by C. L. Stacey
Aryn throws me onto my back, his fists coming down on me. I hold my hands up to block him, but I don’t fight back anymore.
This is all so fucked up. I never wanted to fight him. I just lost it.
Aryn cocks his arm back again, and I ready myself for it, but before he can hit me, Ari throws out a promise. “I’ll go, I’ll leave with you… get off him, Aryn!” she pleads.
My face is throbbing from the cuts and bruises, and I feel blood trickling down the side of my head, but the pain pales in comparison to what Ari just did. She’s giving up.
Pulling on her brother’s arm to distance him from me, Ari pushes him toward the door.
No.
When I get up to go after her, she shakes her head. “Ari, if you walk out that door—” I stop short. If you walk out that door, what? I can’t finish that sentence, not even to lie. Right now is not the time to be serving up ultimatums. I fucked up. She has every reason to be upset.
“Ari,” I call after her again, my own voice unrecognizable to me.
After successfully getting her brother out of my room, she turns. For the briefest moment, hope sparks in my chest, but it dies just as quickly when I notice her standing on the other side of the door. The wrong side. She’s leaving.
Two words. “I’m sorry” is all she offers before walking out on me.
The bruises have started to fade.
The cuts have nearly healed.
My heart, on the other hand, is still in pieces.
I now understand what my father was trying to teach me all those years ago. There’s no way to repair a broken heart. My situation is hopeless.
I haven’t heard from Ari since the day she left. I didn’t expect to, but I hoped to.
If I could go back, I wouldn’t have attacked Aryn, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have given her what sounded like a fucking ultimatum.
Today would’ve marked one year since we were… whatever we were.
Going a week without Ari was bad enough; a new year without her seems impossible.
With no way of knowing whether she had possession of her own phone, I haven’t tried calling, hoping she’d reach out to me first. I’m also pissed as hell that she walked out in the first place.
This whole thing’s a goddamn mess. I get that she feels responsible for what happened, but if anything, I was the one to make this decision, not her. I’m the one who jeopardized everything, not her. She must know that I’d choose her over him. I begged her not to fucking go.
What, is she hoping that by ending this with me, it would somehow help repair what I’d already damaged with Aryn? Because I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
Keeping Aryn in the dark was rule number two. My friendship with her brother seemed to mean more to her than it did to me. Now that he knows, I really have no idea where that leaves us.
None of this makes any sense.
Someone claims the seat next to mine at the bar, and I turn to find Lena. “Hey, slut,” she greets.
“Lena.”
She makes a face at the sound of my gloomy greeting. “Who the hell pissed in your scotch?”
I shake my head. “Don’t really feel like talking about it.”
“Ooh, that’s okay, I love guessing games.” She jumps giddily in her seat. “Though I think I only need one. Judging by the miserable look on your face, I’d say it’s about a girl?”
“Fuck off, Lena.”
“So, it is.”
I say nothing.
“It’s Ariana, isn’t it?”
I turn when she successfully gains my attention. “What do you know about Ari?”
“I know that she’s been seeing someone. She comes out to LA every weekend. The only person she knows out here is you.” She easily pieces the puzzle together.
“We’re not together anymore. I don’t think.”
This would be easier for me to understand if I wasn’t so new to it. Does a week’s worth of radio silence between you and your girlfriend classify as a break-up?
“What happened?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. Have you talked to her at all?” I take a chance. Ari hasn’t had any shoots scheduled with Lena since Christmas, so asking her was sort of pointless. But I’m desperate.
“No.”
Though fully expecting the answer I was given, it was still disappointing to hear. Then she suggests something. “Maybe she’s waiting to hear from you. Why don’t you just call her?”
“Because she was the one to leave. Aren’t the people who leave supposed to do the coming back part?” I hold my hand up, ordering myself another drink.
“How many of those have you had?”
“I really didn’t care enough to count.” I shrug. “What is it with you women and numbers anyway? Jesus.”
