by Meghan March
“What the fuck is going on?” Hennessy asked from beside me.
I had a decision to make. Go it alone, bringing half the cash and as many guys as I could assemble in the next two hours, or let Hennessy in on what was going down. I would do anything to get Valentina back quicker and safer. I knew the moment I told him the FNDs had her, he’d make this his problem and the problem of the NOPD.
I made my choice.
The FNDs would never expect a SWAT team.
I turned to Hennessy. “We’re going back to the station, and you’re gonna get that promotion you’ve been after because you’re gonna bust a drug ring and help me get my woman back.”
At the mention of Valentina, Hennessy’s eyes narrowed. “What the hell did you get her into now?”
“I’ll explain on the way.”
STAY STILL. DON’T BREAK.
The words repeated like a mantra in my head as my body shook and I dug my nails into my shins, willing my body to stay curled into the ball I’d wrapped myself in. I needed the pain.
Memories and flashbacks of that night bombarded me. The dark, deserted road. When he pulled off onto the shoulder. My questions. His hand across my face. The door wrenching open and my nails clawing at the seat as he dragged me out and threw me in the back, tearing at my clothes.
Tremors of fear rattled my teeth with their strength. Tears mixed with the dried blood on my face and hands. I was pathetic. Helpless. Useless. Defenseless.
I stared at the wall, seeing the scene replay over and over.
Smears of blood. Broken nails. I’d fought him, and it hadn’t helped.
My eyes constantly darted to the door.
Would they come? Would I fight?
I will survive. Even if I want to die.
I tried to find the strength I’d fought for all these years, but there was nothing left.
My mind shifted, dragging thoughts of Rix to the forefront. I wanted to be strong. Wanted to be the girl who could save herself. But I was foolish. Broken.
He can’t see me like this. I can’t take seeing the pity in his eyes. It would be worse than seeing it in Rhett’s. I couldn’t take it.
God, listen to yourself, Valentina. Stop.
The voices inside me were strong and adamant from both sides. The battle played out in my head as I waited silently with tears streaming down my face.
My sense of time was warped as I stayed curled into my ball. It could have been minutes or hours that had passed before I heard glass shatter, a crash, and men yelling.
Good guys? Or bad?
Weak threads of hope twined together in my belly.
“Go! Go! Go!”
Gunshots.
More yelling.
I squeezed into a smaller ball as doors slammed open.
Footsteps thundered up the stairs.
Oh shit.
“Clear!”
“Clear!”
Something rammed into the door, and the handle flew off on the inside.
I gripped my shins tighter, my gaze fixed on the door. Good guys or bad?
SWAT. It was the first thing I saw when the man in the black vest, helmet, and goggles charged through the doorway, his gun sweeping the room.
The good guys.
“Got her!” He lowered the gun, pressed an earpiece, and spoke quickly. “Hendrix, I’m bringing her out!” The man turned to me. “Come on, Ms. Noble. Let’s get you out of here. Hendrix will be happy as fuck to see you’re okay.”
Hendrix?
And okay? What was okay? Blood dripped from my face and my hands. It could always be worse. I nodded, my head bobbing. I was sort of okay.
But who was Hendrix? My brain struggled to free itself from survival mode, but I couldn’t answer my own swirling questions. Instead, I just latched onto the fact that he was one of the good guys.
The man helped me to my feet. One of my flip-flops was missing, but I didn’t care. I wanted out of this house. Right now.
“You want me to carry you, Ms. Noble?”
I shook my head and didn’t spit out the words I wanted to. Don’t touch me. Digging deep and grabbing hold of some fleeting reserve of strength, I followed him out of the room.
Bile rose in my throat at the dead bodies on the living room floor, blood seeping out around them into the beige carpet.
Tearing my gaze away, I searched for the door. Out. Now.
Men with SWAT vests swarmed the house, and confusion dogged my every step. Who called in the SWAT team?
