by Matthew Fish
“I’m going back to bed,” Mark said as he took Emily’s hand and began to descend the spiral staircase. “When I get back up—maybe I’ll feel a bit better about what I just did.”
“It’s part of a Conductor’s job,” William said as he placed his hand on Mark’s shoulder in an attempt to give him some amount of comfort.
“I know,” Mark said as he continued his descent. He remembered back to something Bradley had said when they first took Emily in, something he seemed to repeat a lot lately. “I don’t have to like it though. I have the right not to.”
“I’ll take stock of inventory until you are ready,” William said as Mark began to walk away down the hall with Emily in tow. “Do you want to join me, Maddie?”
“I don’t…I don’t like what just happened either,” Maddie said as she shook her head and passed William. “I need some time grieve the loss of a friend. Just as I believe Mark and Emily do as well. So, I’ll do what is asked of me, but not until I am ready.”
“You should have warned us,” Emily said as she turned to William as Mark disappeared into his room. “We deserved to know what we were getting into.”
“You are right,” William said as he averted his eyes from the girl. He could not bring himself to face anyone at the moment. “I apologize to you all, to Mark…and Maddie—I know I’ve let you all down. I was just trying to do what I felt was best.”
“We all understand why you did it,” Emily added as she stood just outside of Mark’s door. “But when it comes down to it, Bradley thought he was doing what was best for Mark. Didn’t turn out so well…”
“I’m not like Bradley,”
“Yeah,” Emily said as she nodded once. “Try and remember that next time you have a secret you do not feel that you need to share with the rest of us—especially when it makes us feel like shitty people. How do you think Mark feels right now?”
“Probably pretty terrible,” William answered.
“He deserves better than that,” Emily said as he rested her hand against the doorframe. “We all did.”
“He might not have agreed to come here, this was the only safe place,” William said as he attempted to defend himself. “None of you would have been safe.”
“He should have been able to decide that for himself,” Emily said as she let out a short little growl at the man who looked as though he was already deeply depressed. “Now go…do your inventory—or whatever it is you have to do, douche fragment.”
“I’m sorry,” William said as he turned around and hung his head down. The door slammed shut behind him.
Mark was already in bed, his Conductor uniform tossed upon the floor as he lay in bed with his hands covering his eyes. “I appreciate it, Emily…but you didn’t need to be so hard on him. I might not have agreed to come here if I knew.”
“I know,” Emily said as she pulled her dress up and tossed it to the ground. She let down her long pink hair and crawled into bed. “I’m just…pissed. I’m so angry that he signed you up for that without even a single warning. I’m just, damn it…I miss Caesar already. That, fucking guy…dickfingers…”
“I do too,” Mark said as he placed a hand on Emily’s bare shoulder and caressed her back. “I’m sure that William feels just as bad. I think that keeping busy is his way of coping. He lost Kate just yesterday…today he lost Caesar. I believe he honestly thought that us staying here would somehow change Caesar’s mind about going through with The Passing.”
“Well I,” Emily said as she bit her lip hard enough to make it nearly bleed. “I just…need to be angry at someone. He should have talked him out of doing it…”
“Caesar was in pain…for months,” Mark said he continued to gently rub his hand up and down Emily’s back. “I don’t think anyone could talk him out of doing it. You should have seen him when I walked in. I had never seen him so happy…just…excited even for it to be over. He said that he’d been hiding his pain from us…his heart was completely broken. He gave me something though…”
“He gave you everything,” Emily said as she turned and look to Mark a single tear raced down her cheek and fell upon the sheet like a raindrop.
Mark grabbed the gold ring from the dresser and placed it into Emily’s hand. “Caesar told me to give this to the one that I loved…that he would live on, in a way, through the act.”
“You’re giving this to me, Gosling?” Emily asked as she inspected the intricate gold ring with her fingertips.
“Of course,” Mark said as he nodded and briefly smiled. “There is not another person in this world that I would even think of giving it to. You know how I feel about you…”
“I…feel the same way,” Emily said as she slipped the wring over her finger. “Don’t…go thinking that this makes us married or anything like that, Gosling…”
“Of course not,” Mark said as he laughed. With all that had happened this morning, this small act did make him feel measurably better.
Emily bent her head down and pressed her lips against Mark’s. “I do…you know. The whole, love thing…I do, well, love you. Even if it makes me feel nervous as fuck to say it. It’s not that I don’t I…I’m just not used to it.”
“I’m happy,” Mark said as he pulled Emily close. “I love you.”
“That’s good,” Emily said she rested her back against his chest. “You aren’t going to go wander off into the woods now, right? I mean that’s actually what went down last time you blurted that out, Gosling.”
“Are you using Gosling as the actor Ryan…or…?”
“What else is it used for?”
“Oh,” Mark said as he laughed. “A baby goose…?”
“Oh…” Emily mouthed. “Yeah, I totally knew that. Either one works…really. I mean, yeah…both.”
