by Sandi Rog
“My sin is too great. I can’t bear it, and I know the Lord doesn’t want me to have His precious letters in my unclean hands.”
Alexander closed his eyes and shook his head. “No one is worthy, Manius.” He clenched his jaw and pointed at him. “And no sin is too great for our heavenly Father to forgive.”
That night, Alexander crept back into the library where he sat hunched over the desk, a small lamp sitting next to the letter of Luke. The lighting was poor, but he kept on reading. “Lord help me find something, anything to help him.” He had to show Manius that he could be forgiven. Somehow, some way. No sin was unforgivable, other than blaspheming the Holy Spirit, and despite having reviled the Lord, Manius hadn’t done that. Only the Jewish Pharisees and Scribes had been guilty of blasphemy when they accused Jesus of healing people by the power of Satan when really it was done by the power of the Lord’s Spirit. Alexander had to do something, so straining over the dim light, he continued reading. “Lord, please—” And there it was. The truth. Alexander read it again, and again in context, several verses before and after it. Yes. This was the answer. He kissed the page. “Thank You, Father.” He lifted the scroll in the air. “Thank You!”
Alexander leaped to his feet, grabbed the lamp, and went straight to Manius’s bedchamber. He set the lamp down on a nearby table and whispered for Manius to wake up. He shook his shoulder until Manius stirred. As he pushed up, Alexander noticed how much Manius had aged as he leaned on his elbow, and with shaking limbs sat on the edge of his bed. “What is it?” Manius asked, his voice groggy from sleep.
“I need you to listen,” Alexander said, holding up the scroll near the lamplight so he could see it. And then he read from Luke. “‘And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him.’”
Alexander watched Manius’s face as life began to come into his eyes. “What?” He rubbed them as he came awake. “Read it again.”
Alexander read it again, and again, and then for added emphasis, again. “‘And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him.’”
Manius stared straight ahead, and then suddenly, his shoulders shook and he burst into tears. “He’s forgiven me? I’m such a worm, and yet, He will forgive me.” He cried and Alexander held him.
The following day, both Manius and Alexander read through the scriptures together, and Manius shuddered when he read the surrounding passages about anyone who denies the Son of Man before men will be denied before the angels and God. Then they recalled how Peter had denied Christ three times, and Manius knew he could be forgiven. They both decided Manius should go out and preach the word, without any fear of death.
“I’ve done it before,” Manius said. “I can do it again, only this time, if I’m caught, I’ll know better than to deny my Lord. My soul died on that tragic day, and it’s not worth it. I want to live, to be free with my Father in heaven.”
Ω
After questioning the church, Alexander discovered that Galen left immediately after David’s death. Apparently, David was killed in a fight with a lion. But one brother hinted that David may have survived and that was why Galen had left, to follow him wherever they sold him; however, no one was to know for fear it might reach Roman authorities and they’d hunt him down and execute him. The idea seemed outrageous, but it gave Alexander hope, a hope he couldn’t deny. He was about five months behind Galen, wherever he went, for no one knew. Alexander figured they would deliver David to the nearest city with an amphitheater, but which direction that would have been, only God knew. He prayed the Lord would lead him on the correct path and that David was indeed alive. So, as his men prepared for their journey, Alexander went to his father’s house, Haru and Mohar at his sides.
He stood before the home of his youth, again much smaller than he remembered, now occupied by strangers. Alexander sighed. The memories here weren’t very happy ones, but at least those memories held the times he had spent with his mother. He thought of Demetri’s guilt, how he gave Alexander not only his freedom, but Roman citizenship. What had become of Demetri? Did he and Claudia ever have a child? Something deep inside him wanted to know, wanted to find his father and see him face to face.
His father.
