by SP Durnin
“Thanks a lot.” He drolled.
Bee demanded. “What, like guys don’t think about doing the deed every thirty seconds?”
“Every nine, if you want to get technical. At least according to the last issue of Maxim.” Leo went back to searching the fence line. “That was about six months ago though, so that amount of time might have reduced...”
“Like I was saying: you I can understand, but it’s not just you. It’s everybody. Even Uncle George, for Christ sake.”
Elle and Leo shared a glance. “Was he…? Um. Did he have something with Penny? You know, before she died?” He asked.
That earned him a quizzical look from Bee that quickly turned into one of revulsion. “Yeah, not so much. And Ew! He’s old enough to be her dad! Her granddad! Thanks for that awesome mental image. I’ll have to scrub out my frontal lobe out with Borax later. No, I’m pretty sure he and Rae have bumped ugly, at least once.”
“Well, shit,” Elle said. “You’d think that would’ve mellowed the pair of them out, wouldn’t you? But they’ve been verbally sniping at one-another, just like normal.”
Bee snorted. “That’ll never change. Let’s face it: Rae’s kind’a snooty, and my uncle’s set in his ways. And crotchety besides. Neither one is going to give an inch. And why would you think he and Penny were a couple?”
“Well,” Leo lowered his spotting glasses, “I didn’t at first. Originally I thought she and Kat might be kind of together and just keeping it quiet. But then Jake and Kat seemed to have some kind of epiphany I guess, and started getting close. After he finally recovered, I mean.”
After a moment’s consideration, Bee shrugged. “Okay, yeah. I can see why you’d think that. Penny did have a thing for her for a minute, but it wasn’t mutual so she didn’t pursue it further. For which I’m very happy.”
“Why?” Leo asked.
“I’d have never had a chance if she and Kat had hooked up.”
That earned her a pair of surprised looks.
“What? I was in college when Doomsday came down the pipe, remember? If there’s ever a time to try different things, that’s it! Besides, Carson—God rest her soul—was super-duper fine and boy, could she do some interesting things with her—”
Elle cut her off gently. “Most of us have good memories of Penny. She was cool, after she ditched her old group, that is. But please, see that twenty-year-old guy next to you? Try not to blow his brain up. I don’t think Doc Barker could save him if he has an aneurism.”
Leo was lying there staring at Bee. “That’s hot.”
“Seriously?”
“Super-hot.” He confirmed.
And impish smile grew on her face. “I thought so too. Honestly? I’d have hit that like it was my career even before the whole zombie thing. Did you know Penny had both nipples pierced a few years back? You can do all kinds of interesting things with those.”
Salazar’s eyes looked as big as dinner plates. He tried not to glance back and forth between Elle and the pretty younger woman, but failed monumentally. You could all but hear the cogs in his head turning experimentally.
Elle sighed as she looked through her rifle scope. “I might consider it. Maybe. We’ll talk.”
* * *
A few hours later, Rae’s Hummer rolled up to the airport gate.
Foster was waiting for them on the inside. He’d trotted down to the entrance with Mooney and Gwen in tow to open the trio of padlocks he’d used to secure the gate, visibly pissed off and none too quiet.
“What the fuck took you two dipshits so long?!” He all but screamed at them as Jake revved the vehicle’s engine and pulled through.
“Hi George!” Kat half-hung out the window, waving at him with an enormous smile and way too much enthusiasm. She knew her “Vapid Vixen” act grated on Foster’s nerves and determined to play it to its fullest. “Hey, Gwen! Chuck! Did you miss us?”
“Not in the least.” Mooney’s face didn’t match his reply. Relief was plain on the older man’s features. “Didn’t even notice you’d gone on holiday.”
Gwen slapped Mooney’s arm and jumped on the Humvee’s running board to embrace Kat through the window. “Ignore him. We do. Holy crap, I can’t believe you guys are here! How the hell did you survive?”
“Meh. It was easy.” Kat went for nonchalant.
“Says the woman who didn’t get beat up by a stinking river.” Jake called from the driver’s seat. “Hop on.”
