Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2)

by Sarah Jane Duncan

  “Lexi, please tell us, in your own words, what happened in the Media class this afternoon?”

  For a few moments, I can’t speak. Sadness, guilt, shame, and regret render me speechless. It takes everything I have to pull myself together enough to relay the comments that Tasha said and how it triggered something in me, and I lost control.

  “I don’t know any other way to explain it. It was like someone flicked a switch, and I started doing things. I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I punched her. Several times, and eventually, I wasn’t looking at Tasha’s face anymore.”

  “Who were you looking at?” Mr Matthews asks.

  “M-my brother. Mike.” I can’t stand to look at Mr Matthews or Mrs Rogan any longer and direct my focus to my shoes. They are old and dirty, and the stitching is coming apart on my right sole.

  “A-Ayden came and pulled me off Tasha. I don’t even know where he came from or why he was there because he isn’t in my Media class. But he dragged me away and took me to the hall to-.”

  Mr Matthews finishes my sentence, “To cool off. Yeah, that’s when I found you.”

  I look up at him, narrowing my eyes. Did he just cover up the fact that he saw me punching into Ayden?

  Principal Rogan remains quiet, and it eventually makes me crack.

  “I’m so sorry. I know I’ve let you both down, and I know that I have to pay for what I did. I understand that violence isn’t tolerated, so do what you must do. I’m so bloody ashamed of myself. I hate that I’m the bully that Tasha’s mum described me to be. I know I have to fix that somehow. I just don’t know how. I don’t even know who I am anymore.” I cry for a moment looking at my hands as they lay defeated in my lap, “Maybe I’m just like him.”

  “Like who?” Principal Rogan asks, speaking for the first time.

  “My brother,” I whisper, feeling everything like the monster he is.

  “I don’t think you’re like him, Lexi. I think you are struggling to deal with the horrible things that happened to you, and it’s coming out in anger directed at anyone that gets in your way. You just need to accept the help people offer, so you can learn how to deal with what happened and manage your anger.”

  I nod, knowing she is right and wishing I wasn’t about to get kicked out of school. I feel like I could learn a lot from her and Mr Matthews. Who will help me now?

  “I’m sorry, Lexi, but I have to enforce the school’s discipline for violence, especially given that the incident happened in a classroom in front of fifteen other students and Mr Bert.” Mrs Rogan’s words are laced with regret.

  I nod, fighting back nausea, waiting for her to say the words that I’m no longer a student at Fox Pines Catholic College. The problem with this situation isn’t just that I’m about to be kicked out of school; it’s that the Principal will have to call my guardian, which is Ayden’s mum, who will then tell her I haven’t been staying with them, and that will spark a call to Child Services, and I’ll most likely be put in foster care. Of course, if for some reason I’m able to dodge that scenario, it means that I will be home alone every day in that house. The very house that is getting broken into each time I leave. If it is Mike, I’m likely to come face to face with him before too long.

  Commotion draws our attention from outside the door, right before it flies open, and Andrea, Ayden’s mum, storms in. My breath hitches at seeing her again. It’s almost as jarring as the first time I ran into Ayden when he arrived back. Andrea looks at the Principal, then to Mr Matthews, before landing on me, and then her face softens. How did she know I was here? Did the school ring her already?

  “Lexi.” She says, stepping up to me with open arms, and I fall into them, bursting into more stupid tears. Andrea embraces me, hugging me close, rubbing her hand up and down my back while I seek her comfort.

  Words are exchanged quietly as Mr Matthews fills Andrea in on today’s events, thankfully leaving out the part where I took my anger out on her son.

  “So what has to happen now?” Andrea asks, still holding me to her chest.

  “Since there was very crude provoking on Tasha’s behalf, something she has been doing since Lexi’s return to school on Monday, we feel that expulsion is too harsh and are issuing a week’s suspension. We expect Lexi to still attend her counselling sessions with Mr Matthews twice during the week and that she makes more of an effort to work with him so he can help her.”

  Lifting my head from Andrea’s shoulder, I glance at the new principal, knowing deep down that I want to prove to her I’m a better person than I’ve been.

