by Fiona Harper
‘Let’s just find McGrath, do what we’ve got to do, say what we’ve got to say and get out of here.’ She frowned and scanned the crowd. ‘Now, where is he?’
Moments ago this room had seemed magical, but now the jet lag was sucking away the fairy dust fast, making her feel lethargic and grumpy. At least that was what she ascribed her current mood to. She wasn’t prepared to let it be anything else.
Jason didn’t join her in her search. In fact, he didn’t look particularly enthused at her suggestion. He took the empty glass out of her hand—how had that happened?—and snagged them both another from a passing tray.
‘Here,’ he said, thrusting it in her direction. ‘It’s a party. We need to blend in...I mean, chill out. I think we should mingle a bit first.’
She opened her mouth to disagree, but he held up a hand in protest. ‘This is a New York moment, right here, and you’re missing it! You can’t rush this. The Starlight Roof was the place to see and be seen in the thirties and forties. Have you looked up yet?’
Kelly looked up. Above their heads was the most amazing art deco ceiling, covered with a series of stylised metal grilles with central decorations of winged horses and leaping gazelles. ‘It’s stunning,’ she said a little breathlessly.
‘We’re on the top floor of this section of the hotel. The roof used to retract so the social elite of the day could party underneath the stars.’
So that was where it had got its name. She had wondered.
Kelly had never heard of such a thing. Or been to such a place where people would think it was necessary to roll back the roof to have a good time. It was both wonderful and bemusing. She stopped looking at the ceiling and turned her attention to Jason. He looked completely comfortable with the whole concept. To him, it was just a neat idea. To her, it was a signal of just how different they were, of how she shouldn’t get sucked into his world and believe she could be a part of it.
‘It’s a business trip, Jason. So let’s do business.’
‘Kelly...’ The voice was low and playful. ‘Your first time in the Big Apple and you’ve hardly seen anything more than an anonymous pool and the inside of a hotel suite. Yes, this is business, but the working day ended—’ he checked his watch ‘—nine hours ago in London! Why not cut loose and have a little fun? Especially as you’ve got the chance to mingle with today’s bright young things.... Look over there!’ He pointed to a group huddled on some sofas to their right and Kelly recognised a chart-topping singer and her entourage. ‘And there...’ A few feet away a group of headline-grabbing sportsmen were arguing about the outcome of a baseball game. ‘I can’t see McGrath—he may not even have arrived yet. Why not take the chance to have a little fun? When will you ever get the opportunity to do this again?’
Never.
That was the word that rang instantly through Kelly’s head.
Jason led her over to a dessert table where there were miniature everythings from pastries to pavlova and layered desserts of different colours and flavours in different cocktail glasses. He handed her a plate. ‘Stop. Taste. Enjoy the moment.’
Kelly breathed in and held it. Enjoy the moment. When had she last done that?
She frowned. ‘I think I’ve forgotten how.’
When had there last been a moment to stop and enjoy? The day the doctor had stared back at her with a grim face and told her it wasn’t good news? The day her hair had started to fall out in clumps? Or how about the afternoon she’d answered Tim’s phone when he’d been in the shower and found a rather graphic text message from another woman? None of those were moments she’d wanted to stop and savour. No, instead she’d powered through them all as fast as she could, closing her eyes and hoping they’d disappear behind her if she ran fast enough.
And she’d never stopped running. The realisation settled over her like a haze.
‘Good job you’ve got me on hand to remind you,’ Jason said, and held a miniature cheesecake with a raspberry on top up to her mouth. Kelly stared at it, then took a bite, careful not to accidentally let lips meet fingers.
Heaven. That was the next word to echo round Kelly’s head. Pure heaven. She closed her eyes to savour the taste. Eating a New York cheesecake in New York had been on her bucket list, but she’d imagined a little diner somewhere and a waitress in an apron, chewing gum. Never in a million years had she imagined she’d be on the top of the Waldorf, being fed the most exquisite specimen by the best-looking man in the city. The whole experience made her a little giddy.
She opened her eyes to find Jason only inches away. He’d stopped smiling. And she could practically see him vibrating with the same pulse that was pounding in her ears.
‘Let’s dance,’ she heard herself say. ‘Do you want to dance?’
She had to do something to break this weird magnetism between them and dancing was supposed to be fun, wasn’t it?
Without waiting for an answer, or to see what Jason did with the remainder of the cheesecake, she turned away and joined the mass of moving bodies on the dance floor. When Jason joined her he was licking his lips and she guessed exactly where the rest of her teeny dessert had gone. Knowing that if their lips met they’d taste the same sweetness on each other made her insides growl—okay, purr—and she wasn’t sure it was her stomach doing the talking.
She concentrated on her dancing instead. One thing she’d been really good at once upon a time. However, if she thought she’d be able to scare Jason off or teach him a thing or two, she was wrong. No, Jason was as smooth and effortless on the dance floor as he was everywhere else. He had easy grace and an impeccable sense of rhythm, and Kelly found herself feeling a little jealous to start off with—especially when the girls came flocking and cooing. But he kept his eyes on her, his body turned towards her, and while he didn’t ignore the other women, he didn’t let them cut in. She was grateful to him for that.