Strange. He would never call Demetri his father, but that’s what he was, his father. Alexander wasn’t sure what to think about that. He used to feel such hatred and rage. Anger still simmered beneath the surface, but he also knew he could never bring himself to kill Demetri for what he’d done. He had longed for it in the past, ached for it, but with God’s help, Alexander overcame that desire. He grieved for the man’s soul now, and with those thoughts foremost in his mind and as long as he continued to pray, he knew all would be well and his anger wouldn’t turn into bitterness. He felt relief knowing his mother no longer suffered and was in a better place, but what about Demetri? Shouldn’t Alexander be willing to help him get to heaven? He blew air out of his mouth. What a thought.
“Lord help me,” he prayed, asking God for Claudius to tell him the truth.
Now, standing in the atrium of Claudius’s home, Alexander shook his head. How small everything seemed. The last time he was here, he attended the wedding of Demetri and Claudia where they sacrificed a pig. He’d never forget that pig.
A male slave came out to meet him. “I’m afraid Master Claudius is not at home.”
“When do you expect him to return?” he asked.
“Not until this evening.”
Alexander sighed. That would be too late. How badly did he wish to find his father? Was he willing to stay another night and risk putting one more day behind him in his quest to find Elianna? No. He couldn’t risk it. “Please tell him, Alexander, son of Demetri, came looking for information on where I can find my father.” With that, Alexander turned to leave.
“You’re the son of Bahiti, no?” the slave asked.
Alexander stopped and turned. Who was this slave? He didn’t recognize him. “Yes, I am.”
“Is it true then that you are a Christian?”
“Yes,” Alexander said, wondering if Roman authorities would suddenly appear from behind the curtains, but nothing happened and no one came to arrest him.
“As a Christian, you don’t believe in revenge, or murder, especially killing someone who is your father?”
“Of course not,” Alexander said. “I don’t plan on killing Demetri.” He shrugged and half-grinned. “If anything, I’ll try to teach him the gospel.” Then he studied the man. “Have you heard the gospel of Christ?”
The man smiled and nodded. “Yes I have, and I’ve been buried with my Savior through the waters of immersion and have died to my sins, receiving the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.”
Alexander strode toward him and put his hand on his shoulder. “We are brothers then.” He smiled, squeezing his shoulder as one would a close friend.
“I can tell you where your father is, as long as you give me your word not to harm him.”
“You have my word.” Then Alexander chuckled. “The only harm I hope to bring is to his conscience.”
A slow smile crept over the man’s face. “So be it, then.”
Ω
Trier, Germania. Who would have thought Demetri would escape to the frontier? Wasn’t that where Sarah, David’s sister, ended up? It was way too far for him to consider traveling to when he needed to find Elianna.
What if something happened to Galen? Who would take care of David’s little girl? He figured the best way to start his search was to visit every community of Christians he could find. Surely, Galen would still worship the Lord, and the church would be able to tell Alexander where to find them. Of course, that meant he’d have to procure a letter from each congregation he visited as proof to the next that he indeed was a Christian and not a spy.
Little did he know his search would be the most agonizing trek of his life.
“Four years!” Mohar shouted, the dark paint around his Egyptian eyes emphasizing his ra
ge. “How much longer must we go on?” He lifted his hands, begging Alexander. “This girl is what? Sixteen now? Long past marriageable age. Surely, she’s either already married, or has something wrong with her.”
Alexander grabbed Mohar by the collar. “How dare you!” He held Mohar inches from his face, then released him, allowing his friend to fall on the ship’s deck in a heap of Bedouin robes. Alexander turned to face the sea, leaning on the ship’s railing. “Forgive me,” he said, taking in a deep breath and rubbing his fingers on his tight forehead. It had been a long search, an endless search. He never imagined it’d take so long. Recently, they’d gotten word from the saints that Galen had gone to Alexandria. When Alexander arrived, they were already gone, having just left for Tarsus, a month previous to his arrival. So, since he was near Maximus, Alexander collected some of his horses to sell to pay for passage and other expenses. Either way, they were closer. He felt it in his bones.
