"Yep, it's not like me to sleep late, that's for sure, but you're probably right about needing extra while we can get it."
Gran was motioning for me that my food was ready. I let Faith know I needed to go, and we quickly said our goodbyes and wished each other luck with getting all our studying done.
I still didn't feel great about last night, but the explanation I'd pieced together after talking to both Gran and Faith was really the only one that made sense. I must have taken some medicine that wiped me out. I'd try and figure out later what exactly I had taken so I would never take it again. The bottle was probably still somewhere in my room. It was only as I walked into the kitchen to join Gran that I realized something important.
I still didn't know how I had gotten home last night.
If I didn't drive my own truck and I wasn't with Faith, then how did I end up back at Fairvue?
Gran sat down with a plate of her own food across from me at the kitchen table. I looked around feeling a moment of peace. I had always loved this kitchen. The wood floors were the same oak stain which ran through the entire house. The cabinets were all wood except for one wall that was accented by glass doors in the top cabinets. A back staircase ran along one wall of the kitchen and up to the second floor bedrooms. In the corner was a fire place made from old stones taken from around the property.
It was more than just the design of the kitchen which made it my favorite room in the house.
There weren't a lot of good memories for me as a child, but the few I had revolved around this kitchen. Things like Gran cooking me late night snacks when I was home from school. Eating the strawberries I'd picked from Mr. Mac's garden at this table. The smell of chocolate chip cookies coming from the stove. Making snow cream, and eating the treat as we sat in the window seat piled with cushions and blankets. All of those things had happened here.
I sighed and Gran looked at me closely but didn't say anything. One more thing I loved about her. Like Faith, she didn't pry.
"Gran, I was thinking if you don't need me today I'll probably just spend most of my time studying since it's the last weekend before finals."
She nodded, before swallowing her coffee and agreed. "That will be fine, Pagan. I was worried you were going to feel like I was abandoning you today. Mac and I made plans to go visit a farmer's market, and then we thought we'd catch a bite to eat at a restaurant he wants me to try."
Something about the tone of her voice made me stop eating, and I took a moment to really look at her. Was she blushing?
"Gran, do you have a thing going with Mr. Mac?"
When she didn't answer but the rose color in her cheeks grew deeper, I knew I was right.
"Oh my word! You do!"
I jumped up and gave her a tight hug. "I'm so excited about this, Gran."
"I can tell," she managed to say but it sounded muffled where I had her in my tight grip. She hugged me back before shooing me back to my seat.
As I sat back down, she was smiling at me, and there was a definite twinkle in her eyes. With the extra bit of color still in her cheeks, she looked ten years younger.
She didn't say any more but instead pushed back her chair and stood to gather up the dishes. I took a few more quick bites while she continued to clean up the leftovers. I didn't want to push her because she never pried in my life, but I was dying to have details.
There was the clatter of dishes in the sink and the opening and shutting of the refrigerator door before she finally dropped the dish towel she was holding and sat it on the kitchen counter before facing me.
"Fine," she said. "You're sitting there all nice and quiet, but I know you want to know more. Mac and I do enjoy our time together." I could tell she was being careful with her words, but for the moment I felt like we were two friends sharing secrets with each other.
My smile felt as wide as my face. "Gran, I think it's great. I've worried, what with everything that's gone on lately, ya know, well, I've worried about you and how you're handling things."
I was choosing my words carefully. I didn't want to bring up my father and spoil the moment, but with his death and my moving in with her, she'd undergone a lot of major changes.
"Gran, I really like Mr. Mac. I'm glad for you."
She smiled. I could tell she was relieved we'd had the conversation, but as far as she was concerned, it was over.
"Well, then. I'll just finish getting ready, and I'll be gone in a bit. If you need me, call Mac's cell phone number. It's posted on the refrigerator."
I rolled my eyes where she couldn't see me and watched Gran leave the room.
My life was so lame.
Even my grandmother’s boyfriend owned a cell phone. I had to get a job. But first, I had to pass finals and finish my junior year.
My backpack was still in the entry hall. I looked out the screen door as I went to grab my things and noticed Keller's truck was parked out by the barn. I put my hand on the doorknob, feeling the strongest pull to go outside and talk to him. I shook my head and jerked my hand away from the door.
Why would I want to talk to Keller? I spent the better part of my life since moving to Jasper avoiding Keller. Whatever I'd taken last night must have really messed with my head.
I slung my backpack over my shoulder and ran up the stairs feeling like the devil was chasing me.
I let the door slam behind me as I entered my room. I plopped on my bed and drug my backpack with me. It only took me a minute to get out the books I needed. Using my notebook from science class, I began comparing the study guide we were given to the notes I'd already taken. It looked like I was in pretty good shape on most of the material. The section on the development of atomic theory from the Greeks to present time was going to be a bit hard, but that was really the only section that would give me some trouble. A lot of the material I'd already covered before changing schools.
Thank heavens I could remember taking my notes even if I had apparently lost an entire evening out with my friends.
