After the game, I walked to the locker room to shower and get dressed. I was pulling on my tracksuit pants and shirt when the rest of the team came into the locker room to talk to everyone who’d played.
There was a lot of congratulating going around, with some of the other team members talking to the second and thirds I’d been playing with.
A few of my own teammates stood off to one corner, bitching like little girls.
“There’s not much to prove when Lawson is playing with the second and third stringers,” Markus said. “How do we know he’s good enough? Keeping up with them is child’s play.”
“The system is rigged,” another player said. Markus had followers, and it made him arrogant, encouraging him to be an ass.
“I’m telling you, this is bullshit. Before you know it, we’ll have to play with guys straight out of school.”
The high of the game started wearing off, replaced by a horrible sinking feeling in my gut. It didn’t matter how well I played, did it? These guys would never accept me. I’d given it my all today, and it had meant nothing. Those fuckers were going to be against me no matter what.
I glanced at the other players. Coach Rudi was chatting to them, and I wondered for a moment if I would be replaced. But I shook it off.
They traded someone for me for a reason, I told myself. We had a contract. Kina wouldn’t have been assigned as my PR manager if they didn’t plan on using me for the Sharks. If my image mattered to them, I mattered to them.
“Football is nothing more than politics and entertainment these days,” Markus said. “If you can create drama, you get publicity.”
He looked at me as he said it. Was he talking about the assault? If he thought that had been all about drama, he knew nothing about me and nothing about the case.
God, I wanted to hit this asshole square in the face. He was one of those guys who deserved a good beating just so that he would stop running his mouth.
Of course, that would just get me right back where I’d started. There was a reason they’d wanted me to sign a clause about violence. Maybe Coach had known Markus would rub me the wrong way, and he’d planned to stop bloodshed from happening.
“You shouldn’t listen to him, you know,” Brian said, coming to stand next to me. It seemed like he was looking out for me. Big of him. “He’s just being a dick. He tries to get into everyone’s heads.”
“Is that how it works in this team?” I asked.
Brian shook his head. “No, but there will always be people who try to get you down. Surely, you know this by now.”
I nodded. I did know that. Once upon a time, it had been Kyle, my former best friend, who had started making me believe I was doing the wrong thing for going after my dream because he never got a shot at his own. That’s when he had become my former best friend. There had been people trying to get in my way for a long time.
This time, it was rubbing me up the wrong way because I had so much of a history to begin with. And because I hated that I was thinking about Kyle. I had left that in the past, until his twin sister showed up to remind me of his existence. I was already in a bad place, and I didn’t need things to get worse for me.
“Shut up, Markus,” Hanson said, walking past them to join us.
Markus glared at Hanson before looking at me. He smiled a slow, malicious smile.
“It’s nice you’ve got yourself some bodyguards. They can’t always protect you, you know.”
“Ignore him,” Hanson said, turning his back to Markus. “He’s not worth your time. He’s just sour.”
“Because I’m here?” I asked.
Hanson shook his head.
“Because he might be traded,” Brian said before Hanson could. “He heard a rumor a while ago, and now he’s making life miserable for everyone else because he has no control over his own life.”
I nodded. I guessed that made sense.
“You should ignore him. He goes away eventually. He’ll get bored if you don’t respond and then find someone else to bother. He’s like a child who doesn’t get what he wants.”
Putting it like that, it made me feel a little better but not by much. I didn’t want ripples. I didn’t want to get into arguments or fights. I just wanted to play football and do me. Was that so fucking hard to understand?
“Come on,” Brian said, clapping me on the back. It was a thing with him, apparently. “Our women are shopping together, so we have at least another three hours to kill. Come have a drink with us.”
Hanson chuckled, and I agreed. I didn’t know where else to go, and being with them made me feel better.
We left the locker room and made our way up to Liv, the full bar and club at Hard Rock Stadium. We sat down at the bar, and the guys ordered beer. I asked for water. I couldn’t put alcohol in my system right after a game. It would fuck me over completely.
“Wise choice,” Brian said.
“Pussy,” Hanson chirped, and in those two responses was everything I needed to know about the type of guys they were. I liked them, I had to admit it. And I appreciated them sticking up for me against Markus and trying their best to make me feel at home
I just didn’t know if I could trust them yet. I didn’t trust a lot of people, and even so, the one person I’d trusted with everything had cheated on me. Of course, that had nothing to do with Hanson and Brian because I wasn’t exactly going to date them, but trust feels the same all around, and being stabbed in the back fucking hurts, no matter who does it.
So, we drank together and made small talk. I wanted to be friends with them. I wanted to be able to relax around them. I just couldn’t. Not yet.
“Tell me about the chick in the bar,” Brian said after he and Hanson had bickered back and forth about the score a little bit.
“What chick?” I asked.
“You know, the blonde one the other night when we were at the Batting Cage.”
Oh. That one.
“She was just a quick fuck,” I said, shrugging.
Hanson glanced at Brian, and I wasn’t sure what they were thinking or trying to say to each other. I was on my guard. It wasn’t wrong to have casual sex.