Lord. Please help me find her. I know I’ve asked this a thousand times, but I’m nearing the end of my endurance. My friends are exhausted, and we have nothing to show for our labor. Bring her to me, Lord. Please, just bring her to me this time. The saints in Alexandria had whispered about hiding places in Cappadocia, strange places no one could fathom. Would she be hidden away there? He would soon know.
Either way, this would be the last trip, at least for his men. He already knew he would never rest until he found her and knew she was safe. He squeezed the amethyst stone in his hand. It always hung around his neck, its painful jabs a constant reminder of his task to find the girl who perpetually eluded his grasp.
Ω
Pappous was dying. She felt it in her gut.
And now he wanted them to leave again. Elianna feared the move would kill him. For months now he’d been coughing up blood, and lately it had gotten worse. So bad that she’d lie awake at night listening to him hack.
Why did they have to leave now? When it might kill him? Why were they constantly on the move? She determined it was no longer to avoid the Roman officials as he always told her. Believers were everywhere, and she and Pappous were in constant attendance with them, so if they were truly in hiding, surely they wouldn’t meet with their brethren.
She purposely slipped away from Titus today, needing to be alone before they left. She walked along the docks of Tarsus. The ships were magnificent, and it was always a pleasure watching them sail over the crisp sea. She stood on a pier near a ship that just docked. Perhaps she could run away and find passage to Trier, Germania so she could finally be with Aunt Sarah. She’d constantly begged Pappous to take her there, and now that they were leaving again and he might possibly die, what would become of her? She’d fought off three marriage proposals, all from decent Christian brothers, but she just didn’t love any of them. She knew it was a silly notion to marry for love, but her heart screamed against any marriage without it. It didn’t matter that most women suffered from prearranged marriages, she was determined not to suffer the same fate. Pappous was beginning to regret letting her have her way, for she believed even he knew his time was coming to an end. Who would take care of her when he was gone?
Sighing, she moved closer to the ship and watched in fascination as small waves battered its hull. Whinnying caught her attention, and horses, as if trying to escape, made their way off the ship. A man garbed in long robes guided the animals to shore. Beautiful beasts flooded the pier, beautiful and terrifying. What might it be like to be a horse? She could run free. But as she watched these animals, she realized, they were no more free than she.
One came a little too close. If she didn’t get out of their way, they’d knock her off the pier and into the water. She wasn’t too fond of the water, not since nearly drowning in the Tiber. That of course only brought on more painful memories. Zander never did reply to her letter, never did come for her. And soon, she feared she would have nobody.
One stallion bobbed his head wildly. A man wearing a headscarf grabbed the horse’s reins and patted the beast, soothing it with his words.
Elianna turned away from the man as he passed by and caught her breath as the other horses neared. She backed away toward the head of the pier, nearing the shore. The magnificent animals pressed in on her with their silky coats, flashing manes and animal scents. What would it be like to touch one, to ride one? She dared to step closer to a beautiful black stallion as it came toward her. Its head was low, and she tentatively reached out to touch it. Just as she put her hand up, the horse bucked and danced. Someone shouted, and Elianna jumped back, fearing she might end up under its hooves.
She whipped around and slammed into a hard chest. Leather and musk assailed her. The man put his hand on her back, holding her to him, and practically dragged her out of harm’s way to the edge of the pier. Her cheek was pressed against a sharp charm that hung from his neck, and she peered up at him. A Bedouin. His headscarf came down to his shoulders, wrapping beneath a dark unshaven chin.
He loosened his hold on her, and she was taken aback by his blue-green eyes, bright against such a dark, chiseled face. He smiled down at her. Quickly, she looked away, feeling her cheeks grow hot. He was quite handsome, and she had never been this close to a man before, and a stranger at that.
“Forgive me,” she said as she turned to walk away, but her head jerked back to his chest. Her hair was caught in his charm. Heat crawled up her neck, and Elianna silently reprimanded herself for giving in to her curiosity about the horses. She should have let Titus come. She wouldn’t be in this mess had Titus been with her.
