“What if I’m crushing on girls?” I smirk, and he smiles back.
“It’s fine if you are. Is there a girl you’re interested in?”
“Nope. That’s gross.”
Mr Matthews laughs. “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?”
“Nope.” I shake my head again.
“You don’t trust me?” He asks, and I shake my head. “Do you trust anyone?”
I shrug.
“I’m guessing you have more people in your life that you don’t trust, than you do. Is that right?”
I shrug again, looking away because he’s hit a nerve, and I don’t want him to see. When I look back, he’s writing something in the file.
“What does my file say?” He looks up, surprised at my question.
“I’m sorry, that’s confidential.”
“But it’s my file. Shouldn’t I be privy to what it says? How am I meant to trust you when you’re keeping things from me?”
Mr Matthews regards me for a moment and then nods his head. “Okay, Lexi, I’ll read you what is in the file if you tell me how you are feeling today. Deal?”
He’s good at what he does. For all I know, this is how he gets all the kids to talk. I nod because I really want to know what the hell is in the file.
“Okay. The file says your name, Alexis, in brackets Lexi, Amity West. Born on the 13th of May 2002. Parents are Ruth and Maxwell West. Sibling is Mike West. You live at-.”
“Stop. I know all that shit. Readout what it says about my personal situation.” I’m struggling to keep my anger in check. I’m getting sick of people tiptoeing around the issues.
“Okay, then. Claudia from Child Services has reported that Miss Alexis West was in a dangerous situation on Thursday the 15th of August 2019, which involved her father, Mr Maxwell West, and her brother, Mr Mike West. The situation is of a sensitive nature that has resulted in an ongoing investigation with an alleged physical assault, crude acts and possible molestation.”
“Okay, stop!” I hold my hand up, sucking in air as nausea hits, “I don’t want to hear any more.”
Mr Matthews looks up from my file with soft eyes. “I’m sorry, Lexi, I should have warned you before I read that out.”
I take a few moments to breathe away the tears that burn the back of my eyes and shake my head.
“I asked, and you answered. It’s fine.” My voice is raspy as I try to swallow down the lump in my throat.
Placing the file down on the little table next to his chair, Mr Matthews leans forward, resting his arms on his knees. “I didn’t want you to know what it said, but I want you to trust me, Lexi. I want to help you. What happened to you will affect you for a long time. I know you know that. What you tell me is just between us. I do have to give a report to Child Services, but it’s only a summary report. Nothing of detail will be included. I don’t expect you to talk about what happened with your father and brother, not today, but I hope you will tell me something that I can try to help you with.”
“I’m angry.” I can’t even hold the words in. They come out on their own as if someone else spoke them.
Mr Matthews nods, “Anger is expected.”
“I’m really fucking angry,” I admit, letting the strange voice inside me speak again.
He nods again. “Do you feel violent?”
I shrug. I don’t want to tell him the truth and say yes, but I can’t say no, either.
“Do you want to talk about the violent thoughts you have? Who are they directed at?”
“Who do you think?” I glare at him feeling too pissed off to be nice.
“Well, if I had to guess, I would say your brother and your father.”
“Bingo,” I say, sarcasm lacing my tone.
“Have you heard from either of them?”
I frown at Mr Matthews, “No! And I better not either!”
He nods, “My records show you are in the care of a family friend. Do you feel safe with them?”
I nod, blatantly lying to him, and when he looks relieved, I feel the same way. I’d thought Andrea, Ayden’s mum, would have contacted Claudia at Child Services to let her know I left their care. But obviously, that hasn’t happened, which must be why I haven’t had Child Services on my doorstep.
“Our time is nearly up, Lexi, but I want you to know that you can come and talk to me anytime. No need to wait for your next appointment if you need to see me before then. In the meantime, I think it would be a good idea for you to write in a journal every day. It may help to get your anger out of your head and onto paper.”
Mr Matthews suggestion is disappointing. Of course, he would suggest journal writing, just like every other typical school counsellor. The only thing is, there is no way in hell I am writing down my dark thoughts. Writing that I want to slice Mike’s throat open with a blade is as good as a confession.
