It was so foolish of me to question if I was doing the right thing by leaving like that. I mean, what the heck did I want more than this? Why was I having such strange feelings that made me doubt if what I was doing was the best thing for myself at this point? Why was I trying to cover worry and uncertainly, when what I should be trying to hide were my happiness and the joy and the excitement I should be feeling at the thought of leaving this place? Why?
I couldn’t understand myself.
“I’m surprised the queen agreed to breaking a rule so easily,” I thought with a loud voice.
“Queen Shams would go way too far to make her nieces happy,” Mona smiled. “But I’m also sure that Princess Janna was convincing enough to make her agree.”
Hmm!
“Princess Rosanna lives on the same floor, right?” I asked Mona.
“Yes, Princess. Though her wing is separated from yours completely.”
“Yeah, the prince told me,” I replied. “Why didn’t she come to the wedding?”
“Princess Rosanna is on bed rest as her doctor has ordered; she’s in the first trimester of her sixth pregnancy, and hardly ever leaves the bed,” Mona explained, moving the brush through my hair.
“Sixth pregnancy?” I asked in shock.
“Yes, the poor young lady has lost all of her unborn babies every time she’s gotten pregnant,” she replied in sorrow.
“Oh, God! That is horrible!” I commented.
“It is,” she said. “We all pray from our hearts for God to give them as many healthy children as they might desire one day.”
“Amen,” I found myself saying. I didn’t even think twice about it. My one-word comment earned me a warm smile from Mona, which she delivered to me through the dresser mirror’s reflection.
Another minute passed before I asked another question, “If she has a boy, will he be the heir of the king?” I wondered if she was already pregnant, wouldn’t that mean that the prince’s chances of becoming king were already blown? Maybe I wanted to believe that so I wouldn’t feel so guilty about him not marrying the right woman to help him take his place on his father’s throne, as he was supposed to.
“No, Princess. It’s only if–God forbid–the king dies before Prince Mazen has an heir of his own.”
Oh!
“What if neither of them has one?” The guilt banged in my heart once again–though it was very silly of me to even feel like that, I knew.
“Then the position will go to the king’s brother, Princess Rosanna’s father.”
Oh!
But–wait…
“I thought you said that she was the queen’s niece?”
“Yes, Princess, she’s both the queen and the king’s niece.”
“How is that even possible?”
“Simple, Princess, two brothers married two sisters. Actually, three brothers married three sisters if you count our former king, God rest his soul.”
“Oh! That’s Huda’s father, right?” I remembered her telling me that her aunt took the title from her mother after her father died and her uncle became the king.
“That’s correct, Princess.”
“Do those things happen a lot here? My head is spinning just thinking about it. I have no idea how you guys keep up with knowing who is related to whom,” I chuckled half-heartedly, mastering my plan in pretending that I was not freaking out from the inside and keeping the small talk going.
“You can’t even imagine,” she grinned, finishing my hair and commenting on how beautiful I looked. I politely thanked her and got up to put my heels on.
As silly as it was, the feeling I got once I put my feet in those heels was something very strange. I felt a sense of familiarity, which lead to the longing I had already been feeling for what seemed like too long. I was finally wearing something of my own, and it just reminded me of all of the things that had been taken away from me since the day I got here.
Mona then excused herself to bring me the clothes that Janna had said her maid would be bringing me, leaving me to my thoughts for a few minutes. I pretended to be adjusting my clothes over my body, not like the thoughts in my head were about to knock me over on the floor or anything.
She came back a few minutes later with black clothes folded in her hands. When I gave her a questioning look, pretending I didn’t know what was in there, she said that I had to cover up so that no one would know that the new bride was roaming around in the palace before the first week had passed. Or, that was what Janna had told her.
The abaya I wore wasn’t like the one I’d worn last night, this one was heavier. Much heavier, and much, much bigger–I was really drowning in it. Also, unlike the one from yesterday, it barely had any decorations on it, though it still looked nice. To a point. The face cover was not an easy thing to wear, or to keep on for that matter. It gave me a headache and it wasn’t comfortable at all: I couldn’t breathe normally, let alone stand the heat I felt in it just a minute after putting it on. When I complained to Mona, wondering how on earth they were able to keep this thing on for hours, she just smiled big and told me, “You get used to it,” as if it was the easiest thing in the whole world.
With a deep breath then a long sigh, I stepped out of the closet through the same door I’d entered, the one that led to the living room where the prince was.
He was standing by the wall, which the flat screen dominated, looking at what I figured was a collection of CDs. When he felt my presence, he glanced over his shoulder at me then to the CD in his hand, paused for a moment, and then turned his head to look at me again only to turn fully to be facing me.
His eyes narrowed and he cocked his head to the side, and when those narrowed eyes turned into shocked ones, I had to stifle a laugh at the expression on his face. Though he couldn’t see me, I knew he heard my soft snickers.
“Princess!” he said in surprise.
“Hey!” I smiled behind my niqab.
The prince walked over to where I was standing, and came close to me, stopping only when he was within touching distance. Or even closer.
I swallowed thickly.