While Mooney made for the back seat, Gwen and George chose to remain on the running boards, enjoying the breeze as it cut the humidity of the humid July air while they motored into the airport. After venturing through the foliage, O’Connor took a hard left onto the (relatively) clear expanse of the runway. The Screamin’ Mimi and tour bus that housed the remaining survivors of Langley were parked at the far end.
“Damn, there’s a welcome sight.” Jake pulled to a stop beside the Mimi’s rear access hatch. “Wait… Where’s the other bus?”
After shutting down the engine, then allowing the others to dismount before opening doors, Jake and Kat leapt from their mechanical savior, eager to reunite with the rest of their friends.
As O’Connor reached to shake Foster’s hand, the grungy old sailor cocked back his left arm and planted a hearty fist against the side his face. The same one that was still swollen from being struck by a rock or log in the Neosho River.
Caught totally flat-footed, Jake forcibly hit the surface of the runway with his backside. He sat there stunned, swaying a bit and quite literally watching a Milky Way’s worth of stars circle his much abused melon, Cho moved around the front of their ride and proceeded to give George a dressing down. While Jake couldn’t have told someone what she said later—because he’d just had his bell rung in a very thorough way—as he sat there, he could see Kat shaking one finger in Foster’s face. Her own was a tower of anger as she screamed at him, likely letting the older man know Jake still wasn’t even close to one-hundred percent due to his most recent round of injuries and saving her life. Jake groggily realized she was even more desirable when she was mad. Her nose scrunched up prettily, her dark eyes blazed, and her face was flushed with emotion while she read George the riot act. He’d never seen a more beautiful sight.
He’d make it a point to tell her how attractive she was just then, later. Once he was sure his head wouldn’t fall off if he attempted to rise.
Or speak.
Or think too loudly.
Finally, George said something O’Connor couldn’t understand, then held both palms up in a placating gesture that seemed to satisfy Cho, even though she was still fuming as the two of them moved to help O’Connor from the pavement.
“…that again, and I’ll kick you in the dangly bits so hard your old girlfriends will feel it!” she growled at him.
Foster was unimpressed. “Whatever you say, China-doll.”
“Wa…th…hll…?” Jake was doing his best to keep his head still and that meant not moving his jaw much. Understandably, his speech suffered a bit for it. “Ew pik.”
George steadied him by the shoulders. “Okay. Yes, I’m a prick. Glad ya’ have a firm grip on the obvious there, boy. And believe you me: ya’ ain’t the first fella to express that opinion.”
Foster stepped forward and took Jake into an awkward hug while Kat and the others looked on in surprise. Their High Lord of Deeds Dirty wasn’t very touchy-feely with any of their group, and especially not the other male members. It had nothing to do with him being Homophobic, because George wasn’t. He’d proven that when the now-missing Henry Sampson had joined up with their party, right after Jake had almost died. George had accepted the man outright, even after Sampson had informed the others that he was gay. Foster had merely shrugged his revelation off. Considering the popular, ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy of the United States Military, Rae had wondered why.
You really think I give two shits if a guy in the fox-hole next ta’ me likes women or guys, as long as he carries me if—or when—I catc
h a bullet? George had asked, calmly puffing away on his ever-present cigar. Gimme a break…
When Foster let him go, Jake was more than a bit leery. “Have you been drinking?”
“Not enough ta’ make a difference.” George shrugged and slapped the younger man upside the back of his head. “Ya’ need to quit with these death-defying field trips a yers, boy. I’m getting’ on in years. My nerves ain’t what they used ta’ be.”
Jake nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. Believe me, I’ve had enough of that kind of thing to last a lifetime. Speaking of which. Any trouble since you got here?”
“Nope,” Foster shoved his stogie back into place as their friends began approaching at flank speed, “It was a little tense for a while right after we made with the assholes an’ elbows outta Langley, but nothing major. Yet. We need ta’ talk, me, you, Cho, an’ Hot-Rod once she’s free, for a bit.”
