by Unknown
“I was thinking, while you’re tipsy, I should use this opportunity to ask you questions. Find out all your darkest secrets.”
I glare at him jokingly. “I’m not that tipsy.”
He smiles. “What was the first thing you noticed about me when we met?”
“Your abs,” I answer. “And then your biceps. And your eyes. I remember thinking that I wished high school boys looked like you.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I definitely didn’t look this good in high school.”
“I bet you were still hot.” It’s hard to imagine Brian any other way.
“I wasn’t.”
“Doubtful,” I say. “You know, when you added me as a friend on Staying Connected, I was insanely jealous of the blonde girl you had your arm around.”
“Blonde girl?” he asks. “Oh, Olivia.”
“Yeah. It didn’t take me long to realize that it was your sister. You two look alike.”
“I have been wondering something, but I don’t want you to get mad.”
“Okay,” I say, waiting for the question. I’m holding my pool stick. It’s still my turn, but I’d much rather watch Brian as he talks to me. He has soft, beautiful lips. They’re kind of distracting.
“Are you in love with Gabe Johnson?”
“Not at all. I don’t have any feelings other than friendship toward him.” I am surprised at how honest the words are.
“You fought really hard to be with him,” Brian says. “Why fight for it if there isn’t anything there?”
“Because there was… Or I thought there was… Something inside me changed, and I can’t even explain it.”
“Is it because of the stalker? Like maybe you got tired of fighting?” he asks.
“Maybe,” I answer. “Gabriel was my first. And we kind of rushed into it before I even had time to think about it. I went for him because Ty broke my heart, and Gabe made me feel better. Being with Gabe was easy. But then I realized I was fighting for something that I didn’t want. I liked the idea of Gabe more than I actually liked him.”
I wanted Gabe to be my first and only.
I wanted Gabe to be my first and last love.
But that’s not how it works. You don’t choose love. Love chooses you. It doesn’t always make sense, but that’s just how it is.
“I just want to know something,” he says.
“Yes?”
“Are you going to break my heart?”
I hear my sharp intake of breath. I was not at all expecting that question. I set down my pool stick and take a step closer to him. I’m so close that I can feel the heat from his body, and the electricity between us, but we’re not touching. I look up at him, and try to answer his question the best way I can.
“I don’t know, Brian. I want to stand here and promise that I won’t break your heart. I want to tell you that we belong together forever. But the truth is, life isn’t always predictable. Love isn’t always fair. All I know is that this feels real. I’ve never felt anything like this before. And I don’t want to lose this… I don’t want to lose you. If I had my way, you would be it,” I say, feeling really brave. “Someday, when I’m much older, I want to marry you. And have lots of babies with you.”
That last part may have been the alcohol talking.
Brian closes the distance between my lips and his. He kisses me hard and fast, and it feels different than anytime we’ve kissed before. My whole body feels like it’s on fire as we kiss in perfect sync. He lifts me up, and sets me on the pool table never breaking the kiss. My legs are spread, and I feel him rub against the front of me. I can feel that he’s really hard, and I have to remind myself that we are in a room full of strangers.
I break the kiss, and Brian rests his forehead against mine. We are both breathing heavy. I take a glance around the room to see that everybody else is too busy doing their own thing to pay attention to us. I’m thankful for that.
“Sorry,” Brian says. “Just hearing you say that… it was hot.”
“Which part?” I ask, flirting.
“All of it. But mostly the part of you having lots of babies with me.”
I bite my lip to keep from smiling.
“You and I are going to make very beautiful babies,” he says.
“Yes, we are,” I agree with him. But not because of me. Because of him. Brian’s children would be beautiful, no matter who the mother was.
11pm
Be happy.
As midnight draws closer, Olivia and Keith make their way to Brian and me. We’ve been chilling by the indoor heated pool. It’s locked, so nobody can get in here. Nathan gave Brian the key. We’ve just been sitting with our feet in the pool talking. I’ve sobered up from the two drinks I had earlier and am now starting to get a headache.
“Where have you two been all night?” Brian asks them after letting Olivia and Keith in.
“We have been making use of the extremely comfortable bed upstairs,” Olivia answers, and Keith looks embarrassed. “If you were smart, you two would have been doing the same.”
“I do not want to hear about my little sister’s sex life,” Brian says, covering his ears jokingly.
She rolls her eyes at him. “I came down stairs so I could ring in the New Year with my favorite big brother.”
This makes Brian laugh. “We both know you like Brandon more.”
“I only tell him that so I can see my nieces and nephews more often. You’re the big brother that takes me to parties and doesn’t tell Mom when I have sex with my boyfriend,” she says.
Brian takes a seat beside me, sticking his feet back in the water. Olivia and Keith both sit down too.