Someone calls for Lena’s attention, and she signals for them to wait before bringing that hand down to pat me on the back. “Please don’t drive tonight. Happy New Year, boss.” She ruffles my hair when walking off.
Maybe I should take Lena’s suggestion and just call Ari. Who cares if Aryn confiscated her phone and decides to answer. I have a shitload to say to him anyway.
Over the past year, I’ve experienced so many new things, and it all started with my betrayal. If I look at it that way, losing Aryn isn’t so bad. Because of my lie I know what it’s like to be with Ari, and there’s nothing fucking boring about her. I was fulfilled, satisfied. Ari is all I’ll ever need. I’ve never thought of another woman in that way since she and I got together, and that’s the honest truth.
Then I remember why I’d decided against that idea. I’m afraid I’ll only provoke him, driving him to spew more poison for Ari’s ears to drink up. I wouldn’t put it past him. Aryn loves Ari more than life itself. He’d always said that the reason he lives is for his two girls.
A few seconds later, someone else fills the same seat Lena left vacant. I turn to find Natasha.
Fuck me, that’s just cake.
“Happy New Year!” she sings, and it’s like nails on a chalkboard.
“Not so much.” I pick up my glass and sip.
“Aw, I’m sorry to hear that,” she sympathizes.
“I’m sure you are.” I roll the amber liquid around in my glass.
Natasha yaps some more, but I’m not listening. I’m thinking about Ari.
I’m always thinking about Ari.
Maybe it makes more sense to let the person that left to do the coming back, but there’s no rule against taking them back, bringing them back. For all I know, if I continue to sit on my hands and do nothing, she may never come back.
I pull my phone from my pocket and dial Ari.
Voicemail.
I try her again.
Voicemail.
Ari never lets her phone die out. She knows how important it is that she be reachable at all times. She couldn’t have blocked me; I’m her fucking agent. Unless she took her brother’s advice and decided to drop me, waiting for me to sign her over to someone else.
There’s no way in hell I’m doing that.
I call her again, and this time I wait to leave a voicemail. When it signals me with the beep, I start leaving my unrehearsed message. “Ari, I have no idea where the hell you’ve been or why you haven’t called, but I miss you. Please call me back when you get this.” Then before I hang up, I add, “This is Caleb, your boyfriend.”
When I pocket my phone, I see that Natasha hasn’t left my side. I’m not worried that she more than likely overheard me refer to myself as Ari’s boyfriend. I don’t give a shit anymore, Aryn knows. I’m pretty sure she knows, too. I’ve always suspected as much.
“I’m surprised you called Ari.”
“And why would that be a surprise to you?”
“Because I saw her last night at Tao with some guy. I thought you guys were done.”
It’s only been a week; Ari wouldn’t do that, she’s too good for that. Natasha is a fucking liar.
I shake my head. “I don’t b
uy that. Sorry.”
Natasha shrugs. “I mean, I was pretty sloshed, but she was definitely with a guy, Caleb.”
So it was probably Aryn. “Some pretty dude? Looks kind of like Thor with way less hair? That’s her brother.”
“Definitely pretty dude,” Natasha agrees with a nod. “Didn’t look anything like Thor, though. He had black hair, like yours. Kind of looked like your replacement, if you ask me.”
That rubs me the wrong way. She chose those words very carefully before speaking them. I’m about a sip away from drunk, and she’s doing everything she can to get under my skin.
“I don’t believe you.”
Natasha casts her gaze down to her phone, and turns it toward me so I can see the picture she pulled up. “I take a lot of selfies when I’m drunk. When I spotted Ari at her table, I sat with them for a few minutes, and I took one. And as you can see here,” she taps against the screen, to the guy next to Ari, “I’m not lying.”
Abandoned by my own mother, and this shit hurts like something I’ve never felt before.
