by Anne Malcom
“I am yours.” I managed to whisper.
That’s all he needed to hear and no more words were spoken.
We were finished, Cade was still on top of me, still inside me. I was taking awhile to come down from my high, relishing in having Cade back in my bed, even two nights without him was hard. Uh oh, this was not good, I seriously liked this guy, but luckily by the way he was looking at me I think he kind of liked me too.
“Didn’t like being away from you Gwen.” Cade was obviously thinking the same thing as me.
“Specially didn’t like being away from this.” His eyes moved down to where we were still connected.
“So you just want me for my body.” I joked light heartedly.
His eyes turned serious. “I want you for a fuck load more than that baby.”
Butterflies flew in my stomach at his words, and a happy glow came over me.
He stroked my face, pushing inside me even further. I let out a soft moan.
“Again?” I whispered disbelievingly, we had had a lot of sex over the last 12 hours.
“Again.” Is all Cade said before he turned me on my stomach and proceeded to rock my world.
After our second batch of love making I went to the bathroom to clean myself up and to make sure I don’t look like Medusa. I cringed when I saw my reflection. My face was slightly red, burnt from the sun and flushed from sex, my hair was a massive rats nest. Cade must like me if he still wants to have sex with me when I looked like this. I smiled to myself, splashing some water on my face before entering my room. Cade was sitting up, sheets to his waist, perfect body on display, he was scowling with his phone at his ear.
“I don’t fuckin care Steg, we scheduled the meet for this afternoon and that’s when its going to happen.” He bit into the phone, looking seriously pissed. He paused, obviously listening to his President’s reply.
“Yeah well they should’ve thought of that before the peddled their product on our turf. I’m not standing for that.” Cade glanced at me, and his frown deepened.
He listened a bit more. “We will address that issue at church. But this afternoon we are going to make sure those bastards know where we stand and make sure they won’t do it again. We need to send a message. Not talking about this anymore.” He hung up without a goodbye.
I glanced at the beside table where his gun was resting. I wasn’t too happy to have a weapon in the house, much less so close to where I slept, but I hadn’t said anything the nights I had spent with Cade because we were at his house. When I did question why he had a handgun, he had just raised an eyebrow at me and declared he had a permit and it was for protection. He didn’t elaborate.
We hadn’t yet talked about his role in the club. I bit my lip, realizing I needed to know it all, I wasn’t having another relationship where I was kept in the dark up until I watched a man die in front of me. Cade noticed the look on his face at hearing his conversation and watched me carefully.
“Gwen come here.” He ordered.
I ignored him, crossing my arms and leaned against the doorframe.
“Who are the ‘bastards’ that you are sending a message to?” I asked quietly.
“Come here baby.” Cade repeated, not answering my question.
“I’m guessing this message might be made with the help of that.” I pointed my head towards his gun.
“Fuckin hell.” Cade breathed, throwing the covers back and prowling up to me, boxing me in against the doorframe.
“You never do what I say.” He stated roughly.
“You never answer my questions.” I shot back. “Cade it has to be full disclosure with me, I can’t be one of those women who doesn’t question where her man has been, why he carries a weapon. I’ve been one of those women. Didn’t work out so hot.”
Cade’s eyes darkened and I felt his fury. I know he hated what happened to me, I didn’t like to throw it in his face but he needed to understand.
“Shit baby. You’re not going to like what I have to say, the club ain’t boy scouts.” “I figured that.” I replied. “Full disclosure Cade.”
He stared at me a beat then pushed away from the door, running his hand through his hair, I tried not to get distracted by his naked body and I managed. Barely. He pulled me to him, directing both of us back onto the bed. He then positioned me atop of him so I was straddling him and he sat up, hands circling my body.
“This might make you reconsider things between us.” Cade told me seriously, expression grave.
“It would take a lot to make me want to walk away from you.” I whispered and his eyes flared.
He sighed then started talking. “The MC was founded by my grandfather and a couple of his buddies when they got back from Vietnam.” He began.
I was already surprised, I don’t know much about club politics but knowing he was the grandson of one of the club’s founding members made him pretty important.
“Think they were lost after the war, didn’t come from the best families, they were brothers. Maybe not in blood but they were brothers. The war changed them, they came back, didn’t know where they fit back into the normal world. They definitely weren’t cut out for 9 to 5 jobs. So the formed the Son’s, with the garage for a start, they then moved into other areas, they also ran and sold guns.”
Cade watched me closely, his arms were tight around me, as though he was preparing for me to try and run from the room. I stayed put. I was shocked, I didn’t expect the club to be law abiding citizens, but running guns? That shit was serious. And dangerous.
“They made alliances with some heavy hitters, made a lot of money, and made name for themselves. They were liked around town though, people respected my father, they felt protected by the club. You see even though they were breaking the law, anything that happened in Amber was under their watch. They didn’t stand for drugs, the town was kept safe from shit spilling from the big cities.”
He was trying to convince me that even though they were criminals they still cared about their town.
“My father was good friends with the sheriff, Bill. Crawford’s father.”