“It’s not like Mom doesn’t know you’re having sex,” Brian says. “Mom knows all.”
“My mom was that way too,” I tell them. “Even when I moved here, she knew exactly what was going on just by talking to me on the phone.”
I still can’t believe my mom is gone. I wish more than anything she was still here. If she were, I know she’d like Brian. She always told me to go for a guy that is a couple years older. Now I understand why. Boys my age really are immature. Three years really makes a big difference.
“It must be a Mom thing,” Olivia says. “My mom doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, so she is constantly on us about it. Was your mom that way?”
“No,” I answer. “She told me to wait for somebody I’m truly in love with, but she never told me to wait until I’m married. I guess it would be kind of hypocritical. She was never married.”
“So you could actually talk to your mom about this stuff?” she asks.
“Yeah. She was cool,” I tell her. “I never felt weird asking her questions about sex, or anything. I wish you could have met her. I think she would like you.”
“I know I would have liked her. Our mom is so freaking strict.”
“I just wish my mom was still alive. I miss her a lot.” I don’t think it matters how much time passes. The ache in my chest may get better, but I will always miss her. I will always want to pick up my phone and call her. I told my mom everything, and now I don’t have anybody I can talk to like that.
I can’t help but think about everything in my life that my mom will miss — high school and college graduation, my wedding, the birth of my children, birthdays, and holidays. She is missing out on it all. I want more than anything for her to still be here.
Brian grabs my hand and squeezes it.
“I still miss my dad,” Olivia says. “I don’t think I will ever not miss him.”
“Me either,” Brian says.
“You guys are kind of depressing,” Keith says.
“Life is depressing,” Olivia tells him. “But you’re right. It’s almost a new year. It’s time to look forward, not back. Anybody have any resolutions?”
I hadn’t even thought of resolutions, but I know what I was next year. “I want to forget all of the bad stuff that happened this year. I know that is what my mom would have wanted. So I
guess my resolution is to just be happy.”
Olivia sighs. “That’s a great resolution. My resolution is to lose ten pounds before leaving for college this fall and spend as much time with my family as I can.”
I roll my eyes at her lose ten pounds resolution. She is very small and does not need to lose any weight. But I’m envious of the last part of her resolution. I wish I had a family to spend time with.
Brian leans over and whispers in my ear. “My family is now your family too.”
This makes me smile. I love his family. “Thanks. But they will probably get sick of seeing me. You will get sick of seeing me.”
“Never,” he promises.
“I don’t have any resolutions,” Keith says. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to surf. Maybe that will be my resolution.”
“I’m not big on making resolutions,” Brian says. “I just want to continue doing well in school, spend time with my family, and I want to hang out with Kihanna as much as possible.”
Yeah. Hanging out with Brian is definitely a priority for this upcoming year.
“It’s almost twelve,” Olivia says. “We should all go out there and ring in the New Year.”
Together we all walk back into the foyer. People are starting to gather around the big screen getting ready for the countdown. Olivia goes to grab us all a drink, and as soon as she gets back the countdown begins. I set down my drink without taking a sip.
Saturday, January 1
12am
The end.
“10, 9, 8, 7…” everybody shouts together. “6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”
Everybody is cheering, and I look over at Brian. He’s looking at me the same way he always does before he kisses me. Slowly he leans closer and just before his lips touch mine I hear him whisper, “Happy New Year, Kihanna.”
Once Brian’s lips are on mine, I can feel the heat flood my body. My heart is pounding so hard and fast, I’m certain that Brian can feel it. Our lips move in sync, and I feel Brian grab my hand. It fits perfectly inside his, almost as if we were made for each other.
The cheering fades to only a background noise, and the only thing I am thinking of is how Brian isn’t close enough. He must be thinking the same thing, because he puts his hand on the small of my back and pulls me closer to him.
Every nerve in my body is aware of how close he is. It’s like I can feel the electricity between us.
This is what I’ve waited my whole life for… This feeling — it’s what fairy tales are made of. And all I can think of is happily ever afters. Brian makes me extremely happy.
Suddenly there is a scream beside me, and I feel the atmosphere change around us. Brian and I pull back from each other to see Olivia kneeling down on the floor beside Keith. His body is convulsing against the floor and beside him there is a spilled drink. I look over to where my cup was sitting and see that it is gone.
That was supposed to be me.
“Brian…” He ignores me, so I shake him until he looks at me. “That was my drink.”
Suddenly, Keith’s convulsing stops. He’s not moving. He’s not breathing.
“Oh my God,” Olivia screams. “Somebody call 911!”
Brian looks at his sister and then at me. He leans down to feel for Keith’s pulse, never taking his eyes off of me. I’m trying to read his expression, but I can’t. “He’s dead,” is all he says.
