Kevin grinned, but did not move from the couch. “Maybe in a little, I’m going to finish up this book.”
Jenna gave him a mock pout and waved to Cort and Annalise. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow morning.”
When Jenna disappeared up the stairs, Annalise’s uncomfort grew by each second. Cort hadn’t looked at her since asking the question and she wondered if she was even welcome to join them in their reading session. She took a few steps towards the living room where they sat, then abruptly changed her mind. “I guess it is that hour,” she said, waving to the boys. “See you in the morning.”
Patting her leg, her dog came to her side and she walked back to the bedroom without waiting for them to acknowledge her departure. While she stripped herself of various layers of clothes she pondered the conversation she had with Jenna outside. She still thought that she and Cort belonged together, but she had no idea how to get Cort to see that. In fact, short of stripping naked while they were scouting she had no idea how to get him to view her in that light again.
Sighing, she laid in the queen size bed and rolled on her side. Tomorrow she would figure out a way to get Cort to think about her in a romantic sense again but for tonight, she would sleep and dream they were already there.
Her eyes were closed and she was softly snoring within five minutes.
Chapter 16: Cort
Deep Creek Lake, Western Maryland
December 21, 2012
Cort glanced up from his book and looked down the hallway where his future was laying in bed sleeping. Unfortunately, he didn’t know which bedroom that was. One bedroom held Katy, one held Annalise, and neither of them were providing him significant relief from the stress of both of them being here. Sighing, he looked down at the page he had tried to read 20 times without success.
“Is something bothering you?” Kevin asked, looking up from his fantasy thriller.
Cort shook his head denying, “No, why would you think that?”
“Well for starters you’ve been on the same page for twenty minutes, and you have a tendency to look up every five and sigh.”
Cort mentally cursed himself for forgetting how perceptive Kevin could be. “I’ve just got a lot of stuff on my mind lately.”
“It wouldn’t happen to do with Katy and Annalise would it?”
Again, with the perception. “Am I that transparent?”
Kevin laughed and closed his book. “No, I’ve just known you since we could walk. Want to talk about it?”
Cort didn’t really want to talk about what was going on his head. No matter how he looked at the situation, he couldn’t see how he could be viewed as anything but an asshole. Kevin might be his best friend, but he wasn’t stupid. “Unless you can tell me how to feel I doubt talking is going to help.”
Kevin walked to the sliding glass door and opened it to grab some beers they had stashed outside when the temperature started to drop. Popping them open, he handed one to Cort. “You’d be surprised.”
Kevin took a sip and raised an eyebrow at Cort, prodding him to speak. Cort took a huge gulp of the frosty beverage and sighed again. If he was going to talk to anyone about it, it should be Kevin. The fact that they had known each other since they could walk probably meant he was morally obligated to respect Cort, no matter the situation.
“I fucked up bringing them both here,” he stated simply, hoping Kevin would take the conservation from there.
“Why?”
“Because now I am screwed. I’m here with Katy, but I want Annalise.”
Kevin grinned and leaned back in the chair. “Yeah, yeah you are.”
“I thought you said talking about it would help?” Cort could feel the frustration rising inside of him. Kevin had offered him an ear but so far wasn’t giving any information that would illuminate the situation for him.
“Maybe if you actually talked instead of giving me short statements it would.”
Kevin had him there. Cort stood up and began pacing in front of the couch taking sips from his beer. “On one hand, I have Katy, this vulnerable mess of a human being who needs protection, and I want to protect her. I want to make sure she makes it through this okay. There’s no one looking for out for her.” He paused, looking at Kevin who just nodded at him to continue. “On the other hand, I have Annalise. She doesn’t need me for anything. She doesn’t even need to be out here. Wherever she went she would have survived, but she’s here because I asked her to be. Because I want her to be.”
Kevin watched him pace for a little before responding. Cort wondered if Kevin enjoyed this discomfort, or maybe thought it was some sort of revenge for imagined slights in their youth. “Well, why do you want Annalise here?”
Cort looked at Kevin as if it was the stupidest question he had ever heard. “Because it was our plan Kev, it was Annalise’s and my plan. No amount of time or space would change that so when I put it into action I had to have her with me.”
“Is that the whole reason?”
Cort felt the frustration bubbling to the surface and kicked at the floor as he took another sip of his beer. “Is this 20 questions?”
“Maybe, if it takes you 20 questions to come the conclusion you need to arrive at,” Kevin responded nonchalantly.
Cort rolled his eyes, “Why don’t you just tell me?”
Kevin stood up to match him in height. Normally, Kevin was so mild mannered he forgot that Kevin could look this imposing. He supposed this was the act he put on in front of opposing counsel when he was at work. Cort realized with clarity he had never had before regarding Kevin why he was so good at his job. “Alright, I’ll tell you. You love Annalise, you loved her before you started dating, and you loved her when you were dating. You loved her when you let her walk out of your life. You fucked up by bringing them both here, but you’re living a charade if you think that you don’t still feel for Annalise all the things you felt the night you met her.”
