Keep Your Crowbar Handy (Book 4): Death and Taxes

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Keep Your Crowbar Handy (Book 4): Death and Taxes Page 27

by SP Durnin


  “I wanted to go with him.” Allan grumbled.

  He and Maggie stood with the Gertrude Jennings to her right on the container, all holding their weapons of choice. Even Gertie. The aging woman had insisted upon joining the defenders’ ranks, claiming she wouldn’t survive either unless they denied the creatures entry into the enclave. No one could refute that, and her resolve prompted many unlikely survivors to take up arms, too.

  “He knows what he’s doing.” She patted the slim man’s hand with her own. “Jake has always gone his own way. You know that. The pair of you have been thick as thieves since before either of you discovered girls weren’t ‘cootie factories.’”

  That earned her a small grin from Ryker. “Yeah. I just wish I was there to watch his back. I know he managed some crazy things getting here—and since his arrival—but this… This one is over the top, even for us.”

  “You don’t think it’ll work?” His muscular lover passed one hand through her blonde hair.

  “Oh, it’ll work.” Ryker cocked his head to one side. “The physics are sound. I went over them with Rae, twice. We’ll have one hell of a clean-up job afterwards, and it’s going to really disgusting, but it’ll work.”

  Gertie looked out at the horde. “So long as Jake the others don’t get boxed in, somehow. George made it very clear that when the time comes, were to do whatever it takes. Even if they don’t manage to get clear.”

  The redhead hoped it wouldn’t come to that. If his insane plan to save their collective asses succeeded, Pecos would erect a memorial in honor of her dead sister’s sad-eyed lover. The level of discomfort on Jake’s face—upon witnessing himself, emblazoned life-size in bronze at the front of the high school—would be a sight worth seeing. Willow had no doubt that in the fullness of time it would happen, and was quite looking forward to it if all went as planned.

  Because it would take a real hero—or a madman—to pull this off.

  * * *

  “I love you.”

  O’Connor looked at where Cho lay stretched easily out beside him. “I know.”

  “Seriously?” She laughed quietly. “You’re dropping Star Wars quotes? At a time like this? You’re really lucky I like a man who isn’t afraid to let his geek flag fly.”

  He put his binoculars on the lip of the water tower they hid upon, far outside the barrier. It was right across from the abandoned Reeves County Community Center and Pecos High School, and Rae’s Humvee sat parked right below it. From that height, they had a clear view all the way down 10th Street to the sanctuary wall. “This from someone who—or so I’m told—before the apocalypse owned every single episode of Dragonball Z and Inuyasha on Blu-Ray? Even the full length movies?”

  “Don’t down my cartoons, hater. I’ll cut you off.” Kat nudged him with an elbow. “Why do you think I took up ninjitsu in the first place? Because mom and dad told me to? Pah-lease. I wanted to be a glamorous, katana-wielding, drop-dead sexy total ninja-babe since before I could buckle my own boots. You should be thankful I succeeded.”

  “Oh, I am. Especially when you dig out the schoolgirl uniform and put on your librarian glasses.”

  Kat frowned. “I don’t have a schoolgirl outfit.”

  “Really? I could have sworn…” Jake considered it for a moment. “Oh, wait. That was only in my head. We’ll work on getting you one, once we get to the coast.”

  “Perv. And while we’re on the subject, what makes you think I’d be into it?”

  “I’ve got my kilt in the Mimi, you know.” He went back to studying the dead. “Stuffed it into my Alice pack, when got back from retrieving Laurel, Maggie, and the girls in Columbus. Ever seen me wear it? Without a shirt? In combat boots?”

  You could all but see the drool running down Kat’s chin as she processed that mental image. “You wear that, and consider me your very own, short skirt-wearing Japanese co-ed. Hell, I’ll walk around in nothing but dental floss and a pair of Band-aids for a good looking Celt in a man-skirt of his own.”

  “Kilt, you heathen. Not ‘skirt.’” O’Connor grinned and passed her his binoculars. “And we’ll discuss that one, later. How’s it looking to the north?”

