by Элисон Ноэль
“Try to speak with them — try to make contact,” her husband urged. His gaze was fixed on the screen of his little hand held device, eager to see the lines shift and move once again. “Ask him why they’re here, and what they might possibly want. Ask them if they have any messages they might like to pass on.”
Saying all of that as though I could only hear the words if she said them. As though she had some special patented way of communicating with the dearly departed.
Her husband came up behind her, seizing the camera she passed over her shoulder and steadying it in one hand while keeping the voice recorder going in the other. Watching as his wife crept even closer, running her hands over her wrinkled green sweats while completely ignoring the bed hair that, had I been her, I would’ve been way more concerned about.
“Is there any message you’d like us to pass on? Is there anything we can do for you?” the woman asked, squatting down on her haunches, as her knees cracked so loudly and violently, I actually jumped in surprise. Cringing back against the wall as she angled her face until it was dangerously close to Buttercup’s and mine.
“Yes,” I said, finding my voice again and nodding sincerely. “I’d really like it if you could just pack up your equipment and move on, so I can deal with this Radiant Boy on my own. You know, the one you actually came here to see? Seriously, move it along so I can finish the job.”
I scowled, knowing she wasn’t about to go anywhere. Not as long as Buttercup and I were inadvertently giving her the thrill of her ghost-busting lifetime, even though, technically speaking anyway, neither of us could truly be considered as earthbound entities, since we were only there on a mission, and therefore had no plans to stay — a small, but pretty substantial fact that was completely lost on her.
I sat back and sighed, long, loudly, no longer caring when she turned toward her husband, her eyes wide, head bobbing up and down as she said, “Did you feel that? Just now? That rush of cold air?”
He nodded, his gaze running the track between the camera’s display, the voice recorder, his wife’s crazy eyes, and back.
“Are you getting all this?” she asked, rising in a way that made her knees crack again, causing Buttercup to wince and me to cringe.
“All of it,” he mumbled. “Every last bit of it.” He smiled, his eyes shining brightly.
“Fantastic!” she exclaimed, face beaming, cheeks flushed with excitement, as her hair, still not attended to since she’d jumped out of bed, pretty much stood up on end.
And watching all of that, well, it was just too much.
Not only had I been recorded and filmed, destined for some pathetically dorky, homegrown, schlocky, ghost-busting Web site, but I’d yet to see the Radiant Boy, and as long as they kept this up, it was clear that I wouldn’t.
I slumped against the wall, and glared at the couple before me, hoping they’d get a good shot of that amongst the rest of their footage. Watching as they closed in on us, stopping just short of where Buttercup was crouching down low, transitioning into full-on guard dog mode, as he let off a low, menacing growl.
“Oh, now you decide you don’t like her?” I looked at him, and shook my head. “What about earlier when you were slobbering all over her hands? Huh, what about that?”
But just after the words were out, I noticed she wasn’t the one he was growling at.
There was someone behind her.
Someone creeping up behind both her and her husband.
Someone who glowed so brightly the whole room lit up.
Someone who could only be described as Radiant.
14
Behind him, the room shook.
Objects flew.
As the ghost-busting couple bolted through the door with Buttercup close on their heels. Dropping their equipment and abandoning their belongings without a second glance, the shrieking echo of the husband’s high-pitched scream lingering in the air long after they’d left.
Leaving me to face the Radiant Boy all on my own, as practically anything and everything that wasn’t nailed down or weighing in at over two hundred pounds went soaring through the air, directed solely at me.
A chair nearly sliced me in half.
A lamp nearly cut off my head.
As a pair of graying old tube socks with holes in both the toes and the heels lifted right out of the couple’s suitcase and headed straight for my neck, completely bent on strangling me.
All of it whirling about in a frenzied gale-force wind that could rival any Midwestern tornado, and refusing to stop until the entire room and its contents were either broken, upended, or no longer anywhere near their original place.
