by Sarah Hegger
Roger loved her. Or at least he said he did. But how could she believe him? She was a wild, headstrong girl who rode better than she danced and would rather wield a sword than a needle. A woman so unsuited to be baroness it was laughable. And yet, Roger said he loved her.
She wished she knew what to do with that knowledge. What she could not do is stuff it to the bottom of the chest and leave it there. Something must be done about her marriage, but first, something must be done about Matty’s marriage.
Matty sat in the hall with mother. They had their heads together over a piece of sewing.
“Kathryn.” Mother looked up with a smile. “I missed you this morning. Matty said you took a ride to clear your fidgets.”
Matty said a lot of things to a lot of people. “Aye. I went to the village.”
“The village?” Matty stiffened. “Is he still there?”
“Your husband is still there.” Kathryn took the seat beside her mother. “I spent the morning with him.”
Matty paled. “Why would you do that?”
“I needed to ask him about some things.” Kathryn bent and pretended to examine the fine stitching. She could not tell you if they embroidered a dragon or a dandelion, her senses fixed on Matty as she let her absorb her statement. “I needed to ask him about the marks on you.”
Mother dropped her embroidery to her lap. “What did he say?”
“I do not like to speak of it.” Matty turned her head and stared out the casement.
“And yet you do speak of it.” Kathryn took a shameful dose of satisfaction in her words. “All the time and to anyone who will listen.”
Mother turned to stare at her. “Is this true, Mathilda?”
“Kathryn exaggerates.” Matty sniffed and pressed her sleeves to her eyes. “She has become different now that she is a grand lady.”
Mother frowned, looking from her to Matty and back again.
“Nay, Matty is right, Mother.” Kathryn squeezed her mother’s hand. “I have changed. Before I came here I would not have been able to listen to Digory’s story with an open heart.”
“I will not stay here and suffer this.” Matty flung down her work.
“Sit down, Mathilda.” Mother sighed and placed a perfect stitch in the fabric before setting her work aside. “I think this has gone on long enough.”
“What did you do?” Matty glared at her.
Matty had a nerve even asking that. “I did nothing.”
“You betrayed me.”
Hot words in her defense bubbled inside Kathryn. She had always looked out for Matty, always.
Mother folded her hands before her and stood in front of them. “You have both made a fine mess of your marriages.”
Kathryn winced as her mother’s gaze fastened on her.
Matty looked smug.
“I will deal with you one at a time,” Mother said. “First off, Kathryn. You are not my savior. I married your father of my own free will, and I made a promise before God to honor and obey him from that day forward.” Her expression softened. “I know you acted out of love for me, but it was not your part to rescue me from your father.”
Nay, Kathryn refused to believe that. “He is wrong to treat you so.”
“Aye, but he is my husband, and I did make vows.” Mother had her chin set at a stubborn angle. “Fight for your own marriage.” Mother turned to Matty. “Which brings me to you. You will return to your husband.”
Matty sprang to her feet. “I refuse.”
“That is not an option.” Mother drew her shoulders back. “You chose to run away from the marriage arranged for you. You chose that man, and now you belong to him in the eyes of the world and God.”
“You cannot make me.” Matty clenched her fists by her side. “Just because you are happy to let a man use you as a beating post, do not think I will allow it.”
“If you force my hand, I will invoke the law,” Mother said. “Pack your things. I am sending for your husband.”
“I shall run away,” Matty said.
“Again?” Mother shook her head. “That is your choice, but think about where you will go and whether it will be better than where you are running from.”
* * * *
Kathryn shivered in the stiff sea breeze battering the ramparts. Dagger pressed against her leg, endlessly patient and happy to be wherever she was.
Digory saw Matty for what she was, spoiled and willful, and still he loved her. It brought Roger’s words back to her. Love is not earned or given to someone because they are worthy. If that were the case, she could think of only a handful of people who could possibly have love.
For that matter, what had she ever done to deserve Roger’s love? Nothing. She had built her life and dreams on the notion that she would protect and save her mother and Matty. Now they had both chosen their own paths, and those paths put them beyond her shielding arm.
The idea of her mother going back to the grim reality of Mandeville still rankled. But her mother was a grown woman, and she made her own decisions.
Matty would be fine. Strange, she had spent so many years looking after her sister she had not seen what was right before her. Matty could look after herself just fine. These past weeks at Anglesea had demonstrated that abundantly.
You could not rescue someone from themselves. No matter how much you desired to do so.
Below, people moved to and from Anglesea in a steady trickle. A cart filled with hay, the drover shouting out a greeting to a gaggle of girls, stopped before the gate. People moving about their lives, unaware of the crossroads now before her.
Roger had given her fate back to her. Funny, how she now no longer knew what path she should take. According to her mother, that path was clear. A woman stayed in her marriage, regardless.
One of the girls stood beside the drover’s cart, twirling her hair and giggling. Kathryn had never courted the attention of men, because she had never wanted to be at any man’s mercy. As a married woman, she had handed control of her life to Roger. Yet, he did not take that control. Instead he left it with her.
