by Angus Wells
Rwyan stood beneath the arch of the door. She wore a loose gown of cream linen, gathered at the waist by a narrow belt of braided leather. Her hair, lighter than I remembered it, was piled up, so that her neck appeared a fragile column, tanned the color of wild honey. Her face was that same perfect oval that lived, vivid, in my memory, the planes and lines of jaw and cheeks and nose ideal. Her lips were full and red. I remembered their taste with agonizing clarity. Her eyes were that lovely ocean green. I saw them spring wide as her talent gave her sight of me and then, before any others there could see it, return to normal. Save she affected a blankness I knew was false.
I held my breath, unaware I did, as I directed my attention to the man at her side.
He was tall, about my own height, and I suppose he looked somewhat like me. At least, his skin was dark and his hair black, his eyes a blue that might be gray. His face was impassive, but I saw that his gaze flickered swiftly over the entire hall, as if, from habit, he checked the diners, the shadowed corners. I thought that a fighter’s look. He wore plain shirt and breeks of unbleached linen, the blouse sleeveless, exposing muscular arms. Rwyan’s right hand rested on his forearm, and I hated him for that touch, for that familiarity. I saw her murmur something to him, and he reply, casting a hooded glance in my direction. Or perhaps it was in the direction of the high table only, and my assumption born of jealousy. As they came forward, I saw that he walked loose-limbed: a warrior’s stride. This was not, I thought, any servant.
My mouth was dry as they approached. I knew Rwyan could “see” me; knew with absolute certainty she was aware of my presence. I could not understand this pretense. I wet my mouth with wine. My heart was a battle drum under my ribs. I rose from my seat, about to speak, to say her name, but Pyrrin preempted me.
“Rwyan,” he said, not much at his ease, “we’ve another guest. The Storyman, Daviot. You … know … him, I believe.”
I saw her hand tighten on her servant’s arm. Her head cocked. To anyone who did not know she could “see,” it would have seemed she merely turned her face as the blind do. That the movement set her eyes directly on mine should have seemed pure accident. I stared at her, utterly confused.
She said, “Daviot?” and in her voice there was something I could not define. Was it pleasure or surprise? Alarm? I could not tell, only gape, my heart aching, and say, “Rwyan.”
Solicitous, Pyrrin eased back a chair. I stared as the dark-haired servant guided her to it, saw her seated, and took station behind. My confusion increased apace—she treated the man as if he were a servant, and I could scarce believe my gentle Rwyan would deal so with a lover. Not save she’d changed dramatically during her sojourn on the Sentinels.
She said, “Daviot, it’s been a long time. You’re hale?”
Her voice was soft as I recalled, melodic; the cool disinterest I heard was strident. More—she could “see” I was in good health. What game was this? Almost I asked it aloud, but then I thought that if she maintained this pretense of disability, there must be a reason. Also (I am now ashamed to admit) that if she played some game with me, I would play her back, move for move. I would stand on my pompous dignity. I’d not play the heart-broke lover but be the sophisticated man.
I said, “I’m well, my thanks. And you?”
She said, “Save I must rely on a guide in unfamiliar places, aye—I’m well.”
For all I was mightily confused, both by her behavior and my own troubled feelings, I recognized that for a warning. She’d no need of guides and so must have some reason for leaning on this silent fellow’s arm. I’d know it there and then, and had our companions not bent themselves to setting us both at our ease, I’d have taken her aside to have the reason. But I could not; I must sit and converse as if there were no longer aught between us save old memories. I hated it.
A myriad questions bubbled in my head; accusations rose unspoken, and words of love. Whatever doubts I’d known or what intentions, I could not deny I loved her still. I gazed at her and knew that with utmost certainty. Was this fellow her paramour, still I loved her. I’d slay him if I must, to win her back. I loved her still; still doubt lingered. I was like a man dying of thirst and come upon a spring, wondering if the water be pure or poisoned. I studied her face and longed to touch her, to kiss her, to hold her. Images of our time in Durbrecht spun through my mind, salt on the wounds of my doubt. I cursed those protocols, the warning her deception gave me, that bound me to polite conversation. I ate without noticing what I put in my mouth. I watched hers and remembered the taste of her lips, whilst she, all that anguished time, maintained a horrid calm.