I cowered against the wall, narrowly avoiding a rogue blow dryer that hissed and looped before me like a venomous snake. Too afraid to close my eyes in case I might miss something, too afraid to keep them open for what I might see. Squinting into the wind and debris at the Radiant Boy glowering over me, wishing I’d just grabbed hold of Buttercup’s tail and sailed right out of there while I’d still had the chance.
But it was too late for that. My failure to run left me with no choice but to deal with it. If I’d any hope of making it to London, learning to fly, or even just having the courage to face Bodhi again, I’d have to stay put, no matter what came at me.
No matter what became of me.
The Radiant Boy towered menacingly, having grown three times his size in just a handful of seconds. The blond curls that had been springy and bouncy just a moment before morphed into angry, vicious, three-headed snakes, while his body emitted a glow so bright — so radiant — it was all I could do not to cover my face. As his eyes raged ominously, two fiery, flaming pits of anger focused on me — though it was nothing compared to his mouth — an infinite black hole — a bottomless abyss — gaping so wide I had the unmistakable feeling he intended to swallow me completely.
I clamped my mouth shout, desperate to keep the scream from escaping. My eyes locked on those two flaming pits as he moved closer and closer still, knowing he was the scariest thing I’d ever seen in both my life and death combined. And that includes my worst nightmares, shows on TV, and even the movies I wasn’t allowed to watch but did anyway.
Nowhere had I ever seen anything quite as frightening as he.
His fiery eyes raging in a way so intense I could actually feel their white-hot scorching heat, as the infinite void of his mouth practically sucked the air right out of the room. Knowing only one thing for sure: No trip to London could ever be worth it.
And as for flying, well, it was clearly overrated.
But just as I turned, sneaking one foot halfway through the wall, eager to make my escape — I thought about Bodhi.
Thought about the smirky look he’d surely give me the second he found me in the hall, all wide-eyed and scared witless.
I thought about failing, and just how awful that always makes me feel.
And I knew I couldn’t do it.
Couldn’t allow myself to cave quite so easily.
Not without putting up a good fight at least.
No matter what would become of me, no matter what that Radiant Boy tried to do, I had to see it through.
I spun on my heel and placed my hands on my hips, squaring my shoulders as I narrowed my gaze and screwed up the courage to say, “Just what is it that you’re trying to prove here, anyway?” Hoping he couldn’t see the way my limbs all trembled and shook.
He crept closer, eyes glowing like crazy, mouth gaping wider — wider than I ever would’ve thought possible — as he closed the gap between us with surprising speed. Those angry, hot orbs practically singeing the brows off my face as he leaned toward me and shook the snakes loose from his head.
Freeing hundreds of slimy, red-eyed, three-headed, angrily snapping snakes with razor-sharp fangs — all of them slithering, wriggling, and writhing toward me.
I sprang toward the settee, balancing myself on the slick marble-topped table as the snakes slid all around. Their numbers multiplying so quickly they completely oblite
rated the smooth, polished wood floor that had been there just a moment before — morphing it into a bottomless, hissing sea.
And even though I tried to stay calm, tried to remind myself that I was already dead, that they couldn’t really hurt me no matter how much they tried, it was no use. There was no overcoming my fear.
A sea of snakes with no escape.
It was pretty much my very worst nightmare come true.
Or, at least that’s what I thought until the flaming-eyed, snake-haired, demon-faced Radiant Boy morphed into something far worse.
Transforming himself into a completely crazed circus clown with huge red shoes that bounced right over the snakes, stirring them into a wild, lashing frenzy as he leered at me with his creepy, exaggerated face.
His oversized, sloppy red mouth a jagged gash in his flesh, dripping thick rivulets of blood all down his front, as the flames continued to burst from his eyes.
He leaned toward me, allowing the frenzied, snapping snakes to slither up and down his arms, and I was just about to bolt, just about to cry “uncle” and get myself to safety, no longer caring about what Bodhi might do, no longer caring about anything but freeing myself of this beast, when I found that I couldn’t.
Couldn’t move.
