by Lola Gabriel
Axel was seated at the table, drinking the beer she’d bought. “Honestly, I didn’t think I was going to lose. I don’t have cash.”
Keira nodded to the windows, where snow was beginning to blow in the orange light of the streetlight. The flakes were small and hard looking. Visibly crystals. They would scratch your face like tiny pieces of glass.
“I don’t think so,” Axel said. “Take it in drinks. Put them on my tab. You don’t even have to talk to me.”
Keira leaned against the table. He was rubbing the condensation off his beer bottle with a finger in circles. His hair was in front of his face. She wanted to reach out and push it back.
“I’m just here as a stop on a trip,” she said. “I can drink with you for a little while. But I want my money’s worth. Get me a martini.”
When Axel set the martini glass in front of her, he looked from it to her with almost puppy dog eyes, so startlingly blue and so strangely needy… or innocent? No, there was no way it was that. Needy made more sense. He’d also gotten a martini.
“You like martinis?” Keira asked, and he shrugged. Then he shook his head.
“No, not really. But they’ve gone in and out of fashion. And I didn’t want Byron to think I was pandering to you… though I guess he knows what I drink…” She was sat down now, aware of herself leaning a little toward him over the table and trying not to.
“Right?” Keira straightened her back, pulling all her hair behind her shoulders with one hand. “Sometimes I wake up and don’t know what year it is. Then my phone goes off and I’m jolted into this decade.” Axel unleashed his smile, and he leaned back in his chair.
“Right. Well, things move so quickly. One little thing happens, and your whole life is in a tailspin. Believe me, I know that feeling.” He took a sip of his beer. He looked down at his lap like maybe it had been the drink giving him loose lips. He rubbed his pretty blue eyes.
“When did you start this afternoon?” Keira asked.
“It was barely afternoon,” he said. “Midday.” She had a hand on her bottle and one on her own thigh, as nonchalant as she could manage.
“What do you mean?” she asked. “What’s happened?”
“You care now? I’m not a sleaze?” She sighed, leaning her chin on the heel of her hand.
“I don’t know you. You might be. But you seem tired and sad.” At this, Axel’s eyes flicked up to meet hers, and they were full of that vulnerability again.
“I’m not,” he said. “I’m not a sleaze. Or whatever. I just got out of something big. I don’t remember how to do this.”
Keira leaned forward, not at all unaware of what she was doing. “Do what?”
“Flirt, or whatever,” Axel answered. She was almost sure she detected the slightest of blushes, although he was snow-pale and the lights of the nearby TV were washing his face. She leaned back and smiled at him.
“Yeah, you’re doing a terrible job. You’re lucky I don’t know anyone in town, or I’d be long gone.”
His eyelashes were curled and thick. He blinked at her, and she didn’t know if it was the drink or him, but she was feeling something. He ran his hand through his wild dark hair again, pushing it back so ineffectively.
3
Axel
“Look,” Axel said. “I promise, I’ve just got out of a long relationship. We lived together. My house is half empty. I’ve no idea how to be single, how to do any of this crap.” Again, he was worried color was heading to his cheeks. He drained his beer. “My ex— We were together over fifteen years. More like twenty, if you count all the on again, off again. I know, not the longest relationship ever, but we lived together, and I loved her, and…”
The blonde was gazing at him with her beautiful green eyes. Looking right at him, like she was seeing him, not thinking about something else. He wasn’t sure he could remember the last time Leonida had done that, but how was that a surprise?
“She just left me,” he finished. “It was rough.” The woman seemed to soften a little, her petite features becoming gentle.
“Okay,” she said. “I’m sorry. It happens. You want me to buy your drinks?” Axel tried to smile, but despite the woman in front of him—her wit, her darts skills, her eyes—he was thinking of Leonida leaving.
“I might need you to, if I’m honest. The mission today was to drown sorrows, and I can’t get past mildly drunk,” he said. “I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to be creepy and crass. I’m out of practice. I mean. I’m normally good at— Not that I ever did it all the time. Or, not since I was basically a cub— Damn it.”
The blonde was smiling. She laughed a little. “It’s not at you, it’s with you. Or, it’s both. I think you’re drunker than you realize. And you’re sweet. Surprisingly so.”
Now Axel knew he must be blushing. He looked down at the sticky table top.
“Not always,” he said. “At least, not everyone thinks so…” Then he looked up at her again and did his best to smile genuinely. “Okay,” he began, “so where did you come from?”
She paused for a moment. “I was in Paxon.”
Axel made a face of surprise mid-drink. “Paxon? What were you doing there?”
“I have an uncle there,” the woman replied with a shrug. “I spent some time visiting. We’re all over the state, you know.” Axel waved a hand in the air as he took a drink.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “We inhabit the wilderness, where we escaped to, blah, blah. But really, Paxon? There are what, forty residents?”
“Forty-three at the last census. But no one’s moving there, and there aren’t many young people. The whole state’s changing.”
Axel cocked his beer bottle toward her. “Life is change,” he said.
“Uh-huh. Like your girlfriend leaving you?” the woman prodded. “Having fun accepting that?” Then she scrunched up her face. She was pretty even like that. “Shit, sorry,” she mumbled. “That was harsh. I get loose lipped after a few drinks.”
