by Fiona Harper
‘Everything’s a game to you, isn’t it?’ she said, shaking her head. ‘What would this have been? Another point on your scoreboard? Another notch on your impressive bedpost?’
One corner of Jason’s mouth hitched up. ‘My bedpost is rather impressive,’ he said with a bit of a drawl. Kelly ignored him. She stoked the returning anger until it was good and hot. He was proving her point nicely for her.
‘Well, some of us don’t have the luxury of playing life like it’s a game,’ she told him. ‘You, with your nice suits and your flashy car and your big-money family... Of course nothing can touch you! But sometimes...’ she felt her lip wobble and willed it to hold ‘...sometimes things happen that make you take life seriously. Very seriously.’
Jason stopped smiling. He gave her a look similar to the one he’d worn when he’d called her into his office about the video. Kelly’s knees began to soften. She braced them back hard and looked him straight in the eye, daring him.
‘You’re saying that because my family has money nothing bad can ever happen to me?’ he asked in a deceptively flat tone.
No, she hadn’t meant it that way. She tried to explain further. ‘I’m just saying that you mess around when you could do so much more, that money allows you to get away with that when the rest of us have no such buffer.’
His gaze had turned cold and she did her best not to shiver. ‘So why didn’t my daddy’s money stop me messing up my shoulder? Why didn’t it stop my brother ending up in a wheelchair? Tell me that, Kelly.’
She swallowed. Okay, she might have heard that about him in the past, but she’d forgotten all about those distant Celebrity Life articles when she’d been good and angry. There was one thing she did remember, though....
‘The newspapers said that was your fault. They said you caused the accident that crippled your brother.’ And she regretted those words the moment they left her lips. She always joked she wished someone would invent a filter that would fit between brain and mouth, and now she wished that not only were there such a device, but that she’d invested in the best money could buy.
The colour drained from Jason’s face and he stared at her.
‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘Hot, angry sex with you would be a really bad idea. In fact, any kind of sex with you would be a bad idea.’ And then he turned and walked back in the direction of the bar.
* * *
Kelly wasn’t usually one for attacks of conscience, but hers niggled her all weekend. Okay, it didn’t just niggle. It shouted. It berated. It condemned. By Monday morning she was feeling bruised and sore. The last thing she wanted to do was to go and face Jason, but she arrived early, aiming to catch him while the building was quiet.
She hurried into the building, pressed the button for the lift at least three times and then tapped her foot as it climbed higher and higher. Moments later she was standing outside his office door, listening to the telltale thump of that stupid basketball. She straightened her blouse, took a deep breath and knocked.
‘Come in.’ The voice was flat and expressionless. Did he know it was her?
She pushed the door open and leaned her head inside. ‘Is now a good time? Because I can come back later if it’s more convenient. I don’t want to disturb you, so I’ll—’
She was cut off by Jason’s short, sharp laugh. ‘You don’t want to disturb me?’
He sounded incredulous. Sarcastic. That wasn’t good. Secretly she’d been hoping that over the weekend he’d turned back into the good old Jason who drove her crazy, who let anything negative roll off him. Unfortunately, the silent, surly, unsmiling Jason was still in residence.
She stepped into the office and closed the door behind her, keeping her hands on the handle and her backside pressed against them. She opened her mouth but no words came. Jason cocked an eyebrow, apparently amused at her speechlessness. She swallowed and cleared her throat.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said a little hoarsely. ‘About what I said on Friday night. I overstepped the mark.’
He stared back at her.
‘I...I shouldn’t have flung stupid gossip back at you. I know nothing about it—’
‘Seems you know all there is to know,’ Jason said, and spun his chair round to face the floor-to-ceiling windows on the other side of the office. ‘You were right. It was my fault my brother ended up in a wheelchair.’
Kelly discovered that while she was very good at dishing out the harsh truth, she hadn’t really had that much experience of being on the receiving end—unless you counted Dan, which she didn’t, because who ever listened to their brother?
She was scared. Scared of what to say, what to do next. Was this how other people felt when she unleashed her tongue on them? Was this what the stunned silence after one of her outbursts meant? She wanted to run out of the room and pretend this conversation hadn’t started, but she couldn’t. She wasn’t a coward. She reminded herself she’d stared cancer in the face and won, so surely she could do this.
She walked over to the bookcase where there was a picture of Jason with two other men. One was older and looked like a sterner, leaner version of her boss. He and Jason were both standing behind the other man, who was seated in a wheelchair. His features were different from Jason’s and his hair was a sandy blond, but she could tell this was his brother. There was something about the determination behind those eyes.... In the picture, Jason’s brother was wearing a sporting uniform and he had a large gold medal round his neck.
‘What’s his event?’ she asked, and she heard Jason’s chair creak as he turned to see what she was doing.
‘Swimming,’ he said, just a hint of surprise in his voice.
‘Like you.’
Jason snorted. ‘Not like me. Brad’s got the medals and I haven’t—and he does it without the use of his legs.’ He met her gaze. ‘Go on. Tell me how uncharitable I am. Tell me how childish I am to talk like that.’