As we lay in bed beside each other, I thought back to Caesar. As upset as I was about his passing, I began to feel quite angry—not at Caesar, but at a lot of people that played important roles in my life. It seemed as though the option of choice had been stolen away from me constantly for the sake of my own supposed well being. First it was my father…he never told me the truth about what he did and he did not want me to become a Conductor. In a way, I resented him for that. I know that he was just trying to keep me safe, but it ended up with things being the exact opposite...I did not feel very safe at all. Then there was Bradley, who chose on his own to come up with a plan because he was consumed by revenge, it et at him so strongly that he could not see that Emily was not some kind of spy and jeopardized all of our lives…Then, finally, there was William with his secret regarding Caesar’s terms for our sanctuary. I was sick of people making decisions on my behalf—and being the one to end up paying for people’s presumptions, no matter how well intended they were. I was tired of being robbed of the simple ability to be given a decision and to make on my own choice. Of course…I supposed that the plan to go after the old one was my idea—and we all paid for it in kind. However, there did not seem to be much choice there…we could have run—but to where? In the end, the result was the same—we were now all outcasts. I felt bad for Maddie, she had accepted to help on her own accord, only to become completely disconnected from her society—one she seemed hold in high regard. I could only imagine the disappointment she must have felt when she realized the Grand Conductors were nothing more than a society of selfish and weak people who could see no further than their own petty ambitions. I thought once more to my father—my mind attempting to come up with some reason why the house we moved to was so important. I kept coming up with ideas about its location in the Park Ridge area of Chicago—how there was a small forest close by. I remembered playing there and always feeling safe, though nothing struck me as rather remarkable. I know I was missing something, but I couldn’t quite place my finger on what it was.
“I need to get up,” Emily said as some time passed. It was early afternoon and the sun filled the room brightly. “I have to do something…”
“Alright,” Mark said as he nodde
d. “I’ve just been laying here thinking—I can’t sleep, my mind just keeps going in circles.”
“I’ve got something like that,” Emily said as she climbed out of bed and slipped on a pair of blue jeans and a tank top. Emily waited for Mark to get dressed. Once he was decent she wrapped her arms around him and projected without warning as it felt like all the air was sucked out of the room.
“What the hell?” Maddie said as she quickly covered her naked body up with a blanket.
“I’m sorry,” Mark said as he looked away. He had caught a rather good glimpse of her in the moments before she was aware of what was going on. She had a rather beautiful naked form; her breasts were a bit smaller than Emily’s but still quite pleasing to the eye. She had a small strip of blonde hair that Mark believed was often referred to as a ‘landing strip.’ The wound on her shoulder seemed pretty well healed up with just a small red area with some purple bruising around it.
“You sleep naked?” Emily asked as she sat on the bed with little regard for Emily’s privacy. “You don’t always…”
“It’s very hot this afternoon,” Emily said as she attempted to defend her state of undress. “What do you mean that I don’t always?”
“Stare at a corner, Gosling,” Emily said as she shook her head. “Don’t be a perv.”
“I’m not the one that….yeah, okay.” Mark said as he let out a short sigh and placed his vision squarely upon an empty corner of a room. He felt like he was a child being disciplined. “I’m sorry Maddie—I had no idea what was going on.”
“It’s…fine,” Maddie said as she reached for a pair of panties from her dresser and a bra. She climbed into her panties as Emily continued to talk.
“I just wanted to check up on you,” Emily added. “You know, make sure you were holding up.”
“I heard you yell at William,” Maddie said as clasped her bra behind her back with one hand. She then reached into a drawer and pulled out some black and red running shorts and a matching red t-shirt. She pulled the tight fitting shorts on and climbed into the T-shirt. “Normally I’d say something about you being wrong…but, you weren’t.”
“You’re becoming more likable these days,” Emily said as she let out a fake sigh. “I guess I’ll have to direct ally my childish insults towards William for a while…oh, Mark, you can come sit now—she’s all covered.”
“Right,” Mark said as he awkwardly sat beside Emily on Maddie’s bed.
“You’re not so bad, either,” Maddie said as she pulled a hair tie and allowed her long blonde curls to fall to her shoulder. She blew away a few strands of the hair from her blue eyes as with her mouth, which did little. She eventually gave in and used her fingertips to uncover her right eye. “So…Emily, Mark, are we still a team?”
“Of course,” Emily said as she shrugged and playfully punched Maddie in her left shoulder, forgetting that it was injured.
“Shit,” Maddie exclaimed as she placed her arm over the offended area.
“I…I’m sorry,” Emily said as she bit her lip and squinted her eyes. “Sometimes I forget you guys are well…not like me.”
“It’s not so bad,” Maddie said as she moved her right arm a bit. “It’s definitely still stiff—but I can probably conduct with it.”
“That’s good,” Mark said as he nodded. “We can work on our training again. I’m honestly...not sure what our next move is at this point. I’m sorry, Maddie. I know that this is probably not exactly what you signed up for when you decided to fill after my dad died.”
“I have friends,” Maddie said as she shrugged and shot Emily an odd look. “Sure, they’re definitely odd friends—but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“I think we should work on projecting,” Emily added, interrupting the whole feelings and friendship talk.
“Two people at once…?” Maddie asked. “Is that even something that you can do?”
