Broken Pieces (Cape Isle, #3): A Cape Isle Novel

by Allie Able

  “Son, you're driving me crazy. Give me a dang second,” she mumbles.

  If the tears burning my eyes, weren't threatening to fall, I would laugh. That's the mom I’ll remember and shit, I'm going to miss her so fucking bad. I'm just not ready to say goodbye to my mom.

  I lower my head to the bed and close my eyes. “Mom, what do I do?”

  I feel her hand trying to squeeze mine. “Son, I wish I could tell you that, but I can't. All I can tell you is to never stop living your life.”

  I lift my head back up and look at her.

  “Everyone is going to lose someone, that's life. We can't predict when it's going to happen. I was so young when I lost your dad. In some ways, I never moved on. He was my soul mate and when he died a part of me did too, but I had to keep moving because I had you, and in the same way, you have to keep moving after I pass. You have a lot of life left to live. You are still so young and, like I told Lexie, I wish I could be here to watch all of the wonderful things you two will do together. The love I see you two share is something that only happens once in a life time. Enjoy it. Okay? Just enjoy your life. I love you both so very much.”

  “I love you too, mom,” I whisper.

  We sit in silence for a few minutes before she falls back to sleep.

  I whisper words of thanks to her. I thank her for being such an incredible mom. I thank her for always being there. I thank her for her wisdom and I even thank her for the speeches that she always made me sit through as a kid. I cry and hold her hand tightly in mine.

  Eventually, Lexie walks into the room and sits across from me. We don't say anything as we watch my mom sleep. I mentally wish for my mom to open her eyes and talk to us, but she never does, so I eventually stand up and kiss her cheek, before looking over at Lexie.

  “You ready to head home?”

  She hesitates, almost like she is going to tell me no, but instead she nods her head and stands. I walk towards the door and look back over my shoulder. Lexie is bent down whispering something in my mom’s ear, as she clutches her hand. Her eyes are closed and I watch the tears stream down her beautiful cheeks, knowing there isn't a fucking thing I can do about it. She stands up and wipes her face and I turn my head, before she sees me watching her private exchange.

  I hear her walk towards me and I take her hand.

  We walk into the living and tell Korean bye, before we walk outside and get into our separate cars and drive to her house.

  I park beside her in the driveway and cut the engine off. I take a second to myself to collect my thoughts before getting out of the car and meeting her on the porch. We go inside and Lady greets us at the door. Lexie scratches her head, before walking to the kitchen, and I bend down to give my dog some attention before walking to the back door and letting her out.

  Just like every night for the past few weeks, we eat dinner in almost complete silence, neither of us having the energy for small talk. We sit outside on the patio and have a few drinks, before going to bed.

  I watch Lexie undress and pull on one of her t-shirts. She looks like she has lost some weight and that thought kills me. I wish there was more I could do for her, but I'm so caught up in my own mind most of the time that I don't know how to help her. The thing with Lexie is, I know I'm the person she comes to with her problems. She has always shared everything with me and I don't think she does that with anyone else. It's the same for me. She's the one I go to. So, what do we do, when we are both dealing with the same hurt? Who do we go to then?

  I walk into the bathroom and brush my teeth. I watch her in the mirror as she does the same. She finishes before I do and she walks to the bed, lying down on her side.

  I turn out the lights and climb in behind her. We haven't been intimate since we found out about my mom. Neither of us has really been in the mood for that, but I do still hold her at night and I wake up in the mornings with her wrapped around me.

  I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her to me. “Hey,” I whisper into the darkness after a few minutes of silence.

  She jolts at the sound of my voice and I realize that this is first time we've spoken in bed in a long time.

  “Hey,” she whispers back. I can hear the tears in her voice already.

  “Oh, Angel.” I rest my forehead on her shoulder.

  Her body shakes and I hold her closer. I feel a tear drip down from my eye and I clear my throat before speaking again.

  “Have you thought about talking to Summer or maybe even Katie?” I ask. I don't have to clarify what I'm talking about, she knows. This is the first time we've talked about this, but I just need to make sure she's okay. This is the one time in my life that I can't protect her. I can't be strong enough for the both of us right now.

  She shakes her head against the pillow. “No.”

  “Maybe you should, Baby.”

  She's quiet for a long minute. Her hand finds mine and she twines our fingers together. “And who will you talk to?” she whispers.

  I don't have an answer for that. She's hurting enough and I just don't have it in me to lie anymore of it at her feet. I'm not willing to lean on her more than I already do. I stay silent, deciding the best way to answer is to just not say anything at all.

  She eventually quiets down and falls into a restless sleep. I hold her to me and let a few more tears fall, before I do the same.

  * * *

  The call comes a little after five o'clock in the morning. I know what it is before I even get out of bed. I sit up, grab my phone from the bedside table, press accept and put it to my ear. I don't say hello; I just wait for the words that I know will come.

  She's gone.

  There was nothing they could do.

  I will never see my mother alive again.

  I throw my phone against the wall and lower my head into my hands. I feel Lexie hug me from behind. I can feel her hot tears dripping on my skin. I lift my head long enough to grab her and pull her into my chest and together we cry, mourning one of the greatest women I have ever known.

