by Unknown
I’m relieved to know that Olivia will be there too. “Olivia is pretty awesome. I can’t believe she and I haven’t hung out before.”
“I don’t think Olivia likes your friends. She’s kind of weird,” he says. “Sometimes she tries really hard to make people not like her. It’s like she doesn’t want to fit in.”
“She hasn’t seemed like that with me.”
“It started after her best friend, Lily, died just over a year ago. She used to tell me that she didn’t think her death was an accident,” he says. “The whole thing really screwed with her head. To lose a friend when you’re sixteen is just tragic.”
She didn’t think her death was an accident. His words play over and over again in my head.
“Did Olivia ever say that anybody was messing with Lily?” I ask.
Brian turns his full attention to me. “You mean like creepy letters and texts?”
I nod.
“She didn’t say,” he answers.
“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Even as I say the words, I don’t believe them. I think that there is definitely something there, and that scares me. What if the person I thought was keeping me safe was actually the one threatening me?
No.
No.
No.
I refused to even entertain the idea. I have no proof, and I’m not going there.
I pick up the Xbox controller. “Let’s play another game,” I say before Brian can say anything else.
Right now, I don’t even want to think.
12am
How can this be real?
We are lying on the hood of Brian’s car with our backs against his windshield, and we are looking at the stars. Okay, well, there aren’t that many stars. The lights in the city are too bright. But still, we are looking up at the sky and talking. It’s pretty much the best way to end our night, though I really don’t want it to end. Brian has to work tomorrow, so I probably won’t get to see him until later tomorrow evening. It sucks.
“Do you ever think about your future?” Brian asks.
“All the time,” I answer.
“What do you see?”
I think about his question. Recently the only thing I’ve seen was a very tragic ending, but right now I allow myself to think of a happy ending. When I finally am able to move on from all the crap, what do I want?
“I want to go to Stanford,” I say. “I’ve always dreamed of going to an Ivy League college, but never actually thought I could afford to go. As long as I am accepted, that is where I want to go. I want to be close to my family. As far as my degree, I want to go for film, with a minor in English. I want to write and direct film someday, which I know is the cliché California answer, but it’s what I’ve always wanted to do.”
“Have you ever written a script before?”
“Yes.”
“Can I read it?”
I laugh. “No freaking way. It sucked.”
“You could never suck,” he says. “You’re… perfect.”
“I’m not perfect, I promise. And someday, I will let you read it, but not now.”
“Whenever you’re ready.”
“What about your future?” I ask him.
“I’ll continue to work my way through college,” he answers. “I want to get my master’s degree, so I still have a ways to go. But I also want to get married and have kids. I come from a big family, so I definitely think I want to have a big family too.”
“How many kids do you want to have?”
“Maybe three or four. What about you?”
“Maybe two or three. I don’t know,” I say. “I know that I missed out on a lot by being an only child, so I definitely want more than one.”
Brian stays quiet for a moment. “This is definitely a weird topic for a third date.”
“Maybe. But then again, some people wait until they’ve dated a while before having it. What if we have contradicting opinions on the matter? If we were already in love then that would suck. But if we have the conversation now, then we know what to expect.”
“Sometimes I forget you’re only seventeen,” he says. “You act like you’re much older.”
“Um, thanks.” I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say, but I’m pretty sure that he meant it as a compliment. Though I don’t think I act older — most of the time I feel like I’m acting like a spoiled child. If anything, Brian makes me want to act older.
“I really like you, Kihanna.”
I look over at Brian. He’s now watching me. Maybe he’s wanting to see my reaction, even though he’s told me this several times before. “I really like you too.”
“This is new for me,” he says. “The feelings I have for you are so different than anything I’ve ever felt before. I keep wondering how I got so lucky.”
Him lucky? “That’s backwards… I’ve had this huge crush on you since the first time I saw you. I was so nervous when we were talking that I could barely talk without stuttering like a complete fool. You were so calm and professional. I didn’t even think you noticed me at all. If anybody is lucky here, it’s me.”
“Trust me, I noticed you. When I saw you walking outside, I tripped over my own feet and almost fell into the pool. I was thinking that I had never seen a more beautiful girl before. And then when I figured out that you were Mark’s long lost daughter, I was disappointed, because I knew a girl like you would never be interested in a guy like me.”
“A girl like me?” I ask. “I’m an awkward, nerdy, teenage girl. There is absolutely nothing special about me.”
“You are saying that because you aren’t seeing you from my perspective,” he says. “When you walk into a room, you literally brighten it up. You’re gorgeous, but it’s not just that. You care about everyone, and even with the life you live you never think of yourself as better.”
“That’s because I’m not better. Money doesn’t make me better than anybody else. Besides, it’s not even my money. My dad is the rich one.”
“Exactly,” he says. “And on top of being the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, you’re smart, funny, and you’re good at pretty much everything.”
