by Anne Hampson
‘I didn’t know, then, that it was love I felt for Charles,’ she returned candidly. ‘I knew there was something, because when he was nice to me I was so very happy—’
‘So he was nice to you at times?’
‘Of course. And as I was saying, I felt inordinately happy then.’ She paused, having difficulty in telling Austin about seeing Charles kissing Moira in the garden one evening. But the words did eventually come out, although haltingly. ‘It was then that I conceived the idea of persuading you to take me home,’ she continued. ‘It—it—hurt so to see them together, and yet even then I didn’t realize that—that I loved Charles.’ Tears pricked the backs of her eyes and she stopped speaking again so as to collect herself. ‘It must have been love, though, because for some time previous to that I’d felt hurt and unhappy when Charles was curt with me, or off-hand, which he was quite often because as you know he never approved of the life I led.’ Instances of Charles’s unkindness came flooding in and the ready tears could not be held back altogether. They shone on her lashes and as she blinked they escaped on to her cheeks.
‘So the real reason you wanted to come home with me was because of the attention Charles was paying to Moira?’
‘Yes, that’s right.’
‘You were jealous, but you didn’t know it?’
‘I expect I was,’ admitted Tina, going red.
Austin sighed deeply and regarded his stepdaughter with a compassionate gaze.
‘Moira tells me that Charles is in love with her,’ he said with difficulty, ‘and so it’s best that you do leave here, Tina. The situation would be unbearable for you.’ She began to shake her head and Austin forestalled her protest by saying, ‘I do see now that you engineered things so that I’d take you away, and having accepted that I’m willing to make things right with Charles. Will that satisfy you?’
‘You’ll take my word that he’s innocent—that it was I who was hateful and wicked?’
He had to smile despite his unhappiness at the position in which Tina had found herself.
‘You seem intent on my condemning you—or some such thing. Well, all right, you were hateful and wicked—’
‘It isn’t anything to joke about,’ she interrupted rather hotly. ‘I was hateful and wicked!’
‘I’m not joking, dear,’ he told her gently, then added, ‘I’ll take your word for it that Charles is innocent, but all the same I feel he could have been a little kinder to you; however, it’s of no consequence. What is important is that you get away from here. If I make up my quarrel with Charles—and I shall naturally be very glad to—will you consent to come home with me?’
She thought about this for a long while, seeing herself as an outsider, with Charles and Moira always together in the evenings, perhaps going off, into the bush, hand in hand ... Her face puckered, but she bent her head so that her father would not see.
‘Yes,’ she faltered at last. ‘Yes, Father, I’ll come home with you.’
She had expected Charles to be scornful, contemptuous, on hearing of her altered decision, but never had she expected such an angry outburst as she received when, on seeking him out in his study, she told him of her decision in private. Already Austin had decided to prolong his visit to its original length, but he had not yet spoken to his son, as Tina begged to be allowed to talk to Charles first.
‘So you’re going home after all that idle talk about making amends.’ His wrathful eyes flickered over her; she saw with astonishment that his hand was clenched on the desk, with the knuckle bones startlingly white against the very dark brown of his skin. ‘Go, then! I said you wouldn’t be missed!’ She flinched, and unconsciously wrung her hands.
‘I’ve just explained, Charles, that I’ve now convinced Father that all the blame was mine, and so you’ll both be friends again.’
‘What has that to do with your going home?’ he demanded, his voice the lash of a stockwhip. ‘You were staying because—so you said—you weren’t willing to take advantage of the situation you’d brought about.’
‘Yes, I did say that,’ she agreed meekly. ‘But—now—Well, there isn’t any reason for me to stay.’
He glared at her, then rose from his seat behind the desk.
‘There wasn’t any reason for you to come!’
She blinked.
‘We came because you kept telling Father we were not living proper lives. It was so that we could learn the value of money, for one thing—and also to learn about the realities of life.’
‘And have you?—in so short a time?’
‘You might not believe me, but yes, I have.’
His grey eyes looked deeply into hers, and were suddenly perceptive.
