“No.” His tone was unequivocal. “Sweetheart, they’ve tried to figure it out for centuries, can’t even discover why the sun affects us this way, much less find a cure. Once the process starts, there’s no way to reverse it.”
Anger roared through her.
What was the use of her magic, all the vaulted magic of faie, if it couldn’t be used to save Vidar?
She pulled away from his arms. Getting to her feet, she glared down at him. “Fuck that shit. We’ll go to the Troll Circle, ask for help there. Or to Eldmar. My brother will do whatever he can to help you. He already likes you, and when he hears what you did for me…”
But Vidar was shaking his head. And now she could see the misery behind his calm façade. “Please don’t.”
“Don’t what, troll?” There was no way to control her rage, or the agony destroying her as surely as the stone was overtaking him. “Don’t be angry? Don’t fight or be frightened?” Don’t wonder how I’m going to survive without you, now that I’ve grown to love you more than life itself?
“Don’t make this harder than it already is.” His pain matched hers, and exacerbated it. “Do you think I want to leave you, that it isn’t breaking my heart too?” Vidar took a deep breath, the shuddering expansion of his chest highlighting his distress, and shadows darkened his eyes. “I just want—need—to spend this time with you, holding you. I can do this with dignity, Jasmina, if you help me.”
His words struck like a blade slicing her to the soul, but they also steadied her. He needed her care, not histrionics. Needed her to be strong, not weak and wailing, no matter how she wanted to roll into a ball and die too.
She fell to her knees beside him again, held him close. Vidar laid his head against her breast, and she wove the fingers of one hand through his hair, trying to get herself under control. Beneath the other hand his heart beat so strong and sure she couldn’t imagine it turning to stone, stopping. Tears threatened again, and she pushed the thought away, along with her own selfish fears and pain. What she needed to do now was tend to him, make him comfortable.
He shivered slightly, even though the fire crackled in the grate nearby, and she realized his chest felt cool beneath her fingers too. She considered adding some more wood to the fire, then thought of something even better.
“Hold on to me, darling.”
With a swirl of magic, she removed their clothing and transported them into what she thought of as his goddess pool, knowing it was one of his favorite places. Hopefully the warmth of the water would make what was happening more bearable for him.
Vidar sighed and, closing his eyes, sank down until the water came almost to his shoulders. “Thank you.”
“Anything.” She forced the word out, humbled that he’d show gratitude for something so simple, when it was because of her he faced a slow, cold death. “Anything you need, tell me and I’ll do it.”
He reached for her, pulled her across his lap in the water. “You’re all I could ever want, Jazz. All I need.”
So simple, those words, and yet more powerful than any she’d ever heard before, because she knew they were true. It made her earlier doubts about his feelings seem petty and ridiculous. And excruciating to think about, since it was those doubts that made her run from him. If she hadn’t fled, he wouldn’t be dying.
Looping one arm around his neck, she traced each of his features with the trembling fingers of her other hand, committing the shapes and textures to memory. Inhaled deeply, taking his distinctive, glorious scent deep into her lungs, knowing after this day each time she walked in the woods his memory would haunt her.
“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you—never will love this way again.” She whispered it to him, needing him to believe. “And no one has ever loved me as you do. You’ll be with me, always.”
He opened his eyes, and the emotion in them wrung her heart. “There is a part of me that hopes you never find anyone else, that you long for me until the end of your life. But that’s selfish, and I know it. Be happy for me, please, Jazz? Promise me you’ll love again and be as happy as we have been these past days.”
She didn’t try to stop her tears, even when a rumble of distress rose in his throat, and he leaned in to kiss them away.
“I can’t promise that. I won’t promise it.” Each touch of his lips on her cheeks was like a brand, despite the chill of his mouth. Time was running out, and she needed to make sure he understood the profundity of her feelings. She couldn’t let him go before he knew. “You’ve made me understand love, feel more than I thought I was capable of. In you I found what I was looking for the entire time I roamed—home, belonging, a reason for being. Tonight I realized it didn’t matter where we came from, what we are or had done before we met. All I wanted was the chance to love you, be with you forever.” A sob broke through and she squeezed her eyes shut, forcing the pain back to manageable levels. “If you hadn’t been willing to try, I would have begged you for the chance to make it work.”