CHAPTER SEVEN
I’m too pissed off to go to Art, so I hide away in the Library again, which is where I stay right through lunch. I should really just go home. It’s pointless me being here. I can’t concentrate in class. My ex-friends are out to crush me, and the boys are suffocating me. I don’t go home, though. Home is lonely. Home doesn’t feel like home because my heart still thinks my home is Ayden.
It’s not even halfway through lunch when my phone blows up with messages again from the boys. The messages start out as simple questions asking where I am and if I need one of the boys to come to me. By the end of lunch, Marcus declares that he’s coming to check the Library, so I flee like a bat out of hell to the girl's toilets. I’m a coward, I know. I should just face the boys and ask them to take it easy with their possessive behaviour, but I also don’t want to push them away because they really are all I have. I just need some space right now.
As if my day hasn’t already been a shit show of cluster fucks, the moment I fly through the door of the girl’s bathroom, I come face to face with Tasha and her gang of merry bitches. Fucking perfect!
“Well, well. If it isn’t the fallen queen.” Tasha slides a cruel, smirk on her average-looking face and crosses her arms across her chest. I know that move. She’s been doing it ever since we grew boobs, and hers didn’t compare. She uses her arms to push what little cleavage she has together, trying and failing to look like she is more endowed. When is she ever going to realise that no one cares about her ugly tits?
I don’t know why she is referring to me as the fallen queen. I was never the queen, nor do I ever want to be. While there are cliques and social groups within our school, we’ve never had a hierarchy amongst the students at Fox Pines Catholic College. Tasha may think she is living in a Hollywood high school movie, but she’s going to feel the sting of disappointment really soon.
“What’s wrong, Lexi? Got nothing to say now that you have been dethroned?” Yep. Tasha is delusional.
I don’t miss how Abbey takes a step back as Tasha addresses me. She keeps her brown eyes on me, though, which is a change from earlier when she couldn’t bring herself to look at me. As usual, her white-blonde hair is in a perfect braid, a style she has worn since we were in primary school.
Sophie, Allison and Amanda puff out their chests and mimic Tasha’s stance. It’s a struggle, but I manage not to laugh at the sight.
“What’s your problem?” I turn my eyes back to Tasha. For some reason, she is under the impression that I’m scared of her, but my tone causes the briefest shift in her confidence. Did she think I would just take her bullshit?
“You and your filth is my problem! I can’t believe they actually allowed you to come back to school here after the depravity you’ve done.” Tasha’s pale face turns red as she speaks, which is a telltale sign that she’s struggling with her emotions. She’s not the only one. Her words are meant to cut deep, and they succeed.
My eyes shoot to Abbey in question, and she looks away, staring at the back of Tasha’s dull brown frizzy-haired head. She looks guilty, and she knows I can tell. What has she been telling Tasha? Sur
ely she didn’t tell these girls all the details of what happened to me. She knew that information was private. Shit, I even sent her pictures of what Mike did to me, of my battered body. Would she really break my trust like that? Betray our friendship? As much as I don’t want to believe it, I know it’s true. I can see the guilt in her eyes.
A knot forms in my throat, and I lose my ability to speak as I try to fight back my weak emotions. I don’t want Tasha or any of them to see how they are affecting me. It’s nearly impossible to hide my anguish. Biting the inside of my cheek, I push the sadness, the hurt, and the tears down and let the anger take over.
Red rims my vision. Rage boils inside me, and I know if I let it take over completely, then I’ll have no control over what I do. I’m yet to decide if that would be a bad thing or not.
“You must be confused, Tasha. I have done nothing wrong.” I am strangely calm as I direct my question to Tasha but look at Abbey when I speak. A small frown draws her blonde brows together before worry settles over her face.
Tasha scoffs, “You filthy whore! You allowed your brother…” Her words are cut off when my hand wraps around her throat and squeezes.
