Out of Goodbyes

by Gen Ryan

  “I haven’t even asked Rainey to come yet.” I groaned. I wasn’t so sure she’d be up for meeting the family so soon.

  “Well, what are you waiting for? Chop-chop.” Abi’s little voice sounded through the phone. “Got to go, little brother. See you and Rainey next weekend.”

  She hung up the phone, leaving me stunned and still half asleep. A smile crept on my lips. I loved my crazy family, even if they were a bit hovering. I just hoped Rainey was up for it and loved them just as much as I did.

  Chapter Nine

  Rainey

  I chucked my phone on the counter. I was finally ready to talk with Parker. It’d been a few days since the episode at the hospital, and I hadn’t heard from him. It was fine, as it gave me the time I needed, but at this point, I was worried about him.

  Why can’t I turn off how much I care?

  “Screw him. He’s probably gone back to Samantha,” Ava said as she munched on some veggies.

  “Yeah. That’s easy for you to say. You didn’t see him that night. He was unstable. Unlike how I’d ever seen him before. It was scary.” I cringed and brought my arms around myself.

  “I’m glad I wasn’t there, because I would have kicked his ass. He’s put you through the wringer and continues to do so.” She pointed her celery stalk at me and wielded it like a knife. Only Ava would find a way to make celery into a weapon.

  “I know, which is why I’m handling this. Or trying to,” I mumbled as I checked my phone again.

  Ava reached over and snatched it from my hands.

  “Enough. You aren’t his keeper anymore. He’s a grown man and can take care of himself. Let’s go get ice cream or cake.” She jumped up. “Cake sounds good. With ice cream!”

  I laughed.

  She was right, I wasn’t Parker’s keeper, but I had been for so long. It wasn’t easy to snap my fingers and turn off how I had been for so many years. I’d done everything for that man. Paid the bills, laundry, cooking, sent packages. I knew he could figure it out, but with how he was acting, I couldn’t help my mind from going to some pretty dark places. What if he was sitting on the couch, depressed and unable to carry on? Oh wait, I’d been there, and he never even knew. Or chose not to care. While I should have been bitter and not given a fuck about him, that wasn’t me. I knew the solitary loneliness that went along with struggling with mental illness. How hiding from the world seemed better than having to stand out in the sun. Now, I wanted to embrace it. Relish in the bright rays that warmed my skin. Parker may have stepped out on our marriage, or as Ava claimed, been a raging douchebag for a long time, but no one should have to struggle with their own mind alone. Being in your own head was dangerous, with outcomes that were scary to fathom. I was thankful I had people in my life who understood. Parker had no one.

  “What about your diet?” I motioned to the raw veggies she had just been eating.

  Grabbing my hand in hers, she pulled me off the stool.

  “It’s all balance. Plus, I’m on vacation.” My stomach dipped at the thought of her leaving. She had only a day left. Our time together had flown by, and while I thoroughly enjoyed it, goodbyes were never easy for me.

  “What?” Ava snagged her purse off the counter and slipped on her flip-flops.

  “Just thinking about you going.” I sniffed. God, I was a mess. My emotions sometimes—okay, a lot of the time—had a mind of their own. I closed my eyes and reminded myself that I was going to be okay.

  Ava wiped a tear from her eye. “Stop it,” she groaned. “I can’t believe you got me crying. You’re going to make me mess up my mascara.”

  “Heaven forbid.” I rolled my eyes.

  Ava patted her eyes with a tissue she pulled from her purse.

  “Man, you really love me!” I joked.

  “Of course, I do. I also miss my babies.” She laughed. “Jesus, I couldn’t get away from them fast enough, and now I’m crying because I miss them,” she sobbed.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. Ava was strong and fierce. But behind all of those things was a woman who loved her family and friends and would do anything for them. I brought her in for a hug.

  “It’s okay to miss them,” I reminded her.

  “I know.” She sniffed and dabbed her eyes again. “Okay, enough of all this crying. You know what would make all this better?”

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “Cake and ice cream. Don’t think you can trick me into forgetting with your sappy tears. I want my cake, bitch!”

