"She prayed." My words were but a whisper, but Granger heard me.
"Yes, she prayed. Your mother was a believer. Her prayer was to save you."
Keller's voice interrupted, continuing the story.
"There were other things going on, though, that night. Your father was not a believer, but he prayed, too. He asked for help, no matter the cost, to save your mother." Keller looked at me then, but I wasn't sure he was even really seeing me as he searched for the right words to explain.
"You know, no one ever asks the question, but it's one to think about - your father didn't believe, but he prayed. So, who hears the prayers of a nonbeliever? I mean, think about it, love. If a child wants a new bicycle, he doesn't go to the neighbor's parents and ask for one, does he? When you wanted to come home, you didn't ask your roommate's father to let you leave. Yet your father was asking for help from something he didn't even believe in, someone he didn't claim as his own heavenly father.”
Keller leaned forward on his arms, his muscles tense, his hands clasped together. “Your father’s desperation, coupled with his disbelief, caused something evil to come into the room the night you were being born, and from that point on, things spiraled out of control. Your father knowingly made a deal with the devil that night. He didn't want to lose your mother, and I know this is hard for you to hear, but the truth is, he offered your soul to save hers."
Keller’s eyes locked on my face, waiting to see how I would take the news. I could feel Granger watching me, too, but I didn’t have it in me to reassure them I was handling this well, because after all this time I was finally hearing the truth.
Hadn't I always known my father didn't love me? But to hear it said out loud, in this way, it was almost too much.
Granger walked behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. "This is the part you most need to understand, Pagan. This is why you are now in danger. When you died, your soul went to cross over. Because of your mother’s love, your soul followed hers, so the evil that was there that night couldn't take you despite your father's attempt at a deal. It was your mother who protected you."
"But, I died, and so did she. Wouldn’t that have cancelled any deal my father tried to make?"
I was so confused. How could there have been a deal if she had died, too? And how could they give such a detailed account of something that happened well before they were even born?
Granger's hands squeezed my shoulders as he continued. "When you died, the sovereign guardians were waiting at the place we call Crossings - it divides this world from the life that comes next. Keller and I were the guardians there that night."
Granger sat back down. He looked at Keller, willing him to finish the story. I could tell he was reluctant, but he picked up where Granger had stopped.
"I know part of what you're thinking right now. You're trying to figure out how someone our age could have been there, but trust me, we were. We don’t, well, we don’t age the same as you do. In fact, I was the one who received you. I cradled you carefully in my arms as I began to cross over. Normally, a crossing goes without a hitch. The roles have been played out over so many years there’s little that can go wrong. But that night, I felt such a connection to you. I can’t explain exactly what happened, but once Granger handed you to me, I wasn’t sure if I could release you to the other side. Something held me back. Those few precious moments made a difference in how things played out."
Keller's brow furrowed as he formed his words. "I know it's hard to understand, to imagine all of this, but try and picture Crossings like a bridge, if that helps you to imagine what happened next. Granger walked across first. As a guardian, he always stands ready at the front of the bridge, waiting for the soul to leave the body. He had already walked your mother over to me, and I had walked her safely the rest of the way to the other side.”
Keller leaned closer to me then, and I could tell he was seeing it all clearly, remembering every detail.
“I came back and took your soul from Granger. I know this doesn’t make sense to you, and you’re probably imagining me holding you as a baby or a bright light, but it’s not like that at all.”
His eyes searched mine, asking for understanding, devoid of his usual confidence, and I found myself wanting to trust him, needing to believe him. He gave a small nod, understanding my struggle, before he continued.
“I was preparing to go to the other side and hand you to your mother when something held me back. I...I couldn't cross. It was your mother who stopped me. She was begging me to take you back. It was obvious a part of her wanted you to go with her, to have your soul on the other side where she already was, but her love, if you will, was echoing everywhere. It enveloped everyone who was there that night."
Keller looked at Granger and then back at me before he continued. "But most of all, she pleaded with me not to leave your father alone. She begged me to take you to him. She was amazingly unselfish, only asking something for him. And so the decision was made in the heavens, and you were sent back. Your father, when he heard you cry, well, he was completely transformed. The veil between Crossings and Earth was still open, and I saw him holding you. He was so full of love for you, sweetheart. I will never forget how he looked that night, knowing he hadn't lost you."
My voice sounded like a child's when I asked the question that had plagued me my entire life. "Then why couldn't he love me?"
Keller rubbed his hands across his face in frustration, trying to find the words to explain.
"He did love you, but he couldn't undo what he’d set in motion that night, and neither could we. When I sent you back, I didn't realize everything that had happened. My energy was focused on you and your mother. Maybe if it hadn't been, then we could have done something differently, but neither Granger or myself realized until much later that you weren't safe."