“Just because I can beat you at bowling doesn’t mean I’m good at everything.”
Brian looks at me very seriously for a moment. “Sometimes when I’m with you, it almost feels like a dream. How can this be real? How can you want to be with me? And if this is a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up.”
“I feel the same way,” I tell him. “I keep waiting for you to realize I’m not as awesome as you think I am.”
“Not going to happen.”
“It might.”
He shakes his head, and leans closer to me. “I promise it won’t.” His voice is soft, and for a moment I feel lost is his dark eyes.
“How can you be sure?” I ask. My voice comes out in a whisper.
Brian leans a little closer, and now his lips are so close to mine. He doesn’t say anything, but I can see the question in his eyes. He wants to kiss me, but only if I’m okay with it. I don’t hesitate. I’ve never wanted to kiss somebody so bad in my life.
I push my lips softly against his, and I literally see fireworks. My stomach feels as though it’s been filled with butterflies, and my body feels like it’s on fire. I want more of this — more of him. I pull myself closer to him, because suddenly we aren’t close enough.
Brian puts his hands on my hips, and I wonder what it would be like to have his hands explore my body. His hands aren’t soft like Gabe’s were. His hands are callused and rough… They’re like a man’s hands should be… But he’s gentle with me. He doesn’t move his hands away from my waist, and he continues kissing me softly.
As he is kissing me, I realize something — he respects me. I’m not sure that Gabe ever did, not like this anyway. Brian doesn’t want to move too far with me too fast, and I’m glad. Gabe and I skipped all this, and jumped right into sex. There was no build up. There was no getting to know one another. Now that I have a chance to
do this over, I am going to do it right.
Brian pulls away, and rests his forehead against mine. Neither of us are saying anything, because we don’t have to. Our kiss said it all.
Wednesday, December 29
6pm
I’ll help you bury the body.
Today is the day.
Veronica is coming home.
We are having dinner tonight at seven, so I spend the whole afternoon getting ready. I take my time fixing my hair. I curl each piece until it looks perfect. I spend half an hour fixing my make-up, instead of my normal ten minutes. I pick out my most formal dress, and my highest heels. I want Veronica to be proud of me, even though deep down I know it won’t make a difference. I hope it does though. I want her to stay. I need her to stay.
Brian has had to work all week, but we’ve spent all our nights hanging out. He’s not coming to dinner tonight, because tonight is just for the family. I miss him, which is kind of pathetic. I saw him last night. I try to tell myself that it’s stupid to miss him, but I can’t help it. When I check my phone, I see I have a text from him.
Brian: Tonight is going to turn out fine. Don’t stress. :)
He always knows what to say. I’ve been talking to him all week about how freaked out I am. I don’t want things to change again. It took me so long to get used to living here. Now that I’m used to it, I’m scared it’s going to change again.
Me: Thanks. I will call you afterwards. HOPEFULLY with good news.
There is a knock on my door, and I look up as Toby comes in.
He’s wearing a suit and a tie. Maybe he was thinking the same thing as me?
“You look nice,” I tell him.
“And you look extremely doable,” he says.
I roll my eyes, but don’t say anything back. He’s only saying stuff like this because he’s nervous and doesn’t want to think about tonight. Tonight our whole life could change, and he’s been living here a lot longer than me. I know he’s scared.
“What do you think is going to happen?” he asks me as he looks at the floor. I think he’s scared to see what my reaction to the question will be. We both know that it could easily go either way. Either Veronica stays and forgives my dad, or she divorces him.
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
Toby finally looks up at me. “Whenever I find out who did this to you, I will kill them. They’re the reason that this is happening.”
“I’ll help you bury the body.”
He smiles for a second, but then get’s a serious look on his face. “No matter what happens tonight, you will always be my sister.”
I don’t say anything back; I just walk over to him and give him a hug. We both need it.
I’m glad to hear him say that we’ll always be close, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s really true. If we are living in separate houses, will we still be as close as we are now?
7pm
Just like him.
Toby and I spend the next hour talking, and then we head down stairs right at seven. He takes my hand as we walk down the stairs, and I’m glad. I need this comfort. Neither of us are going through this alone — we have each other. I’m so thankful for him right now.
When we get into the dining room, Veronica and Dad are sitting beside each other. I think that maybe that’s a good sign. Toby and I sit down across from them. None of us says anything for a while, and we don’t eat. We’ve been waiting so long for this moment, and I’m scared of what the future holds.
“We have come to a decision,” Veronica tells us. “Mark and I are not getting divorced.”
Toby and I both sigh of relief.
“But,” she says, and my stomach drops. “We also aren’t going to live together either. We have decided to take a small break. Mark has rented a nice penthouse for Toby and me. We are going to go to couple’s counseling and try to work things out.”
My dad talks for the first time. “Toby can come over here as much as he wants, and Kihanna, you can go over there as much as you want.”