He said he loved her.
She kept coming back to that. He loved her despite her mannish ways and lack of feminine wiles. He loved her despite having lived rough with her while they searched for Matty. And he loved her even when she flung scornful words at his head.
An older woman bustled up the road, grabbed the flirting girl by the arm and marched her away from the drover. She harangued the girl until they disappeared into the beech thicket. The other girls trailed behind whispering and giggling.
The drover’s cart rumbled through the gate beneath her.
On three sides of the castle spread the endless sea until it met the sky in a hard line. She could take a boat and see what happened when the sea ended.
On the approach to Anglesea a paved road led through the beech thickets to the village, and from there wherever she wanted to go.
Dagger stood and put his nose to the ground, investigating the interesting smells near the walls.
“There you are.” Lady Mary’s voice startled her. “I have been looking for you.”
Dagger went to say hello and Lady Mary crouched and scratched beneath his ears.
“I like it up here,” Kathryn said. “You can see to the end of the world.”
“Aye.” Lady Mary joined her, shivering in the stiff breeze. “I have often wondered what happens when the sea ends.” She leaned against the stone crenellations. “Your mother came to see Sir Arthur and me. She says she would like to return to Mandeville.”
“Ah.” So this is why Lady Mary sought her. She had an uncanny knack for sensing when Kathryn needed to talk. “I was up here trying to make sense of it.”
“Of course you were.” Lady Mary turned her face to the sun and breathed deep. “It is not your way to calmly submit to the life your mother has.”
“How can she even consider it?” The words burst from Kathryn.
&nb
sp; Lady Mary shrugged. “I honestly have no answer for that. I can tell you that I would not return, but then I am not Rose. And neither are you.”
“He will never stop beating her.”
“Probably.” Lady Mary looked at the ocean. “But she knows that. Perhaps she feels that is her place, or that she does not deserve more.”
Hot, fiery denial rose in Kathryn. “She deserves so much more.”
“I agree,” Lady Mary said. “I tried to dissuade her from going, but she has her mind made up.”
“She also insists Matty return with Digory.”
“Aye.” Lady Mary looked at her. “I think that is for the best.”
“Aye.” Because Matty’s presence at Anglesea created more strife than anything else. “It seems neither of them needed my protection after all.”
“Which leaves you with a bit of a puzzle,” Lady Mary said. “I love my son, Kathryn, and it does not please me to see him so wounded. But if you cannot love him the way he deserves, then take the freedom he offers you. Release him to find someone who can return his love.”
Nay! The word clattered around inside her.
Lady Mary left her there.
If she took her freedom, Roger would have his. Free to give his love to another woman. Not if Kathryn had strength enough to draw breath he would not. That love belonged to her. Foolish she might be, and no doubt, unworthy, but she aimed to keep it.
Chapter 34
Roger returned to his chamber to change before dinner. He had spent the day training with the men, and he stank of sweat. A bath sitting before the fire sent him a warm welcome. He had planned to have one brought up before he left the yards.
He stripped and dropped his dirty clothes in a pile by the door. His squire would be up shortly to take them to the laundry. The warm water wrapped around his aching muscles as he lowered himself into the bath. He rested his head on the bath lip and closed his eyes.
Lady Rose would return to Mandeville. He could not believe it, but mother told him Lady Rose insisted. Garrett took the news with a shrug, and counseled they wait and see what happened next. Working with his brother by marriage had been an interesting diversion. The man had lived at Anglesea for years, and only now did Roger see his full value. With Henry missing, Garrett would make an excellent chatelaine. Slippery sly, with the ferocity of a rousted badger, Garrett made a valuable right hand.
The door opened.
“Rob, see to my clothes will you,” he said. “And once you are done, could you take my practice sword to the smith. There is a nick in the blade.”
“I see you found my gift,” Lady Mathilda said.
Roger’s eyes popped open. He jerked in the tub and turned.
Bold as brass, she sashayed into the room. “I watched you, and thought you would need a bath.”
Suddenly the soothing water felt filled with nettles. He wanted to leap out of it. “What are you doing here?”
“I am here to see you.” She drew her hands over her belly and hips. “I think it is time you and I speak honestly.”
Speak honestly? Roger rather thought not, because in honesty he wanted to bellow at her to get out of his chamber and stay away from him. “If you wish to speak, let me dress and then we can have this conversation elsewhere.”
Mathilda sauntered to the bed and draped herself across the foot. “I have seen a naked man you know.”
“Aye, you are married. As am I, which is why you should not be here.”
“Roger.” She propped her head on her hand. “You are a good man, and I commend that, but the time for falsehoods between us has passed.”
She spoke in pointless riddles. “What falsehoods?” Nudity be damned, he refused to sit here like a rabbit in the pot whilst she played out her little seduction. Roger rose. He snatched a drying cloth and tied it about his waist.
Mathilda took a long slow perusal of him. “You are a fine looking man, Roger.”
“You need to go.”
