by Lindsey Hart
He groaned but that touch, her sweet, sweet touch, finally sent a lightning bolt of reality to his brain. He broke away and though it hurt more than anything he’d done in his life, he gripped Laney’s shoulders and literally set her away from him. He stumbled back a step, trying to put a fraction of distance between them so he could actually formulate a rational thought.
Not rational. No, does that word even apply right now? He seriously doubted he’d ever be able to be fully rational again. He knew he had to leave, but he also knew that Laney’s touch was going to haunt him for a considerable amount of time.
“Laney…” his voice was ragged, flooded with desire. He held out a hand to stop her from getting close again. “This isn’t- we can’t…”
“Why not?” Her eyes darkened. Those incredible emerald gems flickered to his face and then dropped down, lower. He was still fully erect, still painfully throbbing. “You are into it. So am I? What’s wrong with that?”
“I’d want it to- to mean something.” He cringed inwardly.
“Wouldn’t it?”
“We don’t even know each other.”
“We could start.”
“I don’t want to start it this way. It’s not…”
Laney’s frowned and hurt flickered over her face. “Oh. I see. So, you’re not actually interested? Or you think I’m easy?”
“No. I don’t think you’re easy. That’s not what I said. What’s wrong with taking some time?”
“Nothing. No, nothing is wrong with taking some time. Except in my experience, that’s just a cop-out. It’s what people say when they really aren’t into it and they leave and never call you back. And that’s alright. I don’t need someone in my life like that.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No.” He crossed his arms, wishing like hell he’d put his clothes back on after his shower. They were filthy though, and he didn’t want to get into Laney’s clean bed with them on. He’d left them in the bathroom, folded up, contained to the tile floor. He’d planned on napping for a few hours and leaving well before Laney was even awake. “If you knew me at all, you’d know that I’m not a liar. I don’t say things that I don’t mean.”
“But that’s the problem. That’s what you’re saying. That I don’t know you. Well, point taken.”
“You’re getting angry,” he sighed. “When there isn’t any reason to be angry.” His aching body said otherwise. He could understand how she felt. “I- I’m not in the right frame of mind. You know that.”
“Do I? You were the one who grabbed me.”
“You were standing in my room.”
“I said I would leave. I said I made a mistake and I tried to get out. You grabbed me.”
“I- you’re right.” He ran a hand through his hair in agitation. “I grabbed you and I kissed you- but it’s not- I’m a mess right now…”
“Oh. I see how it is. You wanted to use me. Fuck out the emotion you’re feeling. Fuck out the pain and the hurt and then you were going to move on and never call me back.”
“I… that was not-”
“No, I know how it goes. I would have been okay with that. I really would have.” She was lying, he could tell. Her eyes welled up with tears, though she did her best to blink them back. “But then you had to go and try and be a hero. To try and spare my feelings and act like a gentleman because you think you should, not because you really want to.”
“I do want to be a gentleman. I don’t want to treat you like that. I do want it to mean something.”
“Right. I’ve heard that enough times over the years to know it’s true.” Laney rolled those glorious green eyes. Her hands flew to her hips as the color crept up her neck and stole into her face. Her lips thinned out into a hard line. He wished he could grab her back and kiss away that anger, kiss her until she was hot and ragged and molten underneath of him. He nearly groaned as white-hot lust surged through him. “Just go. Get your clothes and that damn box off my counter and go. I don’t want to hear from you again. I don’t want to see you again.”
“Why are you angry with me?” he asked, a little amazed at her reaction. “I tried to do the right thing and stop-”
“Right. Well, thank you for being a gentleman. Don’t worry. You don’t have to try and spare my feelings. I would have been okay with a good fuck. I would have been okay if you never called me back after. Maybe I don’t want you to. Maybe the only reason I asked you over here tonight was because I wanted to use someone too.”
“That’s not what you said earlier.”
“Isn’t it? I said I was lonely, and you looked lonely too. Did I talk about anything else?”
He shook his head. It was pretty clear that Laney didn’t even know what she was saying, she was so hurt and angry. She saw what he’d done as rejection. She didn’t understand it. She was aching and hurting and so was he. Physically. How could she think he didn’t want her when the evidence was pretty clear that he did? When he said he didn’t want to use her that way?
“Okay, you obviously have some baggage that you have to deal with. Some conflicting emotions. I’m not trying to send a mixed message here.”
“Baggage?” Laney spat. “I’m not the one who started this and then changed my mind halfway through.”
“That’s not what happened. I’m trying to tell you that I stopped because I want it to mean something. I don’t want to treat you like that.”
“And I’m telling you maybe I would be okay with that. Maybe we both needed it and we didn’t need anything else.”
“You were talking about connection. That sounds like something else to me.”
“No. No, you’re mistaking what I was saying.”
Hector shook his head. “Okay, I’m really confused. I’m just- just going to do what you said and get my clothes on and leave. I can see that you’re hurt and angry and nothing I’m saying is going to register and you just want to fight me on anything I’m going to say.”