  “I need to be frank, Mrs Mitchell.” Principal Rogan addresses Andrea again.

  “Of course,” Andrea says, pulling back from me now that I’m no longer sobbing, and she hands me some tissues.

  “I’m concerned that Lexi hasn’t been getting the stability she needs right now.”

  Andrea nods, “Yes, I agree. Honestly, I have been giving Lexi space, so she doesn’t feel so controlled given the situation she came from. However, now I see that perhaps it’s been too much freedom.” I stiffen a little as Andrea turns to address me. “Lexi, I know you like to be in control, but we need some rules. From now on, I would like you home at my dinner table by 6pm on school nights. We can negotiate weekends. You can still go home to your house to study after school if you like, but no more sleepovers with friends for a while. Let me and my family look after you the way you deserve to be.”

  I’m unsure if Andrea means what she is saying or if it’s a ruse to get the Principal off our backs. After all, when I fled her husband's apartment in the city, she didn’t come after me or contact me. I hate rules, but I don’t hate the idea of what she’s insisting. I really want her words to be true. The only problem is Ayden.

  “Can you agree to that, honey?” Andrea asks, looking sincere as she brushes back my wayward blonde hair.

  I nod, “Yes.”

  I hear an audible sigh of relief come from both Principal Rogan and Mr Matthews, making Andrea smile.

  “Okay, Lexi. I feel like we have a bit of a plan in place now, so that should start to help. Mr Matthews will email you your counselling times, and your teachers will email through your schoolwork for the next week. I’ll expect you back in my office first thing next Friday morning for a briefing before you start back from your suspension.”

  With that, Principal Rogan hands Andrea some paperwork to sign, and we leave the office to find Ayden and Marcus waiting. They are quiet as they follow us out into the passage before Andrea swings around with a face full of fury. She looks from Marcus to Ayden, gritting her teeth.

  “You two have a hell of a lot of explaining to do! No more god damn lies! This is what happens when people lie. Things escalate and get out of hand. We could have avoided this situation to an extent if you little shits had just been honest. Poor Lexi has suffered enough, and you two haven’t helped. I’m fucking furious with the both of you. You can both bloody walk home.” Andrea turns and grabs my hand, “Come on, honey. Lead the way to your locker so we can grab the rest of your books. You will need them all at home to stay up to date with your work.”

  I look over my shoulder at the two boys who just had strips torn off them by Andrea and kind of feel sorry for them. That’s until Ayden gives me one of his signature winks, and I turn quickly to hide the telling blush, hoping like hell that he didn’t see it.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Every picture frame in my house is empty. It doesn’t matter if it’s a frame hanging on the wall, or a frame sitting on a table. Every single one no longer has the pictures in them that were there this morning when I left for school.

  “Seriously, can this day get any worse?” My whisper and shocked expression brings Andrea up short, and she looks around to see what I’m seeing.

  “What’s going on, Lexi?” She’s confused, and rightfully so. I’m confused as hell too.

  “Someone has taken all the pictures,” I whisper, my eyes darting to each empty frame that I can see.

  A
ndrea stands in front of me, a world of concern twisting her pretty face. “Lexi, I can see that. Where have the pictures gone? Who took them?”

  I sigh. I don’t want to tell her because then I’ll have to admit that someone really is breaking into my house daily with the intent to freak me out. But since she is now dragged into this, I have to be honest.

  “I’d say the pictures are with all the other things that have gone missing.”

  Andrea looks around again, and then as if a light bulb goes off, she grabs my arm and escorts me back outside to her car.

  “Are you telling me that someone has been going into your house and taking things?” When I nod, Andrea continues, “How long has this been happening?”

  I think back over the things that have gone missing. It all coincides with me leaving the house with the boys for the first time. I tell Andrea what she wants to know and sit in her car as she takes out her phone and relays the information to Officer Reynolds. Within ten minutes, Officer’s Reynolds and Zimora are at my house, checking through it to make sure no one is inside. Then they proceed to take photos and put some sort of dust stuff everywhere to pick up fingerprints.