“Well,” Emily said as she darted her eyes to the side and thought on it for a moment and she chewed on her bottom lip. “I don’t know. It’s better though than hiding behind a Perpetual and using them as a meat shield. Though it is rather funny to see William catch a few bullets.”
“What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Let’s find out,” Emily spoke as she wrapped an arm around Mark and Emily.
Seconds later, they found themselves in the entry to the house. Mark felt his stomach turn as he fell to his knees for a moment and attempted to steady himself. Maddie seemed perfectly fine with the entire process.
“Fuck,” Emily muttered. “I thought I’d at least get us out of the house.”
“So, you guys are up?” William asked as he sat upon Caesar’s old chair and kept his gave down to the floor. He pushed away a bit of his long hair and let out a short sigh.
“Just passing through,” Emily said as she felt a bit guilty at seeing William in his morose state. “I’m…sorry about earlier. You’re a dick for not warning us, but you’re our dick.”
“Thanks…” William said with a short laugh. “Am I still needed?”
“You’re still on the team,” Mark said as he nodded. “As long as you want to be here…that is. I mean, given the situation, I’m surprised that any one is still onboard.”
“This team is all I have left,” William said as he looked up to the three young people across the room. “I’ will see this through to the end, even if it means my end.”
“Don’t be so serious,” Emily said as she let a smile spread over her lips. “How’s the…inventory or whatever it was you were doing looking?”
“We’ve got plenty of food, Caesar has left us very well off in that department,” William said as he looked around the room. “We could last months here if we needed to. We have weaponry, coin, nail, and firearms….so, are we all good?”
“No more secrets,” Mark said as he nodded.
“Of course…this house is strange,” William said as he nodded in agreement with Mark’s condition.
“Anyone who stepped into this place could figure that much about,” Emily said as she laughed. “Well, be seeing you.”
“Not in a normal way,” William began a gust of wind blew through his long hair causing it to fly up and obscure his vision. “Can’t wait till this shit all falls out again.”
“Not so bad,” Emily said as Mark fell down to the ground on the rocky driveway. “Not so great, but…as far as second attempts go...”
“Are you alright, Mark?” Maddie asked, as she reached down and helped him back to feet. “You don’t seem to take to projecting very well.
“How are you not throwing up, or losing your balance?” Mark asked as he gave Maddie a bewildered look.
“I think it is kinda fun, actually,” Maddie said as she allowed Emily to place an arm around her. “It’s a little like flying, that’s how it feels. Think of it that way.”
“Alright…” Mark muttered as felt Emily’s free arm embrace him around his chest. She projected as he felt the world fall out beneath his feet and his stomach churn violently. He watched as the world swirled in a strange, twisted mixture of greens and blues. He felt his feet back on a bit of soft earth as he fell down to the ground one more. He felt like throwing up again. “Nope…maybe I’m not a fan of flying.”
“Do you want to see a really place I found?” Emily asked as she looked to Maddie.
“Of course,” Maddie said as she nodded.
“How many times…?” Mark asked as he got back up to his feet and stumbled beside Emily.
“At this rate, probably…four,” Emily said as she gave Mark a big squeeze. “Maybe three…”
“Wonderful,” Mark said as he steadied himself as he was rushed away with the wind.
“This place is beautiful,” Maddie said as she stood by the tall sandstone bluff and watched as a small stream of water trickled down into a sandy creek below. Tiny little minnows darted beneath the surface of the water, shooting about as they hid from rock to rock. “Sand and waterfalls in the mi
ddle of the woods…”
“It sparkles in the daylight,” Emily added as she sat upon the large boulder that had broken free from the bluff at some point in time. “This is where Mark attempted to tell me how he felt.”
“It is…” Mark said as he hid behind a tree in the distance and threw up onto a group of pretty small white flowers. “Sorry…”
“Okay so it was four times,” Emily shouted.
“What is that?” Maddie asked as she pointed off to something in the distance.
Mark peeked from behind the tree to a thick part of the woods that grew thick and dense. In a small clearing, in an emerald colored beam of sunlight, a beautiful pure white stag was watching them, motionless like it was some kind of grand statue.
“One of the children of Cernunnos,” Maddie whispered as she placed a hand upon the tree and slowly approached.
“One of the one of what now…?” Emily asked as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a lighter. “Shall I torch it?”
“It’s a Celtic mythology thing,” Maddie said as she looked to Emily and shook her head. “Put that away—they are considered good fortune, or messengers from the Otherworld. It all used to fascinate me when I was younger—my father used to tell me all kinds of Celtic stories.”
“Caesar mentioned something about Perpetuals being the children of…I think—the apple.”
“Children of the Pomme—the apple tree used to represent a door to immortality.” Maddie whispered.
“So is that like an albino deer?” Mark asked.
“It’s a white stag,” Maddie said as she inched closer as the stag continued to stare curiously at the three intruders in its forest. “It’s not just…a deer.”
As Maddie inched just a bit closer, the white stag bounded and disappeared into the thick woods. “To think I would see such a thing, my father will be quite jealous whenever I make it back that way to visit.”
“Not a deer…” Mark repeated as he was lost in thought. “Emily, I need to get back to the house.”
“Right now…?” Emily asked as she shrugged. “It’s your stomach.”