“Let’s get one thing straight, you fucking bitch! I did not allow my brother to do anything to me!” My face is so close to Tasha’s that I can feel her warm gasps of breath on my lips. It happens so quickly that I don’t even remember moving.
Rough hands grab at my arms and, much to my disappointment, pull me off Tasha. Twisting forcefully, I struggle free to see it was Allison and Sophie that came to their friend’s aid. I shove at the bitches needing to get distance from them before I move towards the sink at the far end of the bathroom so I can splash cold water on my face. I don’t make it that far.
A heavy weight shoves me to the ground before a fist slams into the back of my head. The impact makes my head swim for a moment, but the blow doesn’t hold the strength to do any real damage. Not like it did when Mike was behind the punch.
Trying to move my arms up to shield my head or potentially throw my own punches back, the weight on my back abruptly disappears, and Tasha screeches.
“Playing fair, as usual, I see Trashy Tashy. We all know if Lexi had the chance to fight you face to face, she would kick your arse.”
I jump up quickly from the grimy bathroom floor and turn to the new voice. It takes me a moment to focus my eyes. I guess the hit to my head rattled me more than I thought.
Tasha sneers from her position on the floor, where she landed on her arse after Rhys George pulled her off me. I bite back a laugh knowing how pissed Tasha must be right now, especially after the tripping incident a couple of weeks ago when Rhys, not so accidentally, tripped Tasha in front of a group of guys. I saw the video that went viral around the school, but man, I wish I had been there to see it in person.
Rhys George is as individual as they come in a catholic school. With hair as dark as night and lips to match, she is every catholic teacher’s nightmare. I have always admired her from a distance, wishing I could be as bold as her and show the world who I really am. Her hair is in two side buns which seems to be her signature style, and her eyes are painted with thick dark liner on the top and bottom with perfectly defined winged tips. To top off her look, and as much against the school dress code as the rest of her look, she has a septum piercing in her nose that I haven’t seen before. It must be new.
“This is none of your business Goth Girl.” Tasha hisses, shooting daggers that are more laughable than scary as she stands up off the floor. I notice her bitch brigade didn’t step in to help her this time.
“Oh, don’t mind me Trash, I was just making sure the playing field was even. Please continue.” Rhys gestures between us, and when she looks at me, she smirks.
“Fuck off then.” Allison finally speaks up for Tasha. It took her long enough.
Rhys laughs, “As if I’m going to miss Lexi messing up Trashy Tashy’s ugly face. Who knows, she may be able to rearrange it so Trashy actually looks pretty.”
I think I love this girl!
“Stop calling me that!” Tasha hisses, turning her focus on Rhys.
“I’d like to know something.” I interrupt, gaining everyone’s attention.
“What?” Tasha practically spits, throwing her hands on her hips to look at me again. Her usually well put together facade is a mess. Her navy uniform is twisted a little, and I'm sure mine is the same.
“What makes you think I care about whatever your problem is with me? What are you trying to achieve?” I look at each of my ex-friends as I speak, wanting them to know that I’m talking to each of them.
“I just think people should know about your depravity. They should know how sick you are. That you like it rough, and with your brother nevertheless.” My nostrils flare at Tasha’s words. “Tell me, Lexi, how long have you been getting off on fucking your brother?”
Her words are harsh, but because they are so wrong, it just confuses me, and I automatically look at Abbey. Like a coward, she looks away again.
“Don’t look at Abbey. She was traumatised after you told her what happened. After you sent her those pictures of the bruises you so sickly boasted about to her. What was she meant to do? Just sit back and accept that her best friend has lied to her about being in an incestuous relationship?”
I almost laugh at the lies she is spewing, but my eyes are drawn to Abbey because part of what Tasha just said is true.
“You showed them the pictures?” I ask Abbey, but she won’t look at me. “Abbey!”
At my roar, Abbey looks up to meet my eyes. She doesn’t need to speak; her eyes tell me the truth. Why would she do that to me? A pesky tear slips free, revealing my weakness, and I hate myself for it.