I raised my eyebrows, well shit. Both boy’s followed in their father’s footsteps. And a sheriff, friends with a member of an outlaw motorcycle gang?
“Bill knew the club was up to shit, but turned a blind eye, as long as shit didn’t spill into his town, there was an uneasy understanding. So the club grew, more brothers joined, got charters around the country. I watched the club grow, all I wanted to do was get patched in, soon as I could. Then shit went down with the Spider’s, a rival gang who didn’t like the Son’s controlling a big portion of weapon sales in the East Cost.”
Whoa, that sounded serious. I thought about the damage those guns did, killing people, widowing women like Rosa. My jaw hardened.
Cade noticed, his body stiffening but he carried on.
“Things came to a head when I was fifteen, a year off being able to prospect with the club. The Spider’s attacked the club when they were on a run, hell of a firefight, my father was killed among others.” Cade spoke clinically, his voice emotionless.
I saw that it still hurt him though, those wounds hadn’t healed.
I stroked his face softly. “I’m so sorry honey.” I whispered.
“Long time ago Gwen, I’m good with it.” He lied. “Anyway, with my father dead and me being too young to take over the club, Steg stepped up. He was my father’s best friend. Ruthless bastard, but I respected him, hell I looked up to all the brothers. He was power hungry though, shit still is. Some of the brothers were hesitant about keeping in the gun business after loosing friends.” He looked at me, I nodded to keep him going.
“Others wanted revenge. I admit, I was a fucked up teenager full of anger, I wanted to kill everyone of those motherfuckers. Steg’s a real smooth talker, he kept everyone in the business, the money was too sweet anyway. He took me and Rosie in, looked after us, as well as he could.”
I was surprised at this, there was obviously some
thing going on between them now, Cade didn’t seem to be feeling the love for his fathers best friend.
“What about your mother?” I asked carefully, remembering the woman in the photo.
Cade laughed coldly. “She took off when Rosie was two, wasn’t cut out for being a mother. Held her down too much, at least that’s what she told me.”
“Shit.” I whispered, feeling sad for Cade, not being able to imagine not having a loving devoted mother.
“Don’t pity me babe.” Cade growled, face hard.
“She was a crappy mother, did us a favor by leaving. Rosie suffered not having a woman around but Dad did his best. She still comes to town every now and then. My mother. Stays for a couple of weeks then takes off.”
He looked at me. “We’re not talking about my family history though. You want to know about the club. What we do.”
I gulped, I did want to know about his family, but I needed to know about the club first. Needed to know if I could handle being around to learn about his family.
“Do you still run guns?” I asked, voice small.
Cades face was stony. “Yeah babe we do.”
My stomach dropped and I felt dread creep up my throat. Could I deal with that?
Cade took my face in his hands, his eyes searching mine.
“Trying to get away from the guns babe, few of the brothers like the money but not to keen on the risk, especially after Laurie.”
I flinched at the mention of Laurie. “That was because of the guns?” I asked, wondering if I would get the honest answer.
Cade seemed to be contemplating what to say before reaching a decision.
“Mostly, yes. Spider’s have always hated us, but things picked up when we tried to cut in on some of their customers.”
So many thoughts were running through my mind at the moment I didn’t know where to begin to process this.
“We are going to go legit Gwen,” Cade promised. “Been trying to get the club to do it for years, most of the reason behind the boys sticking with the guns is the money, so I’ve been acquiring legitimate businesses owned by the club to get us some of the same income. Garage does well in its own right.”
I was intrigued. “What other businesses does the club own?”
“Valentines for one.”
Wow that was a surprise, a classy joint like that being owned by bikers, that made me smile.
Cade’s expression lightened a bit. “Yeah that was Lucky’s idea, fucking goldmine that place.”
“What else?” My mind was ticking over, wondering about the sincerity to his words.
“Couple of bars and a strip club next town over.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Strip club?”
“Yeah babe.” His face was blank as if telling your girlfriend you owned a strip club was as normal as telling her you liked Vin Diesel movies.
“Just a strip club? Or does it specialize in happy endings?” My voice was dangerous.
“Don’t peddle pussy babe, strictly stripping.” Cade’s voice had an edge, like he was almost finding my reaction amusing.
“How involved are you in the running of this club?” I asked, trying not to sound like a crazy jealous girlfriend. But I was feeling like taking a drive to this strip club and burning it to the ground. Or at least checking it out.
Cade smirked, definitely finding this part of the conversation amusing.
“I check in every now and then, take care of the books and most of the security side of things.” His eyes were twinkling.
I didn’t say anything else, chewing all of this information over. So not only was my boyfriend selling weapons, he also ‘checked in’ on a strip club. And looking like him I bet he got a fair share on attention. But I was focusing on the wrong bit of information, owning a strip club wasn’t against the law, but selling guns on the black market sure as fuck was, those guns weren’t used for good deeds.
“Babe.” Cade’s voice brought me out of my head and I saw an almost worried look in his eyes. Strange, he always seemed so under control, but he seemed rattled.
“Give me a second.”