"Pagan," Granger began, "understand our job as guardians is to help make the transition easier for those at Crossings. Occasionally, we are sent down to help when there are unresolved issues. When we leave, there are others who stay behind in our places. Usually when we come to Earth it’s to help with something simple, and we're only gone for a very short time.”
When I didn’t say anything, he continued. “We might assist a loved one of the deceased in finding a letter that was left for them or some other token to help them with their loss. Many times it's something the person who crossed over desperately needs those who are left behind to have so they can be at peace with events that have happened. There are times when we use our abilities to shield, which I know you don't really understand yet, but with it we are able to bring comfort by reminding those left how much they were loved. We’re able to soothe their minds. But with you, everything is different. It isn’t like anything we've ever been asked to do.” Granger shrugged his shoulders, raising his hands up, showing his uncertainty before he continued.
“We've certainly never stayed on Earth like this before. I don't mean to confuse you more than you already are by telling you this, but we're in new territory here, and the rules are changing every day."
My eyes moved back and forth from Granger to Keller, but I remained silent. I mean, what was I supposed to say? Everything they were telling me seemed unreal, not even possible, but somehow I knew they were telling the truth. I should have been afraid, but instead it was an odd relief to find out that after all this time, believing something was always there, wanting to hurt me, well, it was a strange relief to at least know I wasn't completely insane.
"You should understand, sweetheart," Keller added, "that when your father held you that night, he loved you unconditionally."
The look on my face must have shown what I thought of his statement because he added, "It's true. He loved you. And that night, before we left, we tried to shield your father, to use our abilities to help calm him, to help make sure he knew his wife was at peace so he could move on. It seemed to work, and he planned to raise you at Fairvue just as your mother would have wanted. Ms. Ellie adored you,
and she was there to help, too."
"Then, what happened?" I demanded. "Because the life you just described, well, I assure you it’s not what I had growing up."
Keller leaned back in his chair and sighed into the quiet of the room. "We don't know exactly what happened. We do know whatever your father called into the room that night still didn't have the soul it had bargained for. Your mother didn’t live, so the deal your father tried to make should have ended, but evil doesn't play fair. The best we can piece together is that the demon felt cheated because we'd helped your mother. It still wanted you then, and it still wants you now. In Harry Potter fashion, your mother’s love saved you that night."
“You know about Harry Potter?” I smirked, feeling like I was about to become hysterical.
Taking advantage of my light-hearted question, Granger quipped back, “You know there’s a reason they call it the world-wide web. We have a connection speed that’s really quite incredible.”
Not sure if he was joking or not, I decided not to even try and find out. So much information had already been thrown at me, that my mind was struggling to put all the pieces in place; although I was beginning to feel like I was slowly understanding some of what they were trying to explain, even though it all still seemed too impossible to believe.
"So,” I let out a long, slow breath, trying to keep my voice from trembling as I spoke. “So, whatever still wants to hurt me, it's connected not only to me but also to this place, isn't it?"
"Yes," Granger agreed. "The bargain was made at Fairvue, so the evil has its greatest hold here. Of course, it didn't take long before both your father and Ms. Ellie began to realize something wicked had come into their home. There were small accidents that happened - unexplained events. Several times you almost died when you were younger. When you went camping in the backyard, you told your father that you felt like you couldn't breathe when you went to sleep, like someone was holding a pillow over your face.”
“Another time you nearly drowned in the creek, and again, you told him it felt like hands were holding you under the water. Your father began to suspect what was really going on. He sought the help of a fortune teller who confirmed, at least in his mind, that something at Fairvue was trying to take your soul. She advised him to send you away to protect you, and to shut off ties with you so that whatever it was could not use his love against you.” Granger paused, watching for my reaction, making sure I was ready to hear more. I gave him a quick nod and he continued.
“When you were gone, both your father and your grandmother could sense the evil was gone, too, but they didn’t believe it had followed you. When you were away, other than being sad, you seemed safe, and apparently you never told them of your fears. They discussed moving away from Fairvue since the power seemed strongest here, but based on what the fortune teller had told your father, he was scared it would follow them wherever they went with you because it would still be able to latch on to the love they had for you. Ms. Ellie, though, believed you were safest here and that you should be with your family. It was a constant argument between your father and your grandmother."
I held up my hand, to stop his story for the moment.
"I still don't understand. How could they know that something was trying to hurt me? Why didn't they simply think those were freak accidents?"
Keller attempted to explain. "It's the same way you know when it's out there. They could feel it. And I know you've felt it in one degree or another your entire life. We both know it's been especially prominent since you moved back."
I shivered uncontrollably. I knew what the evil felt like. Hadn't I always believed it was out there, looking for me? If what Granger and Keller said was true, now I understood why. It had a claim on my soul.
"So, if my soul was promised all along, and now I'm back and the demon’s power is strongest here, then why hasn’t it simply taken it? What's it waiting for?" My words were filled with false bravado, and I was sure they both knew it.
