“Got a new picture?” I ask like a crackhead hurtin’ for a hit.
Sniper nods, taking it out of his top pocket and sliding it across the table. I flip it over and my heart fucking pounds in my goddamned chest.
It isn’t just a picture of Bear, like I’ve been getting.
It’s a picture of Kentlee and Bear together.
My whole fuckin’ world in one picture, staring right back at me.
I trace the side of her face and can almost feel her soft skin. She’s kneeling on the floor in a low cut, plain white tank. I can see the swell of her larger breasts peeking out—fuck, they look good. She’s got her hands out and he’s standing, holding onto her for dear life, with a huge slobbery smile on his face and four teeth in his mouth—two on top and two on bottom.
“She needs to hear from you,” he says.
I shake my head, placing the picture in my pocket, unable to look at the glowing perfection of that fucking image and all that I’m missing for a second longer.
“Not while I’m here,” I adamantly state.
“Brother, she’s workin’ her tail off, taking care of your kid, and she doesn’t even know if you still want her. If you still want them. Bitches need reassurance. She’s gone through a ton of shit since you been locked up. You need to call her,” he urges.
I feel my fists clench at his words.
“What shit’s she been through? I thought you were watching out for her, for them?” I bark. He sighs before leaning back in his chair.
“The fatherless sons haven’t been a problem. They’re lying low these days, if that’s what you’re worried about. I just mean she went through labor, brought your son into this world, went back to work, and she’s lonely. Her family still won’t have nothin’ to do with her, aside from the brother, who calls her every couple of weeks. She has me and Mary-Anne, but that’s it,” he says.
It fuckin’ breaks my heart. Kentlee is sweet, loving, and so fuckin’ perfect. She should be surrounded by people who love her.
“Where’s her head at?” I ask.
“She’s strong as fuck; stronger than any Old Lady I’ve ever known. Always got a smile on her face, no matter how fuckin’ beat she is. At that baby’s side if he makes a fuckin’ whimper. She’s there, man. You’d be proud of her. She’s a good mom, a hard worker, and she’s strong— so fuckin’ strong.”
I don’t miss how many times he praises her strength. He wants me to know that claiming her as my Old Lady would be the smart thing to do. He just doesn’t realize that I’ve never wanted one. Making her my Old Lady is a commitment I wouldn’t and couldn’t take lightly.
As opposed to making her the mother of my child?
Christ, I’m a fuck up.
“I’ll think about calling her,” I say, mostly to get him off of my back.
“You talk to your Pops?” he asks, changing the subject. I’m grateful for it.
“Yeah. Pissed as fuck he didn’t meet Kentlee before the baby came. Wants to get out to Idaho, but there’s trouble in his own neck of the woods with those racists,” I tell him.
My Pops has been trying to cut club ties with the whole Aryan group. I’m fuckin’ pleased as punch; hated those racist pricks from day one. But they’re proving to be a problem. A problem that comes bearing bombs and shit. Total redneck bullshit, too.
“Yeah, troubles starting to leak down our way from them, too. We’re all on alert though, brother. Keeping shit wrapped up tight,” he informs me. I nod.
A few minutes later, visiting hour is over and it’s time for me to go back to purgatory.
“She fuckin’ anyone?” I ask, though I don’t know why.
I shouldn’t want to know.
What a woman does when her man is in prison for as long as I’m in shouldn’t matter.
All I should give a fuck about is that she’s taking care of my son.
“She’d never do you like that, brother,” he says. His eyes stay firm with mine, never wavering. Fucking full-fledged truth.
“Had to ask,” I say with a shrug before turning to walk away.
“Fury,” he calls. I lift my head to look back at him.
“Call her. She loves you, brother,” he says, and then leaves me standing there.
She loves me.
Does she?
I know the answer to that. I knew the answer before I was even locked up. Of course she loves me; and I fuckin’ love the hell out of her.
Then why? Why can't I claim her and make her one hundred percent mine?
Why can’t I think about having my name permanently marked on her body for the world to see?
