by C. L. Stacey
“Please,” I breathe. “Please, please, please…”
“Ariana?” my brother’s voice comes from the front of the home, and I exit the kitchen to meet him.
Be cool, I command myself.
Sometimes he calls for my attention when he needs to add something to the grocery list or whenever he needs to tell me about the next business trip he needs to take.
“I’m right here,” I say, then I stop, mid-step, shocked to find Caleb with him. “Hi,” I greet both of them.
Aryn’s gaze falls to the back of Ayli’s head, peeking out of the Boba wrap I placed her in when cleaning the kitchen. “I’m going to go wash up.” That’s all he says before disappearing into his room with his suitcase.
My heart sinks, but I still manage to smile down at Ayli. “Next time,” I tell her softly, pressing a kiss against her nose.
I do the best I can to not look so bummed about it, but I’m not sure how well I pull that off when I find Caleb silently watching me.
“How’d you two end up together?”
“I went to the airport to pick him up,” he answers, confusing me.
“How did you know when he was getting in?” Even I didn’t know that information.
“Does it matter?”
I suppose it doesn’t. “When did he land?”
“A few hours ago.”
To my surprise, Aryn comes walking back out of his room in comfortable clothes. When he said he was going to wash up, I assumed he was turning in for the night.
My brother surprises me again when he stops in front of me, and he stretches his hands out to me. “Give her to me, please.”
Tears spring to my eyes, and I’m too stunned to speak. I just stare at his hands, my tears still pooling in my eyes.
“I washed them, don’t worry.”
I breathe a laugh, and my heart swells so hugely in my chest I can hardly breathe. “You want to hold her?” I ask to clarify, to make sure he isn’t toying with me in some cruel way.
“Yes.”
This is the moment I’ve been waiting three long months for. I knew it would happen. I knew it all along. I blink away my tears, clearing my blurred vision of Aryn’s tired face, and he offers me the saddest smile. I see the silent apology, the grateful glint in his eyes. In this instant, I’m tremendously proud of my brother. He’s ready to take that step forward, to love Ayli the way I know he can.
I’m so happy I could scream. I sort of do. “Okay!” My response comes louder than I intended, but I’m just too excited to remain calm about this. This is huge. “Can you untie me?” I gesture toward my back, and Aryn walks around me.
Caleb’s still watching me, and he smiles when I silently mouth the words, “Oh, my God!” to him.
I wrap my arms securely around Ayli when Aryn starts working on the knot. Once I’m free of the stretchy fabric, I carefully hand her over to him. “Careful,” I tell him quietly.
“Of course.” Aryn cradles her to his chest.
It may sound crazy, but I swear I can sense his heart grow fuller with the contact. The look on his face says it all, and it warms me and pains me in the most beautiful way.
When Aryn disappears into his room with Ayli, I turn my teary gaze Caleb’s way again. “What did you do?”
Caleb nods his head in the direction of the balcony. “Come talk to me.”
Right now, I’d jump off the balcony if he asked me to, so I follow Caleb outside without argument.
As soon as I slide the door closed, I dive right into the groveling. “You are amazing. I take back every mean thing I said to you the other day. I can’t believe that just happened. Did you have my brother brainwashed or something?”
Caleb chuckles from behind the cigarette he just placed in his mouth, and he brings his Zippo up to light it. With a small drag, Caleb blows the smoke away from me. “He just needed an encouraging shove in the right direction.”
“Well, I am completely in your debt.”
“It’s good you say that,” Caleb starts, slight tension settling over his brows. “Because I need something from you.”
“Okay.” I nod agreeably. “What is it?”
“We can’t find anyone to replace you, Ari, we tried.” He shakes his head. “You’re it. You’re what Lena wants. What we all want.”
When I remain silent, Caleb brings his cigarette back up, taking a longer drag from it this time.
“Is that why you did this?” I all but accuse him.