Cort stared into Kevin’s eyes and was about to open his mouth in protest when he realized Kevin was right. He had loved Annalise, from the moment she first came up to him outside that bar in the pouring rain to see if he had a lighter. The knowledge crashed over him like wave, taking his breath away. He wasn’t sure how he could have missed it entire time they were together or how he let her walk out of his life. Deflated, he collapsed on the couch.
“Now what do I do?” he asked with no emotion in his voice.
Kevin finished his beer tossing the bottle into the recycle bin. Funny, they were still using different bins as if the recycling was ever going to come again. Cort supposed it was a sign that old habits did die hard. “I don’t know, you’ll have to figure that out yourself because I’m going to bed.”
And just like that, Kevin was gone, leaving Cort alone to his thoughts and the revelation that had left him breathless. He loved Annalise, he had brought her here because he loved her and he wanted her by his side.
Somehow, he still didn’t see how that changed the situation he was in. He couldn’t just leave Katy for Annalise. It would crush Katy and she was so fragile already. He picked up the beer twirling it in his fingertips. It didn’t matter how he felt about Annalise, until they were out of this situation he wouldn’t be able to make a move. He had to get Katy somewhere safe with people who cared about her. Then he would be free to pursue Annalise.
Standing up he walked to the glass panels and looked out on the lake. The snow had started to fall and was already leaving a film of white on the grass. He wondered if the lake would freeze. Annalise had been a gifted skater in her youth and would probably enjoy being out on the ice. He knew that this whole trip was hard on her. She tried to keep it all business but from the way she had reacted when she first found out he brought Katy, to the almost professional manner she treated him now - he could tell she felt the same as he did.
Slipping on his shoes, he opened the sliding glass door and stepped out in the cold winter air. Even considering the mess he had gotten himself in with having Katy and Ann
alise here - he had loved every minute of their time here. Without the pressures of work or the tedious day to day tasks of the real world he had found himself more alive than he had in years. He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it quickly, inhaling the smoke and letting it fill his body.
His original plan with Annalise had been to relocate every couple months but he was starting to rethink it. Maybe they could stay here forever, on this lake. In the spring they could try and grow their own garden to supply food, and maybe they’d find a horse which they could build a barn for to make scouting easier. Perhaps they would find other survivors who could join their group. In his imagination, there was a single guy in the group who Katy took a fancy to which left him available for Annalise. He would go to her then, and tell her his true feelings. She would laugh, that beautiful laugh she had, and ask him what took him so long to figure out. They would spend the days directing the group and the nights in bed showing each other just how much passion they had. They could make up for all the lost time.
He slowly drifted down from the cloud of his imagined spring and grimaced. The problem with dreams, he thought, was that they just got your hopes up. Nothing ever seemed to go the way you planned it or dreamed.
Flicking his cigarette into the darkness he turned to the house and stepped in, making sure to lock the door behind him. What a dream it was though.
Chapter 17: Annalise
Deep Creek Lake, Western Maryland
December 22, 2012
Annalise woke to the sound of the house crumbling around her. Shooting up in bed she looked at her door to see it was already open and people were running past it chasing each other. A white ball flew through the air and thumped against her wall and disintegrating on impact. A snowball. They were having a snowball fight in the house. Jenna came running into her room, slamming the door behind her and heaving huge breaths.
“You have to get out of bed. The guys are beating us!” she said, moving towards Annalise’s snowboarding gear and throwing it at her. “Suit up! We need you!”
Annalise laughed pulling her sweatshirt over her head as Kevin busted into her room, throwing a snowball at Jenna’s midsection. Jenna swiftly moved to the slide and the snowball exploded against the wall in the same spot as the first one. With a shriek, Jenna began to chase Kevin out of the room towards the living room and Annalise slipped out of bed to pull her pants on. She hadn’t been involved in a snowball fight since she was a child, and definitely not one that was inside a house. Anxious to get in the action, she whistled for the dog that was normally sleeping by her side. She couldn’t hear the paw prints over the laughter coming from the living room so she stepped out into the hallway and noticed that the front door was wide open.
Katy was out front gathering snow and looking down Annalise could see paw prints in freshly fallen snow. “Hey Katy, have you seen my dog?” she asked, following the paw prints towards the woods that surrounded the house.
Katy shook her head, forming a snowball between her gloves. “Ran out about half an hour ago, haven’t since it since.”
Annalise whistled into the woods noticing that the paw prints became harder to follow at the edge. Her dog couldn’t have gone far in half an hour. The dog was one of the only things that was keeping her sane these past couple days. It had become her companion, always by her side no matter what she was doing. In a way, she liked to think the dog was sent to her by some higher power to keep her company, and remind her that things were not as bad as they seemed. She found it hard to believe the dog would just up and run off because the door was left open.
“Did you see which way he ran?” she asked Katy as Cort came barreling out the front door launching snowballs in Katy’s direction. Katy didn’t respond, just began bobbing and weaving to avoid being hit by the projectiles and started running away from him.