  We stepped out into the warm sun, both taking a moment to let it shine down on us.

  “Damn, it’s hotter than Satan’s asshole out here,” Ava complained. All I could do was laugh. She wasn’t wrong, but I loved it. Just as much as she loved cake and ice cream.

  ***

  Ava had fallen asleep in a sugar-induced coma. I’d never seen a woman so small ingest so much cake and ice cream. She insisted she’d be fine, but I practically had to roll her into my house. She barely lasted through our movie before putting herself to bed.

  My cell phone rang, and I smiled when I saw it was Levi. We hadn’t seen each other since the night at the bar, and I missed him.

  “What if I told you that I miss you?” he said.

  “I’d say that I miss you too.” I giggled.

  “Well, I miss you. A lot. What are you doing up? It’s after midnight,” Levi questioned. I hadn’t even realized it was so late. I stayed up reading after Ava went to bed. It was easy to get lost in a good book.

  “I started reading when Ava went to sleep. Lost track of time.” I yawned into the phone.

  “Sounds like you’re tired.” He laughed.

  “A little. I wish I could see you. I need a good-night kiss.” I tucked my feet underneath me.

  “Go to your door,” Levi said.

  “What?” I brought my hand to my neck.

  “Go to your door, Raindrop.” My heart dipped at the nickname that he’d called me when we first met. I sprung up and practically skipped to my front door. When I opened it, Levi stood in front of me, wearing a smile and a pair of jeans that hugged his body just right.

  He leaned in, brushing his lips to mine. Nipping at my bottom lip, he pulled gently, making my body come alive.

  “Hi,” he whispered as he pulled away.

  “Hi.” I brought my hands to my lips and touched them. I could still feel his mouth on mine. My entire body tingled, even my fingertips. He truly made me feel his tenderness throughout every inch of my body every time he touched me.

  I’m a lucky woman.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I just wanted to say good night to you.” Levi leaned against the doorframe.

  “It’s a nice and welcome surprise.” I grinned.

  “I’m glad.” He brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Damn it. I need to get this hair cut.”

  “Don’t. I love it.” I stood on my tiptoes and tugged on the top of his hair that always seemed to find its way to his eyes at just the right time to make him even more irresistible.

  “Oh. When you put it like that….” He winked.

  “There isn’t much I don’t love about you, Levi.”

  His eyes widened before I realized what I had said.

  “I….” I stumbled on my words.

  Do I love him?

  Levi touched my cheek, slowly bring my lips to his again. This kiss was different than the last. It was soft and sensual, his tongue flicking out gently and meeting mine. It was love.

  “Goodnight, Rainey.” Levi smiled as he walked backward.

  “You’re going to fall!” I yelled.

  “I’ve already fallen!” He laughed as he turned around and ran toward his car. I closed my door and braced myself against it.

  Truth was, I had already fallen too.

  Chapter Ten

  Levi

  Back to the daily grind.

  Ava left yesterday, and Rainey was taking it better than I expected. When I went over last night, she moped
around a bit, but she seemed in okay spirits overall, and that’s all I could hope for.

  I walked into the hospital and right to the ER where I knew Rainey was working. She sat at the nurses’ station, her brows furrowed, looking like she could spit nails.

  “I come in peace.” I held the coffee I had bought her far out in front of me as I approached the desk.

  “Levi.” She smiled and spun around in the chair. Bypassing the coffee, she kissed and hugged me.

  Huh? Did she just choose me over coffee?

  “Now, gimme.” She took the coffee greedily, bringing it to her lips.

  So, close to being as good as coffee.

  “How’s it going tonight?” A cry from a patient’s room carried over the other noises; a few curses and demands of how much longer would the wait be rang in my ears. The sweet sounds of the ER.

  Rainey rolled her eyes.

  “That good, huh?” I laughed.

  “It’s not even a Friday or a full moon. No idea what’s going on. But seeing you is a nice surprise.” She nudged me with her elbow.

