Needing to get the situation under control, I speak up over their voices.
“I’ve got better things to do than watch you measure your dicks.” I know they are my friends, but they are acting like jealous lovers, and I’ve had enough. In all fairness, Ayden should be the only one acting that way.
My outburst gets their attention, and Ayden, still with his eyes trained on Simon, drops his hold on him, letting him fall back to the floor.
“What else do you want to know, Ayden?” I ask, and everyone seems to calm down and return to their seats. Ayden turns to face me before stomping back to sit on the coffee table.
“Sleeping arrangements? There seems to be a lot of guys wanting to cosy up to you.” He throws a glare at Marcus, and he bites.
“Fuck you, Ayden! You know why she was sleeping in my bed last night!” For a moment, it looks like Marcus is going to leap out of his seat, but he stays put, balancing on the edge.
“You slept with Lexi last night? I thought Simon was joking around about that earlier.” Garrett adds, and I have to fight the urge to dick punch him.
“I slept beside her. On. The. Floor! There’s a fucking difference!” Marcus hisses at Garrett.
“She looked pretty fucking cosy in your bed!” Ayden snaps.
“You know I slept on the floor, Ayden! You don’t fucking own her. What gives you the right to swing your dick around?”
I stand, “Right well, I’m leaving since you are all swinging your dicks around.”
“Wait, Lex.” Ayden grabs my wrist as I try to move past him, and I hear the others mutter apologies.
“Sorry, Lex. I just need to know the details. Once I have them, I’ll back off, I swear.”
Simon scoffs, but Ayden ignores him.
“Please, Lex, fill in the blanks for me. Tell me what these pricks are leaving out.”
Glancing around the small living room, I take in these boys, my so-called pack. They all mean well. They’ve been looking after me, and even though they have been borderline possessive, I can’t hate them for it. I get that Ayden has walked into a strange situation, but I need him to understand because I really do need all of them in my life. Even if I don’t deserve them.
“Fine,” I sigh, snatching my wrist out of Ayden’s grip and moving across the room. I don’t want to sit down anymore. I’m feeling cagey, so I stand by the entrance, knowing I can make a quick escape if needed.
“You know about the shower incident already, and Garrett and I would rather never speak of it again, please.”
Ayden nods, keeping his eyes on me from where he’s still perched on the coffee table.
“I did kick Simon and Garrett’s arse at poker. I remained fully clothed, not just because I was winning but because Simon was the only one playing strip poker. I don’t take my clothes off for just anyone.” I shoot Ayden a pointed glare and ignore the fact that the others notice it too. “The guys slept near me depending on the situation of each night, and yes, Ayden, it’s because I’ve turned into a pathetic, needy wimp, but don’t worry, I’ll make sure not to sleep next to anyone again just to make you fucking happy!”
“You’re angry?” Ayden asks softly.
“You think?” I snap.
“Good. You should be angry. That anger is what’s going to help you get through this.”
“This anger is what is destroying me!” I scream, not able to control the pained words ripping from my mouth. Silence fills the room as stupid hot tears burst free.
“That’s why we’re here, Lex.” Jared speaks up, “We want to help. We want to protect you and make sure you come out the other end of this in one piece.”
More tears come then, and Jared moves from the couch to wrap me in his arms. I relax into his hold, trying to fight the tears off because I’m so sick of crying. The room is still quiet around me while I stand in Jared’s arms, trying to compose myself.
When I pull back, I can tell Ayden isn’t happy. It’s clear that he’s struggling to see me receive comfort from Jared, but he doesn’t share his annoyance with anyone this time. Smart man!
I look around the room at the guys, my family, knowing that Jared’s words spoke the truth. They do want to help me. They do want to protect me. I don’t deserve them.
“Since this seems to be a Q & A session, I have a question I’d like to ask you all, and I want the truth.” Although my words are demanding, my tone isn’t. I feel flat and sad again, and I’m just so sick of being kept in the dark.
“Absolutely. Anything.” Ayden answers for all of them, watching me as I take a couple of steps away from Jared.