“There would have been no need to beg, kelema, my heart.” He pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth, his hand tenderly caressing her back and then rising to her nape. The slight rasp of his palm against her skin was heartbreakingly familiar and precious. “I was at your apartment to ask you to come back to me, to stay with me forever. I would have begged too, if you wanted me to. Meeting you set me free, and I thank Freyja for you, for the love I experienced. I wouldn’t change anything, not one moment of knowing you.”
He sank deeper into the water, closed his eyes, and she knew it was so she wouldn’t see how high the stone had climbed up his arm and how much it hurt. Not wanting to acknowledge time slipping away, she tightened her hold on his neck, as though doing so could somehow keep him with her a little longer. Leaning back so as to see his face, she said, “I thank her too, Vidar. Your goddess gave us the greatest gift she could when your loyalty sent you to the Café.”
He nodded, but didn’t reply. The muscle in his cheek jumped rhythmically a few times then stopped, as though he’d forced himself to unclench his teeth. The pain must be becoming unbearable, and Jasmina almost screamed with agony as she saw the first tinge of gray rising along his shoulder.
Please, Freyja, take away his pain. He’s been your faithful servant. Don’t make him hurt anymore.
The prayer came to mind unbidden. With her belief in Fate she should be resigned to letting Vidar’s destiny run its course, but her heart couldn’t bear to see him in pain, slowly dying before her eyes. He believed the goddess had shown special interest in him, watched over and protected him from when he was young. Perhaps she could be appealed to one more time.
Freyja, I beseech you on his behalf, for it would never occur to him to do it for himself. Help him, please!
Perhaps that wasn’t enough, she thought, as Vidar’s lips thinned and a low moan rumbled in his throat. What did she know of the ways of the gods? Perhaps they needed tribute? With an offer of sacrifice, would Freyja listen?
Goddess, take me instead. Give me his pain, this affliction of stone. This wouldn’t have happened if not for me. He is so much more worthy to live than I am. I gladly offer my life for his. Save him, please, Freyja.
“All I needed was for someone to ask.”
At the sound of the low, melodious voice, Vidar’s eyes flew open. For a long moment he simply stared, but then adoration transformed his face, smoothing the lines of pain, putting new life into his features.
“My goddess.” He tried to move, but although he gripped the side of the pool and heaved, his body barely budged, the stone side too heavy to lift with one arm. Falling back into the water, he had tears of frustration and shame gleaming in his eyes. “Forgive me for not showing the proper respect.”
Jasmina didn’t turn to look at the goddess. All she needed to see was whether Freyja would accept her sacrifice and save Vidar—if the gray creeping toward his neck disappeared.
“Vidar Jarlsen, you are one of my own, with a spirit and heart so pure and t
rue it gladdens me to be in your presence. Your courage and strength, your life lived in service of my name, is respect enough.”
“You honor me, goddess, both with your praise and for being here with me at the end of my life.” Vidar closed his eyes for a moment. His hand, beneath the water, found Jasmina’s and he linked his fingers with hers. When his eyelids lifted there was both hope and sadness in the beautiful, shadowed gaze. “Have you come to take me to Fólkvangr?”
“Not yet, Vidar.” There was a soft, loving tone in the goddess’s voice. “There is a place awaiting you on my field of warriors, but this is not your time.”
Magic, powerful and glorious, filled the air around them and turned the walls, even the water, to deep amber. For a moment Jasmina couldn’t decide whether Vidar’s skin had returned to its normal hue, or if the change she saw was only a reflection from the goddess’s light.
Vidar’s arm, previously hard and immovable, brushed soft against her thigh, and a violent wave of relief flowed through Jasmina’s veins.
Turning, she blinked away tears of joy to be able to look up at the goddess and caught her breath at the unfathomable light in Freyja’s light-blue eyes. Fear gripped her, but Jasmina drew strength from the knowledge that Vidar would live on, even if she couldn’t.