I grab Natasha by the wrist and pull her closer, getting a better look at the man in the photo. He’s wearing a comfortable smile, and his arm is draped around my girlfriend so the three of them could fit in the frame.
There in Ari’s hand is her iPhone, and it looks to be in perfect working order. She’s out with some guy I’ve never seen before. I don’t know what they’re doing together, but she isn’t where she’s supposed to be. Here, with me.
I came to Club21, hoping that by some miracle she’d show… on our fucking anniversary. But I’m alone. Sitting next to this woman I despise. Feeling angrier than I ever have in all my years combined.
Ari was going out with different guys before she and I started, I don’t know why this surprises me.
She’s done with me.
The phone rings next to my bed on the nightstand, waking me up. “Fuck,” I murmur when the sunlight burns my eyes.
Digging the heels of my hands into my eyes to rub them of their sleep, I slowly sit up and glance at the screen. Ari.
I snatch my phone off the nightstand and accept the call. “Ari.”
“Hi, did I wake you?”
I look down, and I notice that I’m completely naked, then I turn to look over my shoulder, and I find Natasha in my fucking bed.
Jesus.
“No, I’m up.” I stand, hurriedly crossing the room to grab a fresh pair of briefs and lounge pants from my drawer.
“Good. I got your voicemail, I’m sorry I missed your call last night. I was on the plane.”
“On the plane?” I say, pulling my pants up.
“Yea. I’m in LA.”
“IN LA?” I repeat louder. I run over to my bed and violently shake Natasha awake.
My memory’s a mess right now. I don’t remember how I got in last night. She must have driven me home.
I’m panicking. I need to get her out of my house as quickly as fucking possible. “Where the hell have you been?” I ask, keeping my voice calm and even as I silently order Natasha to put her clothes back on, pointing toward her wrinkled dress on the floor.
I can’t believe this. What the hell have I done? I feel sick.
“That’s what I’m here to talk to you about. I needed… some time. I’m so sorry about you and Aryn.”
I stop pacing the room, applying pressure against my temples to keep my head from pounding so hard. “No, don’t apologize to me about that. I don’t care about him, I care about you.”
“I left New York. I told him I’d come back when he came to his senses.”
“Really?” My heart is abuzz, pounding so hard in my chest I feel the vibrations carry all throughout my skin.
She left her brother and niece in New York to be with me… and I have a woman, who I cannot stand, in my bed.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call.”
“It’s okay—”
“No, it’s not. So much has happened— I have no idea where to start…” Then she pauses when she orders someone, “Stop here.”
Oh, my fucking God, she’s here…
I cover the mouthpiece on my phone. “Leave through the back.” I point toward the French doors that lead out to my pool, and then I run from my room, slamming my door shut behind me.
My heart lurches when Ari walks through the door. She greets me with a happy smile, hanging up her phone when seeing me. “Hi.”
“Ari…” My feet carry me forward, and I practically run to embrace her. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” Ari brings her arms up and around me. “Listen, we really need to talk. I—” She stops, eyes leaving mine and cutting toward my bedroom when the door opens.
“Ariana, hi,” Natasha awkwardly greets.
My entire world comes crashing down. I can’t explain my way out of this, this looks bad. This is bad. I have another woman in my fucking home, there’s no way to explain that.
“Oh, my God…” Ari whispers, arms falling away when she takes a step back from me.
I close my eyes and breathe out, trying to think of a way to prevent this situation from blowing up in my face. “Ari… this is nothing.”
Staring back at me, eyes wide and unblinking, she asks, “Did you fuck her, Caleb? Yes or no?”
All I can recall is that I was in a very dark place last night, and I was trying my damnedest to drink Ari away. I was obviously in no shape to drive, and when I went looking for Lena, the other girls told me that she’d already left to hit up another party.
I have no recollection of the events that led me to this. If I had been in my right mind, I would’ve never let Natasha inside. Of course I wouldn’t have. I wasn’t lying to Ari when I told her that I’d never brought anyone back here.