Veronica nods in agreement. “Kihanna, you’re still my stepdaughter and I love you. I want you to feel comfortable coming to our place.”
The lines have been drawn.
We are no long a family.
It’s now them and us.
I try not to cry as I look at Dad and Veronica. This wasn’t supposed to happen. We were supposed to be happy.
“I know this isn’t the ideal situation for the both of you, but we’re trying,” Veronica says.
I stand up. “I just… need to go.” I run out of the dining room and toward the garage. I hear my dad and Veronica yelling after me, but I don’t stop. I have to get out of here, because if I stayed in that room for one more second I would have lost it.
When I get in the garage I open my car door, and get inside. As I start my car, the passenger door opens and Toby gets in beside me. Without a word, I put it in reverse and I leave as fast as I can.
I want to get away from here. As if the house wasn’t big and empty enough, now it’s even emptier.
I drive in no particular direction as we leave, and end up stopping at a park close to our house. Toby and I get out of the car without a word, and we go sit on the swing set.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Toby says, breaking the silence.
I realize for the first time that I am trembling. “I am so pissed off.” My stalker may have agreed to leave me alone, but they got exactly what they wanted. They ruined my life.
I pull out my phone, and text them.
Me: I hate you so much.
Blocked ID: Your dad deserves what he got.
Me: Maybe so. What he did was wrong. But I don’t deserve this.
Blocked ID: You’re a whore, just like him.
There is a picture — a picture of Brian and I kissing on the hood of his car.
I show it to Toby.
“I thought this person promised to leave you alone if you broke up with Gabe,” he says.
Me: You promised to leave me alone.
Blocked ID: I’ve kept my promise. I don’t contact you anymore. You contacted me first, remember?
“That sick freak,” Toby says.
“I have to figure out who this person is.”
“Then let’s do it,” he says. I can hear the determination in his voice.
“How?” I ask. “You and Gabe already tried, and you found nothing. Even the police are looking into it. This person is obviously good at hiding.”
“But I really think you and I could find this person,” Toby tells me. “Gabe obviously didn’t care about you enough, Kihanna. When we were trying to figure this out, sometimes I felt like he wasn’t really that into it.”
My heart beats harder against my chest, and I feel a complete sense of dead throughout my body. “Do you think it’s him?”
Toby thinks for a minute before responding. “I’ve known Gabe my whole life. If you would have asked me this question a year and a half ago, I would say maybe. I mean, I don’t think he’s capable of killing somebody, but what he did with Lily, looking up her texts, that’s creepy. But no, I really don’t think it’s him.”
I let out a sigh of relief. I don’t think I could handle it if Gabe really were my stalker. No matter what, I can’t believe it is him. Even though we aren’t together anymore, he is still my friend. Even if we aren’t talking right now, I know we will be friends again someday.
“I kind of get the impression that it’s more than one person,” Toby says.
This causes a slight moment of panic. “Why would more than one person be involved in something so twisted? And why me? What is so interesting about me?”
“I don’t know why whoever is doing this. All I know is I hope I find them soon.”
“Me too.”
“We should probably head back,” Toby says. “Mom and Mark are probably worried.”
We walk back to the car and head home. I’m sad to think that it isn’t Toby’s “home” anymore.
Our family isn’t a family. And when we get back there, Toby and Veronica will be leaving. I know they will be close by, but it’s not the same.
I am going to miss Toby.
11pm
I see you.
As soon as Toby and I get back to the house, Veronica gives us some kind of speech like we both love you, and more crap. But then they leave. Toby goes with Veronica home. I want to scream at her and tell her that their home is with Dad and me. They don’t belong anywhere else.
I go to Brian’s apartment immediately after that. For some reason, his small apartment feels more like home than my dad’s mansion. And yes, I’m calling it his mansion, because it’s doesn’t feel like mine anymore. Everything there is just a reminder of the life that Veronica and him shared. The life that I invaded. The life that I ruined.
Brian lets me cry on his shoulder for half an hour. For some reason it makes me feel better.
“Can I just sleep on your couch forever?” I ask him. “I don’t want to go home.”
“I don’t think your dad would be happy about your staying over here,” he says. “Besides, I don’t think I could handle you sleeping so close to me. I’d want you in my bed with me.”
“I’m not seeing the problem.”
He laughs. “You’re so bad. But seriously, you need to be home with your dad. He’s going to need you now more than ever. Besides they could still get back together. They’re going to counseling. They’re trying. These things take time.”
“You don’t get it though,” I tell him. “My dad is never home. It will be just me seven days a week.”
“He promised to have dinner with you every night.”
“That dinner happened once, and it lasted less than ten minutes. I’m facing the facts — my dad doesn’t want to hang out with me. He doesn’t want to get to know me. Not that I can blame him. I did kind of screw up his life.”