“Thank you, Freyja, for answering my prayer.” Pushing away from Vidar’s body, avoiding his restraining fingers, she faced the other woman. “I’m ready.”
“Ready for what?” Vidar moved so swiftly Jasmina couldn’t evade his hands and she was spun about in the water so he could see her face. The grip of his fingers on her shoulders was frantic, almost painful. “What did you promise the goddess, Jasmina?”
She touched his cheek, and smiled. “My life for yours, my love. And it’s the best bargain I’ve ever struck.”
“No!” His roar of outrage echoed deafeningly through the chamber and fear, unlike any she’d ever seen before, twisted his face. “Freyja, no. Don’t do it, I beseech you. Give it back to me. I did it gladly, to save her. Don’t take her, please.”
“Be still, my children.” The goddess’s magic changed tenor, became softer, the light changing to a beautiful, soothing golden hue. “I understand love better than you may think, and even more so can appreciate the urge to give all for the one who holds your heart. Such fidelity is pleasing to me, beyond any sacrifice offered.”
Vidar’s fingers loosened, and Jasmina could turn and look fully at the smiling goddess again. Whatever words she would have said stuck in her throat, trapped by the fullness of her heart. The goddess nodded, as though in acknowledgement of the gratitude too enormous to be articulated.
“Jasmina Binaar, I will ask one thing of you.”
“Anything.” Vidar’s arms came around her from behind, and Jasmina held on to them, not knowing what would be asked of her. Hopefully it wouldn’t be something Vidar would object to. She didn’t want to be the reason he fell afoul of his goddess.
“Let me take the stopper for your bottle, add it to the treasures in my hall. It will be safe in Sessrúmnir, and give me pleasure each time I see it. For it will remind me of the greatness love confers on all those who embrace it.”
“With pleasure, goddess.” She felt Vidar exhale, as though in relief, and she repeated, “With pleasure.”
With a small sweep of her fingers, Freyja called the stopper to her. It rose from where it had fallen from Vidar’s hand into the water, spun slightly, flashing green and gold, before gently flying through the air to settle in the goddess’s hand. The long, pale fingers closed around it, and Jasmina felt a great weight fall from her heart.
“Be happy together.” Freyja looked solemn, but her incredible eyes sparkled with power and joy. “Never forget how much you almost lost, and be grateful for the time you share.”
And in a blink she was gone.
For a long moment neither Jasmina nor Vidar moved, held motionless as the golden glow of the goddess’s power faded, leaving just the torchlight. Vidar’s chest was still pressed to her back, and she could feel the way it heaved each time he breathed. His arms were tight bands of warm flesh—thank you again, Freyja—around her waist.
“You offered your life for mine. How could you do such a thing?”
Vidar’s voice was soft, furious, but Jasmina knew his anger would pass. Nothing, not anger, pain, pride or shame, would ever separate them again.
“I love you, more than myself.” She leaned her head against him, her hands unable to stop touching his arms, exploring the smooth flesh, pressing to feel the muscles yield slightly beneath her fingers. “Are you the only one allowed to love that way?”
With a swift movement, he swung her around, lifted her so they were face-to-face. Just as swiftly she wrapped her arms and legs around him, buried her lips in his neck and held on for all she was worth.
“Jasmina, oh Jazz.” The tears she’d seen on his cheeks were evident in his voice. “Stay with me, forever. Here I am, begging, as I said I would if I got the chance. All I have to offer is the heart of a simple man who loves you more than anyone else ever will.”
“That’s more than enough, troll.” She leaned back in the support of his arms and cupped his beautiful face. “Even in the eyes of a goddess, it’s more than enough.”
Chapter Fourteen
“I don’t know what the fuck’s going on around here.” Ula glowered down from behind her desk, fingers beating an irate tattoo on the wood. “First Jakuta hooks up with a crazy ex-banshee, then Little Miss Jinn decides to shack up with a troll.” Her eyes widened, and she had a horrified expression on her face as she leaned forward and asked. “Do you think someone’s put some kind of crazy love enchantment on this place?”