  I knew this was coming. I thought I’d prepared myself better, but I'm realizing that nothing in life prepares us for losing someone we love.

  Nothing.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Lexie

  THAT AFTERNOON, I GO WITH Zack to the funeral home. Joanna had handled almost everything already, but we go meet with the funeral home director, Maggie Sorenson, to iron out all of the last few details.

  Korean meets us up there and gives us both hugs.

  After Zack and I got the call this morning, we stayed in bed holding each other for hours. Eventually I got up and made us a pot of coffee. We didn't say a word as we sat there staring out into my backyard. I can already feel him withdrawing. He's been doing it all along, but as I sat there watching him, I could see him shutting down before my eyes. I think the hardest part of losing someone isn't necessarily having to say goodbye—I feel like we've been saying goodbye to Joanna for weeks—I think the hardest part is learning to live without them, always trying to fill that void, the emptiness that's left inside your heart when they go.

  I called my mom and dad and they promised to be over later tonight. They were so close to Joanna too.

  The whole town loved her.

  In small town, when someone dies, it's always a big affair. I'm not sure if I love that about our little town right now or if I hate it.

  I pull back from Koreans arms and look into her grief stricken face. She looks terrible. I know she was the one that found Joanna and I know she tried to administer CPR, before the paramedics got there. She may have been Zack's dad's sister, but she was very close to her. She saw her as one of her own.

  “I'm so sorry,” I choke out.

  “Oh, sweet girl. Me too.”

  She pulls me back into her arms and we cry together. I look over her shoulder and watch Zack walk back outside. “What do I do?” I ask, still clinging to her.

  She doesn't ask what I'm talking about. She knows Zack is hurting the most
out of all of us. He just lost his last living parent.

  “Exactly what Joanna said,” she whispers.

  It's not long before Maggie comes into the waiting room to get us. I excuse myself to walk outside and tell Zack that they're ready.

  The funeral home also has the town cemetery attached to it: it's where they laid his dad to rest and it's also where Joanna will be buried in just a few short days.

  Zack is staring out at the rows and rows of headstones when I walk up behind him. I touch his elbow and he flinches for a second before turning to look at me—his eyes so hollow.

  “Maggie's ready for us,” I whisper.

  He nods his head and looks out at the cemetery one more time before following me inside.

  It doesn't take long to go over everything. Joanna had handled more than I thought. Zack is silent the entire time unless he is asked a direct question. We are told that Joanna hired an attorney to handle her estate and all of her things will of course go to Zack, but that we should meet with the attorney in a month or so. We plan the visitation for tomorrow and the funeral for the day after.

  The drive home is filled with more silence. I know he's hurting, but so am I. I wish he would just say something.

  My Mom and Dad are sitting on the porch when I pull into the driveway. Zack gets out of the car first and I watch as he walks towards the steps. I take a deep breath and open the driver side door before stepping out and following him.

  My mom wraps her arms around him first. There is a brief second where I think he's going to push her away, but I breath out a sigh of relief when he folds his arms around her and buries his face in her hair.

  I was close to Joanna, but Zack was also close to my parents. I'm hoping by them being here it will help him somehow. I see my mom’s lips moving as she whispers to him, but I don't know what she's saying. When I reach the porch, my dad pulls me into his arms.

  “How you holding up, kiddo?” he whispers.

  I can't talk over the ever present lump in my throat, so I just shake my head.

  He sighs and squeezes me tighter. “I know, sweetie. I know.”

  After my mom has come over and hugged me and my dad has said a few quiet words to Zack, we all make our way inside. Zack sits down in the living room, with Lady sitting at his feet while I try to help my parents unpack all of the food they brought. I lay it all out on the counter, knowing we will have visitors through-out the day.

  That's another thing about small towns in the south, everyone wants to come pay their condolences. It isn't just at the funeral or the visitation. It's all of the time, from the moment they find out about the death, until days after the funeral when you literally have to stop answering the door. They treat it like it's a social gathering. They want to bring food and they want to tell you how sorry they are. Some of these people are genuine, they want to make sure that you're okay, but the rest of them are just nosy. There is something about death that fascinates people. I'll never understand it.

  My mom shoos me out of the kitchen and tells me to go sit. I'm too tired to fight her. I walk towards the living room and sit down on the couch next to Zack.

  It takes him awhile, but eventually he turns to me and loops his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

  “Hi,” he whispers.

  “Hey.”

  His arm stays around my waist and I lean my head on his shoulder.

  Today Sucks.

  * * *

  It takes two hours after we get home for my little house to become filled with people. We now have enough casseroles to last us at least a month. Summer closed down the bakery and her and Grant where the first to arrive. They didn't say much. They each gave us a hug then sat down with us in silence. That's when you know you have good friends. They know what you need. They don't try to make you talk or try to carry on a forced conversation. They sit with you in silence, but you know that they are there for you.

  Katie had two appointments at the clinic she had to finish up, but a few minutes after Grant and Summer arrive, so does her and Nick along with her daughter, Abbi.