Something cold and wet slaps hard against my face right before Tasha lunges for me. I quickly reach up and grab the wet wad of toilet paper off my cheek before I throw myself towards Tasha meeting her face with my fist as her own fist meets the side of my head. With the wet toilet paper still in my hand, I shove it into her open screaming mouth and stuff the wad down her throat. Leaping back from me, Tasha grabs her own throat before she sticks her fingers in her mouth, trying to dislodge the paper. She starts gagging and Allison and Sophie rush to her aid, moving her into a stall right before she starts to vomit.
Amanda wraps her arm around Abbey, comforting her as if she hasn’t done a thing wrong. I feel the overwhelming need to cry clawing at me, so I do everything I can to push it down and replace it with anger.
“That was brilliant! Best fucking movie I’ve ever seen.” Rhys gains my attention, and I see that she is holding her phone up. Did she record that?
Fuck my life! I need to get out of here, now!
As I storm toward the door, I stop abruptly, causing Amanda and Abbey to jump before I get all up in Abbey’s face.
“I don’t know what’s going on, Abbey, but what you have done is irreversible. There’s nothing you can ever do to make this right. I hope it’s worth it. I really do.” I step back, laughing in disbelief and shaking my head. “I’ve had some pretty vile things done to me, Abbey, but this by far is the worst. You make me sick.”
I let Abbey see all of my anger and all of my pain before I hold my head up high and walk out of the girl’s bathrooms. While I look calm and unfazed on the outside, I am anything but. On the inside, I’m screaming, crying, and dying slowly.
“This is the best day I’ve had at school ever.” Rhys’s voice gets louder as she catches up with me, still holding her phone up recording.
“Stop fucking recording me, or you’ll join that bitch in the toilets.”
Rhys laughs, throwing her head back before putting her phone away. I don’t know why she’s still walking with me.
“Girl you are the best. I always knew there was more to you than good grades and popularity.”
I scoff, “My grades are shit, and I’ve never had an interest in popularity.”
“Why be someone you’re not then if not for a social statu
s?” Rhys matches my strides. Doesn’t she have somewhere to be?
I stop walking and turn to her, “Why do you think?”
She considers my questions and nods, “Okay, I get it. Secrets to hide and shit?”
“Exactly,” I walk again, and so does she, “What are you doing?”
“Walking.”
Smart arse!
“Shouldn’t you be in class or something?”
“Shouldn’t you?” Rhys is quick to come back. She kind of reminds me of Valarie, just not as innocent.
“Touché.”
That makes her giggle.
“Look, I get that your life is on a fast train to fuck town right now, but if you need somewhere to hang out besides the girl's toilets, you’re welcome to come chill with me and mine. You can find us behind the stadium hall at the back of the school.”
“Ah, okay, thanks.” I stop outside my English class and turn to Rhys, who looks over my shoulder at something.
“Your pack looks pissed.”
Frowning, I turn to see what she is referring to. Through the window of the classroom door, Marcus and Jared are glaring at me from the back of the room. Rhys is right, they do look pissed. Great!
“My pack?” I ask, turning away from their glares and back to Rhys.
She waggles her eyebrows, “You know, your shadow pack. They walked into school with you and followed you around all morning.”
“Right.” I cringe.
“Good luck. Oh, and you might need to get someone to look at your head.” Rhys walks away grinning, and I move my hand to my head. It’s sore all over the back and the side where that bitch clocked me. A little blood comes away with my fingers, and I groan. How am I going to explain this?
I quickly pull my ponytail out and brush my fingers through my hair, hoping that Miss Dice isn’t going to have a problem with my hair being down. Hopefully, I have earned the right to do a little rule-breaking.
When I walk into English, I throw an apology to Miss Dice, who has the rare ability to teach both Math and English. She nods and smiles before turning her attention back to a student she is helping. Making my way to the only seat left, I ignore Marcus and Jared’s glares as I sit between them and glance to the board at the front of the class. Shit. I didn’t even bring my books or laptop. I left them in the Library. Fuck, I’m totally losing it.
Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2) Page 8