Jasmina laughed and shrugged. “No clue. But it’s not like everyone in here is falling like flies. And even if they were, what’s so bad about that?”
Ula’s already wide nostrils flared even more, and Cassie held up two fingers in the traditional gesture aimed at warding off bad luck.
“Are you kidding?” Cassie sounded almost as disgusted as the goblin had. “Firstly, all this love stuff has severely cut down on my drinking partners. You’re so into your domestic bliss, we haven’t had a girls’ night out in forever. Secondly, my falling in love and getting married would make my mother waaayy too happy.”
“Not if you married a troll.” Ula sniggered. “Or how about a vamp?”
“Ooo, not a bad idea.” Cassie got into the spirit of the thing. “A mountain dwarf.”
Jasmina giggled to think of the almost six-foot-tall Cassie with a dwarf. “A leprechaun would be even better. They’re usually only about three-and-a-half feet high.”
“And partial to green.” Cassie looked downright diabolical. “Mother hates green.”
Jasmina was still giggling as she told them good night and translocated home.
Home.
Standing in the kitchen, she took Freyja’s advice and gave thanks for the warmth that enveloped her as soon as she came back to their mountain retreat. Never before had she felt so settled or happy. She wouldn’t trade it for anything in this, the human or even the next world. While she still had her apartment in the city, this was where she belonged.
“Vidar, I’m home.”
The routine of continuing to work the night shift at the Café, leaving just after dawn, meant by the time she got home Vidar was finished work and they could spend time together.
He came out from the passage leading to the rest of the house, bare-chested, a little smile tipping the edges of his mouth and a familiar light in his eyes. Immediately a shock of arousal fired through her blood, tightening her nipples and weakening her knees.
“Kelema.” His smile widened, and he came across to where she stood by the fireplace. Wrapping his arms around her, he bent to kiss her, his mouth lingering on hers for a long, hot moment. But he lifted away before she could deepen the caress. “Are you hungry?”
“Uh-huh.” Jasmina looked up him through her lashes. “Sudden
ly, for you.”
“Oh good.”
There was a swirl of magic, and Jasmina found herself in their bedroom, already naked. He tipped them both over onto the bed, rolling her onto her back and half-covering her body with his. She subsided with a laugh of pleasure.
“What’s got into you?” Not that he wasn’t always happy to see her, or interested in falling into bed with her as often as possible, but there was something different today. An aura of suppressed anticipation lingered in the air and a hint of color touched Vidar’s cheeks. It reminded her of when she’d first propositioned him. “What are you up to?”
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you about, and I just couldn’t restrain myself anymore.” The color in his face deepened, and his erection poked at her thigh as he stretched over her head to reach under the pillow. His hand emerged, her pink, glass dildo clutched in his fist, and Jasmina gasped with a mixture of amusement and excitement as he asked, “Did you use this a lot?”
“Where did you find that?” The last time she remembered seeing it was at her apartment.
He looked slightly shame-faced. “In your bedroom, that first night we went there together. I had to see where you slept, wanted to be able to imagine you in your own bed. This was under your pillow, and I put it in your bag.”
Oh, the thought of him using it on her made her instantly wet. “Do you want to know what I did with it?”
Vidar bit his lip, nodded.
“Well.” She let the word trail away suggestively, licked her lips so as to stretch out the silence a little. When she brushed her fingers along his side, a shiver of reaction rippled through his muscles. “I would masturbate with it, imagining it was you fucking me.”
He inhaled sharply, his chest expanding and rubbing against her aching nipples. “Show me.” Pressing the dildo into her hand, he said, “I want to see that.”
She shook her head, not closing her fingers around the toy. Wicked thoughts were invading her mind, but she wasn’t sure even Vidar would be up for what she had in mind. He was wonderfully adventurous, completely unselfconscious and open to everything, but they were still exploring the limits. “I don’t think you do. It’s an enchanted dildo. I doubt you want to watch yourself fucking me.”
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