“What is the agreement Marcus was talking about yesterday?”
I’m met with silence, and I glance at each of the boy’s as they look anywhere, but at me, so I focus my glare on Marcus and Ayden.
“It’s not fair to keep me in the dark, you know?” I add, hoping they will cave.
Ayden does.
“I asked Marcus to look out for you when I realised you had left my dad’s apartment. The prick lied to me and told me you were okay, though. Then on Monday, I received a video of you and Tasha fighting in the girl’s bathroom at school. I wasn’t meant to be looking at my phone while staying at the clinic, but I couldn’t help but keep reading over the message you sent on Saturday night whenever I got a free moment. That’s how I came across the video.”
“What message did you get?” Marcus asks, confused, his dark brows furrowing.
Ayden chuckles when I feel my cheeks heat before he looks at Marcus. “Nothing you need to worry about, man.”
Marcus frowns, but Ayden ignores it and continues. “When I saw that fucking video, I called Marcus and made him tell me the truth this time. So, that’s when I asked him to stick to you like glue and make sure no one else messed with you. I didn’t ask these other fuckers to join in, and I sure as shit didn’t ask anyone to fucking sleep with you!”
“Dude, we were already sticking to Lexi like glue before you even asked.” Shaun’s grey eyes are fierce as he glares at Ayden.
“You didn’t do a good fucking job at sticking then, did you? She managed to ditch you fuckers at school more than once.” Ayden retorts, but Shaun just rolls his eyes.
I guess that explains the whole agreement thing. At the end of the day, they all meant well. They just forgot that we live in the 21st century and that girls don’t need guys to do everything for them.
“Ayden?” My voice is soft, and he looks at me with hopeful eyes, “Did you really have to punch them?”
Ayden grins, “Yep.”
The boys snicker.
“Man, Ayden, your face looked crazy as fuck when you stormed into Mr Hall’s class. You’re lucky he didn’t see you swing that punch, or you would be stuck at home sharing a suspension with Lexi.” Simon laughs, and the boys join him. Ayden tries to hide his grin by turning away, but I see it.
“I bet that’s exactly what he was trying to do.” Marcus teases, triggering more laughter. Ayden doesn’t deny it.
Males are weird. How can they be punching on one minute and then joking around the next? It’s a pity girls can’t be more like that.
Marcus turns on the TV, and before I know it, Simon and Shaun are setting up some car racing game on the Play Station. That’s my cue to leave. I’m sure they’ve been eager for some boy time without having to worry about me, and now that I’m here under Andrea’s care, they can have their lives back.
“Come talk with me for a bit?” Ayden’s voice is close, and I jump a little, surprised to see him at my side. I give him a nod and follow him back out to the kitchen, joining him at the kitchen counter on one of the bar stools. He seems nervous, which is unusual for Ayden, but I wait. He doesn’t say anything.
“So, you gonna talk?” I push, biting the inside of my cheek to fight off a smirk.
“Well, now that I have you alone, I don’t really know what to say.” His blue eyes look up at me through dark lashes.
I move to stand, “I can do us bot
h a favour and leave.” I’m in a bitch of a mood right now. Ayden is better off not having to endure it.
I don’t even make it off my seat before Ayden has me caged in, trapped on the barstool.
“Don’t do that, Lex. Don’t act like you hate me.”
“Maybe I do.” I lean back on the stool, crossing my arms over my chest, trying to get a little space.
“No, you don’t.” Ayden gives me a dimply grin.
“How do you know Ayden? We hardly know each other.”
“You know that’s not true. You didn’t sound like you hated me last night on the phone. I may not know all of your history Lex, but I know you. I know your heart. I know you think I betrayed you in Melbourne…” Ayden sucks in a breath looking down for a moment before returning his blue eyes to mine. “I was just trying to stop you from being dragged into that world. I know you said I did nothing wrong, but I disagree. I should have fought harder to keep you from getting in the car with Muz.”
“I’m pretty sure he would have shot us if we tried to fight,” I whisper, my mind instantly going back to the moment when Muz grabbed me and ran his filthy hands over my body.
