I followed the tabloids and a new post had just popped up.
“Excuse me,” I said and unlocked the screen.
IS JACOB LAWSON SERIOUS ABOUT HIS GAME OR HIS FAME?
I skimmed through an article. It looked like some small blogger was bragging about sleeping with Jacob. She had a scanned copy of his autograph.
I sighed.
Don’t take this personally, I told myself. Stay professional.
He was obviously a player. I knew this from the beginning. It was just a fun one night stand that meant nothing. So why did it hurt so much to be looking at a picture of him and another girl?
Chapter 6 – Kina
“Did you get into any trouble, lately?” I asked Jacob, holding my breath to find out what he was going to tell me. He’d better not lie. Or try to say I meant something special, or something cheesy like that.
Jacob shook his head. “I wasn’t fighting or anything, if that’s what you mean. It’s part of my contract with the Sharks. If I fight, they can suspend my contract with them.”
I shook my head. “I mean with women.”
His face paled just a little. If I hadn’t been watching him this intently, I would have missed it.
“Other women besides…” he asked, trailing off.
“Yes,” I told him.
Besides me, yes. I wouldn’t be posting pictures of us all over my blog.
“Not really. I mean, I’m not celibate, if that’s what you’re asking.”
My cheeks burned. Clearly, I knew that.
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
I turned the phone so he could see the screen. He frowned and took the phone from me, scrolling through the article.
“Shit,” he breathed.
“If this is going to happen, I’m not taking you on,” I said. “I’m not here for damage control as more incidents pop up. I’m here to fix what’s been broken.”
Jacob sighed, handing the phone back to me. “I understand,” he said. “It wasn’t even about that. I didn’t think she knew who I was until afterward. And this was the night before… you know… just so you know. It was just some stupid hook up. I didn’t think there was anything more to it.”
I was happy to know that this had happened before he met me, even though I knew I had no claim to him. But I was annoyed that he was that promiscuous, to have randomly hooked up with some other girl the night before he had hooked up with me.
I shook my head and decided to focus on the matter at hand. I had to help deal with the fall out of his past stunts, whether or not I personally liked their existence.
“You can’t just go around trusting everyone. They know who you are. All of them. Whether it’s because of the assault or because of football, there are people out there who are going to want a piece of your fame.”
He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hands on his jeans. They were Levi’s, faded in all the right places. He was nervous about the blog, about what they were saying about him. That was a good sign—if he cared, then we could do something about it.
“So, what are we going to do about this?” he asked, gesturing to the phone.
“We can fix it,” I said.
“Really?”
I nodded. I wasn’t sure how just yet, but I had gotten this job for a reason—I was good at what I did—and somehow, I had always managed to get it to work before.
He smiled at me again, and it drove that haunted look out of his eyes. It made me want to get him to smile every time just to see him look as carefree as he did. When he was so serious, I saw what the past year had done to him, and it was ugly. But not ugly enough that I didn’t want to sleep with him again, I noticed, as my panties dampened.
He opened his mouth to say something when my phone rang. It was an unknown number. I frowned.
“Sorry,” I said and answered it.
“Kina?”
Kyle’s voice was thick on the other end of the line. And I remembered the fact that he was calling from an unknown number. This could only mean one thing. I pressed the phone against my chest and closed my eyes briefly.
Kyle was always in trouble. Since he’d failed to go pro the way Jacob had, he’d been regressing to the point of being a problem. My parents had given up on him, but he was my twin, and I couldn’t do that to him. We had been together since the womb.
Which meant I would answer his calls every time because the chances that he just wanted to say hi were very, very slim. He always had some bigger problem that he needed me to help him solve.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I have to take this.”
I stepped out of the meeting room, phone still against my chest, before I pressed it against my ear.
“I’m in a meeting, Kyle,” I said.
With your ex best friend. Who I hooked up with.
Obviously, I wasn’t going to fill him in.
“I’m in jail,” he replied, confirming my suspicions.
Fucking fantastic.
“What did you do?” I asked.
“Nothing. I just drank too much, and they locked me up.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “It’s not even five yet, for God’s sake.”
He didn’t answer me. I could imagine him giving me the nonchalant shrug I always got from him when he didn’t have an answer for me.
“I’m coming,” I said.
I just needed to pick him up. Someone had to take him off the street until he was sober and no longer a public disgrace.
I walked back into the meeting room.
“I’m sorry, Jacob. I must cut this short. My brother needs me.”
Jacob nodded. “I understand.”
I wasn’t sure if he did. I didn’t know how much he knew about Kyle, how much he’d kept tabs on his former friend.
He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say more. But then he closed it.
“Give Kyle my regards,” he said. “I hope he’s doing well.”
I had a feeling he had been planning to ask how Jacob was doing, but had then decided against it. Perhaps he feared the answer wouldn’t be good. If so, he would be right.
“We’ll be in touch,” I said as I collected my things. “I’ll call you.”