The next minutes were a rife with some energetic embraces and a few moist eyes, especially on Gwen Harker and Beatrix Foster’s part. They were quite close with Kat—unlike Rae—and the three of them moved off from the gathering crowd. Jake noticed a number of evaluating looks being tossed his way from their little threesome, along with not a few naughty and knowing smiles, so he could imagine what Kat was telling them. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what the trio were discussing as Leo and Elle both latched onto him, laughing with relief over witnessing O’Connor cheat death yet again, but he didn’t mind. While it was nice when in a new relationship to keep it private and special for a time, their situation was rather different from the norm.
Traveling across a country in a gigantic, pink, war-wagon, fighting lunatics, deluded slavers, and zombies for fucks sake? And this can be considered the new normal? Jake thought, attempting to disengage himself from Elle’s forceful bear-hug. His ribs weren’t feeling so hot, and she was strong for her size. If that’s the case, I should be happy we’re all still sane. Well. Some of us anyway.
Finally managing to beg a little quiet time after everyone finished rushing up to say So Glad You’re Not Dead, O’Connor pulled Cho away from the group to follow George into the depths of the Mimi. As they passed the first armored hatch into the middle compartment, he glanced right into the vehicle’s single-gurney med station. While Rae and Gwen had long since cleaned and sterilized the small bay as best they could, there was still a large, brown discoloration on the upper left side. He paused to gaze at it until Cho tugged him gently onward.
“That’s me,” he responded to her questioning look, “All over the gurney, I mean.”
Kat didn’t like his expression. “Are you, you know, starting to remember any of it?”
Jake shook his head, eyes still on the stain. “Nothing. After what happened in the Purifier’s transformer yard it’s all still just a blank. Right up until I almost tuned you into roadkill on the running track in Langley.”
“Your memory might come back eventually.” Rae waited for them at the only small table within the vehicle, attached to the port side just before the hatch to the Mimi’s drive module, “That happens sometimes after people have been through serious trauma, but I can’t say for sure if that will be the case with you. Barker might know. I take it our resident blabbermouth spilled the beans about what went on during those weeks?”
“I got the highlights,” Jake pointedly ignored the look Cho shot Foster’s counterpart and gingerly plunked into one of the seats. He just hoped he wouldn’t have to keep Kat from going for Rae’s throat. “Unless you guys saw a UFO land and start puking out aliens or something? No werewolf or vampire attacks? Any Bigfoot encounters, or people freaking out because they think they saw the Slender Man? No? Still just zombies, right? Good. Everything else can wait. All I want to do right now is lie down for about sixteen hours. I know it’s only noon, but after the last few days out there on our own I really need a breather. But first, where the hell are Henry and Bus Two?”
“We don’t know. Bus One stalled right after we made it to the end of Pensacola Dam and we had to stop the Mimi to make a fast repair. Thank the Good Lord for duct tape and Gorilla Glue.” Rae stretched her arms up over her head as she spoke, arching her back and unconsciously thrusting her more-than-ample bosom forward. “One of the battery leads must have been frayed, because it had split completely. Fastest splice job I’ve ever done, let me tell you… But, I guess the driver on Bus Two was paying attention to the road and not his rear-view. They’d jumped the gun and were out of sight before we got One rolling again, and we just weren’t able to catch up. We think they might have taken a wrong turn at a crossroad, but there’s no way to tell which one. Or even if that’s what happened. They may have just missed the airport and are way ahead of us. It seems we’re still in that ‘dead zone’—no pun intended—though. We can transmit on the radio just fine, but we haven’t received anything but static.”
Jake leaned his elbows on the table and massaged his temples with one hand as Cho leaned against the back of his seat. “Shit. And we don’t really have enough vehicles, or people who can handle themselves for that matter, for a search. Not when we’ve got the other half of Langley to babysit.”
“They’re on their own fer now. Just hope Sampson is as much of a badass as I think he is, cause we gotta pull up stakes by tomorrow morning at the latest. Wreckin’ Pencecola bought us some time, but that fucker Hess will be lookin’ for another way around. And if we know about Pecos, it’s a pretty good bet he does too. We gotta’ get there fast, an’ not just because it’s the only secure spot this side of the Rockies. We need ta’ warn ‘em about that prick an’ his pack a’ butt-buddies.” George flicked the excess ash from the end of his cigar.
“You think he’ll attack them?” Jake had briefly worried about the very same thing while they’d been paddling down the Neosho.