His hands came up under my chin and near my chest where he took hold of the edges of the face cover with his fingertips and brought it up and over my head, just like a groom would do to his bride at their wedding with her veil.
My smile grew at the look in his eyes as he studied my face, and my heart ached some more, realizing that this could be the very last time I would ever see this loving look. The very last time I ever get to see those kind eyes. The very last time I see this beautiful smile.
“Wow! You look absolutely stunning, Princess,” he said in genuine awe, and I felt as if the tears I was choking with were going to fall so soon. “Let me guess, Janna’s idea?” he asked and I just smiled. I was glad when Mona interrupted us with her, ‘‘I’m ready,” seeing that she was now dressed all in black, as well.
“I should go,” I said when I turned to look back at him, my voice shaking slightly.
“Are you alright?” the prince asked in a whisper, stepping even closer to me. His hand touched my cheek tenderly, and without any effort from me, my eyes closed and my head leaned into his touch.
“Yeah,” I said when I’d composed myself the slightest bit, smiling a small smile.
“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, you know that, right?” he asked with now concerned eyes.
Oh, I wanted to go. But I still didn’t…
I nodded my answer, then asked, “Will you be okay?” as if he needed me to keep him okay or something. The truth was, I wanted to hear that he would be okay, just to please something inside of me. The ‘something’ that told me I could be hurting him by doing this.
The prince chuckled lightly. “Yeah, I’ll watch a movie or something to keep me company until you get back.” The big smile never left his beautiful face.
But I’m not coming back…
“Okay. Good,” was all I said, before turning to take a few steps towards where Mo
na was standing.
My steps were heavy, my heart was heavier, and I couldn’t understand why I was finding it so hard to get out of that living room. I should be running out of it like a bat out of hell or whatever. Why was I being like that?
My legs stopped in their tracks on their own, and out of nowhere, I found myself running back to the prince and standing in front of him just like I’d been before, or maybe closer. I answered his questioning look about my actions by pressing my lips to his, kissing him with everything in me that screamed at me to do it before I’ve lost it forever, because everything in me knew, that if I didn’t do just that right now, I’d wonder for the rest of my life why I didn’t, or how that very kiss–that I was kissing completely, willingly, and absolutely eagerly–would’ve felt.
His lips were hesitant for less than a moment before they started kissing mine with just as much passion as I was kissing him. His hand moved to hold me around my waist, hugging me to his body; my own hands did the same as they surrounded his neck, bringing him even closer to me–if it was possible–tangling my fingers in the soft, so very soft hairs on the back of his head.
I got to taste him when he deepened our kiss, got to feel his need for me when he pressed me tighter to his body, and got to hear his soft moan when I pulled his lip into my mouth.
One last time, I got to taste him. One last time, I got to feel him. One last time, I got to hear him. One last time.
When our kiss ended, there was a tear on the side of my face. The prince brushed it away with his thumb, then kissed my cheek right where the tear had lived just a second ago, whispering to me with his smiling lips, “We will talk when you come back, Beautiful Princess.”
I smiled with all of the power I could manage to force my lips, that were aching to touch his again, and then joined Mona by the door, who–by the way–was looking down at the floor and blushing deeply like a schoolgirl who’d just met her first crush. If I had it in me, I would’ve chuckled at how our kiss had made her look, so shy and almost embarrassed.
What I did, though, was touch my cross and hold it over my chest, closing my eyes as I stood still there for a minute.
Dear God! Please, give me the strength to do what I’m about to do. And keep me safe. Amen. I prayed, took another deep breath and then stepped out the room. Out of the wing.
Here goes nothing.
Heart: heavy.
Head: light.
Heavy-hearted and lightheaded, I took one step after another away from the wing. I walked away from it. From the prince. A stinging feeling living in my chest. Stinging. Paining. Confusing.
I couldn’t help the feeling of pain inside of me as I made my way farther away from the wing, with Mona beside me. But I made sure to not think about all of the confusion I was cursed with at that moment, until a later time. Because right then, it would’ve been the stupidest thing, for me to ignore everything going on and what I had just started doing, and instead start thinking about how–or why–I was having these strange and unwelcome feelings caused by the thought of my escape to freedom.
Heart. Head. Both hurt. Badly.
“This way, Princess,” Mona said, and I followed her, only learning that I was still in the wing when I saw a great wooden door at the end of the lobby we were walking in. Standing beside it was a woman in black that was just another version of me; the same black clothes with almost the very same height and form. If not for the fact that her face wasn’t covered, I wouldn’t have known that she was Janna.
A smile was drawn on Janna’s face when we approached: a fake one that I’d seen so many times by now it wasn’t even funny. A huge part of me hated to see how much effort it was taking her to show that she was alright. She seriously wasn’t. She was too sad. It was upsetting.
“Ah! Finally!” she said with her fake smile plastered on her lips. “Are you ready to meet your other sister-in-law, Marie?” The look in her eyes as she gazed at mine didn’t give anything away–other than what I’d already known–so to Mona, I knew everything looked normal.
All I managed in reply was a simple nod; speaking seemed so hard and I just couldn’t find it in me to do it.