Why does it scare me and make me nervous? I am a total goddamned failure.
If my father knew my turmoil, he’d probably punch me in the nose for being a pussy dickwad.
I’m not stepping up to my responsibilities.
I’m not being a man.
I’m a coward.
I don’t call Kentlee, because of the coward I am. I can’t hear her voice. I can’t hear the tears I know that she will shed when she finally hears my voice on the line. I can’t let her hear my own tears. Tears I will surely cry for her. Tears I have already cried for her, a thousand times over. I’m a pussy. A complete and total pussy.
One day, I’ll be strong enough to call her. One day, I’ll be strong enough to write to her. But for now, I just hold her picture in my hand and stare at it. The smile on her face, the happy yet tired look in her eyes. The extra curves to her beautiful body. If I thought that body was hot as fuck before, it has nothing on what carrying my kid gave her. Bigger tits, wider hips and her trim waist is still small, but softer. She looks good—sexy as fuck, gorgeous as ever, and tired too—but good.
Maybe Sniper is just trying to make me feel bad. She doesn’t look like she’s suffering too much. I try to convince myself that I’m right, and Snipe is just feeding me bullshit, but I know the truth. I see it in her pretty eyes. She’s exhausted. I close my eyes, counting down the end of another day.
Twenty-two more months and I’ll be back home. Back to my woman and my kid, where I belong.
Twenty-two more months until I can take leadership back in my own club.
Twenty-two more months of hell and it’ll all be over.
I’ll be flying on easy street—just twenty-two more months.
Kentlee
Two years to the day.
That is how long Pierce has been gone.
It has been two years and four days since I have heard his voice. I should move on. I should try dating and finding someone else who will love me. Someone who will be there at night, not only for me, but for Bear as well. I should – but I can’t.
My heart aches for one person, and one person only – Pierce “Fury” Duhart.
The selfish bastard.
If I could make myself forget him, I would – in a heartbeat.
If I could make myself forget the way I felt when he touched me, when he looked at me – I would do it without looking back.
But I can’t.
I still dream of him.
I dream about being held in his arms.
I dream about the way he would groan my name when he was inside of me.
I’m past the point of sadness. Now I’m angry.
So fucking angry.
I feel a hand on my ass and then it slaps me. I look down to see a man from a bachelor party. He’s completely wasted and he’s smiling like an idiot. I roll my eyes and keep walking. It happens every night I work.
I’m pinched, slapped, yanked on, and yanked down.
I stopped wearing my hair in a ponytail on day two, when a man yanked on it to get me to sit on his lap. Now, for the past year, I’ve been wearing it in a high bun on top of my head.
I’ve lost weight since working here. Not just baby weight, either. I’ve legitimately lost weight. I’m smaller than I've ever been, My legs are looking fan-fucking-tastic, but I’m tired.
Running around the club, serving drinks, and t
hen running after an active toddler when I’m off—it takes a lot out of a girl.
Mary-Anne has been a godsend, but she’s finishing up school and she’s ready to go somewhere else. I can see it in her eyes. She has the itch to ditch this town, and I don’t blame her one bit.
Tomorrow, I’m going to tell her to go. She’s making money on her business venture and she’s young; she needs to see the world. What she doesn’t need is the responsibility of a baby that isn’t hers. Bear is mine, he’s all mine, and I can’t rely on her or anybody else a minute longer.
“How you doing tonight?” Candy asks as she inputs an order into the cash register.
“Tired,” I admit. She smirks.
“Your nights about to get even busier,” she says. I furrow my brow in question.
“Club’s doing a patch-in. You didn’t know? It’s your private room they rented,” I groan.
I hate patch-in parties.
I wish they did them at the clubhouse and not here. This means that after my shift, I have to stay at least two more hours, if not longer, and serve drinks while they watch strippers, fuck strippers, and fuck clubhouse whores.
It’s complete debauchery and it means Katie Powell, otherwise known as Kitty, will be here.
I can’t stand that little bitch.