“If that’s what you want to think, then go ahead.”
“It’s four in the morning, Laney. I think you just need to get some sleep. We’re both tired.”
“Tired? That’s your excuse?”
“It’s not an excuse. Can’t you see that I do want you?” His cock was still throbbing, still hard even though he wished the damn thing would do him a favor and just deflate.
“Just go. I really don’t need this. I said I was going to be alone and clearly that’s what I need. Because I don’t need this. I don’t need someone who is going to jerk me around and play games, just because they can.”
“This isn’t some kind of power trip.” He realized then, that she obviously thought it was. She was so wounded and hurt because she truly thought he was playing games with her. That he wasn’t being sincere. That he wanted to use her, but not just physically. Use her up mentally and emotionally as well. He let out a long exhale. “Laney... I don’t know what someone did to you in the past. I don’t know what your experiences have been, but you need to just take a couple of days and let that anger and resentment go. I am not trying to hurt you. I wanted to do the exact opposite.”
Alarmingly, the tears swimming in those huge green eyes could no longer be contained. Laney blinked and they streaked down her cheeks in two wet lines. God, he wanted to wipe those tears away. He wanted to pull her close and hold her and tell her she’d get everything figured out. He wanted to erase whatever past she had and find the assholes who had treated her so ill that she couldn’t even be rational with him or see his gesture as a goodwill gesture and not something else entirely.
He couldn’t. He didn’t trust himself to go near her. So, he left her. He left her with tears streaming down her face. He fled to the bathroom, grabbed up his clothes and stomped down the hall, down the few steps and into the kitchen. He gathered up the card box, the damn card box that had brought them together, probably for the last time. He slammed his boots on in the kitchen, where he’d
finally remembered to take them off. He left like that, went right out the front door in his boxers and his boots and got in his truck.
He stopped a few blocks away, got out in an alley, and tugged on his shirt and jeans. After he let out a few choices of curse words go, his first spoken out loud in a long time, he got back into his truck and started the long drive home.
CHAPTER 11
Laney
There was little she hadn’t told her best friends over the years. Charlotte and Rayvn had been there for her through every shitty breakup, through every single relationship gone wrong. They’d offered a listening ear for all the horrible dates, all the failed everything.
Laney stood in front of a display of tea, pretending to study it for the inventory she was also pretending to do. She’d been at it for hours and she hadn’t done a damn thing. Not one. She’d started on one end of the shop and moved numbly through, not seeing anything, faking it. She realized that she was going to have to do something sometime.
It wasn’t just because she hadn’t slept. She wasn’t exhausted. No, she was actually wired. Fired up. Her thoughts refused to stop churning around in her brain. Her head pounded furiously, and her blood still felt like it was on fire. She could still recall Hector’s touch. His kiss. Her lips still felt swollen and bruised.
“Hey… Laney? Are you alright?”
Laney spun. She whirled so fast that she nearly stumbled right into Rayvn, who stood a few inches behind her. Rayvn’s dark eyes perused the clipboard. She looked up knowingly and raised a brow.
“Uh- I… yeah. Just doing the inventory.”
“Except that you’ve been out here for hours and you haven’t written one thing down.” Rayvn gently took the clipboard with the massive print out of store stock. “What’s going on?”
“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Are you sure? You have bags under your eyes that are almost black.” Rayvn sighed. “You don’t have to tell me anything, but you should go home and try and get some sleep. Is there anything I can do at least?”
“I don’t know.” Laney glanced at the tea. “Maybe I should just buy a box of this and drink enough chamomile that I pass out standing up.”
“Uh… well, it would be better to pass out in your bed.” Rayvn pointed out, so rational. She offered a sardonic smile. “Seriously, though, I’ve been there. So has Charlotte. We’ve all been there. Sometimes things get rough. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay, but just know that we’re here.”
That was all it took. Rayvn’s gentle, compassionate face and the care and love in her eyes undid Laney. Her hands started to shake, and it turned into a full body tremble that she couldn’t control- probably because she was so tired.
“I made such a mess of everything,” she whispered.
“What?” Rayvn looked startled. “What are you talking about? The inventory? That’s okay. I can do it. Don’t worry about that.”
“Not the inventory. God, I wish it was the inventory. Then at least it would be an easy fix.”
“Okay, I’m seriously not tracking here. I thought you weren’t seeing anyone, but I have the feeling you’re talking about a guy here.”
“No. Not just any guy.”
Rayvn stiffened. “Dish, then, because now I have to know. You were seeing someone, and you didn’t tell us? You said you were off men! Were you just trying to throw us off so that you wouldn’t have to tell us?”
“No. No, I swear, I really was off men. And then… do you remember that guy that you sent me to do the pick for? Hector Erwin?”
Rayvn looked puzzled. Her brows knit together in a tight frown. “But that was just a couple of days ago.”
“Yeah. I know. I- did you ever meet someone, and you just knew it was different? Like, it was so strange, you didn’t really understand what you were even feeling and then it just became really clear?”