Once she stopped watching him like a hawk, wondering if he was going to disappear with some long-legged, big-boobed model and leave her to fend for herself, she began to enjoy herself. And when Jason took that as encouragement and cracked out some of his more outrageous dance moves, that enjoyment made itself audible. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed so much. The weird thing was he didn’t look stupid, as a lot of other people would have done, he just looked full of energy, full of life. Kelly couldn’t tear her eyes off him.
More than an hour passed and she didn’t want to stop moving. Jason was right. This was fun. And when had she last had some guilt-free fun? She didn’t have to watch the clock to make sure she was home in time for the babysitter or feel bad she’d missed bedtime stories. It didn’t involve counting pennies then putting the item back on the shelf because she didn’t really need it and the boys came first. And she was burning calories instead of putting them on. When had she last felt this free?
Before, maybe. She didn’t name what. Just before. Before everything.
That had been a long time ago.
Almost a different Kelly ago.
So when her chest was heaving and her feet were screaming and Jason asked if she’d like a bit of fresh air, she nodded and followed him towards the long French windows that led to the fairy-lit terrace. The air was cool out there and, eighteen floors below, Park Avenue went about its business. The sounds of taxi horns, the rumble of tyres and the occasional siren made an oddly beautiful serenade.
They walked to one of the lower parts of the crenellated balcony and looked over. Kelly breathed out and turned to Jason. ‘Thank you. I think I needed that.’
Jason smiled at her. Not one of his cheeky ones, or his I’m-going-to-get-you-to-do-something-you-don’t-want-to-do ones, just a normal, regular smile. Something inside Kelly’s chest hiccupped. Jason must have felt it too because his expression became more earnest.
‘Why?’ he asked softly. ‘Why have you forgotten how t
o have fun?’
She stared back at him. For the first time in her life she didn’t want to tell the truth. She didn’t want to ruin this moment. This night was all magic and fantasy and glitter. She didn’t want to bring it crashing back down to earth by telling him her depressing reality.
But maybe she should.
Maybe she really should.
Before she did something stupid, like believing this could all spin on for ever and she wouldn’t get hurt.
He’s still Jason, she reminded herself. She couldn’t ask him to change and she didn’t want him to, but he was not who she needed. Not if she was going to fall for him. And she suddenly wasn’t kidding herself anymore that she wouldn’t cross that line if they got closer. She’d never been one for holding back and her fragile heart had already latched on too tightly to the man she’d seen beneath the smoke and mirrors.
He stepped forward and looked into her eyes, tipped his head a little to the side, enquiring. Kelly blocked his image out momentarily with a slow blink, then began. ‘My husband left me and our two boys for a much younger—and much bendier—woman,’ she said and, Lord bless him, he didn’t laugh. He just kept looking at her with that strange un-Jasonlike softness in his eyes.
It didn’t work. The truth didn’t scare him away like it did other people, so her only option was to plough on, spell the ugly details out fully. ‘Right after I was diagnosed with cancer. Lymphoma. It took a load of chemo and a year and a half, but I beat it. So there you have it. Basically, there hasn’t been much in my life to find funny recently.’
She could feel her throat growing thick. Odd. She was used to batting these details out to anyone who came too close. Why should this time be any different? Why should the truth she’d waved proudly like a flag catch her out this time?
Jason pressed his lips gently to her forehead then held her close. He didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. Kelly just breathed in the scent of his aftershave from his jacket and hung on. And then she started to cry. Big, fat tears that made no sound but refused to stop flowing.
How embarrassing.
But he didn’t shift uncomfortably after a minute or two. He didn’t stop holding or give those little non-verbal signals that Tim had used to give that meant he was finished hugging and was hoping she’d let him go. And Kelly didn’t want to let go of Jason.
That was also embarrassing. Because this was not the man to cling to. This was the man to have fun with, and fleeting fun at that. She sniffed and unpeeled herself from him. ‘Sorry.’
He shrugged, but that look was still in his eyes and he didn’t say anything trite or recite yet another platitude. Kelly was sick of platitudes. The warmth in his blue eyes quickly heated into mischievousness. ‘So you’ve been a little short on good times recently. That just means we’ve got a lot to pack into the next three days to make up for it.’
She nodded. ‘Okay.’ There was a bizarre kind of logic to his suggestion. Maybe this trip would help her chill out a little, take life as breezily as she used to. And if there was a man who could teach her to do just that, it was Jason Knight.
They wandered back into the ballroom. The DJ had put on a slower number and Kelly didn’t argue when he took her hand and spun her into his arms.
‘Let’s start right now,’ he whispered into her ear.
Kelly nodded, feeling the solid breadth of his shoulder beneath her head, feeling the sway of their bodies in perfect time. She was too tired to be contrary. Maybe it was the jet lag, or maybe it was just that she hadn’t realised how exhausted she was until she’d finally slowed down. It had taken a lot to fight that horrible disease. More than she’d ever let on. And even more to stay whole when Tim had deserted her.
Whole.
She was all better, so that was how she should feel now. But she didn’t.