  “Any chance you can take a break? I wanted to ask you something.” Rainey searched my face, her eyes going wide.

  “Um. Okay. Let me see if I can sneak out.” She walked away, glancing back at me. I could tell she was nervous about what I wanted to ask her. She wore her emotions on her face. Rainey and I were so much alike. I struggled with whether she’d go back to Parker. Even though I knew she wouldn’t, it was hard to trust fully again after being cheated on. I knew her thoughts probably weren’t the best right now.

  “We’re good to go.” Rainey sighed as we walked outside. I reached out, took her hand, and offered her a reassuring squeeze. She looked up at me, the hesitation and sadness lingering in her eyes.

  My beautiful girl, I’d never hurt you.

  I kissed the back of her hand.

  We sat at a picnic table, the night completely clear. Every star shone in the sky. I couldn’t remember the last time we had a night this clear. It was like it was channeling how I felt. Complete. Hopeful. In love.

  I glanced over at Rainey, who was twirling some curls between her fingers.

  “So, my sister, Zoe, called me today. My niece, Abi, has a birthday party this weekend. They’d like you to come.” I paused. “I mean, I want you to come. My mom and dad will be there. I’m sure tons of other people. I know you’ve got a lot going on, and if you don’t want to come, that’s fine. I just wanted to ask you in person and not through a text or whatever.” I took a breath. There. I’d asked her, and the sky hadn’t fallen.

  “Thank Christ,” she said with a laugh. “When you told me you wanted to ask me something, my mind went to a thousand crazy places.”

  “I saw it in your eyes. I know what you mean. My mind can go to some crazy places too.”

  She took my hand in hers. “What do you mean?”

  “Like at the bar, I thought of you going back to Parker.” I looked away, a bit ashamed at how insecure I sounded.

  “Levi.” Rainey gently turned my face to hers. “Parker and I are over. I’ve tried to reach out to him a few times since what happened at the hospital, with no luck. I don’t want to string him along. Of course, he’s going to make that difficult for me.” She shook her head and rubbed her face. Rainey looked up and smiled at me. “Fact is, I will always love him in some way, just like you’ll always love Mandy, but I’m not in love with him. We shared memories, and that’s all Parker and I will share moving forward.”

  “So is that a yes?” I asked with a laugh.

  “I’d love to go to your niece’s party.” Rainey grinned. The moon shone off her face perfectly, highlighting her big brown eyes and the softness of her cheeks. Her cheek was still bruised, but the swelling had gone down. I couldn’t get enough of her. I knew deep down I never would.

  “I want you right now,” I said as I peppered kisses all over her face.

  Rainey laughed. “Well, there’s no place but the woods over there.” She pointed to a secluded wooded area that surrounded the outer part of the hospital.

  My face lit up.

  “Ever have sex in the woods?”

  “No way. I’ll get poison ivy on my ass.” She shook her head.

  “I love that that is your only concern. I’ll be on the bottom and sacrifice my ass cheeks in the name of making love in the woods. We can make it quick so you aren’t late back to work.” Reaching out my hand, I stood in front of her. “What do you say? Want to live a little?”

  She placed her hand mine. “Let’s do this.” Brushing a kiss against her hair, I thanked my lucky stars she had come into my life, because since that day, I’d started living again and each day just got better and better.

  ***

  “I think there’s a stick poking my ass!” I groaned as I tried to put my shirt underneath me. Maybe having sex in the woods wasn’t a good idea.

  “Lie back.” Rainey stood over me as she shimmied out of her scrub bottoms. She left the top on, in the interest of time. Dipping her fingers into her center, she moaned, her eyes flitting shut.

  “Damn. What a sight.” Gone were the thoughts of anything other than this woman in front of me. I scooted back and gripped my dick in my hands. It was hard; beads of precum were already gathered at the surface. I rolled on a condom before she lowered herself on top of me.

  Her pussy clenched around my dick. Moaning, she moved her hips to a beat that only we could hear as I held on for dear life. There wasn’t anything slow and sensual about what we were doing. Her movements were quick and sharp, the sounds of our wet skin slapping against each other the only thing I could hear.