She threw back her head and laughed. “You do not really want that. I see how you look at me.”
“I look at you like you have lost what wits God gave you.” If she did not leave here, he might have to overlook a lifetime of scruples and toss her out on her ass. “You have no business here.”
“I see how matters lie.” She lay back on her elbows and pressed her breasts forward. “You married Kathryn because you could not have me.”
“I married Kathryn because I love her.”
“Nay, you do not.” She scowled. “And you do not suit. You forget I know where you spent last night, and I also know that she does not want to be married.”
“Get out. Or I will put you out.”
“Roger.” She stood and slithered his way. “There is no need to fight this thing between us. You know you come to me for comfort. I am not like my sister. I would stay here with you at Anglesea, beside you always.”
“Is that so?”
“Aye.” She stopped within a breath of him. “I know a good man when I see one. I know how to make him happy.” In one convenient stroke she had erased Digory, her sister, and the fact that he had been hers for the taking before she ran away.
Laughter overcame his outrage. “What of your husband?”
“Digory is a farmer. You are a lord.” She put her hands on his chest.
Roger resisted the urge to shove her across the room. “So, I shall command him to leave here and leave you with me.”
“Exactly.” She caressed his shoulders. “Kathryn will leave and it will be just you and me.”
“And a keep full of people,” he said.
She made a face. “They will grow accustomed to us, and once you are lord here, nobody will question you.”
“My father might.”
“He will not live forever.” She pressed her breasts against him, and draped her arms over his shoulders.
“Shall I shove him off the ramparts to quicken his demise?”
She started. “I did not—”
“And while I am at it, I may as well toss my mother with him.” He pursed his lips as if thinking. “That would still leave the problem of Garrett and Bea. Oh, well.” He shrugged. “Over the walls and into the sea with them as well.”
Her arms slid from his shoulders.
“By that stage, Faye and Gregory will probably take the hint and skulk off to Calder and leave us in peace. And if not…well, there is a lot of space in the sea.”
The chamber door swung wide. “Roger, Rob said you were…” Kathryn stood in the doorway.
Roger leapt away from Matty. “Kathryn, I can explain.”
“I am eager to hear that.” Kathryn straightened and stared at Matty.
Matty raised her chin. “Roger and I are in love. We want to be together.”
“What?” Horrified, he turned to Kathryn. “Nay, we are not. I do not even like your sister.”
“Really?” Kathryn strolled into the chamber. Her expression reminded him of his mother, cool and aloof. Kathryn stopped in front of Mathilda. “How long has this been going on?”
“A while.” Matty faltered and dropped her gaze.
“Kath—”
She raised her hand.
Roger adjusted his drying cloth about his hips. He shivered in the sudden chill of the room. He wished he had full armor on for this encounter.
“Matty?” Kathryn cocked her head. “I want to hear you explain this.”
Dear God, nay. Mathilda’s version of the truth in no way matched his. Roger stepped forward. A frigid glance from Kathryn halted him. The situation drifted into ridiculous.
“I am the right woman for Roger.” Mathilda set her shoulders back. “I always was. You never wanted to be married, never wanted any of this.” She nodded. “Well, now you can walk away from it. I shall take your place.”
They had this conversation as if he was not standing right there, as if he had no opinion to offer on the matter. “For the—”
>
“I will get to you, Roger.” Kathryn kept her attention on Mathilda. “But I wish to hear from Matty first.”
“You want to hear me say you told me so.” Matty’s cheeks flushed. She waved about. “All right, then. You were right. I should have married Roger when we first came here. You were right. He is perfect for me.”
Nay, he sodding well was not. Roger stepped forward.
Kathryn heaved a huge sigh. “Matty, I love you. You are my sister and I will always love you.” The loss in her voice made him want to wrap his arms about her. Then, up came that Kathryn-stubborn chin. “But if you think I am going to step aside and let you have my husband, you have lost the meager wits God gave you in the first place.”
Roger shook his head, not sure he had heard that right.
Kathryn put her shoulders back. “Roger loves me,” she said. “Only me, and you standing here in his chamber while he is naked does not change that. It just makes you a very foolish woman. You have your own man. You cannot have mine.”
He almost yelled for joy.
“You do not even want him.” Matty sniffled. “You only want him because I have him.”
“Of course I want him, you henwit.” Kathryn’s voice rose with each word. “I love him, and not because I think he would make a good addition to my collection of men and can give me a comfortable life. I love him because he is good, noble, kind, funny, and wonderful.”
Roger glowed from within. She loved him. God, he could scarcely believe it.
“He takes care of me, even when I do not think I need it. He watches over me, and he wants more than anything for me to be happy.” Kathryn’s expression softened. “I am sorry you feel that you do not have the same, but that does not mean you can have what I have.”
“He loves me.” Matty stamped her foot.
“Nay.” Roger judged it a good time to step in. “I really do not. I love Kathryn.”
Matty gaped at him. “You cannot mean that.”
“Aye, I can.” Roger tugged his fiery wife into his arms. “What man would not?”