Jacob nodded and held out his hand. I took it. His hand was warm and large, a little calloused. It was great to hold.
“I hope it turns around for him,” he said.
Apparently, he did know something about Kyle and who he was now.
I nodded. “Thank you. I hope so, too.”
It was odd, hearing him bring up the past. He had known Kyle once upon a time. But he didn’t know what he had turned into since they had stopped talking.
Jacob walked to the door and let me walk through, first. What a gentleman. I left him and my safe life behind to step into the chaotic life of my brother and save him. Again.
Chapter 7 – Jacob
During the training season, we trained every day. We had to get back into peak condition. Me, more than anyone else.
Coach Rudi let us run plays on Wednesday.
“Don’t do it until you get it right,” he told us all the time. “Do it until you can’t get it wrong.”
So, we ran the plays repeatedly until we couldn’t think about anything else anymore.
I liked running plays. Liked that I didn’t have to think about them. Football was second nature to me. It was the one thing that kept my mind off all the shit that happened in my life. Ironic, then, that the most shit in my life revolved around football right now.
“Again!” Coach shouted, and the guys groaned. We had run the same play about a hundred times now.
We ran back to our positions. I was ready when the ball was supposed to come to me. Markus had the ball, and he was supposed to pass to me. I would pass it on to Brian.
I had my hands up and ready for the ball when Markus bypassed me and threw it straight to Brian, who caught it. The play finished in no more than two seconds after that.
My lungs bu
rned and my thighs screamed at me after being out of action for so long. It didn’t feel like I’d been training as hard as I had since coming to Miami. And I was pissed, too. The guys were shutting me out on purpose.
God, I knew that I had a history. I knew that they didn’t like me. But how the hell was I going to prove myself if I wasn’t allowed to, if they were just going to push past me like I didn’t exist?
I was frustrated. I felt like shit, to be honest. I was getting angry with the players bypassing me the way they did, but I had to ignore it, push it away, because I wasn’t allowed to get violent. It was in my contract.
If I punched someone in the face—like Markus, for instance—my career would be over for good. No one would want me again.
It was a miracle the Sharks had decided to take me in the first place. I knew I should be grateful, but I couldn’t help but be resentful.
Still. Mind over matter, I reminded myself. No matter how pissed off I got at how the guys were treating me or how much I didn’t belong, I couldn’t lose my cool.
People like Markus knew it, too. He was always riling me up, trying to get me to snap. The only reason I kept it together was to keep doing what I loved. I could bite back my temper if I wanted to. I could control myself.
I didn’t have to be the man that Marisa had made me, no matter how badly she’d fucked me over.
“Again!” Coach shouted.
I took a deep breath, pushed away the anger, the frustration, the feeling of complete inadequacy, and ran the play again.
Even though Markus skipped me another three times. Even though Brian caught the ball every time like the play worked exactly the way they had already been playing it. Without me.
Even though Coach Rudi didn’t say anything either.
I put my head down and pushed through, doing what I knew how to do, no matter how hard it got. Because that was what football was. That was what my life was. I wasn’t going to give up just because it was getting hard.
Hell, it had been hard for a long time. But football was all I had left. I couldn’t give it up.
When we walked back to the locker room, Brian jogged up next to me.
“Sorry about that, earlier,” he said. “The plays. That had nothing to do with me.”
I nodded. “No sweat,” I said.
I felt like he should have said something or dropped the ball, but who was I do decide how he had to handle Markus?
“No,” Brian said. “I want you to know that it wasn’t my idea. Markus is just being a dick. And don’t worry. He’s like that to everyone, so don’t take it personally.”
I nodded. I appreciated Brian’s effort but I didn’t want to go into it. I didn’t want to talk about it.
“Thanks for taking the time to let me know, Brian,” I said.
He clapped me on the back and walked to the locker rooms ahead of me. I followed, feeling despondent. There was no anger anymore. I had pushed it down far enough not to feel it anymore, and all that was left in the wake of it was a big gaping hole of nothingness.
I was tired.
Tired of being ignored, tired of being hated, tired of being the odd one out.
After I got dressed, I fished for my phone. I had a voicemail on my phone. When I listened to it, Kina’s voice was clear over the speakers.
“Jacob, hi,” she said. Her voice was a little husky, and it was a point of light in an otherwise dark day. “I was hoping we could meet for dinner tonight to talk about a couple of things. Let me know.”
I smiled. Dinner with Kina was the best thing I could think of right now. Everything was going in the wrong direction, and she could help me. Hell, she could just smile at me and it would feel good. I’d never admit that to anyone but myself, though.
When I dialed her number, I got voicemail, too. I left her a message, confirming.
She let me know later that afternoon to meet her at BurgerFi. I hadn’t been there before. Casual, she said in her text.
For the first time in a long time, I was excited. I knew I wasn’t supposed to fuck Kina again. She was off limits. But little things like that had never stopped me, and I wasn’t about to let them start.