One of the men slung his gun over his shoulder and rushed toward us. “Thank fuck,” he murmured as he grabbed me and pulled me into him.
I jerked back. “Don’t touch me,” I whispered, my voice harsh and broken.
He pulled away, his hands cupping my jaw before I could shove away. “I got you, duchess.”
My eyes met silver ones through the goggles.
Rix.
In a SWAT uniform.
What? My brain couldn’t keep up.
“Let’s get you out of here. Come on.”
He bustled me out the front door hanging drunkenly off its hinges. We reached a black Suburban, and Rix shoved the goggles up off his face and onto the helmet.
“Are you okay?”
That question again.
I nodded, but my heart rate accelerated. Tears stung my eyes at the concern in his gaze.
I wanted to turn away. Didn’t want him to see me like this.
Be strong, Valentina. Don’t break. Don’t let him see you break.
I tried to focus on him, not on the pathetic mess I knew I was. “Why are you wearing a uniform?” My words came out faint and shaky.
Rix ignored my question and ran his hands over my face, hair, arms, and hands. “Fuck. You got some cuts.” I opened my mouth to ask my question again, when Rix returned to the tender spot on my temple. “Already bruising, duchess. Dammit. We need to get you to the ER to get checked out.”
I couldn’t think about my injuries or I’d fail in my promise to myself not to let him see me break. Instead, I grabbed his hand as he smoothed my hair away from my face.
“Why are you wearing a SWAT uniform?”
The man who’d brought me down the stairs joined us at the SUV. “Good to have you back, man. Just like we trained at the academy.”
Academy?
“You want to get her out of here? No one needs to know you were here. Don’t want to blow your cover.” He dug keys out of his pocket and handed them off to Rix.
Blow your cover?
Even in the chaos of my mind, it all slid together. My gaze shot to Rix. His face was hard, but one thing was clear.
Rix wasn’t Rix.
And he’d been lying to me since the day we met.
The knowledge rocked me as the confession bled into his gaze. I didn’t need him to reply to know it was true. Rix isn’t Rix.
Jerking out of his arms, I stumbled back. He let me go—another confession of guilt.
“Who are you?” My voice shook, and the mess of my emotions rammed together like fists to flesh.
I was going to break. I was going to lose it. He was my safety. The one solid thing I could count on. And he wasn’t real. He was a lie.
“Thank fuck, you got her.” Another familiar voice joined the rush of static in my head.
Rhett came around the SUV. Rhett. The man who’d seen me at my worst before, and it had changed his opinion of me forever, no matter what he’d said.
“Who are you?” I demanded again.
Rix’s mouth tightened. “Beauregard Hendrix. NOPD. Undercover.”
The words were like a kick to the gut, shattering my ability to hold it together. Everything was a lie.
“I don’t even know you.”
His silver gaze pierced me. “I’m the same man I was before, duchess.”
I swallowed as hot tears spilled over. “I can’t do this right now. I can’t do this.”
I tore my eyes away from Rix, or whoever he was, and found Rhett. I spun a
nd threw myself into his arms.
“Get me out of here,” I begged. The whole of me was falling to pieces. A full-on breakdown was imminent, and that wasn’t something I wanted anyone to see.
Rhett closed his arms around me. “Shhh. It’s okay. You’re fine. You’re just fine, honey.”
“Get me out of here,” I said again, my voice raw with the sobs I was holding back. “Now. Please.”
“Okay. We’re going.” Over my head, he spoke to someone else. “I’m taking her to the hospital.”
The thought of once again finding myself battered and bruised in a hospital bed, Rhett sitting across from me, shredded the remainder of my control. Sobs broke free, racking my body. He held me tighter, and I wanted to curl into myself and never come out.
I’m broken. I’m truly broken.
WATCHING AS VALENTINA SHRANK AWAY from me and threw herself into the arms of another man ripped at my insides. Fuck. I wanted to tear her away from Hennessy and hold her close to make sure she was okay, but the look on her face told me everything I needed to know.
