by John Rector
He held the bottle up to the light, uncapped it, and drank.
I heard the rumble and whine of Jessica’s breathing in the corner. I needed to get away.
“I’ll walk you back,” I said. “I know a shortcut.”
Tolliver shook his head. “I want to see her again.”
At first I didn’t know what he meant, then it came to me. “No, I don’t think so.”
“I want to see her and all the crazy bug trap shit you got out there.” He held up the bottle. “Then I’ll go home.”
“It’s perfect out there,” Jessica said. Her voice was a whisper, but it burned into my head. “You won’t get another chance.”
“OK,” I said. “I’ll show you.”
Tolliver nodded and started down the steps and across the yard toward the break in the rows.
Once his back was turned, I bent down and took the gun from under the cushion where I’d been sitting and slid it into the back of my pants.
“We’re almost done, Dexter,” Jessica said.
I held the railing and went down the steps to the yard, not looking back. I felt her behind me, and I waited for her to say something else, but she didn’t.
Up ahead, I heard Tolliver stumbling along the path, cursing and yelling.
When I got to the edge of the field, I stopped and looked back. Jessica stood at the top of the porch stairs, silhouetted by the empty yellow glow from the window.
I watched her for a moment, then turned and followed Frank Tolliver into the corn.
CHAPTER 39
Tolliver wouldn’t stop screaming.
“You’re not dead,” I said. “Keep your voice down.”
“Is this blood?”
The moon was out and there was just enough light.
“It’s mud,” I said. “You’re fine.”
Tolliver pushed himself up in the ravine. His legs shook for a moment then seemed to steady. When they did, he checked his bottle to make sure it wasn’t broken, then pointed up to me standing on the edge. “I could sue your ass, you know that?”
The idea made me laugh.
“Laugh all you want, goddamn it, but I could.”
He started to climb out on the other side. I watched him struggle, thinking this might be the best place to do it. He was already in a ditch. It would just be a matter of covering him up.
I reached back for the gun, but something stopped me. I wanted to see Jessica, but more than that, I wanted someone else to see her. I wanted to see her through new eyes.
I waited until Tolliver cleared the other side, then made my way through the ravine. Halfway down, I stumbled but didn’t fall.
Tolliver laughed.
“Ain’t so funny now is it, you crazy fucker?”
I ignored him and climbed out.
We headed through the cottonwoods toward the bend. When we came out of the trees, Tolliver stopped and covered his mouth with his hand.
“Lord Jesus,” he said. “She’s ripe tonight.”
Jessica’s body was covered in shadow, and as I got closer I heard a low rustling sound. Her body looked like it was vibrating.
I thought of the ants and stopped.
Tolliver came up next to me, still holding his nose and mouth, and when he spoke his voice sounded thin and tinny.
“What the hell is that?” He pointed to the scarecrow standing half out of the corn. “You put that up?”
I nodded.
Tolliver stood for a moment, silent, staring at the scarecrow. “Where’d you get the skull?”
“It’s not real.”
“OK,” he said. “But that don’t make you any less of a goddamn freak for using it, does it?”
I didn’t answer.
Tolliver looked down and began to circle the body. He leaned in closer and said, “The rats have been at her.”
I grunted, watching him, then reached for the gun behind my back and held it down by my side.
Tolliver stopped moving and looked around. “Man, what the hell goes through your mind?”
He didn’t wait for me to answer.
He squinted at something in the corn and said, “What is that?”
I looked where he was pointing.
The strips of flypaper I’d hung the day before dangled from the bent stalks like swollen black fruit.
“Are those flies?”
He started toward them and stopped. Something on the ground caught his attention. He bent down and picked up a muddy piece of cloth, pinching it between two fingers.
I knew what it was immediately.
It was the underwear I’d kicked off the morning of the ants.
It took Tolliver a moment to realize what he’d found. When he did, he looked up at me. Something in his eyes had changed.
“Oh, Christ, man,” he said.
I shook my head. I wanted to tell him it wasn’t what it looked like, but I knew anything I said wouldn’t matter.
Tolliver dropped the underwear and backed away, into the corn.
“You got the wrong idea,” I said.
His eyes never left me, and he never stopped moving.
“Did you hear me?”
No answer.
I lifted the gun and pointed it at him.
He saw the gun and stopped.
“I said you got the wrong idea.”
Tolliver nodded. “OK, man.”
For a moment, we both stood there. I felt the trigger under my finger. All I had to do was squeeze.
“You gonna kill me?”
I nodded. “No choice.”
“You don’t have to,” Tolliver said. “We still have our deal.”
“Sorry,” I said, then closed my eyes and squeezed the trigger. It didn’t fire.
I opened my eyes and looked at the gun.
The safety was on.
I pushed it off, but it was too late. Tolliver was gone, running through the field.
I saw the tops of the corn shake as he ran, and I pointed the gun in that direction, but this time I couldn’t pull the trigger. Something inside wouldn’t let me do it.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
The voice was loud in my head. I pressed my hands against my ears.