I should be dead right now. Not Keith.
I look around the party, trying to find a familiar face. Whoever did this has to be here. But there is nothing. Everybody is crowding around us, and as I search the crowd I begin to panic.
I’m not safe. I was never safe. It was all a lie… Maybe so I would let my guard down.
I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t ever have put down my drink. I let myself have a moment of fun, and this is what happens. Another person is dead because of me.
I feel my phone vibrate, and dread washes over me as I look at the text.
Blocked ID: I’m not going anywhere, bitch. Your friend is dead because you went to the police. His blood is on YOUR hands.
I drop my phone, and then fall to my knees and scream. Brian looks at the fallen phone and grabs it, reading the text. He reaches for me, and I try to push him away. I even hit his shoulder, but he keeps his grip tight. I finally fall into his arms and begin to sob.
“It’s my fault.”
“No it’s not,” he insists. “You didn’t do this, Kihanna. You didn’t know.”
“But I should have. I never should have let my guard down. He’s dead because of me.”
Brian’s friend leans down beside us. “I called the cops,” he says, sounding freaked out. Everybody is freaked out, because this isn’t supposed to happen. Keith was only eighteen years old. You’re not supposed to die when your eighteen, and it’s not fair. His life was stolen.
“If I hadn’t come, he would still be alive,” I tell Brian, once Nathan stands back up. I watch him go over to Olivia and wrap his arms around her. Suddenly I feel guilty. Brian is comforting me when he should be comforting his sister. “You should go to Olivia.”
Brian backs up a little and looks between me and Olivia. “Kihanna, you can’t think like this. It’s not your fault, and Olivia won’t blame you.”
“But she should.”
Brian puts his hand on my face, and gently caresses my cheek. “It’s not you. It’s some sick bastard that is screwing with your mind. You can’t let him get to you.”
“He already has!” I say. “Or she. Whatever. I just… I can’t handle this anymore.”
“You have to,” he says firmly. “You can’t give up. You have to fight this.”
“What if it would have been you?” I ask him.
“You can’t think like that. Right now you have to think about what is right and what is wrong. This person that is doing this to you is going to get caught,” he says. “They can’t keep hiding. Sooner or later they will leave behind evidence. And until this sick freak is found, I promise to keep you safe.”
Safe.
Brian will keep me safe.
And I will find this sick bastard if it’s the last thing I do. And it quite possibly could be.
The end.
Look for book 4, It’s So Obvious, coming April 2014!
As an indie author, I rely heavily on my readers to get the word out on my books. If you loved this story, it would mean the world to me if you left a review where you purchased it! <3
Check out my other books!
The Rock Star Trilogy:
— Jaded (Book 1)
— Faded (Book 2)
— Hated (Book 3)
The Kihanna Saga:
— The Fab Life (Book 1)
— I Hate Goodbye (Book 2)
— Stranded in Paradise (Book 3)
— It’s So Obvious (Book 4 — coming April 2014)
— I Need You (Book 5 — coming August 2014)
Stand Alones:
— Don’t Tell
— You Got Me
— Char
Acknowledgements
This is my NINTH published book — WOW. Sometimes my life seems surreal. I still can’t believe that this is my JOB. I love waking up in the mornings and going to “work”. I am doing what I love! I am following my dream of being a full time author, and it’s the best feeling in the world.
First of all I want to thank YOU. You who are reading this book right now. Thank you for buying my book. Thank you for reading it. I am still blown away that people actually like my books. And it’s because of you that I am allowed to do what I love. So, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!
My family is such a huge inspiration to me. Shane — thank you for putting up with me. The house is usually messy, the laundry is often in piles, and I know you’re sick of fast food. Thanks for begin patient with me. Especially when I’m going to bed about the time you get up for work.
Laura Heritage. Just wow. The covers for this series still blow me away. I often stare at
them, thinking how perfectly each cover fits the book. Thank you for all of your hard work. You’re the best cover designer and editor. Thanks for putting up with my repeated grammatical errors. One day I will learn how to put the comma in the right spot.
Tess Watson — my best friend ever. I can never thank you enough for all your support. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. Also, thank you again for suggesting there be a super hot pool boy. You inspired Brian, who is now my favorite character. THANK YOU.
Delanie Roberts — I do believe that you are my biggest fan. Thank you for reading my books and following this series. Thank you for loving Kihanna as much as I do!
To all of the bloggers, Facebookers, and booktubers — your support means a lot. Thank you for helping promote my books, thank you for reading and reviewing them, and thank you for just being AWESOME. You take time out of your daily life to support us indie authors!
<3 Mercy Amare
Find me online:
Website: http://www.mercyamare.net
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