Caleb lowers his hand, using his thumb to flick the filter, ashing over the side of the balcony. “Call it what you want, kid, but I went to see my friend today. My friend needed help, so I helped him. Now he’s inside, spending some quality time with his daughter. It’s more than what you did in the first three months of that baby’s life, wouldn’t you say?”
The insult is hard to stomach. It’s the first unkind thing Caleb’s said since our reunion. He has no idea how hard I tried to get Aryn to come around. He has no right to say that to me.
“That was mean.” I bite down hard, damn near close to spewing a bunch of shit he doesn’t need to hear. After what he did for this family today, he doesn’t deserve to get his head blown off.
“As was your accusation.” He takes another drag, blowing the smoke away from me again. “All I did was give you a job. A job other girls would kill for, I might add.”
“I can’t.”
“Hmm…” he pretends to consider my answer. “Can’t? Or won’t?”
“Aryn needs my help, Caleb.”
Caleb nods. “I agree. What if I told you that we could work something out?”
“What do you mean?”
“There’s a lot that still needs to get done on our end. We won’t even begin shooting anything for at least a few more months. When we do, a lot of them will be taken in a studio. I will make sure to keep most of the shoots here in New York. Aryn will be a fucking pro with Ayli by then. So, should the job require you to travel, you won’t have to worry as much.” Caleb flicks his cigarette butt away from the balcony, then takes a few steps toward me. “Unless you have more excuses you’d like to run by me?”
“Aryn works.”
“He’s a software developer, Ari. He works from home. What else you got?”
“He travels for meetings with potential buyers.”
“We’ll work around that,” Caleb offers. “Plus, I’m sure your parents or Kayli’s parents would be more than happy to help out on the days we can’t.” He smiles, knowing that I’ve run out of excuses to provide. Aryn and Ayli are my life, so as long as they’re covered, I have nothing left to argue. “Anything else?”
No. But I don’t tell him that just yet.
Caleb mentioned at the audition that life would get really busy for me, should I choose to go down this road. I was acting out of anger when I answered yes. I don’t actually want things to change; I like my quiet life with Ayli.
“You came to me, Ari,” Caleb points out, pulling me from my thoughts. “You were looking for a break, not an out, a break. I’m offering you one. What the hell are you so afraid of?”
“I came to you because I was angry with Aryn.”
“No,” he laughs with a shake of his head. “You could’ve gone to get a job at a fucking Starbucks if that were the case. Or Moreno’s! But you didn’t. You know this life, you’ve done it before, so you know what it’s about, but you still came to me.”
I run my fingers through my hair and turn away from him, walking up to the railing to stare at the rest of the world below. Caleb quietly steps in next to me. “I like my life the way it is.”
“You’re comfortable where you are,” he corrects me.
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing’s wrong with that, necessarily. Refusing to live your life because of someone else is what I find a problem with.” He shrugs when I side-eye the shit out of him. “Aryn’s a big boy, Ari. Ayli will be in good hands. You won’t be gone long enough for her to forget who you are, if
that’s what you’re afraid of.”
I prop my elbow up on the rail and rest my chin against my hand, staring off at the tall buildings ahead.
Reasons to do this fill my head. I’m not ready to leave Ayli for long periods of time, but he just promised me that wouldn’t happen for a while. Aryn has taken his first step forward to coming around for Ayli’s sake. I’ve always wondered about life outside New York.
“I’m out of excuses, aren’t I?”
“Does that mean you’ll do it?”
I shrug. “It’s a solid maybe.”
“The fuck am I supposed to do with maybe?”
“You wait until I talk to my brother.”
“That’s a yes, then.”
I straighten up and turn to look at him. “You talked to Aryn about this already?”
“Well, I had to let him know what the hell I was doing in New York.”
“What’d he say?”
“He wants you to do it, of course. He’s your brother. He wants you to have anything you could ever want, Ari.”
Tears well in my eyes again. “He said that?”
“Can’t make that shit up on my own if I tried.”
I hold a hand over the base of my neck as I gaze out toward the city. This place is all I’ve ever known, but there’s so much more to see, and Caleb is offering me the opportunity on a silver platter.
