by Lindsey Hart
“That’s because we didn’t have gravy for it.”
“You made dipping sauce.”
“That’s not the same.”
“Well, maybe you should check it. I can never tell when it’s done. I’m always worried about not cooking it through and killing us both.”
“We wouldn’t die from eating undercooked beef. Pork maybe.” Laney grinned at him. “I’ll check it though. I’m starving.”
She did check the roast. She did it like she did everything else. Effortlessly and competently. Hector knew she didn’t mean it, but sometimes Laney made him feel that much more inept. She had her shit together. At least, partly. She owned a business. She had a house. She was successful. She’d said all those things to him before, not to show him up, but to prove a point. She was used to taking care of herself. She was independent. She was financially stable. She was driven. She knew what she wanted out of life. She was all the things he wasn’t at the moment.
It didn’t make him feel any better. It made him feel worse. On top of everything else, he just felt… emasculated. Laney wasn’t to blame. She didn’t make him feel like that. He just did.
“I think it’s actually going to need half an hour yet. So, don’t worry. You didn’t overdo it.”
“Good.” Hector turned, intent on retreating, but Laney wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. She leaned into him and set her head against his back.
He froze. Slowly, with each shared breath, the tension bled out of him. He’d done everything he could to reason with her, to get her to leave, but the truth was, she wanted to stay and he wanted her right there with him.
“I have something I want to tell you,” she said softly. She let him go and he slowly turned.
“What’s that?” Hector guarded himself. He hadn’t seen that same sparkle in Laney’s eyes before. Something about the way she was looking at him actually scared him a little bit.
“Well…” she clutched her hands together in front of her waist. “I have some amazing news.” The sparkle in her eyes intensified. Her face was absolutely radiant.
“Uh… just tell me. I don’t think I can stand having you look at me like that.”
“Like what?” Laney laughed.
“Like you are now.”
“It’s good news. Insanely good news.” She took a deep breath, her little shoulders heaving up and down with it. “I- well, me and the girls at work, we- okay maybe you should sit down.”
Hector nearly let out a shout of impatience. He stomped over to the table, pulled out a chair and slammed his ass into it. “Is this better?”
Laney wasn’t swayed by his gruffness. She was likely used to it. Has it only been a month? It felt like so much longer that they’d been seeing each other. In a good way. He’d never met anyone he just… meshed with. Laney fits into his life like she was already a part of it before he even met her.
“Much better.” Laney’s huge grin only made him worry more. “Okay. So- wow.” She blew out a breath.
“Can you please just spit it out before I die over here of an anxiety attack?” He really could feel the squeeze in his chest, the panic creeping into his gut, the shortness of breath.
“Yes. Alright. So, Charlotte and Rayvn and I came up with a plan and we raised some money together.”
“What for?” The knot in Hector’s stomach turned into a fist.
“For you. For the farm. I wanted to be able to buy you some time or be able to start you off. I wanted to find the means for you to farm again if that’s what you wanted. Or if not, maybe this will buy you some time so that you don’t have to sell the farm. You can find work somewhere. Or if you do still sell, then at least you have some money to find something else.”
“What?” The air rushed out of his lungs. “I’m sorry… what?”
“I raised just short of twenty thousand dollars for you. Well, we did. Together.”
“Together? You and your best friends?”
“Yes. They were a huge part of it-”
Hector jumped up so fast that the chair fell over. It clattered noisily to the floor. Laney jumped back. Her words died mid-sentence. “Why would you do that?” He didn’t mean to shout, but his voice boomed through the house anyway. “Why would you tell the people closest to you that I’m some kind of charity case? Why? How did you raise that money?”
“Well…” Laney stammered.
“Tell me,” he ground out.
Laney’s eyes danced around the kitchen nervously and finally landed on her feet. “Through this thing online. We did that and we had a BBQ. I sold that furniture I got from you. We know a lot of people. It wasn’t that hard-”
“That hard! My god, Laney. Take that money and give it back to whoever you got it from.”
Her lips parted in a silent O of surprise. “Why?” She finally gasped.
“Because!” He shook his head. “It should be obvious. I’m not a charity case! I’m more than able to look after myself. There are people who legitimately need money out there.”
“Well, these were my clients. They got something back for their money. The BBQ was a huge success and the furniture was yours to begin with. I knew I’d make a good profit margin off of it, but I had no idea.”
“There must have been people who donated. People who didn’t get anything back for their money.”
“That’s not true. I found a site that lets you do loans. Regular people lend money. I put together a business model for the farm and put it on there. I figured out a way you could buy cattle and go back into the business. You’ll have to pay the money back eventually…”
“And you did this without even asking me?” Hector was speechless. “Did you ever ask me if I wanted to go back into cattle? If there’s even money in it? The farm was always a small-scale operation. I wouldn’t be able to make it work. It’s not paid off. My grandfather borrowed money when it was failing. He borrowed a large sum against the house. If I sold it for what I’m asking, I would be lucky to break even. Do you think that sounds like a viable business operation?”
