naturally, I didn’t tell anyone about Jake’s ex. Talking about my business with my friends and family was one thing, but I couldn’t bring her up to them too, even if there was no way he’d find out. This isn’t to say Audrey and my sister didn’t try to weasel every little detail from me once I told them it was official. They were appalled that I didn’t have a picture. Some of the questions they asked were things that hadn’t even occurred to me. “What’s his favorite color? Can he sing? Who did he vote for?” By the time our chat was over, I had a list of inquiries, which I promptly folded up and put in a drawer of the bureau. I wanted this to be a relationship, not an interrogation.
Compared to those first two dates, the following few months were almost eerily calm. Neither Blaise, nor the mysterious Aly made anymore interruptions, and gradually we allowed ourselves to forget about them. Once we had, it was just about us, and that was amazing. After being with a self-centered idiot like Blaise for so long, I could hardly comprehend that there were boys like Jake out there who didn’t always assume they came first. Everything seemed impossibly easy.
“Is this what things are supposed to be like?” I asked him one night. We were lying on my bed, watching the end of a movie we hadn’t really seen. He stroked my back.
“It’s weird, right?” He smiled. “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t prefer it this way.” I nodded. That was us in a nutshell, two people who had finally found something they preferred. And I was really, really happy.
All things considered, I should have been surprised that it lasted as long as it did. Sooner, or later, something was bound to shatter the peaceful little bubble we’d created. How did I know? That’s just the kind of life I have.
CHAPTER 5
Even though he didn’t grow up on it, Jake loves the beach as much as I do. We’d gone there late one afternoon at high tide so we could play in the waves without worrying about accidentally drowning small children. It got off to a promising start; as we made our way down the sand, we were buffered by a line of concerned mothers with offspring in tow, retreating before the rising water. The first wash of foamy surf had just come over our feet when I saw Jake make this incredible face. It was horror, recognition, and regret all at once, and I knew exactly what was coming.
“Aly’s here,” he said. “I can see her.”
“What?” I half expected him to push me away the moment he realized who it was, but of course he didn’t. Instead, he grabbed my hand and pulled me up against him so I could peek over his shoulder. Jake is nothing if not the most accommodating boyfriend I’ve ever had. “Where is she?” Automatically, I made my voice conspiratorially low, like we were the ones spying instead of her.
He tucked a little kiss into the hollow of my shoulder. “She’s at the bar, near the railing. The blonde in the red dress.”
Up on the other side of the dunes, the porch of the bar was open air, surrounded on all three exposed sides by a deck railing. At that time of day, it was getting pretty crowded, filling up with people who’d left the beach for some food. I scanned the perimeter of the crowd, looking for a red dress. There were a couple, but only one belonged to a young woman. For a second, she seemed vaguely familiar. I squinted.
And then it hit me. Jake felt me tense up. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Is she staring you down? She does that.”
“Jake,” I said slowly, “is Aly short for something?”
“Alyson,” he said. “Why?” I pushed back from him, staring dumbly into his face. He furrowed his brow. “What?”
“You’re not going to believe this,” I warned. “I’m not even sure I believe it.” He arched his eyebrows, waiting. “Remember when I saw Blaise at work that one time?”
“Yeah.”
“Remember how I said he had a girl with him?”
“Yeah—oh, shit.” His expression morphed instantly from bemusement to consternation.
“Her name was Alyson,” I said. “And I’m positive that’s her.”
“You’re right,” he answered mildly. “I don’t believe that. Are you sure?”
“Well, almost. If you showed me a picture, I could tell you.”
He frowned slightly. “I might have an old one on my phone. But it’s back in the locker.”
“We have to go get it.” I said this with the urgency of someone who has just received a top secret order. “This is gonna bother me all night.”
“Really?” Jake ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me on the forehead.
“Yes. Come on.” I took his hand and started to pull him back up toward the shower area, where the bank of lockers was. He didn’t move.
“Wait.” I turned
to look at him and he tugged me back into his arms. “Would you relax? She’s not going to kill you.”
“You don’t think it’s weird that your ex and my ex went on a date? Maybe they’re still going on dates.” His nonplussed attitude only made me more nervous; my mind was already spinning, trying to find a reason why Blaise and Alyson might inexplicably end up together.
“I didn’t say that,” Jake replied calmly. “That’s weird as hell. But what are you going to do about it if it is true?”
He was right, of course. Was I going to call Blaise and tell him sternly that he couldn’t see my new boyfriend’s crazy ex? Judging by the little Jake had said of her, that would be more of a favor than Blaise really deserved. Still, now that the initial shock had passed, I was plainly curious, possessed of that destructive nosiness we always have about the people we used to love. “I just want to know,” I said. “Is that wrong?”
He shrugged. “No. But it can wait a few minutes.” I was about to give him a look when he ducked forward and hoisted me over his shoulder. I shrieked. Laughing, he started to back into the ocean, right toward a giant breaker. I kicked frantically, hoping I wouldn’t actually hurt him.
“Put me down or I’m going to die!” He must have glanced over his shoulder and seen the oncoming wave; in one deft movement, I was back on my feet. The wave crashed into his back.
“You almost kicked my face in,” he said reproachfully.
“You tried to drown me!” I retorted. He kissed me by way of an answer. I could taste the sea salt on his lips. “Give me your phone,” I demanded.
“Okay, okay.” As we walked back toward the bank of lockers, our feet coated in sand, he stole a glance toward the bar. “Oh man, she totally saw all of that.” He sounded more amused than anything. “She looks really mad.”