It didn’t help.
“You’re letting him get away?”
I turned and saw Jessica sitting in the shadow by the body. Her legs were tucked under her. As she spoke, she dragged herself forward with her arms, then stood and came toward me fast.
I stepped back—I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t help myself. She stopped inches away from my face. Her one milk-white eye rolled furiously in the hollow black socket.
The smell of her breath was horrible. I felt my stomach twist and my throat lurch.
“Don’t fuck this up, Dexter,” she said. “Go after him. Now.”
I stared at her, unable to look away.
When I didn’t move, Jessica’s face contorted in rage and her voice exploded in my head.
No words, no screams, just pure sound.
I don’t know how long I ran through the field, but when I stopped I was out of breath and my chest ached. There were tears on my face, and flashes of white blossomed behind my eyes. I dropped to my knees and tried to catch my breath.
I could still hear Jessica screaming at me to get up, to find him, to put an end to all of this tonight.
But I couldn’t move.
I didn’t know where he was or where I was. The hills were out there somewhere, my house was out there somewhere, but I couldn’t tell where.
I pushed myself up, but my legs wouldn’t hold and I fell back into the corn, moaning and coughing. Above me, the stars spun against the black sky, pulling me along.
“I fucked up,” I said. “I really fucked up.”
There was no argument in my mind, and when I closed my eyes, sleep came almost at once.
I gave in without a fight.
CHAPTER 40
I awoke to sirens.
The sound was getting louder, coming c
loser.
The stars were still out, and a dim orange glow crept across the sky from the north. I sat up. My mouth felt dry and my throat burned. I tried to gauge how long I’d been out, but there was no way to tell.
I rested my head against my knees and tried to find the strength to stand. A moment later I felt my stomach roll, and I leaned over and threw up into the dirt, again and again. When it finally stopped, I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. It came away wet and dark. Blood.
I wiped my hand on my pants and tried to clear my head. When I felt things drift into focus, I pushed myself up and looked around. I stood in the middle of the field. To the east, I could see my house, and the hills leading to Tolliver’s trailer to the north.
The sirens and the orange light came from behind those hills.
There was an acidic coppery taste in my throat. I swallowed hard and started walking north. Halfway up the hill, my stomach cramped again, and I leaned over and threw up more blood.
I wanted to sit, but I made myself keep climbing.
When I got to the top, I looked down at the spot where Tolliver’s trailer had been parked. It was an inferno. The fire engulfed everything. I could feel the heat from where I stood.
There were two fire trucks and several men moving between them, carrying hoses, pointing, shouting.
Another set of lights appeared in the distance, and then Greg’s cruiser pulled in next to the trucks. He got out and crossed toward one of the firefighters, who met him halfway. They talked for a minute, then Greg went back to his cruiser and leaned against the hood, waiting.
There were no hydrants out there, so the hoses were hooked to the trucks. Within minutes, two heavy streams of water had covered the blazing trailer. It didn’t seem to have much of an effect right away, but eventually the fire seemed to get smaller and smaller.
I saw enough of the trailer in the glare of the headlights to know there was nothing left. I looked around for the Tollivers, but I didn’t see them.
I felt a small twinge in the back of my mind.
Had I blacked out, again?
I looked down at my hands. They were caked with dirt.
I pushed the thought away.
Already the sky to the east had split pink along the horizon. Soon, it would be morning.
I needed to get away.
When I turned, Jessica was standing behind me. She looked past me to the fire, her arms across her chest. The glow shone against her skin.
I had to look away.
We stood for a while, and I listened to the cold rattle of her breathing. When she turned away from the fire she made one lurching step toward me, stopping with her face next to mine.
I stared at the ground.
“You did this?”
I shook my head. “No, I didn’t.”
She turned her head toward the fire, and several maggots dropped at her feet. They twisted, fat and orange in the light.
I stepped back. The urge to throw up was overpowering, but I knew if I did I wouldn’t be able to stop. I fought to keep it down.
“You did this.”
It wasn’t a question this time. I kept my mouth shut. Jessica turned back to me, and I saw the skin on her face stretch and split along her cheeks.
She was smiling.
“Maybe you’re not completely useless after all,” she said, then stepped closer and took a deep, wet breath. She exhaled against my skin, blowing my hair away from my forehead. “But I guess we’ll see, won’t we?”
The smell of her breath made my eyes water, and a small cry slipped from somewhere deep in my throat.
Jessica heard it and laughed.
She stared at me for a moment longer, still smiling, then turned and walked down the hill and disappeared into the grove.
PART III
SUNDAY
CHAPTER 41
When I looked down, there was blood in the sink, dark and thick. I coughed, spat, then ran the water and watched it all circle into the drain.
Once the blood was gone, I washed my face and waited to see if the sickness would return. It didn’t. I shut off the water and walked slowly toward the kitchen.
My pills were sitting on the windowsill.