Laney swallowed hard. “Well, don’t worry. I only raised a few thousand dollars from that. The rest was from the BBQ and the furniture. I can pay it back immediately with that money and you’ll still have at least fifteen thousand to help you out when you move.”
Hector tried to push down the rising tide of shame that swept over him but failed. He knew that Laney wasn’t going to like what he had to say, but he was damn well going to say it anyway.
“I don’t want it,” he ground out. “Pay back those loans and donate the money to people who actually need it.”
“You do need it!” She insisted. “The BBQ didn’t take us much effort and the furniture were yours to begin with. Don’t be stupid or proud and just take the money. We raised it for you because we care about you. Me and Rayvn and Charlotte.”
“They don’t even know me-”
“They know me and care about me and that’s enough for them.”
Hector struggled to maintain some sort of sanity. He breathed through it, just so he wouldn’t go off the handle. What he wanted was to march outside, pick up that sledge that he’d used to deconstruct the barn and go tear something else down.
“You had no right to talk to them about my financial situation.”
“I didn’t. I said that you wanted to keep the farm and you couldn’t. It was bothering me seeing you like this and I wanted to tell them that. They’re my best friends. I needed someone to talk to.”
“Seeing me like what?”
“Seeing you like- well I know that no matter how much you pretend otherwise, this is killing you. I’m not stupid, Hector. Anyone with eyes could see how upset you are.”
“So, you had a BBQ for me and all your clients came? That’s even worse!”
“I said you were a friend. I didn’t give an abundance of details and your name was never brought up.”
“Because that’s so much less humiliating.”
“I was trying
to help!” Laney looked like she was going to go on the defensive, but then her eyes filled up with tears.
“That furniture wasn’t mine either. You paid me for it already. Which means that if you give me that money, I am in your debt in so many other ways.”
Laney reached up and swiped away the tears on her cheeks. “What are you talking about?” She gulped. “My debt?”
“I don’t want to be beholden to you or anyone else. I didn’t ask you to raise money for me. I never would have wanted you to do that. I wish you would have asked me first.”
“I was trying to do something nice for you! I was trying to help you!”
“I didn’t ask for help. I didn’t want help.”
“That’s pretty fucking clear. You didn’t ask, because you never would. And I can see you that you don’t want it. I can see that really plain by how angry you are with me for doing a good thing.”
“It wasn’t a good thing. You should have talked to me.”
“I knew you’d say no.”
“Then why would you do it?” Hector asked, exasperated.
“Because you need it! I didn’t think you’d ever ask for help because I already know that you’re stubborn and proud, but I thought you’d accept it to save the farm because you love it and it means so much to you.”
“It’s just a place. Maybe it’s time to move on.”
“Well… if you won’t take the money…” Laney crossed her arms over her chest. “Then you should at least take this offer. We have an opening at work. Charlotte is going to go on mat leave in a few months. We also need help in general. We’ve been thinking about it for a long time. There’s a position open if you want it. Mostly going on picks, moving furniture, doing inventory and stocking, that kind of thing. It’s a lot of heavy lifting, but it would probably be full time work. We’d pay well-”
“No. Absolutely no way.” He shook his head vehemently. If it was possible to die from shame, he was sure he’d do it straight up in that moment.
“Why not?”
“For the same reason I can’t take the money! I can’t work for you, Laney. I can’t let you create a position just because you think that I’m some kind of charity case.”
“I don’t think that, and we didn’t create it. We need someone. If we don’t hire you, I’ll find someone else.”
Hector stalked to the far side of the kitchen. He went to the stove and switched the oven off. Whatever appetite he’d had was long gone. He couldn’t even look at Laney.
“Hire someone else. I can’t work for you. I can’t even thank you for thinking of me, because it shows that you think I’m incapable of taking care of myself. It’s- it’s humiliating, to say the least. The farm isn’t your concern. You don’t have to worry about me. My problems are my own. I should never have let you get involved right now. I told you it was the worst possible time. We both knew it was going to end up in disaster, so let’s just cut it off now, before it does. I have nothing to offer and this just proves it.”
“Turn around!” Laney commanded angrily. “Turn around and face me like a man if you have something to say.”
Hector whirled. “That’s just it! By coming here tonight and trying to give me that money and offering me a job, you’ve made me less than a man. You’ve made me your project.”
“You’re not a project or a charity case. We all could use a little help now and then. I have my parents and my family and my friends. You don’t have anyone. I was trying to be there for you. If you weren’t so thick headed and stubborn you might actually see that.” Laney’s eyes blazed fire and her face turned a bright scarlet shade that he hadn’t seen before. Even when she was in a rage, she was so damn pretty.
It only made him angrier that he noticed it. That he wanted her. That the last thing he wanted to do was send her packing. He was already dependent on her in so many ways and that scared the shit out of him. Because he didn’t know what his tomorrow held. He wasn’t any good to himself, let alone her.
“This is just… it’s not going to work,” he choked out. He had to. He couldn’t let her continue to throw her life and efforts away on him. He couldn’t let her continue to think she had to provide for him, or god forbid, save him.
“Why?” Her hands went to her hips and that spark of fire grew brighter in her eyes.