I’m so overwhelmed… making a career choice, something as huge as this one, seems like such an adult thing to do. As much as I hate it when Caleb calls me ‘kid,’ I’m not sure if I’m ready to grow up just yet.
As a child, I always dreamt of fame, of people around the world learning my name. Who the hell hasn’t? How I’d end up achieving that goal was always unclear, though. Like any other kid my age, I was always indecisive about what I wanted to do with my life. I love to dance, so becoming a prima ballerina was my first dream. Then I went through a Zac Efron phase in my early teens, and I thought the only way to meet him was to become an actress, so that quickly made the list. Then came my obsession with the Victoria’s Secret Angels; Adriana, Alessandra, Miranda and Candice were my idols. I wanted nothing more than to become them.
I was only thirteen, out shopping for clothes when an agent first approached me. I thought I was on the fast track to fulfilling dream three. But when my first ad for Abercrombie Kids came out, the other girls at school bullied me heavily for it, making my life absolute hell. When it started to affect my schoolwork, my mother convinced me that modeling so young may not be the best idea, so that dream died rather quickly.
This is my second chance to see this dream through.
The little experience I do have in this industry is nothing compared to what I’ll be taking on. Representing a new brand is a huge responsibility. Although, the thought of opening a new chapter in my life excites me. Caleb’s right, this job is something other girls would kill for. I’d be crazy not to accept.
“Okay,” I say quietly.
Caleb angles his ear closer, like he just misheard me. “Okay?” he repeats louder.
“Okay!” I giggle.
“OKAY!” Caleb wraps me up in a bear hug.
The remainder of my vacation time flies by, and I’m set to return to LA in the morning.
Reuniting with Ari and Aryn gives me reason to visit New York more, so I have that to look forward to. Ari signed with Runway Models earlier this week, so I’ll be seeing her sooner rather than later, but I still can’t help feel a little sad about leaving.
I love my life in LA, but it can get pretty lonely there. Here, I have family.
Sure, I have women to fill my time, but that’s all they are… something to pass the time, and then I’m alone again.
My face practically splits with how wide I’m grinning, watching Ari play peek-a-boo with Ayli.
Peek-a-boo is supposed to be light and fun, but the way Ayli sells it with her priceless reaction… you’d think it was the most intense game ever played. The kid stares with wide, innocent eyes as her aunt disappears and reappears from behind her hands.
“She is giving you way too much credit.”
“What? Excuse me, I am freaking amazing. Look at her!” Ari giggles down at Ayli, face still frozen in the same awestricken expression.
I laugh. “She thinks you’re some powerful magician or something.”
“I am,” Ari declares with a straight face.
Ayli’s face breaks out in the cheekiest smile when Ari picks her up, and she kicks out her little legs when Ari playfully bounces her in the air.
“Aw, honey, look at you smiling away!” Ari gushes, bouncing her again. “You like that?” She makes an animated whooshing sound to go along with the bouncing. Then again. And again.
“Uh, Ari… she ate not too long ago. I don’t think you should be doing that,” I warn.
Granted, I don’t know much about babies, but doesn’t that rule apply to all humans? Jumping or bouncing right after eating can’t be good.
“What are you talking about? She loves it!” Ari disregards my warning.
The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Ayli just spit up all over Ari; her neck, chest and stomach now coated in baby vomit. I knock my head back and fall apart, howling with laughter.
“Now that was an awesome magic trick!” I laugh harder. “Oh, I’m so glad I was recording!” I switch the setting to selfie-mode on the video, and I lean in to get Ari in the shot with me so she can see how ridiculous she looks.
Ari scowls at the camera. “Oh, my God, I smell like crap!” she whines.
“Yea, well, it’s vomit, Ari. It’s not supposed to smell like roses.”
“Caleb, okay, seriously, it’s running down my boobs.” Ari stares down at her cleavage, kicking her legs out and whining like a little girl.
“What, you want me to wash them for you?”