I didn’t move off him, I doubt he would let me anyway, his arms were tight around me, bordering on painful, relying some emotions he wouldn’t verbalize, he was scared of losing me. I thought about the reality of what he did, aside from it potentially landing him in prison for a long time, it also put him in a huge amount of danger. I already worried sick about Ian, now my mind would be constantly wondering if my boyfriend was going to be arrested or shot. He said he wanted to get out of the business, he sounded like he meant it, the look of disgust while he was explaining it convinced me. But how long would that take? And I’m sure not all of his brothers would be happy with that idea. Plus I’m pretty sure you couldn’t just inform dangerous people, ‘Sorry we don’t want to sell you guns anymore, don’t worry we won’t tell anyone about your illegal activities, as long as you keep us off your Christmas card list.
I bit my lip. Shit!! I really knew how to pick them. I felt Cade’s fingers softly brush my mouth.
“Hard for me to concentrate on not claiming that mouth when you do that baby.” Cade said softly, eyes intent on mine.
I felt down to my bones, that this was special. What we had, it was not something you threw away easily, we seemed to be moving at warp speed, which felt insane and right at the same time.
“You’re serious about getting rid of the guns?” I whispered.
“Never been more serious about anything in my life.” His hand circled my neck. “Well until recently.” He added.
My heart leapt at the statement but I needed to know. “How long will it take?”
Cade paused before answering. “Don’t know babe, been working my angle for a while now, making progress. But this shit moves slow, it’s hard to get these men to see some different way of life when this is all the now.”
“Ballpark.” I demanded.
Cade sighed. “A year, at the most. Things are already in motion.”
I contemplated this. Would Cade and I be together in a year? My heart told me yes, my head didn’t know what to think.
“Planning on you being in my life for a while Gwen, you will be around when the club turns legit.” He said firmly. “If you decide this doesn’t change anything. I want you, like I’ve never wanted anything in my life, I want to make sure every fucker in the world knows you’re my Old Lady, that no other asshole will touch you. I don’t want this shit with the club to taint you, to jeopardies us.”
“Old Lady?” I repeated quietly, knowing the meaning behind that term, the commitment it represented.
Cade brushed my hair back, his eyes never leaving mine. “Yeah Gwen.”
Wow, I thought it took a lot for biker men to commit, and Cade was slotting me in long term like it was just natural. I wanted to be in there, but I didn’t know if I could accept what the club was doing. The club was a part of him, and he wouldn’t leave it if I couldn’t deal. Could I handle this? I could hardly handle a couple of days without Cade, could I stand living in this this town, no doubt seeing him everywhere if I couldn’t get right with this? I was probably going to regret this decision, you’d think I’d know better with my past. But I didn’t.
“Those guns you sell, they kill people, innocent people.” I whispered.
Cade’s eyes were hard on me. “Don’t pull the trigger babe, people get killed with or without guns.”
“Guns make it a heck of a lot easier when ending someone’s life only takes a second.” I argued softly.
Cade ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. He roughly lifted me off him, jumping off the bed to pace the room. He turned back to me.
“Don’t think it doesn’t weigh on me Gwen, what those guns do to people, whose hands I put them into. I think about all the god damn time. FUCK!”
His voice ended on a yell, it was hard to watch, seeing this kind of emotion on my usually staunch man.
I didn’t say a word, conflicted emotions were
stewing in the pit of my stomach.
“I may be involved in this shit now baby but I swear I’m going to get out. The club will never be squeaky clean, and I’m never going to put on a suit and chain myself for an office from nine to five. That’s not me. The club is in my blood, riding bikes it’s in my blood.” His voice radiated passion, his expression fierce, eyes not leaving mine.
“The club may be in muddy waters now, but I’m going to make sure the way I earn a living, the way I provide for my family doesn’t involve me being shot at, or facing a long stay in the state penitentiary.”
I sat at the edge of the bed, taking all of this in. And shit was this a lot to take in on a Monday morning after we had just made up and I was still nursing a hangover.
Cade knelt before me, hand at my neck. “Like I said babe, this has been brewing for awhile, but the moment I saw you, hands full of bags, all class, down to your fucking shoes. I knew.”
I looked at him intently. “Knew what?”
“That I had to get out of the guns, get out of that life, get away from the bitterness that I tasted on my tongue. So I could have sweet.”
Shit. What do you say to that? My forehead pressed against Cade’s.
“A year.” I whispered, that’s what I would wait.
Cade’s eyes flared in surprise, and his whole body seemed to relax.
“I can’t be in the dark about what you do in your life Cade. I know there are Old Ladies that know nothing and like it that way. I also know its an all or nothing kind of gig.”
I had so many other things I want to say, what happened if he went to prison? What if he got killed? What kind of accessory did that make me? Knowing what the club does and doing nothing about it. A year was a long time to have to deal. But the way Cade was looking at me know, what I felt when he touched me, when he spoke beautiful words in his gruff tone, I had to at least try, or I would be wondering for the rest of my life.
Cade sighed. “I know baby. I won’t tell you anything that would even get you close to danger. You get the bare minimum, I don’t like the thought of one ounce of that shit tainting you. But I won’t lie to you.” He promised, and I knew he meant it.