"What would you say if I told you right now there's only one position I'm thinking about, and it doesn't have anything to do with my job."
"Oh my."
From the smoldering look in his eyes, I knew I'd like to explore exactly what he had in mind, but I also knew one of us had to think beyond this moment. I just wished it didn't have to be me.
"We can't," I began again.
He leaned his cheek against my face and whispered in my ear, "I know, baby, but I want you to imagine it for a moment just the same."
We stayed that way for a few minutes, both of us trying to find the control we'd so easily lost and that we could so easily lose again if we weren't careful. The things going through my imagination were enough to make me falter in my resolve.
Opening my eyes, I was shocked to see the sun in the sky seemed to be suddenly dipping lower. We needed to be out of the woods before it became too late.
"Does everything still seem safe to you?"
Keller nodded, knowing what I meant. Then he laughed as he said, "Right now, love, you're safe from everything but me."
"Uhmmm," I groaned, placing a small kiss against the corner of his mouth. "I'll take my chances with you anytime."
"I think you should probably take your chances over there, cleaning up far away from me, while I get our other gear together and figure out how I'm going to survive the ride back with your body pressed up against me."
I laughed at the pained expression on his face, but I did move quickly and began packing our things. Right now I barely had control, and I knew it would take very little for me to try and convince Keller we didn't need to leave yet. I didn't want to risk that for him.
I'd already admitted I didn't know what the rules were where he came from, but I was pretty certain what was on both of our minds was not a rule he should break right now. Keller had said the heavens were wonderful. It was hard for me to imagine anything being more wonderful than how it felt when I was in his arms. But I'd learned a lot in the last few days; much of it was how little I really did know about the world I lived in. I wouldn't risk Keller's perfect world, no matter how much I wanted him to be forever in mine.
It didn't take long for us to repack everything and then to both put on our helmets.
"Do you want to take a picture before we leave to help you remember?" I asked him as we climbed onto the seat and I scooted close. His groan of approval as I moved in behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist made me smile.
Keller shook his head and turned toward me. "Once I leave here, I won't be able to take any pictures with me. That's why I wanted today. What I have in my mind goes with me. I'll always have that. It doesn't matter where I am, Pagan; I'll always have that."
The engine's roar drowned out any chance to say more, and I held on tight as Keller drove us away from the meadow and home to Fairvue.
As we made our way back, a familiar tingling raced along my neck. Keller must have felt it, too, because he reached down with one hand and squeezed my leg.
The threat wasn't close, but it was out there.
My time was growing short.
Chapter Fifteen
The day of the picnic passed without any more feelings of the danger being closer. Granger stayed again at the house, sleeping on the couch downstairs, while Keller slept outside in his truck.
Keller hated the arrangement as much as I did, but we also silently agreed that for the moment it was the best decision we could make if we wanted to keep our minds on what had to be done instead of being constantly preoccupied with our growing feelings for each other.
The next morning the feeling of danger was present from the moment I woke up and had grown more intense since the previous afternoon. I could feel it closing in on all of us.
Between worrying about what was going to happen and replaying the kisses Keller and I had shared over and over in my mind, my night had been anything but restful. As the sun began to rise, I knew there was no longer any reason to stay in bed.
After a quick shower, I slipped on a green button up shirt with a rounded collar and a pair of dark denim shorts. Looking in the mirror, I decided to leave my hair down. Keller's comments from the picnic ran through my mind, and I hoped he'd notice I'd skipped my usual hairstyle for him.
Taking the back stairs down to the kitchen, I wasn't surprised that both Granger and Keller were already up and dressed. Both were wearing jeans and T-shirts, although Granger's was red and had a faded cross emblazed in silver across the front and Keller's was a dark brown material that was almost the exact shade of his eyes.
The whispered dialogue Granger and Keller were involved in only confirmed my suspicion that the demon was closer than either of them wanted to admit. In fact, they were so involved that it took a minute for either of them to realize I was there. Being caught off guard was extremely rare for either of my guardians, and it made me wonder if something new or even worse was going on, but I knew if I asked, they would both simply deny it. I would have to pay extra attention to any details that might show up, if I were going to figure out what was going on.
Keller's face broke into a smile when he saw me, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He walked over and kissed me good morning. With our audience, the kiss was quicker than I would have liked, but it still made me feel warm all the way down to my toes. His hand ran down the length of my hair, letting me know he knew I'd left it down for him, and the smile he gave me next assured me he liked it.
"Good morning to you, too," I smiled back at him, loving how his arms circled my waist and pulled me close to his side. "Good morning, Granger."
"What? No kiss for me?"
Granger smirked at the look I gave him, and I barely contained the rude gesture I wanted to throw his way. It was hard to remember that a heavenly being might not appreciate some of the more honest communications many people my age participated in.
"Will some chocolate chip pancakes show you my gratitude for everything you're doing?" I asked, trying not to think about the time Granger and I had kissed.