“We don't think it is waiting,” Keller explained. “You've had several scares since you've been back. We believe it's actively trying to hurt you since Ms. Ellie made the decision to let you move back to Fairvue - a decision she made based on her love for you, and the hope that whatever it was had finally gone away when her son died since he'd made the original bargain. But in that belief, she was mistaken."
I blinked rapidly, trying to keep back tears that were threatening to spill. "Just explain to me, why am I still alive? Or better yet, you're my guardians, why can't you stop it?
Keller looked to Granger for help.
"Well," I demanded, "can you save me or not?"
Granger ran both of his hands through his hair. He opened his mouth to speak and then shut it again.
Finally he said, "If you live past your eighteenth birthday, you'll be safe. The entity thrives on young souls, otherwise it would have been satisfied with your father's as an exchange in the deal he made, and your father would have gladly made that exchange to keep you safe. But with the risk of sounding cliché, eighteen is the turning point from childhood into becoming an adult, and according to what we know, it's the magical age, if you'll pardon that description, for you as well. Your father promised the soul of his child to save his wife. Death felt we interfered and didn’t allow it the time it needed to save your mother. Because it believes we interfered, and there was no exchange, the demon believes it is still owed your soul. Once you’re eighteen and no longer a child, the time to collect on your father’s deal will finally be over, and you'll be safe."
Frustrated and having so much that I couldn't wrap my head around, I yelled at them both. "Then why hasn't it already killed me? I’m home where you say its powers are the strongest. Why all this cloak and dagger nonsense? Why not just get things over with and take my soul?
"Look, as much as it might want to claim your soul, there are rules in the universe. Death can't simply walk up and grab it. It doesn't work like that. A soul leaves a body when it dies. For your soul to be taken, you will have to die, again."
I'm going to die before I turn eighteen. The words, going round and round in my head, poured from my lips without me even realizing I had spoken.
"We aren't going to let that happen. Have you listened to nothing we've said for the last hour?" Keller demanded angrily, slamming his fist on the wooden table, his chair flipping backwards, crashing against the wooden floor.
"Can't you see she's in shock?" Granger said to Keller. "Did you really think we could talk to her without there being some type of an adjustment period to everything we've told her? It's too much to understand all at once, Keller."
Keller paced the kitchen like a wild animal held too long in a cage. He flexed his hands in frustration and circled the room before finally coming to stand in front of me. He bent down lower so we were face to face. Tentatively, his fingers reached out and laced themselves between mine. Without even thinking, my hand responded and grasped his.
I knew what he felt when he touched me because I felt it down to my bones.
Ice.
Everything about me was cold. I could barely stop my teeth from chattering, I was so numb.
My mind raced with all they had told me. Granger and Keller were sovereign guardians sent to protect me. Sent from where? I wasn't exactly clear on that part yet, but I was very clear that without their help, it was likely I would not live past my eighteenth birthday, less than a week away.
Surely there could be no truth in what they had told me. I wanted to think they were both crazy, and maybe I was crazy, too. But deep down I knew they weren't and neither was I.
The sensations I'd had again and again, that something was out there, trying to hurt me - the way I knew something was different about both Granger and Keller - the way my father had treated me growing up, all confirmed what they said was true. And then there were the silver talismans they each wore. Keller’s ring and Granger’s chain, both infused with the same design, apparently containing some type of spec
ial power when touched by my guardians, these boys who swore they were sent to protect me.
I wanted to hear more of the story, and I wanted to hear nothing more at all.
Granger was right; it really was too much.
A hysterical laugh bubbled inside of me and spilled out. If the looks being exchanged between Keller and Granger could be used as a barometer for my well-being, I would say they both believed I was on the verge of having a complete breakdown, and they were probably right.
When I looked at Keller, I saw that for once his face was open and easy to read. He'd made a decision.
"Give us some time, Granger. Alone."
Maybe Granger heard what I saw. Keller wasn't to be argued with. Not now.
Granger got up from his own seat and gave my shoulder another quick squeeze. Then he walked over and set the chair upright that Keller had knocked to the floor before quietly slipping out the back.
My eyes stayed on Keller, but I knew Granger was gone when I heard the door latch. The entire time he was preparing to go, Keller stayed in front of me, his thumbs rubbing across my fingers and over the backs of my hands. The connection to him seemed to be the only thing keeping me from falling apart.
Without a word, Keller leaned over and scooped me up into his arms. I startled in protest, but even to my own ears, my complaint sounded weak.
He was still touching me.
He was still touching me.
He was still touching me.
I wouldn’t fall apart.
Cradled against the broad expanse of his chest, too exhausted to even try and fight, I gave in and leaned my head wearily against him. Keller had no trouble carrying my extra weight as he walked to the top of the stairs and then kicked open my bedroom door.
Crossings: A Sovereign Guardians Novel Page 19