I grab my phone out from behind the bar and make a phone call to Mary-Anne, explaining that I most likely won’t be home until after six in the morning. Luckily, she doesn’t have classes tomorrow, so she’s happy to get up with Bear and watch him during the day while I try and catch up on sleep.
“Mary okay with watching the little man?” Candy asks. I nod as I take the lined up shots and beers for the ass-slapping bachelor party.
“Yeah, but I’m going to have to let her be free. I’m going to encourage her to travel. She can’t hang around and be my babysitter forever,” I say with a sad smile.
“She can’t, but she would,” Candy point out. I nod.
“That’s why she can’t stay,” I say sadly as I take my tray and turn to leave. I can feel Candy’s pity burning a hole into my back.
I’ve been saving my tips like crazy, spending as little money as I need to, so that, hopefully, I can go back to work during the day somewhere without taking a huge hit to my savings. I have one year left until Pierce is released, but I have no idea if he’ll come back to me or be done with me. At this point, I have a feeling that he’s done. No man sits in prison for two full years without contact, still wanting the woman he left behind.
My heart aches, not only for myself, but for Bear.
Will he ever know his daddy?
Once the club closes down, I take a deep breath and watch as the members of the Notorious Devils MC waltz through the doors. Girls in barely-there outfits hang off of the men as they head toward their designated room. Candy chews on the bottom of her lip and gives me a worried look.
“You sure you don’t want me to stay and help?” she asks. I shake my head. Candy has a teenager at home, she doesn’t need to hang around here.
“Go home, girl. I got this,” I say with a lift of my chin. She squeezes my shoulder before she heads out the door.
I take a deep breath outside of the closed party room door and pray that this night of debauchery isn’t too traumatizing.
I plaster on my fake, bright smile and make my way inside. I hear the men shout my name as soon as I walk in. I like most of them. They’re dirty assholes, but they’re fun bastards, and I wonder why it was that Pierce tried to keep me hidden from them.
I spend the evening serving booze to a bunch of raunchy bikers, and by the end of the late night/early morning, I feel the need to bleach my eyeballs. Watching Bates fuck Kitty up on the stage while she ate out a stripper was just too freaking much for me to take.
Once I walk inside of my house, everything else melts away. The sight of my little man toddling around with a snack cup full of cheerios and a slobbery smile on his face makes everything worth it. He makes the late nights, the hard work, and the miles I walk in high heels all worth it. He is my life, my light, and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn’t do for him.
“How was it? You look beat to shit,” Mary-Anne says as soon as I collapse on the couch and bring my little man with me for a quick snuggle.
“Lechery at its finest. You really don’t want to know,” I say, laughing.
“They’re gross aren’t they?” she asks, wrinkling her nose.
“They really, really are,” I confess. “I wanted to talk to you before I fall into a comatose sleep.”
“Yeah?” she asks, looking confused.
“I don’t want you to stay here just because you think I need you. You have dreams, you have plans, you need to do them now,” I instruct, hoping that I’m not hurting her feelings. She can’t stay here, and I can’t be dependent on her.
“You know I’ll stay for as long as you need me. Living here has been fantastic; it’s been nothing like the life I had with my parents,” she says.
I know this. I know how bad her home life was. She’s told me more than Bates ever did. It’s sad and it’s horrible all at once.
“Go. Seriously, you only have this one life, Mary-Anne. Make the best of it,” I murmur, trying to keep my tears at bay.
Tears slip down my cheeks anyway. Mary-Anne wraps her arms around me and we embrace. She’s like a sister to me. I haven’t had Brentlee all this time, but I’ve had a sister in Mary-Anne, when I needed one most.
“Okay, I’ll figure stuff out this week. Will you help me pick a place to go?” she asks, looking so hopeful.
“Yeah. Somewhere sunny or somewhere wintery?”
“Sunny and beautiful,” she whispers.
I grin. California it is, then. I don’t tell her that. Instead, I place a kiss on her forehead before I pepper kisses all over my baby’s sweet cheeks, and then I go and pass out from complete exhaustion.