Couldn’t run no matter how hard I tried.
Somehow, entirely against my will, and without my even realizing it, I’d been strapped and harnessed into what I soon recognized as a dentist’s chair.
I opened my mouth to scream, hoping to alert Bodhi, Buttercup, the ghost-busting couple, someone — anyone — knowing I needed all the help I could get. Clamping it shut the second I saw the horrifying assortment of drills and picks and needles he wielded before me — leaving me no choice but to silence myself.
And that’s when I realized what was truly going on.
This scary, sadistic, completely crazy, drill-wielding, snake-charming, orthodontist/clown/Radiant Boy had seen right through me. Right into the very heart and soul of me.
He’d tapped into my very worst fears.
Snakes — three-headed ones at that!
Clowns — stemming from that horrible summer day at the Oregon Country Fair, when I was just a little kid and some crazy mime/clown got all up in my face and refused to stop following me, stop mocking me, until my dad was forced to intervene.
Dental instruments — an approved form of torture, I’d no doubt about that.
But what I didn’t know was how he managed it — how he’d read me so well.
And it terrified me to think of just what else he might know.
His flaming eyes and bleeding mouth veering closer and closer as a tangle of snakes leapt onto my chair causing me to cringe, squishing back in my seat as far as I could, wishing I could scream, find a way to call for help, but knowing that to do so would only allow admittance to those horrible, whirring instruments. Pressing against the thick canvas straps, struggling against them with everything that I had.
But it was no use.
He’d already won.
I was well on my way to joining the ranks of every Soul Catcher who’d come before me and failed.
15
I ground my teeth together and squinched my eyes shut, unwilling to see any more. Cursing Bodhi under my breath for putting a rookie like me in a situation like this with virtually no warning, no proper training of any sort, and cursing Buttercup as well for abandoning me in what was clearly a time of deep need.
And I was just about to do it, just about to beg him to stop, to tell him that for all I cared he could haunt this place for the next hundred years, when he emitted a roar so loud, I couldn’t help but peek. Couldn’t help but peer into that creepy wreck of a face, watching in terror as it transformed from crazy flaming-eyed clown to every horror movie monster of the last thirty years.
And that’s when I knew: He didn’t know me at all!
Hadn’t tapped into the deepest part of me like I’d thought.
He was merely tapping into all the usual fears — the ones most of us shared.
And the only thing keeping me here, scared out of my wits and chained to that chair, was my belief that he had some kind of power over me.
My belief that the flying furniture could’ve harmed me, when clearly it would’ve just passed right through.
My belief that I couldn’t overcome the snakes and the dental instruments — that they were bigger than me, too powerful to fight.
When the truth is they weren’t.
And neither was he.
Not in the least.
And realizing that, well, it didn’t make the snakes go away, didn’t make the dental drills disappear, but it did make me stronger — strong enough to conquer my fears. So by the time he reached his arms toward me and threw back his head — well, I didn’t cringe.
In fact, I didn’t do much of anything at all.
I just calmly unbuckled all the harnesses and straps as I watched the Radiant Boy — falter.
Falter in a way that set him completely off balance.
Falter in a way that somehow — split him into three!
I sat there, mouth hanging open, a fresh unheard scream tickling the back of my throat, thinking the only thing scarier than one angry Radiant Boy — was half a six-pack of angry Radiant Boys.
But only when they were all grouped into a pyramid like they were just before the fall. After losing their balance and tumbling to the ground, well, there was no doubt that I was in charge now.
I slid off the chair and cleared the floor of snakes simply by wishing for them to be gone. Then jutting my hip and tossing my hair over my shoulder, I cocked my head to the side and said, “So, you work as a team.” I nodded, pausing for a moment to take them all in. “Well, I guess that explains why no one’s been able to convince you to move on all these years. You’ve probably spent the last several centuries either working in shifts, or ganging up on people in your big scary pyramid maneuver. Not quite a fair fight when you think about it, now is it?”
