“That’s not even our biggest problem.” I dragged a restless hand through my hair as I tamped down my frustration. “Our biggest problem is that Jerry will completely melt down if he figures out we’re here for work and not him.”
Aisling’s reaction was simple. “Then we won’t let him find out.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“Not really. Jerry is easily distracted. He wants to be the center of our worlds, so we’ll simply make him think this day is all about him and keep him on task. I’ve done it so many times with him I’ve lost count.”
“What about the times you’ve failed?”
Aisling shrugged. “I wished I was dead … or at least had noise-cancelling headphones. Listen, I’m not going to lie. Jerry won’t be happy if he finds out what we’re doing. But he’ll only find out if we screw up.”
“Uh-huh.” I knew my sister well enough to recognize when she was blowing smoke. “What are the odds of us screwing up?”
“I’m saying it’s two-to-one we do everything exactly right and he never finds out.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
“You. I’m already convinced.”
I watched her for a long moment. “Fine.” I blew out a sigh. “I’m agreeing to this only because we don’t have a second option. If this blows up in our faces – and I’m sure it will – I’m going to not only blame you to save my hide with Jerry, I’m also tattling to make sure Dad punishes you.”
Aisling’s eyes narrowed. “You’re a complete and total tool. Has anyone ever told you that?”
“I can live with that.”
“Whatever.” Aisling rolled her neck until it cracked. “Okay, let’s go back to Jerry and touch base. After that, the first order of business is finding my missing soul.”
“It can’t possibly be as hard as you’re making it out,” I offered. “He’s probably right around the corner and we simply don’t realize it. It will be easy to catch him. You wait.”
“That would be a nice change of pace.”
“YOU’RE RIGHT.” Jerry was morose when we returned to the orange settee. “It does look like a pumpkin-colored vagina. There’s no getting around it. I’m heartbroken.”
“Oh, well, there will be other settees.” Aisling awkwardly patted his shoulder. “Jerry, have you considered that changing the furniture is the wrong way to go? You love the couch you already have – and it’s big enough for two people to get comfortable on, even when they’re both dudes – so it might be a mistake to replace the furniture.”
That was something I’d been trying to relate to Jerry for weeks, so the fact that he looked interested when Aisling said the exact same words I’d been spouting was beyond frustrating.
“What do you mean?” Jerry asked.
“Well, you’ve already picked the absolute best furniture for the space,” Aisling offered. “You’ve always told me that you can’t improve on perfection.”
“I never really considered that.” Jerry gave the settee another look. “So you think I should focus on decorations and ignore the furniture.”
“I do.”
“Hmm.” Jerry’s expression was contemplative until he finally broke into a wide smile and tugged Aisling in for a heartfelt hug. “That’s a great idea, Bug! I wish I would’ve thought of it myself. You’re a genius.”
“I know. I’ve always been underappreciated in that department.” Aisling patted Jerry’s back as she shot me a smug smile.
I wanted to smack her upside the head – or at least give her an atomic wedgie that caused her to cry – but she’d gotten me exactly what I wanted, so it hardly seemed the time to draw attention to ourselves. Still, I waited until Jerry was focused on a statue display to speak again.
“You are a complete and total jerk. You know that, right?”
Aisling was amused. “I think you’re exaggerating.”
“Um … no.”
“Either way, I got him to agree to keep the furniture. That’s what you wanted. That means you owe me.”
“I’m here on my day off to help you,” I reminded her. “You owe me.”
“I think we should call it a draw.”
“And I think … .” I didn’t get a chance to finish, because Aisling’s attention sharpened as she focused on the rug display across the aisle. I was instantly alert. “What?”
“My soul is over there watching us.”
“Where?” I snapped my head in the direction she looked and earned a disdainful snort.
“Way to fly under the radar.”
“Oh, stuff it.” I focused on the frightened-looking man hiding behind a rack of rug samples. It was rather obvious that he was trying to avoid Aisling. It was also obvious that no one could see him, because he stood in the middle of the rack – as if he was floating there – and no one so much as looked in his direction. “How do you want to handle this?”
“He’s watching me,” Aisling noted.
“He is.”
“Maybe I should keep his attention on me by moving really slowly and allowing him to think he’s winning.”
“And then what?”
“And then you sneak up behind and absorb him.”
Of course she would think that was a good idea. “And what if I don’t want to do things that way? It is my day off, after all.”
Aisling pursed her lips. “Did I tell you about the purple settee I saw over yonder?” She vaguely gestured. “It doesn’t look like a vagina and I think it would be great for your place. Jerry is really into purple these days.”
I scowled, disgusted. “You’d shake down the pope if you thought it would get you what you want.”
“I’ve never denied that.”
I blew out a sigh, resigned. “Fine. You’d better hope I can do this without drawing attention. If Jerry finds out what we’re up to, he won’t take it well.”
“Duly noted.” Aisling slapped her scepter into my hand and waited as I surreptitiously pocketed it. “Give him a few minutes to forget you were with me and then circle behind. I’ll keep his attention on me.”