  Giving the area a once-over, Kat didn’t look happy. “There are a lot of them up there. I mean, a lot a lot. But they seem to be everywhere now. What about the south?”

  “Well, Rae said the southern group was smaller, but you sure couldn’t tell by looking at it.” He took the binoculars back and scanned along the Pecos wall. “They’re beginning to spread north along the barrier. I’d say give it maybe an hour or so, and we won’t have two hordes. It’ll just be one big mass of zombies around town.”

  O’Connor rolled to lie face-up on the metal. Their situation was precarious, yes, but the sun-warmed surface felt good against his back. Cho scooched closer to press herself against his left side and slid an arm over his ribs. She lowered her head until her cheek rested in the hollow between his shoulder and pectoral muscle, contently.

  “Where do you see us in five years?” She asked suddenly.

  That was an odd question for the moment. “You mean if we don’t get chomped by these ghouls? Why do you ask?” Jake frowned.

  “Just thinking.” Kat seemed depressed. “I need… Well, I want to know if you see us as still being ‘us.’ I mean, everything will be so different. The Safe Zone is protected, so we shouldn’t have to fight zombies all the time, and the others will want to build lives as best they can. After Gwen and Mark get hitched, he, George and Rae will go back to the military, I’m sure. Bee likely will too. She’s too good with that sniper rifle, and she is related to George. Allan and Maggie will head up to Alaska to find his family. Henry’s already planning on going to work with the reconstruction crews he’s learned about, building zombie-safe locations for communities. And be running all the crews in under a year, if I know him.”

  “What am I planning on doing, you mean? Don’t have a clue. There are bound to be openings on the Intelligence side of things in the Safe Zone I’m qualified for. Coordinating defensive operations, advising and helping to supply expedition teams before they head out, things of that sort. Might be boring sometimes, but I’d rather castrate myself—with a rock—than ever come east again. I doubt there’s any great need for ghost-writers, or guys who used to edit cookbooks, so my options might be thin on the ground.”

  Kat shook her head slightly. “That’s not it. Once we get over the Rockies, there won’t be any reason for us all to stick together. Everyone’s will end up going their separate ways, and… Well.”

  “So you think I might, too?”

  She hid her face against Jake’s chest.

  “You’re not going to be alone,” he told her firmly. “I meant what I told you in the Mimi, the night you sang with Ted and the band. While I sometimes think you’re crazy as a bag full of ferrets…who’ve been doped up on a kilo of meth…that’s not going to change. I’m yours, Kat. Always. That means; where you go, I go. Seems I recall an extremely stubborn, and drop-dead sexy, total ninja-babe saying something along those lines to me, a while back. So, unless something’s changed for you since then…”

  She moved closer and squeezed her arms around him tightly. “Not even remotely. Darn it. See? Now I’m getting all girly. Stupid gaijin, making me cry.”

  “I promise not to tell anyone.” He wrapped one arm over her shoulders. “Now that we’ve got that settled, what were your plans for when we make it west?”

  Cho gave a giggle. “I’ll say this. There’s no chance in hell I’ll go back to being a pharmacy tech. No. Way. Anyone who got all snooty with me at the counter would have all their vital organs removed. In alphabetical order.”

  Remembering she’d wanted to do just that to a customer the day they’d first met, Jake snorted and kept his laughter quiet. There were zombies about, after all. “So?”

  “You mean after I jump your bones till they rattle?” Kat asked, mischievously using one hand to wiggle his belt buckle. “I’ve got a fe
w ideas. And I’m not kidding about that first part, hero.”

  O’Connor smiled. “Never knew you when you were.”

  “Some free advice? You’ll want to rest up.” She let go of his belt and traced the waistband of his pants with one finger. “Seriously. If I’m still able to walk the next day, there will be spankings. We’ll just have to keep on practicing till we get it right at that point.”

  “God, you are so evil. I like that.”

  “Oh, you have no idea. Really. There could be scars.” She glanced at him from behind the short hair of her blue, pixy-cut.