They scrambled to their feet, trying to assume a tough-guy pose but it was too late. Two of them choosing to hang back, as one of them stepped forward as their leader, and I couldn’t help but wonder why they’d chosen him since they all seemed pretty much the same to me. But as he drew closer, as all of them drew closer, I saw that they weren’t the same at all.
When they were all bunched up, piled high on top of each other and pooling their energy, they took on that same, bright, radiant glow. But, taken in separately and individually, well, they had some very distinct differences. One was tall, one not so tall, and one more or less medium, and while two had hair that could best be described as platinum in color, the one who stepped forward was more of the strawberry blond variety, and he’s the one who chose to lift his shoulders, puff up his chest, tilt his chin high, and address me.
“I command you to leave,” he said, voice steady and strong and more than a little intimidating.
And even though the visions of snakes and the crazy clown wielding dental instruments were still fresh in my mind, I had no choice but to move past it, just clear it out completely. If I was to get anywhere with them, make any progress at all, it was imperative I show them I wasn’t that same scared little ghost girl from a moment ago.
“Please tell me you’re not serious,” I said, knowing I might be pushing it, but still. Even though there were three of them and only one of me, they were still only a bunch of ten-year-olds, which, in my mind, pretty much made me the boss of them. “I mean, you’re not serious about commanding me — are you?”
I gazed all around, noting every little detail as I vowed to remember this exact moment. What the room looked like, what they looked like, knowing it would become one of my favorite parts to retell later. I shook my head, correctly reading the sudden burst of flames in his eyes as outrage, when I said, “Oh boy, it looks like you are serious. Okay.” I nodded, trying not to cringe at the sight of it. “But see, here’s the thing, I can’t leave — or at least not
yet. I’ve got a job to do — and — well — I’m not going anywhere until it’s done. So, it seems like we’ve got ourselves a little problem, I mean, what with your commanding me and all.”
He glanced over his shoulder and looked at the others, receiving two halfhearted shrugs for his efforts, but still, it was enough for him to face me again and say, “I pronounce you to be gone! You must leave at once!” He lifted his arms, palms facing up as more three-headed snakes slithered down them and sprang toward me.
But I just batted them away, knowing they were only as real as I allowed them to be. In the big scheme of things, there was nothing he could do to hurt me.
I shrugged my shoulders and made for the blue upholstered settee. Turning the chair back onto its feet, and plopping myself upon it. Correctly assuming this was going to take a little longer than I’d hoped, what with all the commandments and pronouncements I’d be expected to get through, so I may as well make myself comfortable.
He stood before me, reddish-blond brows merged over the angry red orbs that stood in for his eyes.
But I didn’t react, I refused to give him that. And then after a few more demands, a few more decrees, and a whole slew of urgently stressed proclamations, he switched off.
In fact, they all switched off.
So that they no longer glowed, were no longer red eyed, and a trio of normal pink mouths replaced the bottomless black holes that had recently stood in their place.
Looking pretty much like any other gang of ten-year-old boys as they stood there before me. Well, except for the truly dreadful, completely unbelievable, wish-you-could’ve-seen-it-for-yourself,awful matching white short suits with the matching white knee socks and shiny, black shoes.
And I couldn’t help but hope those had been the clothes they’d been buried in, because if they’d chosen that ensemble on their own, well, I wasn’t sure I could ever get through to them.
“Why aren’t you afraid of us?” the one I was beginning to think of as strawberry head asked.
I shrugged, taking a moment to look him over before I said, “Well, if it makes you feel any better, at first I clearly was. I mean, you saw the way I almost took off. And then with that whole killer clown thing with the drills and the picks—” I shuddered at the memory of it. “Well, you nearly did me in! But when you started with all the scary monster stuff, well, let’s just say it was pretty much a dead giveaway.” I smiled, adding, “Pun intended,” really cracking myself up. But when they didn’t join in, I was quick to add, “Anyway, that’s pretty much what did it. I mean, most of those movies were way before my time, and that’s pretty much the moment I knew.”