She returned to Durbrecht, she advised me, summoned back by her College, a man hired to be her guide and servant. And I? Where had I been? Where did I go now?
After, when better sense returned, I realized she directed our conversation with a subtlety worthy of my own calling, prompting me to talk whilst she sat, head tilted in attitude of attention, “watching” me. To this day I cannot say whether Varius was all the time aware she could “see,” or deceived by her pretense. Certainly the rest were, and I did not then consider the scarred sorcerer, only my love.
Or rather, my love and the man standing dutifully behind her chair. He had said nothing, and Rwyan had not offered his name. His presence bewildered me. There was that about him suggested he was a warrior—his stance, the way his gaze shifted to encompass the hall whilst seeming not to shift at all, the marks on his forearms that only a blade could have left—and yet he deferred to Rwyan obediently as any Changed. He was a conundrum. No less this camouflage of blindness Rwyan wore, or her attitude toward me.
When the meal ended, I did not know if I was relieved or further tormented. Rwyan made some excuse to return to her chambers, and I must watch her take her servant’s arm again and walk from the hall without a backward glance. I’d go after her, but I could not: Varius was there, a sorcerer, well able to send word to Durbrecht of my behavior, to speak with Pyrrin and have me confined till Rwyan was gone. Perhaps later—when the keep slept. Then, perhaps, I might find her and have answers of her. Meanwhile, I’d not give myself away, not to Varius or to her. Did she scorn me, I’d not concede her the satisfaction of my unhappiness. Instead, I heeded the aeldor’s request for a tale: my duty; I cursed that duty then.
I did not give of my best, but still I was applauded, and by the time I was done, the long afternoon had progressed. I was allowed to escape and for a while contemplated finding Rwyan’s chamber. I decided not and went instead to the stables. Had I thought to find solace of my horse, I was disappointed. She greeted me with a nicker and a snapping of her teeth, as if the comfort of a stable restored her ill temper. I snarled at her and made my way back to the yard.
Robyrt was there, drilling a squad of sweat-drenched soldiers. I watched and then asked if I might join their exercise.
The jennym gave me an expressionless look and nodded. He found me kit and a wooden practice sword, presenting himself as my opponent.
As I laced the padded leathers, he said, “You’ve my sympathy, Storyman. You love her still, eh?”
“Is it so obvious?” I asked.
Solemnly, he said, “To any man with eyes in his head.” But to her? I mouthed a foul curse and took up my sword. Robyrt said, “Practice only, Daviot.”
I had not thought my face was so naked. I nodded and went on guard.
As what passed for twilight in these unnatural times spread faint shadows over the yard, Robyrt called a halt. I was awash with sweat and had not few bruises, though not so many as the jennym, who complimented me on my sword-work. He reminded me of Andyrt. He got me salve of the keep’s herbalist, and I returned to my chamber, presenting poor Ryl with dusty boots and a shirt in dire need of laundering. He took them meekly and had a bath brought in. I soaked my aches away, at least those imparted by Robyrt’s stave, and rubbed my bruises with the unguent. The thought of facing Rwyan at another civilized table was painful. I felt my hope recede.
Quite what I hoped for that crazed day I do not know. I was still a Storyman, bound by my duty to wander up the coast to the Treppanek and thence to Durbrecht. She was to take ship on the morrow. To Durbrecht, aye; but what chance of finding her again there? She would be in her College, I in mine until I was sent out again. Or the Sky Lords might come. And even did they not, still our old infraction should be remembered, and we watched, kept apart. And I could not know if she loved me still or spurned me now. It was hopeless, and I no longer had the wild innocence of youth to bolster my optimism. At best—did she not turn me away—I might hope to snatch one night with her. The which should likely render a second parting the more painful.
I ground my teeth in helpless frustration, possessed of something akin to panic I could not decide whether to go early or late to the hall. I knew that I must spend the evening telling tales. I wondered if Rwyan would remain to listen. I thought it should be anguish to be so bound by duty and protocol, not knowing where I stood, she there, untouchable, proximity the worst distance.
Ryl brought back my boots and the promise of a fresh-washed shirt come morning. I thanked him and reached a decision.