Ayden goes quiet, too, probably reliving the same scene.
“You want to know what I’m mad about?” I ask, and Ayden nods. “You took away my right to choose. You got me thrown out of that room, Ayden. I get why you did it, but it wasn’t your decision to make.” Having me thrown out also meant I didn’t know what was going on inside the room, and I was so scared that I’d find him dead.
“I disagree,” Ayden says with confidence causing my brows to shoot up. “I won’t apologise for that part, Lexi. I’d make the same decision again and again if it meant that you were safe.”
“You’re infuriating.” I can feel my blood boiling thick in my veins, ready to explode.
“Ditto!” Ayden hisses, pushing me over the edge.
“I’m not a weak damsel Ayden!” I hiss through clenched teeth.
“Fuck no. I know you’re not! You are fierce, Lexi. I know you will obliterate anything that stands in your way, but I can’t help needing to protect you.”
I get what he’s saying, but it doesn’t make me feel better.
“I’m just so angry, Ayden. At everything, especially myself.”
“Why at yourself?” His brow creases in the centre, making him look all kinds of adorable.
“For letting you in. You made me weak.” I admit in a soft whisper.
Ayden flinches at my words; a look of hurt contorts his face before it’s replaced by resolve.
“For the record. You have never been weak, and I don’t think letting me in has done anything but make you stronger. But I get it. Things are fucked up right now, so I’ll stand back and give you space like you’ve asked. Hopefully, it will give you the control you think you have lost by being with me. I can see you need to feel in control. I’ll do whatever you want me to Lexi, I just ask that you please don’t push me away.”
I don’t want to push him away, but I don’t know how to have him in my life without it being more. He’s also different since coming back from Melbourne, and now I understand that I don’t really know him, even though my body seems to think it does.
“You’ve been a dick to the guys. They have been there for me when you weren’t Ayden.”
“I know. I will make it up to them, I promise.” Ayden finally lets go of the arm of my chair and drags his hands through his dark hair. “I just have trouble thinking straight when it comes to you.”
I know how he feels. I feel the same way around him.
“You don’t need that in your life Ayden, not right now. You have your own problems to work through, and you need time to heal on your own. Being with me won’t help you move on from your past.”
Ayden is quiet for a moment, and my heart sinks. Stupid heart. It wants him even though it knows I’m not good enough for him.
“Please don’t use that as an excuse Lex.” His whispered plea almost breaks me. I remind myself once again how much better he will be when he moves on from me. He has the chance to find someone that isn’t damaged, isn’t broken.
“I can’t do anything more than this right now,” I admit.
“I know,” he sighs, “but I can’t not see you, not talk to you, not be involved in your life.”
“Didn’t we agree to be friend’s last night?” I ask, and he goes quiet again, casting his eyes to his hands in his lap.
“We did.” He nods before raising those blue eyes again, “But that’s just for now. When the time is right, I’m totally stepping back over the line and kissing the fuck out of you.”
Red. Hot. Blush.
There’s no way I can hide it, and his knowing smirk only makes it worse.
“Fuck, it’s going to be a long hard road if you keep blushing like that.”
“Stop,” I slap his arm, “That’s not helping!”
Ayden raises his hands in surrender, “Okay, backing off. Friendzone. Got it.” He crosses his heart.
As sincere as his voice sounds, his eyes are anything but.
He isn’t going to make this easy for me at all.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
I need my punching bag! Sleep is evading me, and of course, it’s because I’m so pathetic that I need someone to sleep next to me to keep the fucking dreams at bay. Too scared to start more drama and possibly get myself thrown out of Andrea’s sister's house, I don’t go to Marcus or even Ayden to help me sleep. Instead, I stay confined in the lilac bedroom, going out of my mind with the overwhelming need to vent my pent-up anger.
My mind wanders to Ayden so many times that I’m beginning to think I’m becoming obsessive. His promise to kiss me again one day has me all hot and bothered, which only adds to my festering frustration.