“I know how to do it.” I couldn’t hide my irritation. “I’m not new.”
“Of course you’re not. You’re the best brother ever.” Aisling flashed a winning smile. I was sure the expression worked on Griffin – he always fell for her crap – but it wasn’t going to work on me.
“You’re also going to owe me a day off from work … and I tend to collect.”
Aisling’s smile turned upside down. “Fine. Be like that.”
“Oh, I intend to. Let me get in position and then I’ll handle your screw-up. Just … don’t do anything crazy to make that guy bolt. We should be able to handle this with little to no fuss or muss.”
Ah, famous last words. The Grimlocks never do anything that flies under the radar. That’s simply not how we roll.
I GAVE AISLING A WIDE berth as I circled back to Jerry. I wanted her soul to see me talking to him and discard me as a threat.
“What do you think of this?”
Jerry was intent as he held up a statue that featured a naked man posing with a bow and arrow.
I inadvertently cringed. “Is that supposed to be a naked archer or something?”
“I believe he’s a cupid.”
“That makes it worse.”
Jerry balked. “I think it’s sweet. He’s supposed to signify our love.”
“Oh, well … .” He was putting me in a very uncomfortable position. “Where exactly do you want to put that?”
“I was thinking it should be in the middle of the coffee table. You know, so it’s the focal point of the room.”
Good grief. That sounded absolutely terrible. “I’m not sure that he’s right for our space.”
“Because you don’t want to celebrate our love?” Jerry challenged.
Yup. I should’ve seen that coming. Aisling is a master manipulator, but she learned most of her moves from Jerry, and he’s still the king. “Of cou
rse I want to celebrate our love.”
“So … what’s the problem?”
I licked my lips as I spared a glance for the soul. He focused on Aisling as she made her way to the right, drawing his attention away from me. She’d worked it so she was turning him away from me. It would be easier for him to forget about me this way, which was definitely a good thing.
“It’s not so much that I have a problem,” I hedged, turning my attention back to the ridiculous statue. “It’s just … he’s naked.”
“So? Some of the best statues ever made are naked.”
“I don’t disagree, but do we need a naked statue in our home?”
“I think the better question is: How can we live without a naked statue?”
Was that honestly a question? “Jerry … .” I broke off when I caught a hint of movement out of the corner of my eye. It was Sheridan. I recognized the bottle blond hair. She was moving toward Aisling’s soul. I was closer, but that wouldn’t last long.
I made up my mind on the spot. “You know what? You keep looking at him and I’ll see if I can find something you’ll like better.”
Jerry was dubious. “I don’t think I’m going to like anything better because he’s perfect. I mean … look how well-endowed he is. It’s almost as if the artist had me in mind when he sculpted the statue.”
“Uh-huh.” I wouldn’t touch that statement with the sculpture’s ten-foot pole. “Just let me have a quick look around before you make your final decision. Can you handle that?”
“I guess.” Jerry wasn’t thrilled with the option, but he remained focused on the statue as I took a step toward the soul.
I had to be quick and efficient if I expected to steal the soul from Sheridan and keep Jerry in the dark at the same time. Thankfully, I knew exactly what I was going to do.
Sheridan was acting cagey, repeatedly looking over her shoulder as if to make sure no one was watching, so I decided to be casual. I strode directly up to the rug rack on the other side of the soul and drew the scepter from my pocket in one fluid motion.
I rested the scepter on the rack and pointed it at the soul, who was still watching Aisling with wide eyes and a sneer of disgust. I coughed to get his attention.
The soul jolted, turning a set of wide eyes to me. He recognized me when it was far too late to stop what was about to happen.
“I’m truly sorry about this,” I said. “Usually I try to be smoother, but we’re on a timetable and, even though you don’t believe it, things will be better for you if you go with me. So … it will be okay.”
The soul opened his mouth to argue, but I didn’t give him the chance. That’s always where Aisling screws up. She talks to them. My father has warned her repeatedly about doing that, but she never listens.
The soul was frozen in time as the scepter did its work, and within seconds the spot where he’d floated was empty. I shifted to my right and gave Aisling a mock salute to let her know the deed was done. When I turned to the left, I found Sheridan glowering at me. She’d witnessed the entire event, and she obviously wasn’t happy.
I considered saying something, but snapped my mouth shut. Aisling would offer up a taunt because that’s her way. I knew better. We were in public and I didn’t want to cause a fight that could be easily overheard thanks to Jerry’s proximity.
Instead of taunting her, I offered up a rueful smile for Sheridan before crossing the floor and rejoining Jerry. I could feel her eyes on me, but did my best to act calm and collected. Unfortunately, that feeling didn’t last long, because Jerry brought me crashing back to reality. “I bought him.”
“You bought who?”
“Him. I think I’m going to name him David, like the famous statue.”
“What?” I widened my eyes when I realized the sales clerk was wrapping the statue. Jerry had bought him during my very brief absence. “I thought you were going to wait.”
“I got bored.”
“But … .”
“He’ll be perfect.” Jerry’s eyes sparkled. “Absolutely perfect. I haven’t been this excited since we decided to move in together.”