“Uh- I guess so? I mean, you know that Shane and I didn’t really hit it off at the start, but even when he pissed me off, I felt something for him. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like that I met this guy who was an asshole, or at least, I thought he was, but I was still attracted to him.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Except- Hector isn’t an asshole. He’s reserved, maybe even a little strange. A loner. He doesn’t like strangers. Maybe he doesn’t like people at all. I don’t know. I…” Laney suddenly realized that she’d been missing something all along. The card box. That dresser. She had to know if any of the other pieces had anything in them. “Never mind that for now. I just need you to help me do something. You and Charlotte.”
“What?” Rayvn blinked. “Okay, I think you’re really overtired.”
“I know I’m being weird. But will you please just help me?”
“Yes,” Rayvn finally said after a long pause. She sighed again. “Tell me what it is.”
“All that stuff I brought from Hector’s? I need you to help me look through it. Through every drawer and at the backs of everything, anywhere someone could have put something.”
“Why? What do you want to find? Did he lose something? Did he blame you?”
“No. Not at all. At least, if he lost something, he wouldn’t know it’s there.”
“Umm…”
“I know I’m not making sense. Just grab Charlotte and help me. It’s going to take a few hours, I’m sure.”
“Alright.” Rayvn nodded. “We’ll take turns watching the front and going through the stuff in the back. I’ll get her to watch up here first and I’ll help you. Is that alright?”
“Yes! Thank you!” On impulse, Laney threw her arms around Rayvn and gave her a tight hug. Rayvn stiffened, but finally hugged Laney back.
Laney led the way to the back. After Charlotte agreed to watch the front, she and Rayvn got to work. It was hard work, being thorough. There were quite a few pieces to go through. They took apart dresser after dresser, drawer after drawer. Sideboards, hutches, cabinets, nightstands, washstands… it was all stripped down and searched.
And produced absolutely nothing.
A few hours had passed. Charlotte stayed up front since they seemed to be in a rhythm, working as a team to search the furniture. After they finished off the last piece, Rayvn turned to Laney, completely confused.
“What were you hoping to find in here?” She asked gently.
“I don’t know,” Laney admitted. “I have absolutely no idea. Something. Anything.”
“Why?”
“I- because…” she knew she just had to tell Rayvn, as wild as it was going to sound. “I picked a dresser for myself out of here. I loved this one from the minute I saw it in the barn. I decided on it way before I got it back here. I took it to my house last night and I found this box inside. It had letters and wedding rings. They belonged to Hector’s parents. I- they- they passed when he was less than a year old. His grandparents raised him, and they never talked about them. He didn’t know that box was in there. I have no idea what the letters said but- I knew it was special to him. I called him and he came over last night.”
“In the middle of the night?”
“Yeah. He wanted to get the box. He didn’t know what was in it at the time either, either, but I think he really did know… deep down. He’d never seen his parent’s wedding rings. He doesn’t know anything about them. I honestly don’t know if he’s ever seen a picture of them. Probably. I would say that he has. Maybe he had one to privately look at or maybe he found some hidden away. I didn’t even think to ask that.”
“God- that sounds kind of messed up.”
“It was a tragedy. I guess some people can’t deal with that kind of pain. His grandparents just kind of shut down and put everything they had into raising him I guess. They couldn’t ever talk about his parents. He said that his grandpa just wasn’t like that, which I can understand. His grandma- I guess it was just too hard for her.”
“But they must have known how hard it would be for him, not knowing where he even ca
me from. They must have known he’d be curious.”
“Pain isn’t logical.”
Rayvn paused for a moment. “Yeah, you’re probably right about that.” Her frown deepened. “So, he came over to your house in the middle of the night and what happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Laney… really… I can tell something is wrong and I know you haven’t told me what it is yet.”
“Okay,” Laney sighed. “Well, we had some coffee and talked. That’s how I know about his parents. It was really late. He looked exhausted. I told him he should sleep in my guestroom for a few hours. He’d been working before he came over and he needed a shower. So, he had one and then- uh- well, I went into his room and I was waiting for him when he came out.”
“What?”
“I know. It sounds insane. Anyway, we made out. For like, five minutes. That was it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I- I kind of lost my mind after. Hector said that I wasn’t being rational or that I’d been hurt too many times before to think clearly or that I was just really tired, and I guess he was right.”
“Why? What did you say?”
“He said that he didn’t want to- well- do it I guess, since neither of us were in the right frame of mind and we were both pretty emotionally drained. Or at least, he was. He said we might be lonely, but he wanted to take things slow and actually get to know me.”
“What’s wrong with that? It sounds like a good idea. He seems like a nice person.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what was wrong with that or with me. I just snapped. I was so hurt. I- I thought about it a lot after and I guess there have just been so many times that I’ve been rejected by people- when they weren’t straight with me. Guys say whatever they want. When they aren’t interested, they say we should just move slow and get to know each other and then they never call back. Or they take what they want and never call back. I’ve been used so many times, hurt so often that- maybe Hector was right. Maybe I do have a lot of baggage to work through.”