“Ryl,” I asked, “where is the sorcerer Rwyan quartered?”
“Across the way,” he told me. “Three doors along the corridor.”
“And her servant?”
If he suspected my motives, he gave no sign. Only said, “In the smaller room beside. The fourth door.”
Separate rooms meant nothing, but it was a straw to clutch. I smiled and nodded and said, “My thanks. I’ve no further need of you.”
I waited only so long as it took him to fetch two bull-bred Changed to remove my tub, and then enough they’d have quit the corridor. I smoothed my damp hair and went out.
Three doors along.
I paced the flags with a heart I thought must announce my approach with its hectic beat. I thanked the God I was not sure existed that the corridor remained empty. I halted, dry-mouthed, at Rwyan’s door. I raised a fisted hand, and hesitated.
What if she lay there with her servant? What if she turned me away? What if she laughed at me?
I drew a breath as if about to plunge into the depths of the Fend and struck the door.
Her voice came back, asking who it was. I said, “Daviot.”
And the door was hurled open and she stood before me, “looking” directly into my eyes with such an expression of pain and fear, I could only put my arms around her and hold her close.
Into her hair I said, “Rwyan. Rwyan, I love you.” Against my chest she said, “I love you, Daviot. I was afraid …”
She raised her face, and I saw she smiled and that her eyes held tears. I kissed her. I felt her lips respond, her arms tighten about me. All doubt vanished. I heeled the door closed.
When we drew a little way apart—not separate, not past the compass of our arms, but enough we might catch breath—I saw the room was empty. I said, “I feared …” just as she said, “I was afraid …”
We laughed and kissed again, and all the years between that moment and our parting were gone. I had my Rwyan back, and in that instant I decided I would not lose her again. Not duty nor all the width of Dharbek should be allowed to come between us. I’d not let my College or hers gainsay us. I’d quit my calling to have her, and deny Durbrecht, even Kherbryn itself, to keep her.
I said, “I love you, Rwyan. I’ve always loved you.”
She touched my face, her fingers gentle, exploring the contours of my cheeks, my jaw and mouth and forehead. It was as if, with touch, she would confirm what her occult vision told her: that I was here and real. She said, “I feared I’d forget you. I tried sometimes; but I could not. I dreamed of you. Oh, Daviot, to find you here and not come to you, to act as I did—that was so hard.”
I still did not understand, but that seemed now not to matter at all, only that I held her and she loved me. I said, “You took my heart; you own it still. I was afraid … when I saw you with …”
She said, “Tezdal,” and her lovely face grew troubled.
Through my joy I felt a brief pang of recent fear. I said, “Who is he? Why do you pretend you cannot see? You’ve no need of a guide. I thought, perhaps, he was”—the word sat bitter on my tongue; I forced it out—“your lover.”
“No.” She shook her head, that glorious hair brushing my cheek. I drank its scent. “He’s not my lover. But …”
The sentence tailed away, a shadow fallen on her face. I stroked her cheek, traced the outline of her lips. Beyond her, I could see the bed: immediate temptation. But in her voice I heard I knew not what: I bade my desire begone. It refused, but quieted enough I might hear her out.
She said, “Daviot, this is a tale for only your ears. I must have your promise.”
“You’ve my heart,” I said, “and all the promises I can give you.”
She smiled at that, but not without some measure of gravity, of discomfort. I felt again a stab of doubt; not that she loved me but that somehow this Tezdal—a strange name, surely—might come between us. I said, “Do you bid me silent, my lady, then my silence is yours. My word on it.”
She nodded and said, “There’s much to tell.”
Then, from the corridor outside came voices, the tread of passing feet. Rwyan said, “Oh, by the God, they go to the hall.”
I said, “Let them.”
She shook her head, frowning now. “We cannot, Daviot. I dare not … none must suspect …”
I said, “Rwyan, I’ll not let you go again.”
I bent my head to kiss her, but she set a hand against my lips. She was troubled and I hesitated. I held her still, and she me, and I sensed she was in no way eager to break that hold. I wondered why she frowned.
She said, “Daviot, do you trust me?”
I ducked my head in earnest confirmation.