“What about it?” I asked when they didn’t respond.
“We aren’t interested in your sex life,” Hanson said, as if I was accusing them of nosiness. “We have good ones of our own. And we’re not trying to gossip. But Lacey brought up that you were… seeing… her friend, and I put two and two together and realized it was probably the PR manager. That could be problematic.”
“Yeah. We saw it in the tabloids,” Brian said. “It might be why the guys are so hard on you.”
I nodded. I knew it was. But it was still fucking unfair.
“That was a different girl. She was a bitch,” I said. “But I’m not going to be celibate or anything.”
Hanson laughed. “God, no. I would never suggest that. Just choose your women wisely. And maybe sleeping with your PR manager isn’t the best idea, although, I’m telling you this out of life experience more than lecturing you, because that would make me a hypocrite. Seriously. Ask me— someone who knows. I’ve been in the tabloids for sex scandals more than I can count. And I know that sometimes you can’t resist, and sometimes things turn out okay. Just, use discretion.”
I nodded. I heard what he was saying. I just had to be careful.
My thoughts jumped to Kina right away. God, that had been hot sex. Both times. This last time even hotter than before even though it was more subdued, more serene.
I hadn’t ever felt it with someone the way I had felt with her, but I had wanted to be with her. I’d wanted to get my rocks off before, but with her it was different. It was the kind of things people spoke about when they were hopeless romantics.
But she was my PR manager. It was the opposite of me being careful, as the guys were advising me to do. Doing Kina was the most dangerous thing because if it came out, it wouldn’t just be my career at risk but hers, too.
But she wouldn’t tell
anyone. Somehow, I knew that. Sure, she told her best friend, but she wasn’t like the girl who went blabbing to the blogosphere or tabloids. Kina was discreet.
It wasn’t just to protect herself, either. I didn’t know how I knew, but Kina was the kind who would keep it to herself because it was the right thing to do. And I wouldn’t let something like that happen again, anyway.
I would do the right thing, too, and not sleep with her again.
Not if I could help it.
God, I was in trouble.
Chapter 12 – Kina
Usually, Lacey and I met up on the last Wednesday of every month to spend some time together and catch up. Life got busy, and if I didn’t make time for my friends, months would pass without me seeing them.
I needed a social life, time with people who weren’t my clients to put everything into perspective.
This Wednesday, I’d had the work dinner with Jacob, so Lacey and I had moved our usual drinks to that Friday. We went to Jada Coles, which we always did when we had drinks together. Jada Coles had wooden panel walls and tiled floors with a bar along the one side, a stage on the other, and wooden tables and chairs in the middle.
The bartender knew us well enough that we didn’t have to tell him what we wanted, and he brought us two mojitos.
“So, tell me about what you’ve got going on with Jacob, both personally and as a client,” Lacey said. “Again, congrats on landing that assignment. A celebrity. That’s big. You’re moving on up at your PR firm.”
I nodded and smiled. Lacey had always gotten the big boys, and I was usually stuck dealing with the corporate world. Of course, I loved my job either way, but working with someone this famous was business on a whole new level.
Especially considering that Jacob and I had done the dirty.
“Yeah, Jacob is fun to work with. He has a lot of drama, a bad history and all that, but that’s what this is all about, right?”
I sipped my mojito. Lacey nodded.
“Exactly,” she said. “And the more you get to know him, the easier it gets.”
I chuckled.
“You could say that,” I told her. “Because I’ve gotten to known him very intimately.”
Lacey blinked at me before a smile spread across her features.
“I still can’t believe you banged Kyle’s old friend and current nemesis. And your PR client… not that I’m one to talk”
I laughed. “That’s exactly what I did. Banged him. I never thought I would get to, when we were in high school. I still daydreamed about him during college before I gave up on that thought. Mostly.”
I blushed, remembering that I’d still fantasized about Jacob even more recently than that, before serendipitously running back into him.
Lacey shook her head. “Yeah, you were still hung up on him in college. I remember.”
“Yeah, but I never really thought it would happen for real.”
“It’s pretty crazy that it has,” Lacey said.
I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess it’s a small world. I didn’t exactly know him, though. I saw him around, but you know how Kyle and I tried to separate our friends.”
Lacey nodded, remembering from college. Since Kyle and I were twins, we’d shared everything growing up. When we’d gone to college, we’d decided to draw a line and not do the same thing.
We’d tried to live our lives independently of each other. It had worked for me. I had Lacey as my best friend and a great career. It hadn’t worked out as well for Kyle. He’d started off well, but when he hadn’t been scouted to go pro, his biggest dream, he’d gone off the rails a little. Or a lot.
“So? Tell me. Was he great in bed?”
“Oh, my God,” I said. “Better than great.”
Lacey giggled. “I guess it’s their fitness. Hanson is just as great in bed. Muscles for days, and he can go on for a long time.”
I blushed, feeling like I was privy to something too intimate. Lacey wasn’t shy about sex, and loved to tell me and the rest of the world how good she had it with her hubby. I was happy for her and Hanson, but, I would be happy if she could leave out a few details.