I blew straight up and watched my hair dance away from my face. I had to get a hair band to pull it back if I was going to be seriously studying. The last thing I needed was for a bunch of loose curls to keep falling in front of my face while I was trying to work. Also, anything to do that would help me stall on studying was definitely worth my time. With any luck it would take me awhile to find what I needed for my hair.
I rummaged in a drawer until I finally found a hair tie, and I pulled the thick strands back and quickly secured them. I had a sudden image of Keller's fingers sliding through my hair.
My stomach felt tight, and my breathing grew shallow.
What was it with all the images of Keller this morning?
Frustrated, I pulled my hair a little tighter than necessary, making sure it was secure. I could hear Gran's footsteps passing in the hall. Hoping for yet another distraction before studying, I opened the door and peeked out.
"Have fun!"
My voice stopped her as she was about half way down the stairs. I came out and went down the steps so she wouldn't have to come back up.
"I will, dear. Don't worry if I'm out late." She winked at me, and I smiled back.
"I won't, Gran. And don't worry about me either. I'll be great here, having fun studying, while you're out having a good time Really. Don't feel guilty."
She laughed at my sarcasm, kissed me on the check, and then continued down the stairs. The front door closed behind her as she left. I followed her down so I could lock the door, and then I ran back up the stairs and into my room and straight into the arms of Keller.
Before I could scream, his hand closed over my mouth. My eyes were wide but not in fright. I was furious. How dare he scare me like that! And what was he doing in my room?
"Alright, love. I'm going to take my hand away from your mouth, and whatever you do, don't scream. You might give Ms. Ellie a heart attack, and she has that big evening planned with Mr. Mac."
He smirked like he knew something I didn't, and
then he added, "I know you don't want to ruin that."
Keller's hand was over my mouth, while his other arm was wrapped around my waist. Other than the pressure of his arm and hand, my body wasn't touching his, but there was little room between us. I wanted to squirm, to try and get away from his grip, but I was terrified the motion would bring me closer to him. I had few options since he was bigger than me, and I wasn't some super, ninja girl. So, I did the only thing I knew to do.
I licked his hand.
His response was immediate. The unexpected move caught him off guard, and he jumped away from me, frantically wiping his hand across his faded denim jeans.
"That is gross and juvenile," he shot at me, his eyes wide in disbelief.
"Are you kidding me?" I yelled back. "You hiding in my room is gross and juvenile!"
Both of my hands were pushing him now, and I was charging at him with the full force of my anger. I realized a little too late that I had backed him even further into my room and straight to my bed.
His knees buckled when he reached the edge of the mattress, and he fell over, barely missing my pile of books and notes. He scrambled to sit up, grabbing at his baseball cap to keep it from flying off his head.
"What on earth are you doing in this house? How did you get in here without someone seeing you? Do you know you scared me to death?”
My questions were flying at him so fast he couldn't have answered even if he'd wanted to.
He started to try to defend himself, but I held out one hand to stop him.
"Honestly, I don't know why I asked because I don't care. Really. I don't want to know. I just want you gone." I pointed to the door, then crossed my arms over my chest and started tapping my foot, waiting for him to leave.
Instead of getting up, he leaned back on his elbows and stared up at me. He looked amazingly comfortable there in the center of my bed, his baseball cap slightly askew, dark pieces of hair peeking out around the edges.
Keller patted the space beside him with his right hand and said, "I knew you would eventually find a way to get me in your bed, baby, but I have to say this isn't exactly how I imagined it. And I have imagined.”
The stuffed animal I threw barely missed his head.
I scowled. He was insufferable. It didn't matter how amazing he looked in the middle of my room, in the middle of my bed. I wanted him gone. I needed him gone.
The perpetual smirk he wore was plastered across his face. I was so angry, it took me a second to realize he was staring at my chest.
"Stop trying to read my T-shirt!" I managed to spit the words past my clenched teeth.
He sat up then and gracefully moved his body up and off my bed. I held my ground as he walked closer to me even though everything in my brain was screaming for me to run from the room while I still had the chance. He stood in front of me, his eyes traveling down the length of my body and then back up before landing on my face.
"I wasn't actually admiring the clever words, but if it makes you feel any better, everything I did admire is quite...nice."
My cheeks flamed with embarrassment. Then he surprised me by adding, "Although the original quote is still probably my favorite."
It took me a minute to recall what my shirt even said when he was standing so close, and I swallowed nervously when I realized what he meant.
"What do you want?"
"You, of course."
"Me?" I licked my lips because they'd suddenly gone dry.
His gaze never left my face, and my mind registered the fact that if I leaned in just the slightest bit, my lips would graze his. I breathed in deeply trying to get some oxygen to my brain because apparently I needed it. Instead, all I managed to do was breathe in the scent of him. He smelled wonderful, like always.
Trying not to completely lose my grip on reality, I turned my back to him so I didn't have to watch him looking at me or think about how nice he smelled.
The distance helped but not a lot.
"Seriously, Keller. What do you want? You broke into my house, so it must be important."
I heard him moving about my room and away from me, so I felt like it was safe enough for me to turn back around.