“Then do you trust me a little longer. Only go to the hall; let no one see you leave this chamber. Act as before—as if we are now strangers—”
I interrupted her: “Rwyan, they say you sail tomorrow, and I’ll not lose you again.”
I saw pain on her face then. She said, “Only in the hall, my love. Be the Storyman there, and I some woman from your past, dismissed now.”
I said, “Never dismissed!”
Again she silenced me with a touch. “After, when the keep sleeps, come to me and I’ll explain. My word on that.”
Reluctantly, I nodded and said, “Do you so bid me. But shall you stay to hear me?”
She smiled then, and no sun ever shone brighter. She said, “I’ll stay. But impatiently; I pray they’ll not delay you there.”
It was all I could do not to kiss her, fold her in my arms, and carry her to the bed, but there was an urgency in her voice, a plea in her blind eyes: I quelled the impulse as the sounds outside grew louder. I said, “I fear my throat grows sore in this heat. I fear I’ll not be able to speak too long.”
She laughed then, softly, and raised her face to mine, brushing me with her lips. Then pushed me away, saying, “Good. Now go, I beg you.”
I loosed my hold on her. I stroked her cheek and turned to the door, listening. I heard voices receding and opened the door a crack. The footsteps faded, and I swung the portal wide. As I went out I said, “I’ll not lose you again, Rwyan.”
She nodded, but in her eyes I saw doubt. I ignored it: I had none any longer. I closed the door. The man—Tezdal, she had named him—stood watching me. Our eyes met, and he nodded, as if in greeting or approval, but neither of us spoke. I walked away.
That noonday meal had been hard, but this was worse. To have held my Rwyan again, to know again she loved me, and now to pretend … it was no easy task. I wondered if Varius or Robyrt saw it in my eyes, in the glances I could not help sending her way as we sat at table and conversed as civilized folk do: politely, formally, impersonally. And all the time agog for the evening to end, to go to her. If they did suspect, they said nothing, nor gave any hint. She was superb, playing the blind woman
, cool in the presence of a forgotten lover.
I ate with better appetite and drank little, and when the tables were cleared, I rose at Pyrrin’s request to take a place at the hall’s center. I was pleased to see the aeldor’s Changed servitors were allowed to remain; better pleased that Rwyan did. I gave of my best that night, and if my earlier performance had been lackluster, I compensated for it now. I gave them Aerlyn’s Wedding and Daeran’s Revenge, then roughened my voice (which elicited a small, secret smile from Rwyan) as I commenced the tale of Marwenne’s Ride. When that was told, I downed a mug of ale, as if to soothe a speech-sored throat. There were shouts that I go on, but I pled my fear I should lose my voice altogether and so not be able to speak on the morrow. I was eloquent, and the hour grew late. Pyrrin accepted my excuse, announcing his own intention of finding his bed: the hall began to clear.
I watched Rwyan depart on Tezdal’s arm, consumed no longer with jealousy but with impatience now, and more than a little curiosity. As soon as seemed decent, I said my own goodnights and found my room.
Ryl had laid out my laundered clothes and lit the lantern. A jug of wine and a single glass stood on the table. I left them lie, easing my door a crack ajar. A few servants yet moved along the corridor, and I resisted the temptation to ignore them—Rwyan had entrusted me with secrecy, and I would not betray her. I crossed to the window, my fingers tapping an impatient tattoo on the sill. The night hung hot and heavy, and I thought the sky seemed not so dark as it should be, as if the Sky Lord’s magic held back the sun from its rightful setting. I wondered what secrets Rwyan would reveal; mostly I thought of lying with her again.
Then, driven by an impulse I did not stop to define, I folded my gear and filled my saddlebags, setting them with my staff. I knew not what the future held for me, only that I could not bear to let Rwyan go again. I returned to the door and, finding the corridor silent, went to her room.
Her door opened on my knock, and she came into my arms. For a while we said only words of love, and when we spoke of other things we were naked on a rumpled bed. I licked, sweet salty sweat from the gentle mound of her belly as she sighed and tangled fingers in my hair. A single lantern burned across the room, its wick trimmed low so that light fell golden on her skin. Her blind eyes were huge; I thought she had never looked so lovely.