“For so many reasons! I have nothing to offer. I’ve told you that before.”
“You have everything to offer. Open your eyes and see that.” Laney leveled him with an angry stare. She pointed a finger at him a second later. “You need to get through your pride issues. You need to get through the whole man needs to provide everything mindset. You’re too old school in that way. You need to work on cultivating some gratitude and some humility.”
“My gratitude and humility are just fine. You just don’t listen. And you don’t ask. You should have done both. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m done. I should never have let this get this far. I always knew I’d do it sooner or later, break it off.” He swallowed hard. He hated the way that spark of anger in her eyes changed to hurt. The way her bottom lip quivered, and she blinked hard so she wouldn’t cry. “I was actually going to tell you something tonight. I had an offer on the farm. I’m going to accept it. And when I do, I’m not staying around here. I’m going north. I found a job working on the rigs. It pays well. I’m going to take it.”
“What?” Laney’s mouth dropped open. She didn’t bother blinking away tears any longer. She let them flow freely and they were like salt in his wounds. “What the fuck, Hector! You say that I didn’t talk to you! You didn’t tell me any of this!”
“I’m telling you now. I was going to tell you when the offer was accepted, when I knew for sure.”
“So, I really mean nothing to you then? Nothing. You’d take a job so far away without even asking me or considering how I felt.”
“It’s only been a month.” He inhaled so sharply the air stung his nose and throat. He wanted to take it all back. It wasn’t true. None of it. He just couldn’t think of a way to get Laney to leave and stay away. He really wasn’t any good for her. He’d always known it. She’d softened him. He’d been weak. He wanted her and he let that want, that need, that desire, that… tenderness for her, override any good sense he might have had at one time.
“Yeah, well… I’ll tell you one thing, Hector. And it’s going to be the last thing you ever hear from me since that’s what you want. I told you that I could be an adult, and I will be. So, here it is. It might have been a month, but it meant a hell of a lot to me. And even if you’re too afraid to admit it, I know it meant something to you too.” Laney closed her hands into fists at her side. He wished she would strike him. That she’d slap him at the very least. Instead, she turned and grabbed her purse off the counter. She whirled, and he let her have the last word.
He did nothing to stop her as she stormed out of the house. He waited a minute before he walked over and gripped the counter. He needed something to ground himself, to keep him from running out and stopping Laney as she got in her vehicle. He closed his eyes and waited, panting, gasping for breath. The pain and the panic nearly dropped him to his knees.
The sound of crunching grave echoed from the driveway. Hector swayed. He was pretty sure he was going to vomit right there on the kitchen floor. Everything hurt. Every piece of him. He was well acquainted with pain and loss. He just didn’t expect that it would hurt him as deeply to lose someone he’d known for four weeks versus losing someone he’d known and loved for a lifetime. It turned out that pain was pain and what he felt rivaled what he experienced when he’d lost his grandparents.
He waited, gasping in shaky breaths, swallowing hard to push down the bile rising in the back of his throat.
A fleeting image of a worn, aged card box flashed behind his closed eyes. The letters. The rings. He’d been so scared. Scared of that box. Of what it might hold inside. Of all that it represented or might represent. Mostly, he was scared that it was nothing. That it wasn’t fr
om his parents at all. That it was costume jewelry and empty paper.
He’d been so afraid. Terrified. Just like Laney said. He’d let her go because she was right. He was too damn scared. He’d lost everyone who meant something to him. He couldn’t go through that again. Not so soon. So, he’d found a reason to push her away. She’d tried to do something nice for him. Unbelievably nice, and he’d pushed her away, hurt her, wrecked her.
Hector couldn’t get Laney back. He couldn’t change what he’d done. Even if he could, he wouldn’t. She was better off without him. He knew that for a fact, but the regret that washed over him was as bitter and acrid as the bile he’d tasted a few moments before.
But he could do one thing for himself.
Open that damn box.
CHAPTER 18
Laney
“What a dick.”
“Yeah. Seriously. Who says shit like that?”
“Asshole.”
“Prick. He wasn’t worth your time.”
“You were way too good for him.”
Despite the tears that were forming up, the lump in her throat, the stone in her heart and the lead weight in her stomach, Laney had to offer her friends a watery smile. They always had her back.
There was no one in the store at the moment. After calling in sick for the past two days, Laney knew she had to face the music. Which meant telling her friends that she hadn’t really been sick. She just couldn’t stop crying.
“Thanks. You guys are just what I needed this morning.” She offered another smile, more genuine than the first.
“I can’t believe he said those things about how you tried to help him. I would never have hurt someone like that.” Charlotte rolled her eyes. “He sounds like a child.”
“He’s not.” Even after two days of crying and battling the hurt, Laney still felt the urge to defend Hector. “He’s just stubborn. Set in his ways. Old school I guess. That’s what he said. He did try and explain to me, in the end, why he felt the way he did. I think so. I don’t know.” She shook her head and blinked away tears for the millionth time. “He was raised by his grandparents and they were old. He’s been through a lot. And I know how hard he worked and how much pride he has. Don’t all men?”