Oh, geez. How was I supposed to argue with that? “I’m glad you’re happy.” The words sounded hollow, but I managed to grit them out. “I can’t wait to see him in the townhouse.”
“That makes two of us. I think we should have a party to introduce him to the rest of the family.”
Won’t that be fun? Yeah, not so much. I could already see my father’s expression when the statue was introduced. “We’ll definitely discuss that.”
6
Six
“What do you think? I’ve named him David and I’m considering having a party to introduce him to the family.”
Aisling somehow managed to keep her face even when Jerry showed her the statue upon her return, but just barely. “Oh, well, he’s lovely.” Her eyes widened as she took in his rather impressive appendage. “He could do some real damage with that thing. It’s all fun and games until you poke somebody’s eye out.”
Jerry made a clucking sound with his tongue. “That’s a normal-sized … you know.”
Aisling snorted. “No way.”
“Yes way.”
“Uh-uh.”
“You just haven’t seen enough of them to realize the truth,” Jerry argued. “That’s a normal-sized … you know. I’m sorry if you’ve been dealing with something different during your relationship with Griffin, but some people believe that size doesn’t matter.”
The look on Aisling’s face was murderous. “Are you one of those people?”
“Of course not. I’m hung like a … very attractive hammock.”
“That makes no sense,” Aisling challenged.
Jerry looked to me for help. “Will you tell her this is normal-sized.”
I wanted to remain as far from this conversation as possible. It didn’t look as if that was going to be a possibility. “Jerry … .”
“Don’t feed his ego,” Aisling snapped, cutting me off. “That thing is as big as the statue’s arm.”
“That’s normal.” Jerry’s annoyance was obvious. “This guy looks exactly like me when I’m naked.”
While Jerry was fit and waxed – he enjoyed weekly spa visits – he didn’t look anything like the statue. I had no idea why he insisted on pretending he did, but something else was clearly going on.
“He looks like me, right?” Jerry’s gaze was probing when it locked with mine.
I was in a tough spot, but I had no choice. “Of course it does. It could be your twin. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’d posed for the sculptor.”
“See.” Jerry was haughty when he turned back to Aisling. “No one would know better than Aidan. He’s seen me naked more times than anyone else.”
“I think I probably still hold that record,” Aisling argued. “I don’t care about retaining that title, though. There’s no way you look like that when you’re naked. I’m sorry.”
“I think perhaps you’re losing your sight,” Jerry said blandly. “Maybe it’s time to consider glasses.”
“And I think you’re losing your mind,” Aisling shot back. “Maybe it’s time to consider some Prozac.”
“Okay. That will be enough of that.” I held up my hands as I stepped between them. The last thing I wanted to deal with was a showdown between my sister and boyfriend. Aisling and Jerry had been best friends since the first day of kindergarten, so I understood that their relationship sometimes took precedence over my relationship with Jerry. That didn’t mean we could withstand a loud and flamboyant fight given our predicament. “Go to your neutral corners.”
Aisling scalded me with a look, but turned her back to me as she stared at a display shelf. Jerry looked huffy for a beat before plastering a bright smile on his face. “I think I need to get some of that statue cleanser before we go. I need to keep my second favorite guy sparkling now that he’s going home with us.”
“Of course you do.”
Jerry shoved t
he statue into my hand. “Watch him while I pick the cleanser.”
“Oh, well … .”
“He’s your roommate now, too,” Jerry added pointedly.
“Fine. I’ll watch him.” I clutched the statue tighter as Jerry happily skipped toward the cleaning solution display, stopping long enough to glare at Aisling before shifting away. Aisling watched him go for a long time before sidling over to me.
“What are you going to do with that thing?” she asked.
“What do you mean? He’s apparently Jerry’s second favorite man now. I have to protect him with my life.”
Aisling let loose a derisive snort. “He doesn’t like that statue.”
“Were you part of the same conversation I was? He loves this thing.”
“He doesn’t,” Aisling countered. “He bought it because he wants to punish you. There can be no other explanation.”
I’d be lying if I said that thought hadn’t occurred to me – Jerry and I hadn’t really talked about the fact that I magically showed up at the home expo out of the blue – but it seemed too farfetched. Even for Jerry. Kind of. I was almost one-hundred percent positive.
“Why do you think he’s trying to punish me?” I was honestly curious.
“I know his moods better than you,” Aisling replied. “He’s holding something back. He’s this close from blowing. I can feel it.” She held her thumb and index finger less than an inch apart for emphasis. “Why is he mad at you?”
“He’s not mad,” I hedged.
Aisling tilted her head to the side, dubious. “He’s something.”
“I already told you that he wanted me to come to this thing with him,” I reminded her.
“You did, but I sense something else is going on.”
“If there is, I have no idea what it is.” I slid the statue back in the bag, making sure to wrap him well before tucking him inside amongst Jerry’s other treasures. “You know, I should really blame you for this.” I had no idea what caused me to switch tactics, but my temper bubbled toward the surface and I couldn’t contain it.
Grim & The City: A Grimlock Family Short Page 5