“Take the baby!” she screams at me, handing Ayli over without giving me a chance to protest. Then she smacks me upside the head before hurrying down the hall.
“Ari—Ari, don’t leave me here alone with the—” I don’t get the chance to finish that sentence before I hear the door slam to her room.
Now that I think of it, I haven’t had the chance to hold Ayli yet. In all the time I’ve been here, this is the first time I held her. I never offered and neither did Ari or Aryn, and now I see why. My baby-holding technique is quite laughable. Anyone who could see me now would laugh. It’s awkward, and I’m sure the kid’s physically uncomfortable.
We are in a stare-off, while I hold her out at arm’s length, far and away from me. This suit costs ten of her, and I’ll puke on her if she pukes on me.
I clear my throat, breaking under her stare.
Babies mostly creep me out, as cute as they appear to be. You can never know for sure what the hell it is they’re thinking. And it’s not like you can ask them, because they don’t talk until they’re what? Like, five? They just sit there silently, judging you.
Right now, I can safely bet that Ayli’s thinking: You suck at this.
“Stop staring at me.” I move my head around, but her eyes follow me when I do, like a fucking owl, or a painting of Jesus.
The corners of Ayli’s mouth pull downward, causing me to panic when she begins to cry. “Shit, no, don’t cry!” I beg. Ayli fusses discontentedly, moving her little body around in my hands, and I bring her closer to me, fearing I may drop her.
“Here, maybe if I…” I bring my knees up and rest my feet against the edge of the coffee table, then I prop Ayli up against my thighs. “There! See? We’re good, right?” She fusses some more, about two seconds away from exploding into tears. “No, come on… look, look!” I cover my face like Ari was doing earlier then I move my hands and shout, “Boo!” I must’ve done it wrong because Ayli starts wailing.
God, what the hell do I do?
“Your aunt will be out in just a second, Ayli, please!” I beg some more.
It won’t matter how much I beg, nothing works with this child. She
will not stop crying.
I try rocking her, bouncing her, jogging from one end of the home to the other. Nothing.
Singing? Singing is soothing, right? Maybe I can sing her a song.
But I don’t know any fucking lullabies.
Taking another page from Ari’s book, I hold Ayli up and cuddle her to my chest, drumming a steady beat against her back. “Wanna hear a song?”
Ayli’s cries grow quieter when I head for the balcony. “Do you like Adele? I’ll sing you one of my favorites if you promise not to tell,” I negotiate.
Warm air breezes through when I slide the door open, and I quietly step out with Ayli, bouncing her lightly in my arms as I walk us back and forth, from one end to the other. I barely get halfway through the first verse of Adele’s “Take It All” when Ayli falls completely silent.
I smile down at her when she stares ever so curiously up at me. “Thought you looked like an Adele fan.”
My heart swells five times its size when Ayli coos softly before shooting me a gummy smile.
“Hey, you’re smiling!” I chuckle, and I hold out an open hand to her. “High-five for puking on your aunt. That’s what happens when you don’t listen to Uncle Caleb. You are definitely, without a doubt, my new favorite member of the Andrews family.” I make a face when Ayli presses her wet finger against my palm. “Ew, no… like this.” I show her by taking her tiny hand and smacking it against my own.
My eyes go big when I think I hear a laugh. “Did you laugh? Did you just laugh?”
To make sure I’m not just hearing things, I smack her hand against mine for another high-five. This time, Ayli squeals with delight and lets out a small baby laugh.
“Oh, my—oh, my God! She’s laughing!” I look around, peeking through the glass doors, but no one’s there. I slide the glass door open and step back inside. “She’s laughing, Ayli’s laughing!” I shout into the home.
I hear bottles clattering and crashing to the floor in Ari’s bedroom, and I hear Aryn’s office door rip open.
“Where the hell were you when your daughter was crying five minutes ago, huh?” I ask Aryn, completely forgetting he was even here.
“I knew you had her—I was in the middle of writing code. I’m sorry, man.” Aryn smiles down at Ayli when she grabs him by the finger.