by Sarah Hegger
Sure enough, Kathryn had the fabric bunched in her fists. She released it and tried to smooth out the wrinkles. Before the women came to dress her, she had made sure her chemise covered all the bruises. She could not subject mother or herself to the inevitable questions.
“Tell me what it is you fear,” Lady Mary said. “I suspect it is not your wedding night.”
“Nay.” Kathryn’s face heated. “I mean, not entirely.”
“When I married Sir Arthur, I vomited three times before I got to the chapel.” Lady Mary sighed. “I had never set eyes on a more handsome or strongly made man. I picked him, and organized matters to my own liking. Still, the unknown is always a bit frightening. Is it marriage itself you fear?”
She barely knew Lady Mary, and she was Roger’s mother. Yet she walked to the bed and sat beside her anyway. Lady Mary had this way of freeing a girl’s tongue. “Marriage does not seem to hold a lot of advantage for the woman.”
“There are children,” Lady Mary said. “They bring huge joy.”
“Aye.” Kathryn tried to organize her thoughts, because the prospect of children caused a warm glow deep within her. “And it is not that I do not want children, for I do. But it is the other parts.”
“Such as?” Lady Mary adjusted the lie of her bliaut sleeves.
“Like you become his property. His to command from the day you utter your vows.”
“And this bothers you?”
“Aye.” Kathryn released her breath. Her head swam with the relief of voicing this. “What if I do not care to be under a man’s command?”
“Ah.” Lady Mary smoothed her skirts. “It seems the lot of women that we are forever beneath the command of a man. First our father, then when they grow, our brothers, and eventually our husbands. It is hard for a woman of spirit to accept.”
Kathryn stared at Lady Mary, the perfect lady in every way. “Did it bother you?”
“Aye.” She pressed her fingertips to her lip. “I railed against it, but deep inside where nobody could see. My father betrothed me to a man I did not care for.”
“But you said the first time you saw Sir Arthur—”
“It was not Sir Arthur to whom he betrothed me. Nay, it was another altogether. Sir Arthur was in the party when my betrothed came to my father’s castle. I decided he would be the one I would marry, and I set about to make it so.”
“How?”
Lady Mary blushed and patted her hand. “That is a story for another day, when we know each other a bit better. My point is that a woman of intelligence and will is never truly with no power over her fate. There are times when we have to use guile to gain our way, but there are ways. One of those ways lies in making a good choice of husband, and you have made the very best choice of husbands.”
Of course Lady Mary would think thus.
Lady Mary laughed. “You are thinking I only say so because Roger is my son, and you are right. I had the raising of that man, and I raised him to adore women, respect and cherish them. You will not be some meaningless piece in a larger game to Roger.”
Kathryn let her words sink in. Roger often asked her opinion on this matter or that. Even when wroth with her, he did not raise a hand to her.
“And if he does not treat you well, you come and see his mother. I will set him to rights.” Lady Mary smoothed a lock of Kathryn’s hair behind her shoulder. “Your marriage will be what you make of it, Kathryn. You will enter it as Roger’s wife and partner, as his helpmate and his support. It is up to you what you do with that.”
* * * *
Roger forgot how to breathe.
Gliding into the chapel, candlelight catching her gown in myriad starbursts, Kathryn looked like an angel. Unbound hair streamed about her shoulders like poured treacle.
He hoped he didn’t wear the idiotic grin inside him on his face.
His! Almost his. After the priest pronounced them wed, he would still have to win her. His lady came reluctantly to wife, frightened by the idea because of the smug whoreson who led her down the aisle.
Behind Roger, William cleared his throat. His brother had arrived with his new wife late yestereve, in time to stand up with him.
“You are a lucky dog,” William whispered.
Roger grinned back at him. He most certainly was at that.
Cold to the touch, Kathryn placed her hand in his.
Tightening his grip about her icy fingers, he attempted to infuse some warmth into them. Never again would Royce have the power to hurt this woman.