She didn’t want me touching her.
That knowledge was enough to bring a man to his knees. But to fight for her, I’d stand strong.
And there’s no way in hell I wasn’t following them to the hospital. I wasn’t letting her go. I’d make her understand.
Fuck. I would not lose her. Not over this. Not over any goddamned thing.
I watched as Hennessy loaded her into his Jeep and rounded the hood. When he met my eyes, there was no triumph in his gaze.
I nodded at him. He knew I wasn’t backing down.
The taillights lit up, and he drove away with the only woman who’d ever own me.
Be ready, Valentina. I’m coming for you. Every fucking time.
I’D SEEN HER CRUMPLE BEFORE, but this time it was worse. Valentina Noble wasn’t a woman on the edge; she was a woman who’d fallen off a cliff.
I’d seen it more than once. Victims of trauma, especially rape, who were faced with another traumatic experience often regressed dramatically due to flashbacks. Valentina wasn’t just battling the situation we’d pulled her out of. She was battling herself. And in her case, it was the strongest enemy she had.
Dried blood marred her arms, legs, and face. I wanted to clean her up, but that could wait until she was in the ER. Her safety—not her appearance—was all that mattered.
Her sobs had subsided, but I didn’t take that as a good sign. Tears still streamed down her cheeks.
“Honey, you just hold on. We’re gonna get you all fixed up again, and the last few hours will be like they never happened.”
She didn’t respond for several minutes, and when she did, her voice was quiet and shaky. “You can’t change the fact that I love him, and all he’s ever done is lie to me.” Her breaths came out ragged and harsh.
Fuck. How did I deal with this?
She kept going, and her words lit a fire of guilt inside me. “I guess I should’ve picked you. At least you never lied to me.”
Maybe not outright, but I’d known exactly what she’d been facing with Rix. How did I tell her that? I couldn’t push her further over the edge. Not right now.
“Things aren’t always what they seem, but that doesn’t make them bad.”
When she laughed, it was edged with hysteria. “I thought he was bad. I was okay with bad.” Valentina shook her head. “What the hell was I thinking? I can’t even trust myself.”
And that was why she was breaking. She’d lost the confidence in herself she’d clawed back.
“You’re going to be just fine. Keep trusting your gut and you’ll be okay. You trusted yourself with him before. Do you really think you would’ve fallen for a criminal, Valentina? You’re not that woman. Whether you realize it or not, your judgment is better than ever.”
Her gaze cut to me, sharpening, and some of the brokenness faded away.
“You knew.” Betrayal laced her tone. “You knew I was seeing him, didn’t you?”
Fuck.
We were only minutes away from the hospital, and I’d hoped it would take her longer to put the pieces together in her state, but Valentina had never been stupid.
“You’re a cop. He’s an undercover cop. You had to know.” When her voice shook this time, it was with anger. The truth must have been written on my face, because she spoke again, the words coming out even harsher. “Let me out of this car. I can’t—”
Fuck it. I kept driving, but I didn’t hold back.
“Yeah, I knew. And you can be really fucking certain that if I hadn’t known he was on the right side of the line, I would’ve locked you down and kept you away from him. I get that you’re feeling raw and betrayed, but over what? The fact that the guy you fell for isn’t going to end up in prison someday because he’s a gangbanger? You should be happy as hell right now to find out that he’s on the right side of the line.”
Her head jerked back with surprise that I’d dropped the kid gloves I’d worn with her so many times before. But this was what she needed. A dose of reality to drag her back together and get her head straight.
“But—”
“No fucking buts. Maybe you didn’t see it, but when you turned from him, he was gutted. The man is head over ass in love with you, and he’s been doing his job this whole time. And guess what? Part of his job was not being able to tell you what his job was. And you know what else he made part of his job? Keeping you safe from everything that came along with it.”