  “I already have a collection going.” He ticked them off on his fingers. “Bullet holes, stab wounds, broken ribs, some broad with huge boobs burned the living shit out of my left arm with a red hot knife. I’m not completely sure, but I think I may have a little spinal damage from jumping off the top of this dam into a flooded river too.”

  Cho slid up to straddle his hips. “We’ll get you fixed up once we reach the coast. But there’s no need to worry, even if you are falling apart before age thirty. Luckily, you’ve got yourself a super-flexible girlfriend, who really likes being the one on top, and is always up for long sessions of nocturnal gymnastics. If you ask her nicely, I’m positive she’ll help you stretch those tight muscles of yours.”

  “You have a point.”

  “What a coincidence! So do you.” She breathed on his neck, and moved her hips against him slowly. Jake felt the light nip of Kat’s teeth at his throat. “How long did we need to wait again?”

  His hands passed along her leather-covered thighs. “I’d say about an hour.”

  “Hmm. That should be long enough. A little rushed maybe, but still…”

  -CHAPTER FOURTEEN-

  Sixty minutes later (roughly), Jake set their plan in motion.

  All along the walls, the survivors in Pecos began killing zombies. The plan wasn’t to shoot all of them. As Rae had stated, there wasn’t nearly a sufficient amount of ammunition for that in the whole town. The idea was to herd the creatures as best they could to the western side. So as the defenders took single shots into the crowd, they moved north or south around the enclave depending on the place upon the barrier.

  From early results, it seemed to be working, even if not all of the dead went along with the program. A good number kept pounding on the containers, but the rotting crowd did split noticeably and trumped after the living above. That left perhaps a few hundred—plus those who’d been crushed and a fair number of “draggers” to the east to deal with later—but nowhere near enough to needed to top the Pecos walls.

  Once he’d observed the west side was packed to the gills, Sergeant Major Close picked up the mic to his radio. “George? Time to earn your money.”

  “Wait, we get paid fer’ this?” came Foster’s reply. “Cause if so, I’m missin’ about six months’ worth of back paychecks.”

  “Copy that.” Close shook his head and laughed. “I’ve been wanting to ask for a raise…”

  * * *

  Thousands of zombies clustered before the western wall as the Screamin’ Mimi pulled into sight on 10th street, four blocks to their west. Over a hundred thousand heads turned in its direction, because she was once again blasting music from her speakers. But not just any music.

  Mariachi music.

  Son de la Negra by La Hija Del Mariachi, to be precise.

  In the drive unit of the reassembled Mimi, Bee gazed numbly at her uncle. “I have no words.”

  “It is catchy.” Rae called from the communications console.

  Bee spared her a look overflowing with pity.

  “Hey.” George slowly turned the Mimi west. “Hess said it looked like a piñata.”

  * * *

  “Yep, they’re following it.”

  Jake pulled Kat to her feet. “Then it’s time to go.”

  The pair of them scurried down the ladder of the water tower as quickly as they could, and into their Hummer. After charging the glow plug and bringing the armored machine’s engine to life, O’Connor weaved them through cars in an old Dairy Queen parking lot, raced east two blocks to cut across the grounds of St. Catherine’s Church, east again one block, and finally around the corner onto South Cherry to race north to 10th.

  Skidding to a halt at the intersection, they saw the Mimi slowly leading the crowd only two blocks away. Jake hopped from the Hummer with Kat on his heels, motioning frantically for the Mimi to move faster. The staggering horde behind it had zero chance of breaching her hull, but he wanted time get set. Once things started moving, they had a way of getting a little hectic. George must have noticed them waving, because the pink transport put on a burst of speed and surged away from the slow-moving crowd of horrors.

  Once it reached their position, Jake waved them on again hurriedly. “Head north for Route 20, then west to the detention center like we planned! We’ll be right behind you!” he yelled.

  “Do that!” Foster’s voice crackled from the speakers over the music, and he pointed a sausage-thick finger at Jake. “Get it done, and get gone! No fuck-ups this time, boy! Move your ass!”