“Great!” Janna said cheerfully. “We have to go right now so we get to spend some time with her before I have to go; I’m already running so late.” She shook her head in sorrow to emphasize how upset she was over being late, and then she reached over her head for her niqap and brought it down to cover her face, Mona following her covering her own.
I nodded again, doing the same as both of them, swallowing thickly when Mona reached for the door. This was it.
“How about Sana, Princess?” Mona asked Janna. “Is she already there in Princess Rosanna’s wing?”
Because of the lack of title before ‘Sana’s’ name, I knew she was Janna’s maid, but then I got a bit confused when I remembered them saying her name was ‘Nora’ when she came yesterday to help Mona clean the closet where Janna had thrown up, but then I didn’t think so much about it–I had enough to think and worry about at that moment.
I could’ve sworn, that through Janna’s niqab and while watching the only part that showed–her eyes–that she was happy Mona had asked that question, but I wasn’t so sure if I was right.
“No, she isn’t,” Janna sounded annoyed. “She’s too busy packing the rest of my things,” and then she paused. “Hey, I have an idea, why don’t you go help her with that, Mona? I’d really appreciate it. I’m afraid she won’t get done in time, but with your help, I know she would.”
“Uh, I–um, it’d be my pleasure, Princess,” Mona said, “But Princess Marie has all the say in this.”
“I’m sure Princess Marie wouldn’t mind,” she told her, then turned to ask me, “Would you?”
“Of course not,” I said, sounding more nervous than I’d liked for my voice to be. When Mona didn’t move, I realized she was waiting for me to speak my command, “Go help with the packing, please.”
A long moment passed before Mona responded with a “Yes, Princess” then left after a nod of her head to me and then to Janna, using a secret door that was behind us. Though I couldn’t see her face, I was sure Mona didn’t like the idea of leaving me, and a part of me wondered if it was the prince’s orders, or it was just a tradition or whatever. Something inside of me wanted to think it was really the prince’s order, and that he’d only asked for it to make sure that I’d be okay. Another thing told me with a voice loud enough for me to hear it and believe that I was being stupid, so stupid. Because if the prince had really asked her that, it would only be for him to make sure I didn’t go anywhere–of course it was only that, nothing more.
Once Mona left the room, I opened my mouth and was only able to get a low “What–” out before Janna stopped me from finishing my question by raising her hand in front of her, the inside of her hand toward my face in a ‘Stop’ motion. Then she tapped her finger to her ear a couple of times before pointing to where Mona had just left. I listened closely for a few moments until I heard the faint sound of yet another door being closed, which drew a sigh of relief from Janna’s mouth.
“We’re leaving now,” she whispered. “This door leads to the space between your and Rosanna’s wing. There are elevators, but we will use the stairs to avoid being under the cameras for too long. We’ll use one of the back doors to the palace, and a car is already waiting for you there. The driver believes it’s me he’s taking to the airport, so all you have to do is get in the car and he’ll drive you there without a word–you don’t have to speak at all. You can’t speak at all, or everything will be blown. If anyone on the way from the back door to the car, or from the car to the jet speaks to you, you don’t reply at all, you just silence them the same way I silenced you right now.” She raised her hand again like she just had a minute ago to make sure I knew what she was talking about before she continued, “Then you move on, don’t even glance their way. They’ll think you’re not interested, or don’t have the time, and they will respect that and do a
s the daughter of the king has ordered.”
I swallowed thickly, inhaling and exhaling in short breaths as I had held my breath all the while I listened very carefully to Janna as she told me her plan. Said plan sounded okay, and could very well work. But it was just that–’Okay’. I was so worried I would get caught, and I had no idea what would happen to me if I got caught. But then again, it was my only chance to go back home, and I just had to take it, even if the chance of succeeding wasn’t so big. I had to.
“But...what about when I’m on the plane? Will I have to stay silent for the whole trip?” I couldn’t imagine how that would be: the trip lasted a bit longer than half a day–would I even get to take off my niqab? I was hardly able to breathe in it already.
Janna shook her head. “Marie, dear, do you really think that you’ll be away from the palace for sixteen hours before someone realizes you’re missing?”
I gaped at her, saying nothing.
“We’ll be lucky if an hour passes before your absence is noticed, and my hope is that by then, you’ll be on that jet on your way to your country, when it’ll too late to get you back.”
Dear God!
“Only an hour?” I asked in shock.
“If we’re lucky, that’s how long it will take Mona to be finished with my bags. The first thing she’ll do after that is go to Rosanna’s wing–where she won’t find you–and then she’ll run to tell Mazen.”
Mazen …
What will he do then?
How will he react?
Heart. Head. Both ached. Hard.
“But...he could do something to get me back, right? He could easily send an order to the pilot.” My heart burned with the tears that were trapped in my eyes and strangling my throat.
“He could,” Janna said to my surprise and shock, “but he won’t.”
“He won’t?” The fact that she thought he wouldn’t do it was even more surprising than the fact that she knew he could do it in the first place but somehow wouldn’t do it.
Black Keys (The Colorblind Trilogy #1) Page 23