Alas, blaming it on the alcohol won’t get me anywhere. Because this is exactly who I was before Ari. Screwing my way through my problems. I’ve obviously made a grave mistake. I have to take full responsibility for my actions and just pray to God she’ll find it within in herself to forgive me for it.
“I’m-I’m-” I fumble with my words. “I’m sorry… I don’t know, Ari. I woke up and she was just there. I’m sorry, I don’t know what else to say. You don’t understand the state I was in last night. I thought you weren’t coming back. I thought you were done with me…”
Ari’s hand comes to clutch her stomach, a look of pure disgust and betrayal filling her teary eyes.
Hearing those words out loud, I see now how badly I’ve misjudged our situation, how badly I screwed this all up. Ari wouldn’t have given up on me so easily, I should’ve known better than that.
Ari takes a step back before turning to leave.
“No…” I go after her. “No, Ari, please.” I reach for her arm, stopping her, and she spins back around to smack me across the face.
“Don’t fucking touch me, ever again, Caleb. You make me sick.”
“Ari, please,” I beg. “Let me fix this—I can fix this.”
“Oh, really?” Her tears spill over, and she angrily wipes them away. “Can you un-fuck someone? I wasn’t aware.” When I open my mouth to speak, she cuts me off. “I don’t call for a week, and you jump into bed with a woman I work with. In the bed you said you’d never brought and will never bring another woman to.” She shakes her head. “How do you fix that, Caleb? The damage is done. I don’t trust you. I will never trust you again. I deserve better than this, better than you. My brother was right.”
Every word to leave her mouth is a knife being driven straight through, piercing different sections of my heart each time. Then she leaves me to bleed out when turning her back to me, slamming the door behind her.
I take the steps that lead down to the pebble driveway as fast as I can, breathing through the tears that won’t stop coming. Chris watches me with a frown when I don’t signal for him to get out of the idling car, finding me practically sprinting toward him instead.
“Shit!” I curse when I hear Caleb’s front door open behi
nd me, but I don’t turn around, I keep moving.
“Ari!” Caleb calls after me.
Keep walking, keep walking, keep walking, I tell myself.
Running around me, Caleb blocks my path to the car. “Don’t leave me like this. You have to let me explain—”
On a frustrated growl I shove against his naked chest. When that doesn’t work, I pull my purse off my shoulder and beat him with it. Caleb doesn’t try to block the hits, but he brings his hands up to grab hold of my arms.
“Listen to me, Ari. Please, I’m sorry. I made a mistake. I should’ve known that you’d come back to me, I don’t know why I didn’t—”
I fight him off, my hand flying out to slap him again. I strike him so hard his head whips to the side. “A week!” My voice cracks when I lose the strength to fight through the tears. “You gave up on me after a week?”
Chest heaving in and out with his breaths, Caleb turns to meet my eyes again, tears now clouding his own. “Natasha showed me a picture of you with some guy…” He shakes his head. “I thought you were done with me, Ari. I didn’t know. I can’t take back what I did, but it was nothing—I don’t even remember it. It meant nothing.”
“There’s an explanation for the guy, but I won’t give it because you don’t deserve to hear it. She was in your bed, Caleb,” I stress again. “She obviously meant something. Either that or I mean nothing. Which is it?”
“How can you even ask me that? You know how I feel about—”
“I thought I did. You see, I thought I was all you’ll ever need. Apparently, I had that all wrong, because you clearly fucking lied to me!”
“I never lied about any of—”
“Just stop, Caleb! Do me a favor and don’t follow me. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Don’t email me. Sign me over to someone else. I am officially done with you.” I sidestep him, dashing toward the car.
I lock the door as soon as I’m inside. “Get me out of here, please,” I tell Chris.
Chris turns to look behind him when reversing the car. “What happened?” he asks, voice laced with concern.
“I’ll find another way to introduce you two, just not today, Chris. I’m sorry.”