The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur of Latin, and incense. Words exchanged, vows made that bound her to him. All his attention remained focused on the woman by his side. His bride.
After the service, he led her to the hall where a large banquet awaited them.
“You look beautiful,” he whispered in her ear.
She gifted him a tight smile. “So do you. And it is your mother’s gown.”
“Mine is too.”
She stopped. Then she giggled.
Not much of a laugh, but enough to encourage Roger. “I want to make you known to my brother, William.”
“Is he the handsome one?”
“Nay.” He affected a stern expression. “He is the tolerable one. I am the handsome brother.”
“Ah.” Color bled into her wan cheeks. “How foolish of me to forget.”
“Would you like to meet him?”
“Aye.” She peered past him at William. “Is that his wife? The lady with the red hair.”
“Aye, that is Lady Alice.”
She studied Alice for a long moment. “She is not what I would have expected for him.”
“Perhaps not.” Roger’s sister by marriage tucked her tiny self into William. “But she makes him very happy, and he loves her.”
“I can see that.” Kathryn sighed.
Should he confess his love? He kept it to himself for fear of driving Kathryn even further into her shell. Every instinct warned to go slowly with his new bride. Woo her gently and carefully, one step at a time. Skittish like an unbroken filly, Kathryn might bolt at any moment. “They are expecting their second child.”
Kathryn cocked her head, gaze still on Alice. “She is not pretty, precisely, but there is something about her that draws you to her.”
“Wait,” Roger said. “In time, Alice will grow to be lovelier and lovelier each time you see her.”
“Hmm.” She poked at their shared trencher. “I wish Matty were here.”
“I beg your pardon?” Roger stilled, not certain what she meant.
Kathryn gasped and looked at him. “Not in that way.” She crinkled her nose. “Not in my place, but by my side. Matty and I are close in age and this is the first time she was not with me for an important day in my life.”
“Ah.” Some of the tension crept out of his shoulders. “Come.” He rose and offered her his hand. “Let me take you to meet William. He is guaranteed to bring a smile to anyone’s lips.”
Would that he could make her smile today, but his Kathryn had retreated. Roger wanted her back.
“Lady Kathryn.” William stood as they approached. “Let me say what everybody is thinking.” Mischief lit William’s blue eyes. “You are far too good for Roger.”
Kathryn laughed, and it warmed the cold place within him. This pale, silent ghost of Kathryn disturbed him.
Lady Alice let out a loud snort and came to stand beside Sir William. She barely reached William’s shoulder. Mismatched, but still a perfect couple within their differences. “And let me tell you never to listen to William.”
“I married a shrew.” William winked at her. “I pray my brother did not.”
Lady Alice smacked him on the arm, and he grinned at her. “Would you be terribly waspish if I took the bride to dance?”
“Nay,” Lady Alice smiled back at him, and waved her hand over her huge belly. “I would be relieved, as my dancing days are clearly done for now.”
<
br /> “Lady Kathryn?” William held out his hand.
For a moment, Roger thought she might refuse William. But his brother was a clever man with women, and he grasped her fingers and led her to the center of the hall where the dancing commenced.
As if the men of Anglesea sensed her mood, William’s place was taken over by Garrett—who made up for his lack of skill with enthusiasm. Sir Arthur followed Garrett, until Gregory relieved him.
Roger sat, content to watch her brittle demeanor melt and disappear altogether. Until he saw her grimace as the reel grew more boisterous. She made so little of her hurts, nobody in the hall would even guess what she concealed beneath that gown. A fierce wave of protectiveness shook him.
Into the churning bodies he charged, ignoring all overtures to join them.
“Come.” He placed a gentle hand on her waist. “You are still injured.”
“But it is the reel,” she whispered back at him. “I do so enjoy dancing.”
“Then I will have the minstrels play for you every night until you tire of it. For now, however, I must insist you sit.”
Over her head, Gregory’s sin-dark gaze tracked their conversation. He raised a questioning brow at Roger.
Roger shook his head. Not now. He would speak with Gregory later. If anyone would understand the overwhelming urge to protect his woman, Gregory would.