Kelly swallowed. She’d heard the bitterness in his voice. She knew all about sibling rivalry. With two thick-headed brothers to contend with, she’d had to grow up fighting, but the emptiness in Jason’s eyes spoke of something more. She looked at the picture again—how the older man’s hand rested comfortably on Brad’s shoulder, how Jason seemed as if he’d been slotted in afterwards, as if he could easily have been airbrushed out and the balance of the composition wouldn’t have been upset in any way.
‘I don’t think you’re childish,’ she said. ‘I think you might have a chip on your shoulder the size of the Empire State Building, but I don’t think you’re childish.’
Jason’s features softened from anger into surprise. ‘Really?’
Kelly let out a dry laugh. ‘When have you ever known me to lie?’
For once, Jason didn’t have a smart remark or a joke to fend off the silence. He looked like a little boy who’d been punished for something he hadn’t done and then finally told he was off the hook. It made Kelly’s heart contract in a way she didn’t welcome. She didn’t want him to remind her of her boys. It was bad enough to be attracted to this man; she didn’t want to feel protective of him too.
‘For what it’s worth, I really am sorry,’ she said, putting the picture back on the shelf and walking towards him. She glanced back at the frame. ‘If it bothers you so much, why do you keep it there, staring you in the face all day long?’
Jason’s mouth flattened into a grim line. ‘To remind me.’
‘Of what?’ she asked softly.
He looked into her eyes. It was a shock. For the first time she felt she was seeing the real him—no gloss, no game playing. It made her feel a little bit wobbly. ‘To keep me jealous. To make me want to drive forwards and prove myself.’
And to punish yourself, she thought. But she didn’t say it.
And she got it now. Why the shoes were so important. Why he hadn’t been able
to bear admitting failure. Why he’d distracted himself with a good night out, shaking it off and pretending that nothing was wrong. And then she’d gone and shattered the insulated bubble he’d created for himself—and if anyone knew how important that bubble could be when tough times came, it was Kelly.
‘I’ll clean out my desk as soon as I get a box,’ she told him. ‘I just need to go and find one.’
Jason sat up in his chair. ‘Don’t.’
Kelly’s mouth dropped open. ‘But I... But you...’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t think my behaviour on Friday was saintly, either. I don’t usually force myself on women.’
Kelly’s shoulders sagged. ‘You didn’t. Not really.’ She hated the next words that came out of her mouth. ‘I mean, I was in it as much as you were.’
There was a flicker of amusement behind Jason’s eyes.
‘Doesn’t mean I think it’s a good idea to repeat the experience,’ she added quickly. ‘Far too complicated.’
He gave her a rueful look. ‘I hate to admit it, but I think you’re right.’
Kelly exhaled. That was good, wasn’t it? That he agreed with her. She should be feeling pleased. And she was. It was just that the morning had been a bit of an emotional roller coaster and the notion still hadn’t caught up with her.
‘We’re agreed, then,’ she said, and watched carefully for his reaction.
‘I guess we are.’
She hadn’t realised she’d been holding her breath until she released it in unison with him. ‘What now?’
Jason looked up at her. ‘We start again. There are plenty of other sports figures out there who’d love to endorse Mercury. We just have to find ourselves one and convince them of that.’
Kelly smiled at him. The old Jason wasn’t back, but the snapping, snarling one had retreated into his cave. And she kind of liked this new one, the one who looked at her as an ally rather than something to be conquered.
He stood up and reached across the desk, offering her his hand. It was exactly the same gesture he’d made the first time they’d met, and she understood its significance. New beginnings, fresh starts...
Swallowing slightly, she reached over and slid her hand in his, and he gripped her fingers lightly. They stayed like that for a few seconds, not moving, not shaking, but still cementing what they’d just verbally agreed. However, underneath that feeling of everything settling back into its proper order, her blood started to pulse harder, her nerve endings quivered and she couldn’t quite ignore the steady thrum deep down in her core.
Unsettled, she pulled her hand away, not daring to look at him, then she turned and walked back to her desk, closing the office door behind her.
Don’t be stupid, Kelly. It was just a handshake, that was all. Nothing to get dramatic about. Just a simple handshake.
She walked round her desk, dropped into her chair and stared at her blank computer monitor. They could do this, couldn’t they? They could work together without sex getting in the way. Couldn’t they?
* * *
Over the next couple of months they did manage to keep sex out of their relationship—on the surface, at least. And that was good enough for Kelly. It was always there, simmering away underneath, but she told herself she was getting used to it, like a dull toothache you put off going to the dentist about.
She didn’t regret backing away from whatever had been brewing between them. Jason had spent the intervening time cementing her sense of self-righteousness on that front. While he obviously hadn’t been dating anyone at work, he had been dating.
Kelly had a list on the notepad on her desk. A list of names. Girls’ names.
When a new one called they’d sound breezy and hopeful. Kelly had now started adding to the list just based on a particular tone of voice on the other end of the line. But the women whose names were at the top of the list had lost that optimism now. If they called at all, they sounded tearful and stressed. More than one had shouted at her on the phone when she’d told them Jason wasn’t there or was unavailable, thinking that Kelly was covering for him.