At my wit's end, I try to read, hoping it will put me to sleep or pass the time until morning. The only book that Rachel left behind in her room is boring and confusing, and it’s not long before I give up trying to comprehend it. Trolling the internet for something to read, I come across Amazon, and before I know it, I’ve created an account and downloaded my first kindle book. At first, the amount of book options nearly sends me packing, but I persevere and start searching for Reverse Harem books. Rhys is so obsessed with that topic. She keeps saying that the guys are my reverse harem which is ridiculous. While I adore them, my heart belongs to only one, even if I won’t admit that to his face. My first kindle book is Uppercut Princess by E.M. Moore, and I’m blown away and instantly hooked. As I read, a part of me wishes I could be more like Kyla. She is a true heroine, strong and determined on her quest for vengeance. Uppercut Princess definitely gets me through the remaining hours of the night. I can't put it down.
By 6am, I drag myself out of bed, my arms and legs feeling heavy. I take a long hot shower, once again watching the door the whole time with my heart racing, and by 7am, I’m sitting at the kitchen table taking small bites from the pancake stack that Barbara whipped up. Ayden comes in from the loft not long after that, and he and Marcus join me at the table. It’s a struggle to look up from my plate of food as I pretend to eat. Making eye contact with the guys and Barbara is uncomfortable because I feel like an intruder. I really just want to go home, which makes no sense since that house holds nothing but nightmares for me.
I’m utterly exhausted by the time breaky is done. Sleep tugs at me, filling my lethargic brain with dark, swirling clouds. All I want to do is go to sleep, yet if I give in to the need, I risk falling into the nightmares.
Unfortunately, the boys have other ideas about how I’m going to spend my Saturday and drag me to the footy again. The sun is out today, and the air doesn’t have as much chill in it. It’s already a week into spring, and finally, the weather is acting like it. Spring is my favourite season. With the days becoming warmer and the sun staying in the sky longer, it brings me a sense of hope.
“You’re pretty tired today,” Garrett observes from next to me, his blue-grey eyes seeing what I
was hoping to hide. We are sitting on the same bench seat we sat on last weekend at the footy; the only difference is that today, Ayden is sitting on my other side.
“Yeah, I didn’t get much sleep.” Well, I didn’t get any sleep, but Garrett doesn’t need to know that.
“Maybe you should have stayed in bed, Lex.” The concern in Garrett’s voice is evident, which sparks Ayden’s interest.
Ayden’s head suddenly blocks my view of the footy oval as ocean eyes study my face. His dark brows pull together when he sees what I’ve been trying to hide from him all morning. I close my lids blocking out his intense gaze and take a deep breath. I prepare for criticism, but it never comes.
“I can take you back home, Lex,” Ayden’s soft tone oozes into my pores and wraps itself around my heart.
I shake my head, digging deep to open my eyes again. I’m here; I may as well watch the game.
Ayden’s mouth thins, but he turns back to the game. A moment later, I feel him slide closer to me on the bench seat.
“You can rest your head on me if you need to.” He doesn’t look at me when he speaks, but I glance up at him.
His face is a mix of emotions. I can see he’s struggling to figure out if his comment oversteps the friendzone line I’ve drawn. His worry makes me grin. Why does he have to be so adorable?
“Maybe just for a few minutes,” I say, and his head whips in my direction, his brows reaching his hairline. I’ve surprised him. I’d laugh if I weren’t so tired.
I offer him a small smile before a yawn engulfs me. He grins then, reaching across my back to pull me into his side, where I melt right into his heat.
I swear I only intend to shut my eyes for a power nap, ten minutes tops. My body has other ideas, though, and it’s the third quarter siren that rips me from sleep again. I can’t believe I slept through the first three-quarters of the game. Not to mention sleeping while sitting up drooling on Ayden’s hoodie.
Feeling more alert, I move casually away from Ayden’s side. Garrett’s blue-grey eyes catch mine when he turns to me and welcomes me back to the land of the living. When I give him a small smile, he shoots me a wink before continuing his conversation with Ayden about how the umpires are one-sided today. I have no idea what that even means.
Deep (Heavy Hearts Book 2) Page 20