‘And yet you’re eager to get back to the old life?’ She merely shook her head in a little gesture of bewilderment, for Charles was acting in a most peculiar way. Why should he care whether she stayed or left? ‘You said recently that you could be happy here.’
‘That’s true.’
He frowned darkly at her brevity.
‘Then why are you leaving?’
She stared mistily at him, then averted her head. ‘I have to,’ she said, in no more than a whisper. Her heart was pounding madly; the temptation to move close to him was almost irresistible. Suddenly, he moved close to her and she felt his hand under her chin. She was forced to look up and once more his eyes were looking deeply into hers.
‘You have to ...? Why, Tina?’
At his touch an exquisite tremor passed through her. This was too dangerous a position by far; she must surely give herself away.
‘As—as you suggest—I’m eager to g-get back to the old life—’ Her stammered words cut off abruptly as Charles seized her arms and shook her.
‘You’re lying!’ His hurtful grip made her cry out, but he took no notice. ‘Look at me—look, I say!’ With swift obedience she lifted her head, but he was unable to read what was in her eyes, for heavy tears covered them. ‘Tina—’ All the angry harshness dissolved as his grip slackened. ‘Tell me why you want to leave. I demand to know.’ His voice was edged with an unmistakable gentleness; Tina forgot all that Moira had said as her lovely features became alive with hope.
‘Why is it so important for you to know?’ she hedged, blinking away the tears and looking straightly at him.
Faint amusement touched his lips. His angry bewilderment at her statement that she was leaving had been replaced by confidence.
‘What makes it so difficult for you to give a direct answer to my question?’ That attractive lazy Australian drawl was very much in evidence; it seemed in itself to constitute an endearment and Tina felt her senses tingle in the most delicious way. Flashes of memory brought back all that had happened during that walk last evening—the lack of anger at his having to come out and look for her, the overall change in his manner with her ... the desire that she could give him an altogether different reason for her wanting to remain at Farne River Downs—Yes, she now knew she hadn’t made a mistake in thinking he was wishing she would give him another reason. She smiled up at him and said shyly,
‘It isn’t difficult any more. I wanted to go for the same reason that I previously wanted to stay.’
His lips quivered on the borders of laughter. Tina blushed adorably and added, ‘That isn’t very explicit, is it?’
‘It’s extremely ambiguous!’
She nodded, still staring up at him with a wide and candid gaze.
‘When I said I could be happy here,’ she began, ‘I meant that I could be, but under different circumstances.’
‘You did?’ still with that lazy amusement in his voice.
‘Yes. I thought that if—if—’ She cut off, and her eyes flashed, as he had seen them flash several times at the beginning. ‘You might help me, Charles!’
He laughed, and reminded her that she had just told him it wasn’t difficult any more. But even as he spoke he was taking her into his arms and she thrilled to the iron hardness of his body against hers, to the feel of hi
s ardent demanding mouth on her eager lips.
‘Is this the kind of help you want?’ he teased a long while later when, having released her, he looked down into eyes starry with love and lips warm and rosy from his kisses. His hands retained possession of hers and the merest frown touched his brow as he glanced fleetingly at them. Tina said hastily, curling her fingernails out of sight,
‘Was it only lately that you found you loved me?’ It struck her that he hadn’t actually uttered words about love, but, looking into his face, and noting the deep tenderness portrayed there, she was ecstatically free from doubt.
‘No, Tina,’ he admitted after a pause. ‘I—’ He broke off, and looked into her eyes. ‘I once scoffed at Father when he told me your eyes so affected him that he could never say no to anything for which you asked. I said the woman wasn’t breathing who could captivate me with her eyes—’ Again he stopped, and an expression of mock severity settled on his face. ‘I shouldn’t be telling you this. But don’t let it fool you! As I’ve said before, I’m not my father—’
‘Oh, but I’d never take advantage,’ she intervened mischievously.
‘If you ever tried,’ he told her with a glint of warning, ‘you’d be instantly spanked for your trouble!’