The man chuckled. He put his hand on her back again, holding her steady. He called to his men, “Take the horses to an open field so they can rid themselves of this energy.” He looked back down at Elianna.
She attempted to untangle her hair, but her fingers trembled too much from the fact that her arms had to press against the man’s chest to reach the tangled lock, making the knot dreadfully worse.
“Allow me.” The man pulled out a curved dagger.
What did he plan to do? She jerked back to a painful stop. The lock of hair came from her temple and nearly made her eyes water.
“Be still.” He smiled. “I’m going to set you free.” He slowly drew the dagger up, and held it close to an amethyst jewel where her hair was caught. His gaze was filled with amusement, clearly enjoying her uncomfortable predicament. “Forgive me. You just remind me of someone I know.” He arched his brow. “May I?”
Elianna shook her head. “Please, don’t. I’m sure I can loosen the knot.” She desperately tugged at each strand of hair. The last thing she wanted was to have her hair shorn. Well, it wouldn’t exactly be shorn, but even so, it would be shameful. Her fingers quivered, and she only managed to free a couple of strands. How did her hair get so knotted?
She glanced up at the man. He continued to smile down at her, waiting patiently.
“Would it be too much trouble for you to remove the cord?” she dared to ask. She wished to put some distance between her and the stranger.
“Yes,” the man said. He wasn’t frowning, but he wasn’t smiling either. By the look on his face, the jewel would not be removed.
“Cut it then,” she said, desperate to be released.
He brought the dagger up close to the jewel and cut her hair in one swift slice. She’d never seen hair cut so easily, and it frightened her to think how sharp that dagger must be. The auburn lock bounced up into a curl against her hot cheek as she stepped back. It was terrifyingly short. “Please forgive me,” she said, feeling almost like he owed her an apology for cutting off so much of her hair. How dreadful. A twelve-inch lock hung from the man’s amethyst stone. A shame her mantle hadn’t protected her hair. Wasn’t that what it was for, other than just propriety in these foreign lands?
The man smiled, revealing white teeth. “No apologies necessary.” To her relief, he sheathed his dagger. But the stranger’s eyes narrowed, studying her face. Tracing over her features in such an intimate manner it made Elianna
squirm.
Cheeks hot, she nodded, and forced a smile. “Thank you for your kindness.” She turned and ran, holding on to her mantle so it wouldn’t fly off her head.
As she leaped from the pier and scurried over the busy street, she heard a shout “Elianna!” The cry was nearly indistinct, but she turned to look, seeing no one familiar who would know her name. The only person looking at her was the stranger she’d just had a collision with. He stood, legs braced apart, with his fists on his hips, watching her. As she looked at him, he lunged toward her along the pier, moving right in her direction, his robes catching the wind as if he were an eagle taking flight. His gaze remained locked on hers.
Screaming, she turned to run. Why would he come after her now, when just a moment ago he had her in his grasp? She tore into the city, dodged mud-brick buildings, and scurried around booths in the nearby market. Thank the Lord she was fast. She may have regretted beating Marcus in that race so long ago, but her speed would finally benefit her. She’d never again leave the house without Titus. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw the man not far behind, his gaze still on her. Again she screamed. The man was faster than she thought. She raced through a herd of shoppers, knocking someone’s basket clear out of their hands. “Sorry!” she shouted. She dodged by a huge crowd gathered near the wooden amphitheater and twisted and turned between vendors selling food, god-figurines, and souvenirs from the latest games. Again, she glanced over her shoulder, no longer seeing the dark stranger.
Panting, she continued running, not willing to take any chances of him finding her. She cut through an alley and raced down another narrow street, until finally, she came to her home. Out of breath, she burst inside, slamming the door behind her. She leaned against it, gasping for air.
“ … moved him already and if they set him free up there, they can be together,” Pappous’s voice carried from the back room.
“What happened?” Titus came up to her. “Did someone harm you?”