"Ah, Pagan, a woman who truly knows how to win me over. Neither of us have eaten, and I know how much my man here loves something to eat with his syrup. He's really the one with the sweet tooth, in case you haven't figured that out yet. Me, I like all the great stuff you people have to eat here."
I turned to Keller and asked, "Would you eat some pancakes if I cooked them?"
Keller nodded. "Sure, that'd be great. Granger and I need to go and take care of some chores this morning. One of us will stay close to the house at all times, and we'll be back within the hour. We've been talking, and we believe you should be safe in the house. The demon tried to hurt you here before, but it was never inside, only on the property and he was never successful, which makes us think Ms. Ellie might have been right about your being safe inside Fairvue. I don't want to take any chances, so I want us to get our work finished as quickly as we can." He leaned over and kissed my cheek and then squeezed my hand before I walked over and opened up a cabinet, looking for all the ingredients I would need.
I started pulling out the flour, eggs, milk, and measuring cup I would need to make breakfast even though I knew it would take them awhile to get everything done before they'd be back and ready to eat.
Oddly, Keller wasn't moving yet despite the fact that he said they would hurry and even though Granger was already headed for the door. He kept watching me, making me even more sure that something was going on that neither one of them wanted to tell me.
"Keller, your number is still on the refrigerator where Gran left it. I know how to call if I need you. Don't worry so much. I'll be fine. I'm just going to make pancakes and that's all." When he still made no move to follow Granger, I braved the question I'd been wanting to ask all morning.
"Has something happened? Did you get another summons?"
Granger looked at me and then at Keller. "Just tell her, dude. She should know."
So I had been right all along. There was somethin
g going on.
Keller ran his right hand over his face and then back up until it rested against the back of his neck. My eyes stayed focused on his face, letting him know I was waiting for him to explain.
"I just didn't want to worry you, love, that's all." He gave Granger a hateful look and then turned back to me. "It's nothing like what you're thinking."
I shrugged my shoulders, not sure what he wanted from me. "But something has happened, Keller, so out with it."
When he didn't answer right off, my mind started to panic. "Is it Gran? Has something happened to her?"
Keller walked over and grabbed my hands in his, his thumb rubbing the tops of my clasped fingers, trying to calm me down.
"Ms. Ellie and Mr. Mac are fine. It's just, well, the shield I used on them might have worked a little too well."
My brows drew down in a frown. "What are you talking about?"
"Just tell her."
Keller shot Granger a second look.
"If you don't tell her, I will," Granger said.
I was confused when I realized Granger wasn't worried. In fact, he was almost laughing. "I'm getting older every second waiting on you to man-up."
Confused by Granger's mood, I demanded an answer this time.
"Keller, what's going on?"
A long sigh escaped from him before he finally opened up to me.
"Okay, so, I got a call this morning before you woke up. It was from your grandmother. Before you start panicking again, she really is fine. It just seems that Ms Ellie and Mr. Mac, uhm, well, the shield, it, well, it seems it relaxed all their inhibitions. It made them feel extremely calm and comforted. So much so that they were able to finally admit to each other how they've really felt after all these years."
"What my boy here is trying to say," Granger interrupted, "is your Gran and Mr. Mac got hitched last night."
"What!"
Keller's eyes shot daggers at Granger before he looked at me and attempted to explain.
"Apparently Ms. Ellie tried to reach you to tell you the news herself, but you must have been pretty fast asleep because you didn't hear the phone, and Granger was in the shower when she called so she called me next and left a message on my phone."
Keller reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell. He pressed a button to activate his voice mail, and I could hear Gran's voice leaving the message. She sounded so happy, and she hoped I wouldn't be upset that she'd decided to elope. Her plans were to stay gone for another week so they could travel for awhile. She ended the call telling me she loved me and to call Keller if I needed anything.
There was nothing but silence following the phone message. Granger and Keller both had their eyes glued on me, waiting.
Keller was the first to break the silence. "You may not believe me, but even when someone is under the influence of a shield, they won't do something they feel is wrong. Your grandmother would have never married Mr. Mac if she hadn't wanted to. The shield I used just seems to have both left them open to the idea of admitting their real feelings to each other."
Keller looked at me, his eyes begging my forgiveness. "I guess they both wanted to be married after all."
I shook my head from side to side, trying to figure out how my world could have changed so much in less than two days.
But this change?
This change was at least something that was good.
My eyes looked up and found Keller's, and then I flung myself into his arms and hugged him tight. It took him less than a second to react and wrap his own arms around me.
"I'm not mad, Keller. I'm happy for them. Gran has punished herself all these years for something that wasn't her fault. At least now I know if something happens to me, she'll be okay."
Keller's arms tightened even more. "Nothing's going to happen to you. Don't even think that. We won't let it."
I nodded into his chest, breathing in the scent of him. "I know. I've got the best two guardians any girl could hope to have." I unlocked my arms from around his waist and then gave him a little shove in the direction of the door. "Now let me be a great chef and whip you two up some pancakes while you go finish up the chores."