“I will ply you with strong drink, instead,” Roger said.
“Good.” Kathryn grinned at him, and he thought his heart might burst. Not the shy, polite smiles of earlier, nor the restrained smiles he had received since they had entered Calder, but a large, genuine beam of Kathryn as she was in the woods. His Kathryn.
Securing her arm in his, he led her to the table, and made good on his promise. Careful not to let her get too drunk. He had plans for his lady that did not include tucking her snoring self into bed.
* * * *
A gaggle of chattering women swept Kathryn up the stairs to the baron’s chamber.
Lady Mary and Sir Arthur had announced they would travel north with William and Alice to await to birth of their child. In all but name, Roger was now baron and Lady Mary insisted he took this chamber.
“You had everything changed.” Beatrice entered first, and stopped in the doorway to speak with Lady Mary.
Lady Mary made an elegant sweeping gesture. “Indeed I did. A new day begins at Anglesea.” She placed her arm about Kathryn’s waist and led her into the chamber. “You may change anything you do not like.”
Kathryn had not seen the chamber before, but this was too fine. Heavily embroidered bed curtains of deep blue swathed a bed large enough to accommodate all the women with her and more besides. Two large carved wooden chairs rested before the hearth with more cushions to ease the ache of hard wood from a person’s ass. A cheery blaze filled the hearth and sent patterns dancing over the fine wood patina of the surrounding mantle. A beautiful room, richly appointed and ready to house a baron and his lady
Kathryn walked to the double casement and parted the coverings. The Baron’s chamber faced the sea. From here she had an eye-aching view of long, lazy ocean that stretched to meet a darkening sky. Beneath her, warm fur rugs kept the chill from the stones off her feet.
“Is that Roger?” Beatrice’s voice pulled her away from the view.
Faye, Beatrice and Lady Mary stood before a large tapestry that adorned the far wall.
“It is a knight who may or not may not be Roger,” Lady Mary said.
Beside the dark-haired knight stood a lady, who happened to have hair Kathryn’s color.
“Roger will hate that,” said Beatrice.
“Roger needs to accustom himself to his new position.” Lady Mary turned and spotted her. “But we are here for more important matters right now.”
As to those matters, Kathryn would admit to a slight flutter of nerves. There would be kissing, which she really liked, and Roger had promised a whole lot more, which she had no idea about. The wine she had consumed at dinner went a long way to alleviating any nerves.
“I always thought this part was rather barbaric.” Faye gave her a sympathetic grimace as she held out a linen nightrail so fine the firelight shone through it.
“That is because you married a pig the first time.” Beatrice bustled to the bed with an armload of flowers. “And my brother may have many faults but he is not a pig, a lout, or a boor.”
Nurse stomped through the door, red-faced and panting from her climb up the stairs. “Right!” She rubbed her hands together. “You lot.” She jabbed a pudgy finger at Faye, Beatrice and Alice. “Need to go and keep your husbands out of trouble.”
Beatrice stuck her hip out. “But the wedding chamber isn’t ready.”
Nurse exchanged a speaking glance with Lady Mary.
“Sweet Bea.” Lady Mary cupped her daughter’s chin. “Kathryn is shy, let us not make this hard for her. You can come back in a moment.”
Lady Alice tucked her arm through Beatrice’s. “Come along.” She threw her much taller sister by marriage a naughty grin. “It will give you five minutes to tell me how I mistreat your brother.”
“You two.” Faye rolled her eyes. She walked to Kathryn and kissed both cheeks. “Welcome to the family, dear Kathryn. Trust my idiot brother. He will take good care of you.”
Nurse took the nightrail from Faye and herded her out. She leaned her back against the closed door. “I came as fast as I could. I did not think you would want them to see.”
“Nurse?” Lady Mary latched the door. “What is this about?”
Nurse took Kathryn’s hand, her gaze steady and reassuring. “You can trust my Mary. And she needs to know.”