  Once they give the all-clear, I go inside to pack my bags. I hadn’t been sure that Andrea was serious about what she agreed to in Principal Rogan’s office, but she absolutely was. As far as she is concerned, she is my temporary guardian and I’m moving into her place. Well, technically, it’s Marcus’s house, but it’s where Andrea and Ayden are living, so I guess it’s now where I’m going to be living.

  The whole idea seems weird as fuck to me. Am I really meant to sleep in their house and eat their food? And rules? Am I meant to have rules? The thought both warms my heart and scares the crap out of me. So does the idea of living with Ayden. Jesus, how am I meant to keep my distance from him if we will be eating breakfast at the same table?

  Knowing that I’m just working myself up, I try to force my overactive mind to calm down and focus on packing my things. I shoot Valarie a quick text to let her know that I’ll be living somewhere else for a while and then lock up before meeting Andrea and the Officers in the driveway.

  “Lexi, I thought you should know that we have spoken to your father on the phone a couple of times, but so far, we haven’t been able to convince him to hand himself in. We are still searching for his location.” Officer Reynolds offers the information, and I just give him a nod. My dad will never hand himself in. It would hurt his pride too much.

  “Do you have any more information about Lexi’s dad’s case?” Andrea asks.

  “Yes actually. We are working with a team in the city who are building a very damning embezzling case against him.” Officer Zimora offers, looking all sorts of yummy in his navy uniform with his gun sitting on his hip. Why is that so hot?

  “Has he been in contact with his whore?” I ask in a flat, unimpressed tone.

  “No, unfortunately, he hasn’t made any further contact with Sally.” Officer Zimora offers, and I just shrug like I don’t care. I do care, though, a hell of a lot.

  “Anything on Mike?” I ask, wishing like hell that they would just catch him already.

  “No. He’s a ghost.” Officer Zimora says, “But there’s a chance that these break-ins are him trying to torment you, and if so, it means we can concentrate our search locally. We will do drive-by’s regularly to monitor the house. Please don’t come back here alone, Lexi. Make sure you are with a couple of friends or an adult if you need to come back here for anything.”

  I nod, knowing I’ll probably disobey his request. Why? Because it’s my home, no matter how fucked up the situation is, and also, because I’m stubborn.

  The Officers talk with Andrea some more while I sit in her car waiting before she drives me away from my house. When we arrive at my new home, AKA Marcus’s house, AKA Ayden’s house, AKA my new place of torture, Andrea fusses over me and takes me upstairs to Rachel’s old bedroom. It’s strange being back in the house I used to play in for hours with Abbey, Marcus and Jared when we were little. I remember wanting to be like Rachel when I grew up. I was fascinated with her, but now as I stand in her bedroom, which hasn’t been changed since she moved out, I wonder what the big deal was. After all, this room is all girly and frilly, and I am a no-frill, cover my walls with tattooed guys, type of girl. Rachel’s room speaks Barbie, and I’m more Grand Theft Auto.

  “Barb, my sister, said you can redecorate the room to suit your style. She asked Rachel if it was okay first, don’t worry.” Andrea carries one of my bags into the lilac bedroom, placing it on the pink floral bed. Jesus, this room gives me a headache.

  “Lexi, I need to apologise to you.” Andrea’s pained voice draws my attention away from the bookshelf lined with creepy dolls. The first thing I need to do is remove those scary fucking things. “I should have chased after you that day when you left. I should never have accepted what Ayden said after he reached out to Marcus and told me you were staying with a friend. You were never staying with a friend, were you?”

  I don’t want to get Ayden and Marcus into trouble, but I also don’t want to lie to Andrea. She is offering me a home, even if it is temporary. I owe her my honesty. I can only assume that Marcus and Ayden told her I was staying with a friend thinking they were helping me somehow.

  “There was no friend. I went home.”

  “You mean you stayed in that house all alone for all that time?” Andrea’s eyes turn glassy.