A final kiss to the top of my head, and some ribbing from Granger, finally got Keller out the door, leaving me alone.
A smile spread across my face as I thought about how happy Gran must finally be. She'd loved Mac for so many years. She deserved this moment. Thinking about her getting married, made me think about my own parents and their wedding. I'd seen a few pictures when I'd been much younger, but my father had eventually removed them all.
So then where had he'd put them?
An idea popped into my head for a wedding gift. If Gran had someone take some pictures at her wedding, I was certain she might like a picture of my parents' wedding day and one of her own framed side by side. If only I could find that picture of my father and mother; it was definitely something to think about.
I finished measuring out the dry ingredients for the pancake mix and then stirred in the milk and egg while the stove preheated for my skillet. I reached underneath the cabinet to find the cooking oil I would need, but when I did, I saw something I'd never noticed.
Inside the cabinet door was a small hook with a key attached. I slipped the key off. The silver metal felt cold in my hand. A shiver ran up my spine, but it was different than the recent times I'd felt nervous or scared. I knew this feeling. I knew what had me afraid.
Instinctively I knew this was the key to my father's room.
I had an insatiable curiosity to see what was behind the locked door that led to his room, a room my grandmother and father had always denied me access to. With my grandmother out of the house, I knew I'd likely never have a chance like this again.
According to my guardians, my father had really loved me. Would there be anything in his room to prove the words Keller and Granger had told me were true? Would he have a picture of me framed on the wall? Would there be a box somewhere with memorabilia from my school years? Would there be anything in the room to give me the tangible proof I had craved since hearing their story.
Before I could stop my thoughts from going further, a sick feeling shot through my stomach. What if my guardians had been wrong? What if my father really did hate me, and they had only said what they did to spare my feelings?
Either way, opening that forbidden door would give me the answers I'd looked for my whole life.
Knowing I wouldn't be cooking pancakes for awhile, I went back into the kitchen and cut off the stove. The batter was almost done, and it wouldn't take me long to finish once the guys returned. I knew I was trying to talk myself into believing I wasn't doing anything wrong, and as I headed up the stairs past my bedroom and to the locked door at the end of the hall, I knew the arguments I was having with myself were working.
I would open the door. I would get the answers I needed.
The key slid easily into the grooved slot. The lock, however, felt stiff even with the proper key, but finally it began to turn. My hand gripped the knob, watching in fascination as it gave way to my touch, and I opened the door.
The dust in the room created a thick layer on everything. Tiny particles flew through the air as I walked, creating a slight breeze as I moved.
In the center of the room was a queen-sized bed. The wooden headboard was massive and the furniture, made all of wood, seemed to belong to a man as large and stern as my father had been. The walls were painted a dark beige and the curtains on the two windows were pulled tight, blocking out all the light.
There was no overhead bulb, with the only light coming from the hall. I slipped my hand underneath the shade of a floor lamp that was near the bed. With a single push of the button, enough light flooded the room that I could now clearly see all of the pictures inside the rows and rows of frames that lined both the dresser and the walls of my father's room.
Every frame held a picture of me.
There was me with my suitcase going off to school for the firs
t time. Me wearing overalls and swinging a bright orange bucket filled with strawberries. Me getting my driver's license. I turned around and around, taking in all the memories. I didn't know how he had done it, or even where he'd been able to track down so many pictures, but in each frame was all the proof I needed.
My father had loved me.
I didn't bother to brush the tears from my eyes as I focused on yet another picture. This one he'd kept on the nightstand beside his bed.
It was my parents' wedding picture.
They were both so young, and they were smiling. Anyone looking could tell how in love they were. My father was in a black tuxedo with a white bow tie. My mother was wearing a simple, white gown. A long veil covered her auburn hair. She didn't have on a necklace, but she was wearing a beautiful pair of silver loop earrings.
I picked up the photograph and held it closer so I could better see the details of the picture. The design on the earrings was the same design on Keller's ring and Granger's chain.
I remembered this picture. I had seen this years ago. Gran had shown it to me long after my father had hidden all the pictures of her. She had wanted me to know my mother even if it was just by seeing a picture of her. She had wanted me to see a time when both my parents had been happy. At least now I knew why the design on Keller and Granger's jewelry always looked familiar to me.
Granger and Keller had told me that sometimes guardians brought comfort to those on earth by bringing a letter or leaving something for those left behind to know their loved one had passed on and was at peace. Maybe having their talismans use the same design on my mother's jewelry somehow helped with the strength of their shielding. Or maybe they believed the familiarity of the design might bring me comfort, even if I didn't know why. Then again, maybe it was all simply a coincidence, but with the guardians involved, I doubted it.
My legs couldn't hold me any longer, and I sunk down onto the mattress. I rolled over onto the pillow, and I cried into it until I had no tears left. I cried for all the time I'd lost with my parents, and for all the love I knew my father had for me but that he'd been too afraid to share.
Crossings: A Sovereign Guardians Novel Page 24