“I…” Kathryn took a step away from Nurse. She needed the distance to order her thoughts. Her bruises, her secret shame. She could not bear the looks of horror and pity.
Nurse followed her. “Shall I send her away, too?”
The idea of anyone sending Lady Mary away made Kathryn smile. In her gentle way, Lady Mary wielded a will of steel.
“If you are more comfortable with me leaving, I can go.” Lady Mary stood, hands folded before her. “I could send your mother.”
“Nay.” Mother had left the feast early to rest. With Father still in the hall, his hand up some woman’s skirt, Kathryn did not want to interrupt her peace. “It is just that…” The words wouldn’t come and she turned to the casement. Brisk sea air cooled her cheeks.
“I will go,” Lady Mary said.
“Nay.” Kathryn sensed Nurse and Lady Mary were women she could rely on. In the days to come, she would have need of them. “Beneath my chemise. It is not pretty.”
Lady Mary walked closer to her. “This is more than being modest, is it not?”
“Royce beat her.” Nurse stiffened. “He left his mark all over her.”
Kathryn took another bracing breath of sea air. She walked to where Nurse stood and turned her back.
Nurse made short work of the lacings.
Her bliaut pooled at her feet like flowing silver, and Nurse picked it up and lay it over the clothes tree. Next came her chemise. For a moment, white silk enshrouded her before Nurse took that away as well. Kathryn turned to face Lady Mary.
“Oh, Kathryn.” Lady Mary pressed her hand to her mouth. “Did you not want to marry this much? You should have told me this morning, I did not—”
“It was not that.”
Nurse slipped the nightrail over her head.
With her linen armor in place, Kathryn drew breath again. “My father thinks I know where Matty is,” she said.
After removing the flower circlet, Nurse brushed her hair gently, mindful of the bruises on her back.
Lady Mary smoothed her skirts with shaking hands. “This is why you insisted your mother remain with us.”
“Aye.”
Nurse brought her a silk bed robe the same blue as Roger’s eyes. She fussed with the folds and stepped back. “You are read
y.”
“Does Roger know?” Lady Mary stood beside Nurse.
“He knows,” Nurse said.
Lady Mary took her hands. “Know this. From this day forth you have the might of Anglesea at your back. You are one of us, and we protect what is ours.”
Tears clogged Kathryn’s throat. A feeling unlike any other filled her. A feeling so unfamiliar she did not know what to name it, but it filled her near to bursting.
“Do not make her cry.” Nurse elbowed Lady Mary. “Let us let the others in so we can finish getting the chamber ready.”
Chapter 21
Kathryn turned a slow circle. Alone in her wedding chamber.
Garlands tied with white ribbons fluttered from the top of the bed and draped over the open casement shutters. A platter of wine, fruits, cakes, and cheeses rested on the low table between the hearth chairs. Beatrice had scattered more flowers about the bed and the floor. Nurse had scented the pillows with lavender drops, and placed a honey cake beneath each one. Beside the bed rested a flagon of bride’s broth.
Kathryn poured the potent brew into a heavily ornamented chalice. Mead, honey, and herbs hit her stomach with a wallop. A chalice or two of this and no bride would fear her wedding night.
Tugging the robe around her, she went back to the view. Mandeville lay inland, and she could quickly grow accustomed to the bounty outside her Anglesea casement. The sea had no fetters, no confines and no master. From here, all things seemed possible in a world larger than she had ever imagined.
Lady Mary’s promise made her feel valued. For the first time in her life, she really mattered.
In all her imaginings of how it would be when she wriggled free of her father’s grip about her life, marriage had never formed part of that. Yet, here she stood. Evening breezes carried the briny tang of the ocean up to her, and she drew it deep into her lungs. Life spread before her, new and unexplored, and completely uncharted. Matty, cozy with her farmer, and clear of their father’s anger. Mother safe with her at Anglesea. And her future?
Kathryn leaned her head against the casement side. A lone gull winged back to the towering cliffs that fell away in a sheer drop beneath her. Its plaintive cry hung in the evening.