Foster’s eyes were far away as he answered. “It’s what I’d do.”
The other three sat in silence for a minute or two digesting that comment.
“George?” Kat looked warily at him. “Have I told lately that you are one seriously scary old man?”
The old man favored her with a tight grin. “That’s why I got paid so good back in my days with the navy, girl. It wasn’t in my job description to ‘give peace a chance,’ or find ‘humane solutions’ to an issue. Once the brass gave me the go-ahead an’ opened up the door a’ my cage, most times the problems I had ta’ solve with were either: There is an international crisis that must be dealt with, now!, or How The Hell Did They Get Biological Weapons?!?, or Don’t worry. That thing will only stomp MOST of Tokyo flat. They can rebuild it.”
Kat perked up. “Wait… What?”
“No, it wasn’t that stupid-ass giant lizard.” Foster growled. “He’d have been preferable, if ya’ want me ta’ be honest. Let’s just say we should all thank our lucky stars, daily, that we killed that thing dead back on August ninth, 1945.”
Kat noticed Jake had gone pale when he heard that date. “Wait a minute… Wasn’t that…”
“The day they dropped Fat Man on Nagasaki.” George told her easily. “It was a desperation move. Honestly, none of us could believe it when that ugly fuck reared its head again. Thought fer sure we’d taken care of it back on the sixth, but…”
“Hiroshima. Holy. Fucking. Shit.” Jake looked ill.
Mouth hanging open, Kat demanded, “Are you actually saying the United States dropped two nuclear warheads in World War II because…?!”
“Let us not go there, please.” Jake put his face in both hands. “I can feel a stroke coming on. And I really, really just don’t want to know. Ever. I’m serious, the both of you. Besides, right now we have other problems.”
“But…” Cho began.
“Kat! Please?”
Kat sniffed and pouted. “Oh, fine! …But George? You and I are going to talk about that, after we reach Pecos.”
Realizing that’s the best he could hope for, Jake pressed on. “Alright. I hate it, but we’ll leave at first light. Georg
e? Can you talk with the rest of our group? Elle, Leo, Kat, and I work well together, so we’ll scout ahead with the Hummer. You, Bee, Rae, Gwen, and Barker will crew the Mimi. The doc should be close to our med bay—such as it is—just in case anyone needs care, and Rae and Bee are the most schooled on the Mimi’s systems, so you three should be able to make her dance for us if need be. Have Gwen’s boyfriend take charge of Bus One with Mooney. That should keep him occupied and out of trouble. Now, if there aren’t any other fires that need my immediate attention, I’m passing out in one of the bunks. Nobody wake me unless we’re attacked or something…”
-CHAPTER FOUR-
The next week, as Beatrix put it later, ‘Sucked collective donkey balls.’
Each day, O’Connor left wherever they’d camped in the wee hours of the morning with Cho, Elle, and Leo in their Hummer, while George and the rest of their friends followed in their wake—roughly an hour behind in the Screamin Mimi—trailed quite closely by Bus One. This gave his team enough time to scout passible routes for the larger transports, allowing them to bypass many roadways clogged by half-burned pile-ups or simply abandoned cars, and—more importantly—areas thick with the ever-present mobile corpses.
There were lots of the latter.
Every time they approached a small townships or even isolated farms for that matter, Jake and his friends hoped to encounter signs, any sign at all, of other survivors.
All they found was death.
Homes with bashed in doors. Gas stations and Quickie Marts, their fronts resembling the ragged maws of enormous lampreys due to having their windows smashed out. Whether the destruction was caused by people attempting to obtain supplies while fleeing the rising dead during the initial outbreak, or the creatures themselves as they searched endlessly for living prey, it was nearly impossible to tell. All the wreckage and soot covering many of the remaining structures they passed caused Elle to have mental flashes of her time in ‘The Sandbox.’ She shuddered inwardly at each such occurrence then ran quick fingers over all her various weapons, just to insure they remained accessible. Occasionally, her hand reached for Leo. The younger man didn’t comment at these momentary displays of humanity on the part his normally hard-charging bombshell. He simply squeezed her hand back with his own and continued watching their surroundings.