She hadn’t been. If he wasn’t busy she put them straight through. He could deal with them himself. Definitely not part of her job description.
One morning, Jason buzzed through and asked her to come into his office. Kelly rose from her desk and opened the door. The little kick of attraction still came as she spotted him bent over his desk, scribbling furiously on a pad, but she didn’t dread or even resent it anymore. You’re alive, it told her. She almost welcomed the daily reminder, even missed it on the weekends.
One day, maybe, she’d find a man who made her heart jump the same way, a man who was ready to be a grown-up about his relationships. One who wouldn’t run when the going got tough. If there were such a fairy tale creature, of course....
Jason looked up as she crossed the office and sat down in the chair opposite him. She smiled gently as she met his gaze.
It wasn’t this one. No, definitely not this one.
‘Any updates?’ he asked her.
She nodded and looked down at her notepad. ‘Yes, all three runners have received the sample shoes. Emerson’s out of the country at the moment, but the other two hope to test them out within the week and give us a verdict.’
‘Good,’ Jason said, nodding. ‘I want to go to contract as soon as possible on this. We need to find us a face that fits.’
He made a little gesture with his mouth, pulling it down at the edges.
‘What?’ she asked.
He shrugged. ‘Nothing.’
‘Are you unhappy with any of the three we’ve shortlisted? Because we can keep looking...’
He shook his head. ‘No. They’re all...fine.’ And then he started to tell her about the ideas he’d been discussing with the marketing department and the advertising company they’d hired. She scribbled away on her pad, noting down names and dates and times. Things for her to do and things to remind Jason of later, when the next amazing idea hit and he’d half forgotten about this one.
When their brief meeting came to an end, she rose to return to her desk.
‘You’re coming to the company picnic next Saturday, aren’t you?’ Jason asked. ‘Bring your sons, there’ll be plenty of other kids to play with.’
Kelly looked back at him. ‘I think you’re insane. This is London, not Los Angeles. Don’t you know that organising something like that is practically an open invitation for the weather gods to come and mess with you?’
Jason leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands behind his head. He dropped the tone of his voice and impersonated someone; his father, she guessed. ‘The Knight Corporation is still a family company at heart, and the annual picnic is an important part of creating that ethos.’
She raised her eyebrows. ‘Big fans of outdoor eating then, your family?’
He shrugged. ‘Not really. Never once had one on the lawn at home, despite there being acres of it. Dad would never have been home for it anyway—too busy at the office. And my mother would never have thought to organise one without his say-so.’ He gave her a tight smile. ‘He let us go to the office picnic, though, so he could show what a great family man he was, so I can’t complain.’
There was that hint of pain behind his laughing eyes again, the one she glimpsed every now and then that tugged at her heart. But Kelly had developed a coping mechanism for these moments, and it was very effective too. The key was to take a mental step back and see the big picture where Jason Knight was concerned, to remember that was only one facet of him and there were other things she needed to keep in the forefront of her consciousness.
She fumbled in her pocket for the tiny object she’d stowed there earlier. ‘Erm...one of the cleaners gave this to me. She said she found it under your desk.’
She produced a gold hoop earring and
placed it in front of him. Jason stared blankly at it.
So did Kelly. She hadn’t been aware of another woman spending significant time in this office besides her these last few weeks. Somehow the knowledge made her feel...territorial.
He picked up the hoop and turned it over in his hand, frowning slightly.
Kelly let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head. ‘You don’t know who it belongs to, do you?’
The fact he didn’t answer straight away told her all she needed to know, but then his eyes crinkled round the edges. ‘Would it help if I told you that I can narrow it down to one of two candidates?’
Kelly tried hard not to think about how such an item might get dislodged in the vicinity of Jason’s desk and just what kind of helping hand he’d had in the matter. ‘Nope. But that’s because it’s none of my business what you get up to once I’ve gone home for the evening. You could have a whole...herd...of girls up here for all I care.’
The mischievous grin remained, but his eyes searched her features as if he was trying to work out if she was telling the truth. She made sure she gave him no clues.
‘And while we’re on the subject, Amber called again.’
There it was, the shifty expression she’d been waiting for.... Jason didn’t have to open his mouth to let her know that poor Amber was history.
‘Don’t you give me that look...that boyish, won’t-you-take-pity-on-me look! I’ve told you already that you can tidy up your own messes. You’ve made your bed, as my grandmother used to say, and now you’ve got to lie in it. Just tell the poor woman it’s over!’
‘I have,’ Jason muttered, ‘and it’s not the bed bit that’s the problem.’
Kelly pretended she hadn’t heard. She sighed and shook her head. ‘Honestly, what do you do to these women to make them so...so...whatever they are?’
He opened his mouth, but Kelly held up a hand. ‘Scratch that. I don’t want to know how—’ She clamped her mouth shut before she could dig herself in any deeper.
The smile playing round the edges of his eyes was pure devilment. ‘How what?’