  I shrug. “I wasn’t alone the whole time. Marcus and the guys from school started staying with me last week. They’ve been looking out for me.”

  Tears fall from Andrea’s eyes, and she pulls me in for a hug that I didn’t realise how much I needed until this moment.

  “I’m sorry, Lexi. I should have done more to help you.”

  I pull back and look at her. “You had already done so much for me, and I was just getting in the way. Ayden needed you more than I did. I was fine. I really was.” I’m lying again. My honesty didn’t even last a minute. I’m going to hell!

  We both still when we hear voices downstairs, so I insist that I’m okay to unpack my things, and Andrea leaves me to it. When I hear raised voices, mainly Andrea’s, I know the voices we heard must have been the boys, and now they are getting more strips torn off them. I feel bad. I don’t want to cause anyone distress or get anyone into trouble. It’s the last thing I want.

  More voices come from downstairs, some I don’t recognise, which just reminds me I’m an intruder in this house, so I focus on unpacking a few of my things into the empty dresser drawers.

  “Can I come in?” Ayden’s voice floats across the small bedroom, and I look up from the dresser to see his head peeking around the door. I give him a nod, and he steps in, closing the door behind him.

  Nerves unsettle me now that we are closed in the small space together.

  “Man, this room is hideous!” Ayden screws his face up, looking around, which makes me giggle.

  “I can see why you were happy to take the loft above the garage when you moved here.”

  “Hell yeah. This is terrifying.” Ayden leans down, examining the dolls on the bookshelf, making me laugh again.

  Then awkward silence fills the space.

  “Sorry about hitting you,” Ayden looks away from the dolls to focus on me when I speak. “I hope I didn’t hurt you?”

  “I’ve got thick skin.” He smiles, reminding me just how adorable his dimples are.

  “Well, even so. I’m sorry. I guess I’m not coping the best. Maybe I should be locked up in a hospital like my mum instead of here with your family.”

  Two strides across the small space, and Ayden is before me, his gentle hands gripping my upper arms.

  “Don’t say that, Lex. You know that’s not true. You belong here, and you should never have had to deal with the likes of Tasha.”

  I look down at our feet, too nervous to look him in the eye when we are standing so close. I can feel the warmth from his hands seeping past my shirt a
nd heating my skin. I fight the urge to fall into him and take what I need. I won’t though. I need to be strong. I need to give him the chance to move on and find his own happiness. It will be harder now that I’m here, but I have to make sure I stay strong, for him.

  “Lex.” He whispers when I don’t respond to him. “I meant everything I said in that message this morning. I am sorry. So sorry. I can’t even describe the pain I feel when I think of how I treated you. I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, but fuck, I’m a selfish arsehole, and I want it because I want you.”

  A sob jumps up my throat, and I step back out of his hold, needing more space between us before I cave.

  “Lex.” Ayden’s voice is pained, and it claws at my heart.

  “I’m sorry, Ayden. I don’t need to forgive you because you did nothing wrong. I don’t hold any grudges against you.”

  “But you’re so angry at me.”

  I look up to see the concern etched across his handsome face, and I swear my heart breaks all over again.

  “Aren’t you angry at me, Ayden? The way you looked at me at the counsellor’s office yesterday... you looked like you hated me. Besides that,” I suck in air because apparently, I’ve forgotten how to breathe, “I’m not angry at you. I thought I was, but really, I’m just angry at the world. At my life. I’m angry because I know that as much as I want you, I can’t have you.”

  “What do you mean you can’t have me? And if I looked angry yesterday, it wasn’t directed at you. I was angry at myself. One look at you reminded me of how special you are and how much I fucked everything up. It also pissed me off that the bruising is still on your face.” His dark brows furrow, and he takes a step towards me, but I take another step back, shaking my head.

  “We both have demons we need to deal with, Ayden. Right now, we both need to focus on getting our own heads right before we even think about getting involved with each other.”

  He remains quiet for a few beats but doesn’t once take his piercing blue eyes off mine. It’s like he’s trying to see into my soul, and it makes me squirm because I feel like he has the power to do just that. See deep into my soul.