She felt as if the divorce, the cancer, had taken something from her. If only she knew what it was so she could get it back. All she knew was that there was a tiny, nagging hole deep inside.
But she couldn’t think too much about that now, not with Jason’s warm shoulder under her cheek. Not with his hands resting softly at the back of her waist and her arms flung around his neck, fingers half buried in the ends of his hair.
This. This was what she needed.
To be held without being leant on. To have the space to stop being strong.
To be asked nothing.
And there wasn’t anyone more surprised than her that it was Jason giving it to her. Maybe there was magic in this room after all. Maybe they’d shed their protective armour at the coat check on the way in. Because all she knew was that she hadn’t felt this close to another soul in a long time. Not physically. Not emotionally. She felt connected to this man in a way she couldn’t verbalise, let alone understand. Why him? Why now? And why didn’t she care about the answers to either of those questions?
The song changed and the tempo slowed further. Kelly inhaled and then let out a long, shuddering sigh. Jason just pulled her closer. She could feel his breath on her neck, the rasp of his slight stubble on her temple. She didn’t have the energy to lift her head from his shoulder and look at him.
The night seemed to stretch on. She didn’t know how long they stayed like that. Maybe hours. Maybe only minutes. But, as she stopped fighting the world and just started to be, she felt some of her strength returning. Not the kind of strength she’d been existing on for the last few years. Not the make-yourself-do-it strength that was more an act of willpower than anything else. No, suddenly she felt lighter. Stronger. She felt like that winged horse on the ceiling, as if she could jump off the terrace wall and fly. No flapping. No effort. Just the blissful stillness of air beneath her wings and the certainty the warm breeze would take her where she wanted to go. All she had to do was believe and keep her arms outstretched.
If anyone knew that life was too short, it should be her. So why had she been running from it, shutting it out? Why wouldn’t she look into the future and hope?
Because it was there. The shadow. The threat.
The return of what she feared.
But it might never come. She could stay cancer free the rest of her life. Or she could be hit by a yellow cab tomorrow.
So maybe it was time to remember how to have fun. Maybe it was time to remember how to live.
She slid her hands from behind Jason’s neck to his chest. His heart was thudding beneath her palm and the longer her fingers rested there, the faster it beat. She stayed like that for a moment, feeling the warmth of his body against her hand, gathering courage, and then she tilted her face up to look at him.
Somewhere along the way their feet had stopped moving, although she wasn’t exactly sure when. He looked back at her. No quick remarks, no flirty comments. She almost wanted him to, because that would make it easier. That would make this a game they were playing, and she feared the stakes might be higher than that. But in the end she didn’t care either way. She was going to grab life with both hands again, starting with the delicious man she already had in her clutches. For once she wasn’t going to weigh every action up against the thundercloud looming in her future.
She let her lids drift shut, closed the distance between them and found his lips with her own. Jason stayed still. Not frozen, just waiting. Waiting to see if she wanted to change her mind. She didn’t.
He tasted so good. Every bit as wonderful as she remembered. Of strength and masculinity with a little bit of danger thrown in for good measure. As she continued to explore his mouth, Jason’s hands came up to gently hold her face. Slowly, he joined in with her, till she didn’t know who was leading and who was following. It really didn’t matter.
Who knew how long they’d have stayed like that, or how far they’d have gone if someone hadn’t bumped into Kelly. Her eyes flew open as Jason dragged his lips from hers. For a fraction of a second they
stared at each other. Kelly wasn’t quite sure exactly what they were saying in tandem. Was it What the hell was that? or was it You too? Perhaps it was both. Because that hadn’t just been a kiss. What they’d shared outside the Tube station had been a kiss. This...this had been more. Everything.
And, for some reason, she wasn’t as terrified as she should have been at that thought. Her head was telling her it was a very, very bad idea, but deep down inside she couldn’t get worked up about it. Her gut told her this was the real him, and her gut was happy with what it saw.
She twisted round to see who had backed into her and found herself staring at Dale McGrath. Jason’s hand tightened on her arm.
‘Sorry!’ she and Dale both said at the same time.
He smiled back at her. ‘I reckon that was my fault, seeing as you weren’t moving and I wasn’t looking where I was headed.’
Kelly gave him a wry look. ‘Not sure I was either.’
Dale just grinned back at her, the glow of good humour in his eyes.
‘Great party!’ she said. ‘Thanks so much for inviting us.’
He nodded, but he gave her a questioning look. Before either she or Dale could say anything, Jason thrust out his hand and shook the other man’s hand firmly. ‘Jason Knight of Aspire Sports,’ he said. ‘I spoke to your team about our new Mercury running shoes a couple of months ago.’
Dale nodded and where his smile was fading, a frown was beginning to form. Kelly glanced at Jason. Why was McGrath looking at him like that? As if he didn’t quite know what to make of Jason. As if he was surprised he was here.
Oh, crap.
Suddenly all the little things that hadn’t quite added up all evening made sense.
She wriggled out of Jason’s grip and turned to face him, glaring.
‘You crashed this party?’ she asked him in a shrill voice. ‘You made me crash along with you? What kind of crazy game are you playing?’
TEN
Jason swung round to stare at Kelly. Couldn’t she just play along?