  “Oh, that feels so good.” I gripped her ass and pulled her further down on me, and she moved her hips faster.

  Rainey gripped at her breasts over her top, closing her eyes as I felt her tighten around me.

  “I’m almost there,” she ground out.

  With the base of my thumb, I rubbed her clit, sending her over the edge. My own body tightened, and I dug my fingers into her hips. My body shook as I filled the condom. Rainey rode me slowly as our eyes focused on each other.

  Fuck, that was hot.

  “Jesus. Rainey.” My voice carried, and she giggled as she rolled off me. Rainey put her bottoms back on as I rolled off the condom and buttoned my pants.

  “Hey, who’s there?” The glare of a flashlight danced off our skin. I took Rainey’s hand in mine, and we ran toward the back of the hospital.

  Our legs pumped, our laughter filling the silence of the night. Branches cracked underneath us, and twigs slapped against our sex-permeated skin. If this wasn’t living, I didn’t know what was.

  Finally, we made it to the back of the hospital. Bracing ourselves against the brick wall, we caught our breath.

  “That was amazing,” Rainey said with a sigh.

  “It was.” I turned my head toward her and smiled.

  She giggled, bringing her hand to her mouth.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You forgot your shirt.” Her eyes narrowed in on my naked chest.

  “Damn!” I laughed. “Guess I get to do the walk of shame back to my car.”

  “Ahem. Walk of shame.” She leaned in and gave me a quick kiss. “I got to get back to work. See you later?”

  “How about I meet you tomorrow morning after your shift at your place, with breakfast?” I rubbed her shoulders.

  “Hmm. It depends. Will there be coffee?” She grinned.

  “I’m not stupid enough to show up without coffee after you worked a twelve-hour shift.” I winked.

  “Sounds good. Till tomorrow.” She held my hand as she used her name badge to get into the building.

  “Till tomorrow.” I waited until the door shut fully, her curly hair the last thing I saw.

  I shoved my hands in my pockets for my keys and came up empty.

  Just my luck.

  “It was worth it,” I said out loud as I traipsed back into the woods to find my keys and sh
irt. After an hour, a dozen mosquito bites, and an encounter with a homeless man who managed to get twenty dollars out of me, I found my keys. My shirt was nowhere to be found. I was pretty sure the homeless man had snagged it. So, I got to take my walk of shame. But there was no shame, just a blissful memory that Rainey and I now had to share together. It was one of many to come, and all the dirty looks and giggles were worth it to see the one I loved laugh.

  Chapter Eleven

  Rainey

  I sat in my car like a wuss, staring at Levi’s house. It was beautiful. Two stories, yellow with red shutters. I had a dollhouse just like it when I was younger and said I would buy a house like that one day. Instead, Parker and I settled for renting a town house because we never knew where the army would send us. The stability and family I dreamed up were replaced with deployments and what-ifs. I didn’t mind, or at least convinced myself I didn’t. Now, I craved a family. A place to call my own.

  Why did everything about Levi bring up my childhood wishes? I wanted them again. Hell, I probably never stopped. I shelved them so Parker could pursue his dreams.

  Today was Levi’s niece’s birthday party, and I felt like I was going to hyperventilate. Levi showed me a picture of Abi. She was absolutely adorable. I was excited to meet her. But the last time I’d had to meet someone’s family was forever ago, and I was young and didn’t care quite as much. That’s the thing with youth, it made you feel untouchable, like nothing could ruin the high of being in love.

  Ah, youthful bliss. What I wouldn’t give to have that feeling back. With age came responsibility and reality. The reality that love, while beautiful and pure, could rip you to shreds and have you begging on your knees for mercy. Love didn’t have mercy on me. It broke me.

  Levi opened the door to his house, his smile making one spread across my face. My heart fluttered. Now love was putting me back together again.

  Gathering the present I’d purchased for Abi and a tub of potato salad I’d made, I headed toward his front door.

  “I wondered when you were going to come in and stop sitting in your car.” Levi’s eyes lit up with amusement.