I set the gun on the sink then opened the bottle and slid one of the tiny red pills into my mouth and swallowed it dry.
No hesitation. No indecision. Only faith things would get better.
“Oh, Dexter,” Jessica’s voice sounded flat. “You know it’s much too late for that.”
I bit down on the inside of my cheeks. “Shut up.”
Jessica giggled. The sound was insanity.
I slid my gun into the back of my pants and walked out through the front door and down the driveway to the road.
I wanted to go to Ezra’s and see what was left of Tolliver’s trailer, but I couldn’t bring myself to pass through the field again. The road would take longer, but I didn’t care.
When I got to Ezra’s, I kept walking until I came to the spot where Tolliver had been parked. Ezra was there, standing outside the burnt ruins of the trailer. His back was turned, and I called out to him as I got close. He looked at me briefly, nodded, then turned back to the twist of black metal and ash.
“The boys weren’t even supposed to be inside,” he said. “Mrs. Tolliver had planned on taking them up to Des Moines yesterday.” He shook his head. “God damn luck of it.”
“Were they all inside?”
Ezra nodded. “Fire department said the smoke probably got ’em before the fire, but that don’t mean too much. I still feel for those boys.”
I agreed it was a shame, then kept quiet.
The air had a heavy chemical smell to it. I looked down and kicked a charred piece of wood toward the blackened trailer frame, then said, “They say anything else?”
“Who?”
“The fire department?”
Ezra shook his head. “Not to me. Saw ‘em talking to Nash for a long while. Probably making sure they’re both on the same page for the investigation.”
“They say how it started?”
“That’s what they’re investigating.” He wore a green John Deere baseball cap, and he took it off and wiped his forehead on his sleeve. “Did I tell you they were stealing from me?”
“No,” I said. “Stealing what?”
“Don’t know how long it’d been going on, but I got a call yesterday from Charley Ulrich over at the Pawn & Loan. He called to say Frank was in there with a World War Two Bronze Star. Said he asked him where he came by that medal, and Frank told him it’d belonged to his grandfather.” Ezra slid the John Deere cap back on his head. “Can you believe that?”
I could believe it, but I kept quiet.
“Charley knew I was the only one in town with a Bronze Star, so he went into the back and called me and asked if mine had gone missing. I went to check, and sure enough, the case was empty. Son of a bitch took it right out of the top drawer in my bedroom.”
“You get it back?”
“Damn right I did. Charley said he was going to call Sheriff Nash, but Frank must’ve got suspicious because he was gone by the time Charley came out.”
“Did you confront him?”
“Came by yesterday to tell him to get off my goddamn property, but no one was out here. I remembered Dorothy saying she was taking the boys out of town for a few days, but I knew Frank was around. Off drunk somewhere, more than likely.”
“Better to let Greg handle him anyway.”
Ezra stared at what was left of the trailer, but his eyes looked distant, unfocused. I wasn’t sure he’d heard me, and I started to repeat myself; then he spoke.
“Hate to see ’em dead, but not sad to see ’em gone.” He looked at me. “Do you understand what I mean?”
I told him I did, and for a moment we were quiet.
“I do wish Dorothy would’ve taken the boys like she’d said.”
I thought about them following their father through the field to my house the night before,
and I wondered if he’d made them stay behind because of me.
“No one knows how it started?” I asked.
Ezra shook his head. “I overheard one of the investigators say it was probably arson.”
I felt my mouth fill with water and my stomach fold in on itself. My legs went weak, but I closed my eyes and the feeling passed.
“Arson?”
Ezra didn’t speak.
“What do you think happened?” I asked. “Do you think someone—”
Ezra looked at me and I stopped.
His eyes were clear and sharp, and I was sure he could tell exactly what was going through my mind.
I kept quiet, and after a pause, Ezra turned back to the burned out trailer and said nothing.
CHAPTER 42
When I got back to the house, I locked all the doors and windows and pulled the shades in every room. I didn’t think this would keep her out, but it made me feel better. In time, once the pills kicked in, I knew she’d be gone completely, but until then I’d do whatever I could.
I sat in the corner on the floor where I had a clear view of the front door and squeezed the gun in my hand, clicking the safety off then on then off.
If Jessica came through, I’d be ready.
I knew she was out there. I could hear her footsteps on the porch, the boards moaning under her weight. Sometimes I’d see her shadow pass under the door and I’d hear her voice, whispering to herself, quiet, so I couldn’t hear.
Other times she’d want me to hear. Then her voice would become loud and I’d hear every word.
She’d say the most horrible things.
The phone rang.
It was Liz.
She wouldn’t let me explain.
“Just when I thought you were getting better, you go and pull something like this,” she said. “Do you have any idea how much that window is going to cost?”
“Cost?”
I knew she was doing her best to keep her voice calm, but I also knew it was a struggle for her. I figured her mother was with her, listening.
“Yes, Dexter, cost,” she said. “Money, that we don’t have, and that my mother definitely doesn’t have.”