“How do you feel about him now that you slept together?” Lacey asked, obviously realizing she should change the subject after I didn’t say anything.
I shrugged and twirled the straw around the melting ice blocks in my drink. The mint leaves at the bottom of the glass were a little distorted through the ice. I wasn’t sure this subject was any better than the last. I’d rather talk about Lacey’s married sex life than my feelings when it came to the new guy in my own life.
Chapter 13 – Kina
“It’s just sex, you know?” I finally answered Lacey’s question. “I mean, both times were good. Really good. But I don’t really know him. Years ago I thought he was hot. I annoyed him and my brother. They had a falling out. And that was that. It’s not like Jacob and I were close or anything.”
Lacey nodded. Her mojito was almost finished. She was drinking fast. She didn’t often get to go out without Liam and she liked to make the most of our time together.
“But he’s hot,” I quickly added, stating the obvious. “And good in bed. He’s so attractive, I don’t know how I’m going to stay away from him. I probably should, given the state of his public image right now and the fact that I’m the one who’s supposed to fix it.”
Lacey chuckled. “I know just how hard that can be, trust me,” she said.
She’d been Hanson’s PR manager when they’d met. It was amazing and awesome that they had a family together now. That said everything about how hard it had to be to stay away from the football players we were helping.
We sat in silence, sipping on our drinks and listening to music that blared over the speakers for a while. The place was full enough to be social but not so much that it was crowded. I liked it when it was like this, just right.
“Are you going to do it again?” Lacey asked.
I glanced up at her. I wanted to do it again. Badly.
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” I said. “You know, with publicity and all that.”
Lacey shrugged. “Obviously, it’s not. But that hasn’t stopped me.” She laughed. “I don’t think you can really decide this kind of thing. If it happens, it happens.”
I nodded. I guessed that was true. It had been like that with me and Jacob. I hadn’t planned on sleeping with him and on a beach of all places. It wasn’t the kind of thing I usually did. But I hadn’t been able to resist him, so I knew exactly how it was.
“That’s what happened with Hanson, too. One moment, I was working with him, the next, we were going at it, and before I knew what was happening, I had myself a life partner. And I can’t be happier.”
I shook my head. “No, no, that’s not what this is,” I said.
Lacey chuckled. “That was a strong reaction.”
“It was,” I said. “He’s not my Mr. Right. I have way too much going in my life right now to deal with a boyfriend. You know how I feel about dating.”
“I know, I know. You don’t have time for that kind of thing.”
I nodded. “Who does? I don’t know how people make time for relationships. I have my hands full as it is.”
Lacey shrugged. “I felt the same, but I guess if it’s really worth it, you make time, you know?”
I guessed that was true. “I just really can’t deal with that right now, not on top of this shit with Kyle.”
“What’s happening with that?” Lacey asked.
I groaned and waved at Steve, the bartender, for another mojito. If I was going to talk about my brother, I was going to need another drink.”
“So, he’s living with me now because he got evicted. I told you,” I said. Lacey nodded. “But it’s not just that. It’s about his drinking and the whole probation thing as well. He got three months because of the public drinking stunt he pulled. There are also claims of harassment against a police officer.”
Lacey shook her head. “He was such a
good guy.”
I sighed. “Yeah. I just wish he would pull himself back together already. I know it was hard for him when he didn’t get scouted. It was a big disappointment, but it’s been years now. Surely, he could have found a new dream by now?”
“You should let him sort his own life out. He’s not your son,” Lacey said.
I nodded. “I know, but I can’t just leave him hanging. He’s my brother.”
Lacey nodded. I knew she understood, but I also understood what she was saying. Kyle was a big boy. He should have been able to pull his own life together by now.
I was just tired. I didn’t want to keep looking after him, wondering where he was all the time and what he would do next that would make things harder for me. He understood that everything he did would just make things worse for him in the long run. At least, I think he did, But it was almost like he’d just switched himself off, and he didn’t care anymore.
That hurt me. We were so attached in so many ways. I felt his pain on another level, and I was tired. I was emotionally exhausted, and I was tired of having to keep my life going in the right direction while picking up the pieces for him all the time. I really hoped he didn’t find out about Jacob and me, or things would definitely get a lot worse.
“He’ll figure it out, Kina,” Lacey said. I realized she’d been watching me as I stared into my drink, thinking.
I sighed. “I hope you’re right. I really do.”
My phone rang, and I fished in my handbag for it. When I pulled it out, Jacob’s name flashed on my caller ID. A thrill ran through my body, and I fought the urge to smile.
“Sorry, Lace,” I said. “I have to take this.”
She nodded. I pressed the phone against my ear and blocked the other ear to hear better.
“Hey, sexy,” Jacob said. His voice was low. “What are you doing?”
“I’m with Lacey,” I said.
“Oh, that’s a shame. I’d rather you be with me.”
He’d been drinking. I could tell by the way he dragged out his words.
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