Chapter 8 – Jacob
BurgerFi turned out to be a very casual burger joint on the North Beach. Kina was already at a table when I arrived, waving to me. I smiled at her when I saw her and walked towards her. She stood up and held out her hand.
I took it. Her hand was soft, just like it had been in her office. She wore a summer dress. It had a large floral print on beige material and it hit her just above the knee. She wore it with a jean jacket and cork wedges.
I loved how her outfit made her look so innocent, when I knew differently. This girl could get down and dirty with me, and I loved it.
She had done up her blonde hair, and it curled over her shoulders, hanging down past her elbows. Everything about her was different in a fantastical way.
“I’m glad you could make it,” she said when we sat down.
It sounded as if she was trying on purpose to be professional, so I followed her lead.
“Of course,” I said.
I looked around. The place was very laid back. Waiters carried plates with burgers and fries and beer to the people sitting at the wooden tables.
I appreciated that she’d gone to so much trouble to make it as casual as it was. It was almost as if she understood I didn’t want it to be formal or uptight. That wasn’t my fucking style.
“What’s good here?” I asked, looking at the menu.
She shrugged. “All their burgers are delicious. I love this place.”
She grinned at me. It was a bright smile. I couldn’t help but smile back at her.
We ordered burgers and fries. She ordered wine, I ordered beer. I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. Her eyes were a light blue, a baby-blue, and when she smiled, she rearranged the smattering of freckles on her cheeks.
I couldn’t think of her as anything other than my PR manager, I reminded myself. Sure, we had had the hottest sex of my life and it was natural for me to fantasize about us doing it again. But this was professional, nothing more.
She was too good for me, anyway. We may have shared a wild night together but our lives were very different. I was a player, and she … well, she took care of her brother, whom I’d heard was slipping.
She wore summer dresses and worked as a PR manager, fixing people’s mistakes and improving their images. People like me, who messed up their reputation to the point of needing a PR manager appointed to help them clean it up. We weren’t the same kind of people.
“So,” she said when our drinks arrived. “How are you enjoying Miami?”
I shrugged. “I thought coming back would be different. It’s not as welcoming as I thought it would be. I was traded to the Sharks due to some of this drama going on. I didn’t expect it to be a picnic, but, it’s even worse than I thought it would be.”
That was the first time I’d confessed that thought to anyone: how out of place I’d been feeling, how difficult everything has been. Sure, I’d said something along those lines to Hanson and Brian, but I wasn’t this open or honest.
Kina nodded slowly, running a finger along her wine glass like she could make it sing the way crystal glasses did. This one wasn’t crystal, of course.
“It’s hard creating an image for yourself when everyone is telling you who you are and who you should be,” she said.
I looked up at her. She said it like she knew what I was thinking, what I was feeling. She glanced at me before turning her eyes to the other diners, as if making eye contact was too intimate.
“I guess you do this a lot,” I said. “With it being your job and all.”
Kina shrugged. “I guess so. I don’t often get a client like you, though.”
It felt like she punched me in the gut. Why would she get clients that were so full of shit, so difficult?
“Clients who are so famous,” she said as if she knew what I was thinking. Maybe it showed
on my face. “It’s a privilege for me after how hard I’ve worked.”
When I looked at her again, her face was gentle, her eyes smiling, and the tightness in my chest eased up a little. She wasn’t being rude or judging or condescending. She was being honest.
“It was just all so different before I left,” I said.
I didn’t know why I was telling her everything, but it was easy to talk to her. And she made me feel like she was listening, really listening.
“Everything feels different when you’re just starting out and life is still ahead of you, lying at your feet.”
I nodded. That was what it was.
“I’m worried my career will come to an end, that my image will be the last of what they see of me,” I said, and only once the words left my mouth did I realize it was what I’d been feeling. “I don’t want to be remembered as the guy that got sued and suspended for assault.”
She shook her head. “We’ll take care of that,” she said.
She looked determined, and it was a sexy look on her. Her eyes were serious, her lips pursed lightly together. A breeze that came through the dining area ruffled her curls, and she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
Her lips were full but not too plump. Perfect. I remembered what it felt like to kiss her. I didn’t kiss women anymore if I could help it. I preferred fucking them without getting intimate in any way that mattered, but I had kissed Kina. In a bar bathroom, no less. I hadn’t felt like this since I’d decided to give up dating and just go for satisfying my carnal needs. She made me feel different… attached. It wasn’t a feeling I liked to give into, but it didn’t seem to want to leave any time soon.
“Tell me about you,” I said. “Your career as a PR manager is really taking off, I gather? I mean, it has to if you got someone like me.”
She chuckled, and it was a beautiful sound. I smiled back at her. I knew I was a cocky son of a bitch. I couldn’t help it.
“You are on a new level for me,” she said. Then she blushed, and it was the cutest thing ever. “Career wise, I mean. I’ve yet to find out if it’s a good or bad thing.”
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