Annalise sighed in frustration looking at the woods. She wasn’t going to find help from them at this moment, so she might as well as join them. Her dog would come back to her, it was probably just enjoying the snow. Reaching down she began to form a snowball in her own gloves and began to sneak around the house. Kevin and Jake were creating a massive pile of snowballs behind the back door, and she grinned. They were so busy with the task at hand they didn’t even notice her approach. She launched her snowball at Kevin’s back and lunged for their pile of snowballs.
Kevin turned around with a yelp and began throwing any snowballs he could reach at her. They were in an epic battle, snow flying all over the place, bodies contorting in strange ways to avoid blows. Throughout it all, Annalise couldn’t stop laughing.
Finally, Jenna burst through the sliding glass doors with snowballs of her own and Jake and Kevin raised their hands, signalling surrender. Annalise gave a whoop of joy and found her hand reaching up in the air to connect with Jenna’s in a firm high five. The boys were rolling their eyes and making protests of cheating.
“Where are Cort and Katy?” Kevin asked Jenna, walking to the sliding glass door. His voice was coming out in wispy chokes, like it had been a while since they laughed that hard. Annalise guessed it probably was, at least three weeks at this point. They were probably overdue for some group fun and was glad the storm had provided the means.
“Last I saw they were out of front,” Jenna replied following him.
Annalise looked up at the sky and all the snow that was falling around them as Jake dusted himself off. “That was fun,” she said trying to bridge the gap that been created between them the other day. They had just been laughing together after all, there probably wouldn’t be a better time. “I haven’t had fun like that in a while.”
Jake snorted and rebuffed her attempts at friendship, “It’s hard to imagine you ever having fun Annalise.”
Annalise brought her face down from the sky and looked at him, knowing the hurt was probably showing in her face. She still didn’t understand what his problem with her was. Sure, maybe she shouldn’t be out here, maybe she should have ignored Cort’s text message. She couldn’t change that now though. They all had to live with their decisions and this cool attitude he was showing towards her wasn’t productive. “What do you…”
She was in interrupted by a deep howl coming from the woods. She turned around with record speed trying to ascertain where the howl came from. It sounded like a dog in pain… like her dog in pain. She took off towards the edge of woods and as she reached the entrance of the woods at the side of the house, she paused listening for another sound. All that greeted her was the wind blowing through the trees. Letting out a whistle, she waited. Nothing.
Looking towards the house she saw that Jake had already gone inside. She really shouldn’t go in the woods alone, especially if the dog had been howling in warning, but she had to know. She began to walk through the woods, whistling as softly as she could and looking for paw prints in the snow. She couldn’t lose her dog, the one thing that had brought her true happiness since she was out here. She had already lost so much in her life, and that dog couldn’t be taken be away from her. Whatever higher power that had brought her the dog wouldn’t do that. She was sure of it.
She didn’t know how long she walked through the woods but eventually she found herself at a clearing that seemed familiar and had a path which was sure would lead back to the house. Her fingers were numb and her entire body was shaking and covered with the falling snow. Giving one last whistle, she knelt to the ground and began to pray to whoever was listening for her dog to come back to her. Seconds turned into minutes, and when her knees finally couldn’t stand the kneeling position anymore she resigned herself to the fact that her dog would not be coming back to her. It was lost, or maybe back to where it came from. She hoped, at least, that it was back to where it came from, maybe with the people who had raised it. Perhaps when the snow let up they would find those people, and she’d be reunited.
Following the path towards the house, she felt the tears well up and begin a slow descent down her cheeks. They were freezing befo
re they even reached her lips but she didn’t notice that. All she felt was a deep emptiness in her heart. First her family years ago, then Cort. She didn’t know where Meredith was, and if she had even survived, and now her dog. Perhaps it was her lot in life to lose the things she cared about. Lost in her depression she didn’t notice she had already reached the house. She was wiping her tears when the door opened and Cort grabbed her up in a huge hug.
“Where have you been?!” he asked in a frantic voice shaking her. “We didn’t know where you went. We couldn’t find you.”
Annalise pulled away from him quickly, looking over his shoulder. Katy was standing in the hallway, a strange mixture of guilt and jealousy on her face. “I was looking for my dog. Someone,” she emphasised staring at Katy, “left the door open.”
Cort looked back at Katy and then to Annalise. The tension was palpable in the air, and he was probably already looking for a way to defuse the situation. “I’m sure he’ll be back ‘Lise,” he comforted. “He’s probably just enjoying the snow like we all were earlier.”
A quick fury welled up inside of her. Cort always knew what to say, always thought the most positive thing would happen. Her life wasn’t that blessed. That’s why she was out here in the first place. “No Cort, not everyone has a magically blessed life where the things you want just occur.”
Annalise kicked off her boots and shook off her jacket, continuing before Cort could say anything equally obnoxious. “I’m cold, and wet, and I need to take a hot shower. Excuse me.”
Leaving Cort in the hallway, she slammed her door behind her. She had just lost the only true friend she had out here.
Chapter 18: Cort
Deep Creek Lake, Western Maryland
December 22, 2012
Abandon Page 9