  Nick comes straight to me and pulls me into a bear hug. “I'm sorry, Lex. I know how close you were to Joanna,” he murmurs.

  I grab onto the back of his shirt, but I don't say anything as I take some of the strength from my big brother.

  When he finally lets go of me, I'm a little shocked that he wraps Zack in the same type of hug he gave me. He pats him on the back a couple of times and speaks in a low tone, but I still hear.

  “I'm sorry. We are here, whatever you need we are here for you, brother.”

  I want to cry and tell him how thankful I am for him in that moment. I know Zack isn't one of his favorite people, but for him to put aside his feeling and offer his support, makes me love my big brother even more.

  I hug Katie and try to paste on a smile for Abbi, but it doesn't really work. I can't even remember the last time my mouth formed into a smile. Katie tells Abbi she can go play with Lady outside and with a little wave to Zack, she is running towards the back door.

  Nick disappears into the kitchen and comes back a second later with a drink for me and Zack.

  I look up at him in confusion and Zack does the same as we reach out and take the cups from him.

  “It's going to be a long day and you both look wrecked. Drink up.”

  I smell the contents before looking over at Zack, he's already taking a big gulp.

  I quickly realize that it's whiskey and it makes me want to hug my brother again.

  We spend the rest of the afternoon and night receiving hugs and condolences from what feels like the entire town. My mom brings us both a plate of food into the living room and forces us to eat. I pick at the food, before finally just getting up and throwing it away. I'm just not hungry. I haven't been in weeks. I always feel sick to my stomach and I know I've lost weight. I can tell by how my clothes are fitting. That's another thing that I just don't give two shits about.

  Eventually everyone leaves and it's just me and Zack. I know he's tired. I can see it in his eyes and the way he is holding his body. When I let the last guest out and lock the door, he lets out a sigh and relaxes against the couch.

  I walk to the kitchen and make us both another drink from the bottle my brother brought.

  I take them into the living room and hand Zack his before sitting down on the couch.

  “Tomorrow will be just as long,” I mumble.

  “I know.”

  “We need to talk to the florist. I didn't even think about that today.”

  “I know.”

  “If you need me to, I'll go to your house tomorrow and grab two suits.”

  “Okay.”

  I stare at him, willing him to say something, but nothing ever comes. He lays his head back against the couch and closes his eyes.

  I fucking hate this. I hate that I'm hurting. I hate that he's hurting. I hate that he won't talk, but most of all I hate that I feel like I'm losing him and there isn't a damn thing I can do to stop it.

  The next morning, I wake up alone. I feel the sheets on Zack's side of the bed, but they are cold: he must have been up for a while.

  I throw the covers back and go into the bathroom.

  I brush my teeth and use the toilet, before walking towards the kitchen where I see him through the sliding glass doors. He's sitting outside, looking out into my backyard.

  I pour my cup of coffee and walk outside to join him.

  “Good morning,” I mumble.

  He briefly looks over at me and I can see the darkness under his eyes.

  “Morning,” he replies before looking back to the spot he was staring out at.

  Okay. I'll give him this week. I'll give him time to adjust, because Lord knows I haven't adjusted yet. The difference in us right now is that he is shutting down and I am trying to cling to him.

  He'll come around, right?

  My Zack is in there somewhere.

  I look up at the sky and sigh.

/>   Joanna, if you’re listening, I need a little help here.

  * * *

  The visitation goes much like I anticipated. I stand beside Zack as everyone comes by to offer more condolences. Korean is on the other side of him, but I don't think he even notices either of us are there. He nods his head and shakes hands, but I think he's working on auto pilot.

  After we leave the funeral home, a few close friends and family members follow us back to my house. Drinks are poured and I lay out more food for everyone.

  There are a few people in the living room, but mostly everyone has gathered outside. Jenna walks into the kitchen and pours herself a glass of wine.

  I lean back against the counter and close my eyes for a second.

  I'm so fucking tired.

  “Hey,” Jenna whispers.

  I open my eyes and look over at her.

  “Hi.” I don't offer her a smile like I normally would. I'm not even sure my mouth would move like that right now.

  “Are you okay?” I've never seen Jenna looked so concerned. It's a little disarming.

  I nod my head. “I'm fine.”

  She stares into my eyes and shakes her head. “You are a fucking liar.”

  I almost smile at that, but I don't because she's right. I'm so far from okay, it's not even funny. I quickly look away and clear my throat. “I'll make it through this, it just might take me awhile.”

  I feel her hand grab mine and she squeezes.

  “I love you, Lexie and I'm here for you, day or night. I know you're dealing with a lot more than just Joanna's death. You're trying to hold it together for the both of you and I'm scared that's too much pressure on you. If you need to talk, bitch, drink or whatever else you might need, just call me. Okay?”

  I feel the tears leaking out of my eyes as I nod my head.

  “Alright. Get yourself a drink and come on outside.” She gives my hand a squeeze, before letting go and walking through the back door.

  How fucked up am I that Jenna even notices?

  I'm trying so hard to keep my shit together, but I think I keep forgetting that my eyes speak. I just wish that Zack would take a second to look at me.