Later that evening, I make dinner for Mary-Anne, Bates, Bear, and myself. Tonight, Mary-Anne and I are going to tell Bates the plan. I’m sure he’s going to get all big brother protective about her leaving, but he knows what’s best for her. She needs her freedom and she needs to fly.
“You’re leaving, right?” he asks, shoving a bite of lasagna into his mouth.
“Yeah,” Mary-Anne confesses. I wonder how in the ever-loving hell he figured it out.
“Where to?” he asks around his food, not seeming pissed at all.
“California. I want the beach.” She grins widely and he nods once.
“I’ll set you up with cash to get you there. Only thing I ask is I get a call from you once a day, every day—that way I know you’re okay,” he informs her. My mouth drops open in surprise.
“Seriously?” she squeals. I can’t help but giggle at her elation.
“Yup. Now, what’re you gonna do?” he asks, pointing his fork at me.
“No clue.” I blow out a breath and he nods.
“Hows about I move into Mary-Anne’s room? That way you have a man around the house and help with Bear when I’m around?” he suggests.
I blink once before I grin. My heart skips a beat at this man. He’s so good, so kind, and so damn sweet. I can’t believe the lengths he’s willing to go to take care of me—of us. It is as if a switch is flipped inside of my head and I suddenly see him in a different light.
Bates, my one constant these past few years. Bates, the man that is here, watching over me, helping me, and taking care of me. He’s smiling with straight white teeth, his dark hair messy and his eyes bright with his usual wicked gleam.
“I don’t want to cramp your style with the ladies, Bates,” I murmur. He grins back at me.
“Ain’t gonna cramp shit, babe. Got a clubhouse full o’ whores to suck and fuck, don’t need to wine and dine those bitches,” he says. Mary-Anne starts making gagging noises while I feel as though my stomach has completely dropped.
“Yeah, I know how you work, too. I was at that patch-in party last night,” I remind hi
m.
At the time, I just ignored it; but today, now that I’m seeing him in this whole new light, it makes me sick. He’s a man and he’s here He’s kind and caring, helpful and sweet, even if he is screwing around like a whore. I caught Fury seconds from getting his dick sucked by Katie Powell, would it be so bad to want Bates for my own? Am I tricking myself into feeling more for him because he’s here, right here in front of me when Pierce can’t be? It doesn’t make me want him less. I’m confused. So confused.
“I do not want to know,” Mary-Anne says, holding her hands up in mock surrender.
“You really don’t,” I admit, shivering in fake disgust.
Bates just shrugs and continues to eat. This is family. This is what I envisioned when Pierce and I moved into this place. Now I’m sharing it with somebody else. I should be missing Pierce, but right now, I don’t. I have Bates, his smiles and his jokes, his love and his devotion—even if it’s not romantic.
This is what life is all about.
Loving, teasing, joking, and laughing.
I wish that my table could be complete with Pierce, Brentlee and Connellee, but would it? Would Pierce even be here if he were out of jail? I’ve lost faith in him, in the us that he painted a picture of in my head. I have my sweet baby boy, Mary-Anne, and Bates here with me, along with phone calls from Connellee touching base with me.
They are my family now.
I have to push everything and everybody else out of my mind. I have to focus on the present, not the what-ifs, or could-bes.
Bates Lukin - Sniper
I take a deep hit off of the joint in my hand before I let it out and chase it with some whiskey.
We lost brothers today.
Not just a couple, a whole fuckin’ charter. Our brothers in Calgary, Canada are just gone. Fuckin’ obliterated.
Blown the fuck up.
It has those Aryan’s stink all over it. Those bomb happy pieces of shit. I was never so happy than when MadDog decided to finally cut ties with them. I hated being associated to them at all whatsoever. I’m not one hundred percent pure white, so they pretended I didn’t even exist when we had to make contact. Half Russian, a quarter African American, and a quarter Cherokee Indian was too mixed for their taste. Fuck ‘em. I ever see another one of those racist assholes again I’m going to put a bullet in their head.
Rough & Rowdy (Notorious Devils #1) Page 15