The colour leapt to her cheeks; she cleared her throat with an embarrassed little cough.
‘You—you were saying h-how you came to fall in love with me,’ she reminded him, staring down at her hands, still held by his.
‘Those eyes,’ he continued candidly, ‘did in fact make so deep an impression that I soon admitted that their owner couldn’t possibly be such a selfish little brat as I had always imagined her, so I put you on trial.’
‘So that’s what you meant when you said things are not always what they appear to be on the surface?’
He nodded.
‘Yes, Tina, that’s what I meant.’ He fell silent and she felt sure he was going over their conversation of last evening. She refrained from interrupting his thoughts, but the silence was shattered by the hilarious laughter from the jackos outside on the lawn. Her face creased, laughter poised on her lips; Charles glanced at her and he too was on the verge of laughter. She saw the crinkly lines appear at the sides of his eyes, the quiver of those firm lips and she thrilled to the attractiveness of him. He began to talk, telling her how as time went on he found himself becoming more and more interested in her, realizing that the qualities she possessed were in no way compatible with the way she had treated his father. She interrupted to say how ashamed she was now about that, but Charles waved it aside and she was not quite sure whether or not he had even allowed her words to register. He frowned a little as he continued and although at this stage Moira was not mentioned Tina knew instinctively that Charles was thinking about her and when he stopped speaking she just had to say,
‘You liked Moira quite a lot—’ and then she tailed off, regretting her lack of tact.
‘Her ready smiles were a pleasant change from your frigidity,’ he owned without hesitation. ‘Also, she’s an attractive girl and, dedicated to work as I might appear, I have had my diversions at times.’ He merely laughed at her deepening colour, but sensing a slight hurt he drew her tenderly to him and kissed away the shadow that had entered her eyes. ‘There was never anything serious with Moira—’
‘But—’ After impulsively interrupting with the intention of reminding him that he had said he loved Moira, Tina bit back the words just in time. It was as she had concluded: Moira had lied about that. It seemed feasible now that she had also lied about almost everything concerned with Charles. Tina dismissed the idea of there having been any question of an affair between them. Even that kiss seemed totally unimportant.
‘Yes?’ Charles was waiting for her to continue, but she shook her head, saying it was nothing important after all, and to her relief he let it pass, more interested in kissing her again, this time with an unreined ardency that left her breathless.
‘I adore you,’ he whispered, his lips caressing her cheek. ‘Will you marry me soon—before Father leaves?’
‘Father,’ she said, diverted. ‘He’ll be so surprised. You see, he knows I love you, and as he doesn’t know that you love me he thinks I’ve come here to tell you I’m going back to England with him.’
Charles looked quizzically at her.
‘So at last you’ve given me the reason for your wanting to leave,’ he said with a laugh.
She nodded, in no way affected by his humour. Gravely she said,
‘I had to agree to go, Charles. I couldn’t have endured it, seeing you—’ Again she almost made a slip, as she was going to say she could not have endured seeing him and Moira together, but as before she checked her words in time, ‘—every day, loving you the way I did, and not having my love returned.’
Allowing that to pass without comment, as it was irrelevant anyway, Charles asked her again to marry him soon.
‘You’ll want Moira for a bridesmaid, and Father to give you away, so there isn’t any time for delay, my love.’
As Tina had not the slightest wish for a delay she readily agreed to his suggestion, although she did go on to say that Austin was not intending to leave so quickly now.
‘He’s willing to admit that I was wicked and you innocent,’ she went on to add, ignoring the amused quiver of her lover’s mouth, ‘and he’ll be telling you that he’s ready to make up your quarrel.’
‘Naturally,’ with well-feigned mockery. ‘He can scarcely remain at loggerheads with his darling daughter’s husband.’
She laughed then, and was gathered into his arms. For a long while there was silence in the room, until once again it was shattered by the kookaburras outside. They had perched themselves on the very end of a long branch and were peering into the room. Something about the occupants, standing locked, in each other’s arms, must have struck them as hilariously funny, for they opened wide their beaks and roared with laughter.
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