“But—”
“Dammit, Valentina. He’s exactly the same guy you’ve always thought he was. He just happens to be on the right side of the law. Doesn’t change anything about him. Since day one at the academy, he’s never played by the rules. He’s always been on the edge. You think he’s dangerous? That’s because he is. But he’s dangerous in a way that helps people—including you.”
The sign for the ER came into view, and I glanced at her as I turned the corner, wondering if my words were sinking in. The frown on Valentina’s face told me they were.
Silence filled the car, and neither of us spoke as I parked and helped her out and up to the door of the emergency room. She had plenty to think about now, and I hope it helped. Maybe I could fix this for Rix, because there was no way in fuck anyone could fix my own life.
My brother would be vindicated. And the world would know my father was a dirty cop. My life as I knew it might be fucked, but maybe the one good deed I could do was help Valentina find her way back to Rix.
MY BRAIN WAS SLIPPING CLOSE to shutdown territory again. That stage where all you wanted was an empty room, a bottle of wine, and to be left alone to come to grips with whatever was consuming you.
Instead, I was in the ER, and my mother burst through the door.
“Oh, honey, what happened?” She rushed inside in full tizzy, and only stilled when she had my face cradled in her smooth hands. “Oh, your poor head.”
I’d looked in the mirror and seen the dark bruise marring the skin of my temple. The dried blood matting my hair had been rinsed away, and the wound had stopped bleeding. The nurse who’d just left hadn’t thought the cut was deep enough to need stitches. I’d taken in all of this and built a wall of clinical detachment. It was the only way I could deal with people poking and prodding me anymore.
My father was usually right behind my mother in situations like this, but he hadn’t yet come through the door.
“Where’s Dad?”
My mother pressed a kiss to my forehead and released her hold on my face before stepping back. “He’s talking to the police. They wanted to fill him in on what happened, and he definitely wanted answers.”
“Where?” A trickle of apprehension pooled in my belly. “On the phone?”
My mother shook her head. “No, in the lobby. Well, now they’re in a private room because they needed to get out of earshot of everyone else.”
Who was my father talking to? Rhett? Or was Rix here?
Everything Rhett had said in
the car while I’d been barely holding on had played through my mind the entire time I’d sat in this room.
He’s exactly the same guy you’ve always thought he was. He just happens to be on the right side of the law.
The cut on my hand where I’d squeezed the glass shard had been the deepest and needed a few stitches. Everything else was fine.
I was fine.
My head had been cleared by the doctor, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t still jammed full of questions.
My mother stepped out of the room, and I pulled on a clean Love NOLA T-shirt my father had bought from the gift shop at her request. I’d cried when he’d delivered it to the room and hugged me. He’d also told me I wasn’t allowed to get kidnapped again because his old heart couldn’t take it.
I promised him I wouldn’t.
Both my parents had given me space, and I was taking it.
What was I going to do?
What did I want?
Trust your gut. That was what Rhett had told me.
I swallowed, standing with my hand on the door. Hesitating for long moments, I pulled myself together.
I am not a victim. I am a survivor. I am whatever I want to be.
And I wanted to be Rix’s.
Did his name matter when I knew his heart?
Did which side of the line he stood on matter when he made me feel safe either way?
I gave myself a mental slap. He was one of the good guys. Someday, maybe we could be seen together in public. We wouldn’t have to sneak around anymore. We could have a normal life. Together. Out in the open. I could introduce him to my parents. I could have it all.
The epiphany washed over me.
I can have it all.
I opened the door and stepped out to find my future.
VALENTINA AND HER MOTHER WALKED into the lobby side by side. Harold Noble stopped midsentence.
“There’s my girls.” He crossed the room to them and hugged Valentina.
I wanted her in my arms. Needed her in my arms.
Fuck, I just needed her.
When her father released her, her eyes finally met mine. For long moments, no one spoke.