  Throwing his friends a thumbs-up as the Mimi sped away and turned out of sight up Eddy Street behind them, the pair concentrated on the approaching dead. Rank upon rank of them stumbled woodenly on, drawn by the dwindling music and the sight of assumedly easy prey standing there waiting for them. In another life, O’Connor would’ve been paralyzed with fear. Turning a corner to the sight of that many hungry corpses coming for his flesh, and the ex-journalist likely would have soiled himself but good.

  Now?

  This was just your average Tuesday.

  And he had people to protect. The most important of which stood to Jake’s right in front of his Humvee, short blue hair wafting briefly with the hot Texas breeze, facing an army of the dammed beside him with a slight smile.

  I do not deserve this woman, he admitted silently to The Powers That Be. But if any of you are listening; thank you for leading me to her, at last.

  “Hey. You. The one in those leather pants with the Hello Kitty patch sewn on the left ass-cheek.” Kat’s head turned and Jake offered her the road-flare gripped in his hand. “Would you like to do the honors?”

  “How well you know me.” She blew a him a kiss and took the flare. Yanking the cap free, Cho struck the opposite end against the cap’s top, activating the chemical reaction and bringing the flare to life in a burst of bright red flame. “This is going to be so much better than when I accidentally burned down that Denny’s.”

  O’Connor waved towards the ghouls, now only a block away. “Please, enjoy.”

  Kat took a step backwards, and switched the flare to her right hand. Then she wound up, took two skipping steps forward, and let fly at the with a beautiful overhand throw.

  “Fuck… you!!!” She screamed at them.

  Her throw was good. So good that for a moment, Jake thought it might actually make it into the crowd itself. The flare wasn’t designed to be hurled like that, though, and dropped swiftly for the last third of its journey. It actually struck one of the creatures in the cheek, searing the thing’s greyish skin away and causing the necrotic flesh beneath to sizzle, before the flare dropped to the muddy street.

  Yes.

  Muddy.

  There was no Department of Public Sanitation since the apocalypse, and no street sweepers had run in Pecos for months, so trash and debris had begun covering many of the town’s previous roadways. It also hadn’t rained anywhere in that part of Texas for weeks, so—being nearly a desert anyway—there was quite a lot of sand and dust upon the roads as well. That meant they were dry as a bone. Basically, perfect for what Jake’s idea.

  With the help of Close and his marines, Garth and his search team members minus Ryan (due to threats from his girlfriend Kari of death by her hands), Allan, and the bulldozer teams, and finally as many citizens of the town that could fit along in Close’s trucks; in their few hours that morning, the sanctuary had turned its
elf into a gigantic booby-trap for the approaching hordes.

  It had taken dozens of trucks making quick supply trips to the nearby Pecos Municipal Airport, their drivers protected by multiple armed guards. Others sped to the Flying J and Love’s Travel Stop, returning with tankers of fuel, dropping them off, then racing back to retrieve more. The NAPA Auto Parts on 2nd street had been emptied of roadside emergency kits, as had the Auto Zone just outside the wall on south Route 285. Every structure within four blocks outside the eastern wall had its front door propped open too. They’d worked like madmen to complete the preparations until sentries upon the walls saw zombies staggering in the distance, both to the north and south. Then they’d buttoned up to wait. Now most of the dead were a short distance from the town barrier, staggering west on the muddy, stinking, refuse-clogged streets.

  The streets literally soaked with a volatile mixture of gasoline and JP-8 commercial jet fuel.

  When Kat’s flare struck earth, the mayhem began.

  A disc of flame grew at an exponential rate until it covered the street, from one curb to the next. Then it shot east, back to the next intersection. Quickly filling the crossroads, the fire spread in all three directions; north to the next block, and south for a block while the original blaze headed east. The fires did so again at the following intersections. And then the next. And the next. And the next. In under a minute, the entire area —from 1st down to 12th Street, from the far side of Cedar all the way over six blocks west to the nearest side of Cherry—became a hatch-work of blazing roads.

 

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