He was standing in front of my bookshelf, pulling various paperbacks off the shelves and reading their titles before putting them back. His obvious comfort in my room was annoying, and I wanted him to stop touching my things, but I didn't stop him because at least if he kept looking at my small library of books, then he was no longer looking at me. It also helped that he was standing across the room and not in my personal space.
All were pluses in my opinion.
He looked at me again, and I saw he was holding my worn copy of Dracula in his hand. I hoped he didn't flip through and see all the nerdish notes and underlining I'd done.
I loved that book, but I doubted he wanted to have a two person book club session right this minute, and I was quite certain I didn't want to engage in that with him either.
My eyes moved to his lips, and I realized I could think of something I wouldn't mind engaging in with Keller.
I nearly groaned in frustration. I had to stop these ridiculous thoughts that kept racing through my mind. It had to be that he was in my bedroom, or maybe I was simply having a mental breakdown.
Either way, I needed him to leave.
Now.
I did not want any type of repeat performance of what had happened between us, or at least I was trying to convince myself that was true. It was hard to do when he was so close and in my bedroom of all places.
Before I could order him out yet again, he spoke up.
"You know, I'm inclined to believe you think much too little of yourself, sweetheart, if you don't think you're my reason for being here. Because I assure you, you are the reason I'm here. Not that Ms. Ellie isn't a charmer because she undoubtedly is."
He gave me his best crooked smile before continuing.
"Oh, and, for the record, I didn't break in. I have a key which was given to me by your delightful grandmother. I came in the backdoor, through the kitchen, and up the back stairs. I did try knocking, but no one answered. I was sure you were at home, so I came on inside. Thought you might be in the shower or something. Didn’t want you to have to grab a towel and come running down to see who was at the door."
He put my book back on the shelf and finished up his explanation as though it were the most logical thing in the world. The smile that hovered around the edges of his mouth belied everything he was saying.
I stayed where I was across the room from him, but I had grabbed my purple robe off the back of my desk chair and slipped it on while he was looking at my books. As he stared at me, I could tell he noticed the addition to my attire, but for once he didn't make a comment. The slight arch of one eyebrow was all that gave away what he was thinking.
"I don't know why I didn't hear you if you knocked," I shot back. "As for you having a key to this house, I'll be sure Gran gets that back from you when she returns. Now that I'm here, I don't think there's really any need for someone else to have one, do you?" I raised my own eyebrow as I looked at him, letting him know two could play at that game.
When he didn't comment, I continued. "As for why you thought anything would be wrong with me, well now, that part is a mystery. Is there something I should know?" An idea began to form in my mind, and it slipped out before I could think better of it.
"Was I around you last night?"
Keller slowly shook his head back and forth, and then with long, slow strides began covering the distance between us.
I instinctively wanted to back up, but I was already pressed against my dresser, and there was nowhere else to go without looking like I was running.
He stopped in front of me and reached out and grabbed my wrists. With one quick move, he pulled me closer. I crossed my arms, hoping he'd let go, but he didn't. Instead, his hands moved lower and settled on my waist.
It felt wonderful having him this close and suddenly, for the life of me,
I couldn't think of a single reason why I wouldn't want it to continue.
I looked down at the floor to avoid his all too knowing eyes. He bent his own head lower to get my attention, until I was forced to look up and meet the dark brown of his eyes. One of his hands reached out and slanted my chin up so I could only look at him.
"What do you remember about last night, Pagan?"
I sucked in my breath. The noise was loud in the quiet of the room.
"You just called me by my real name. You only do that when something's wrong."
He shook his head and sighed. "If I call you by your name you get upset with me. If I call you an endearment, you get upset with me. It's been like that since day one with you. You are so hard to please."
His gaze was smoldering, and he bit his bottom lip before adding, "Oh my, but, you are distracting me. So, do let's get back to the original question I asked before I decide talking is a very bad idea and that we should do something much more enjoyable with our time."
If I ever knew how to talk, I had suddenly forgotten. Keller’s words, his look, his very touch left me speechless. Why did this always happen to me when he was around?
He arched one eyebrow as he looked at me, obviously surprised that for once I had nothing to say.
"So, let's try this again. What do you remember about last night, sweetheart?"
There was something there I should remember, but I couldn't piece it all together. I just knew it, but the feel of Keller's hand on my waist was distracting me. The metal of his ring, pressed into my side, but it wasn't unpleasant, just a light pressure. His eyes held mine as he waited for my answer. Then he dropped his other hand from my face, and moved it back down to circle my back.
"I, uhm, I don't remember anything," I confessed. "I thought maybe you were with me last night. For some reason it seems like we were around each other. I talked to Faith on the phone this morning. She said we went dancing, but it's all a big blank, and that scares me a little." I watched his face closely for any reaction, but he didn't show any sign that he knew what I was talking about.
"Did you go dancing last night?"
I didn't know what I expected him to say next. Did I think he would give me some huge revelation about the night? Did I think he had secrets that he had come by the house to share with me once Gran was gone? Maybe a video he took on his phone of me acting like an idiot in public or something worse?
Crossings: A Sovereign Guardians Novel Page 14