“Not loose lipped enough to tell me your name, though?” said Axel. She was chewing a fingernail. Again, still cute.
“Hmmm,” she hummed. “No, I think it’s part of the fun now. Part of the mystery.”
“So you’re having fun?” Axel asked, leaning toward her slightly.
“It’s not the worst day I’ve ever had.”
Their eyes met. He wasn’t sure if either of them had intended it. A few seconds passed. A smile was playing at the edges of the woman’s lips. Her eyelashes were long, he noticed. It gave her light eyes a darker look. Sultry, maybe, though he didn’t know when he might have used that word last.
“She cheated on me,” he muttered. Then he wondered why he’d said it. But the woman didn’t look away.
“I’m sorry. That must have been hard.”
It was like Axel wanted her to know everything about him. All his darkest secrets, his most questionable thoughts, and all the best of him, too. Whatever that might be.
“Yeah,” he said. “With a human.” The mysterious blonde—that was what she was now, the mysterious blonde, and she knew it—sucked air in through her teeth.
“Ouch.” She reached out and almost touched his hand with hers, but she held back. Her fingers were frozen inches above Axel’s, and then she withdrew them. “It doesn’t sound like she was right for you. Like she was good enough. I mean… you’re sweet. I don’t know how she could…” It was her turn to blush. “Do you want to get out of here?”
Axel’s mouth was dry. He nodded and drained his beer.
As they walked over to their stuff, Axel could feel the eyes of half the bar on them. He wanted to put his hand on the small of the woman’s back or her elbow. Take her hand, even. But he resisted the urge. They both put on their hats and pulled up their hoods.
In the snow, they walked silently for a few moments. They hadn’t agreed on a direction, just turned right and walked. Then Axel reached for her wrist, pulling her close to him. Their breath was rising in white plumes in front of
their faces, mingling in the streetlight glow above them.
“Did you feel that, earlier?” he asked. The woman didn’t reply, just looked at him. “When we were playing darts… my fingers touched your skin…”
She closed her eyes, as if in pleasure at the memory. She nodded her head. Axel was still holding her wrist. She was pressed hard against him, but there were layers of fabric between them.
“I want to see you,” she said. “Please?”
Axel took her ski-gloved hand in his own. They kept their arms pressed together, as if for warmth, although there was no way they could be feeling such a thing through their winter clothes. As quickly as they could, they crunched through the fresh coating of snow, heading for the edge of town, where the houses petered out.
4
Keira
When they reached a large gap between houses, they walked into the dark. They would have better vision soon, but for now, they allowed themselves the luxury of a remaining streetlight glimmer. Who was going to argue with Axel if they saw them there?
Without speaking, they both began to strip off their layers, piling them together between their feet. Their coats and scarves and sweaters were tangled in the snow. When Keira got to her t-shirt and the high waisted jeans it was tucked into, she stopped. She unlaced her boots (too expensive to ruin) and stood in the snow in her socks, waiting for Axel to do the same. They backed away from one another. She pushed her hair away from her face. She wanted to see him, even while she shifted herself.
She saw it begin at least. Axel’s blue eyes turned gold, and he twisted his neck from one side to the other. Keira felt the change coming for her, too; that feeling like claws grabbing her stomach in the darkness. She hunched over. Her hands hit the snow, and the cold came up into her elbows and then her shoulders like pins and needles. The breath was gone from her for a second and then returned, doubled. Power rippled through her. She walked a few steps, testing the sway of her body.
It didn’t hurt after the first couple of times, those agonizing transitions in an already
agonized teenage body. Now, hundreds of years and thousands of transitions later, it felt almost good—like wobbling a tooth, or the ache a day or two after a hard workout.
When she stopped pacing, shaking off the change, Keira knew Axel was behind her. She circled slowly, and at the same moment, he turned to face her. He was a medium-sized bear for a male, yet lithe. His fur was a dark brown, almost black, unusually so, and it was speckled with snow. It looked like the night sky above them. His eyes were the shape they were when he was a man. He walked toward her, and when he was close, he put his snout to hers. He licked at her light-colored fur, brought a paw to her neck, and gently batted her.
It wasn’t that Keira usually felt as a bear would feel when she was shifted, but neither did she feel like her human self. Animal took over some of her. Smell and sound and hunting became important. But when Axel’s paw hit her fur to ruffle it and a claw brushed against her throat, there was that electricity again. Something she had never felt before tonight, and certainly not in animal form.
Keira pushed back, her paw coming down on Axel’s ear, almost succeeding in getting his head to the ground. He licked it. She ran at him, and he ran backward, then in a circle. Then at her, until they were play fighting like cubs, both covered in snow. Then up again, back to starting positions, circling; a dance, one that was normally only ever danced by close friends, family. Eventually, both bears reared onto their hind legs. They were eye to eye. Staring. Panting.
Keira moved forward. Their prints were clear in the snow, declaring their presence. This was happening, being recorded, at least for the next few minutes, even though it shouldn’t be. Keira pushed her nose into Axel’s shoulder, licking him, biting him just slightly. It was too much for the human in her. She backed away fast enough to kick up snow, which landed all over both of them so that he had to shake his head, surprised and chilled.
They circled one another a few more times before Axel pawed at the snow.
As she returned to human form, Keira gasped. She was on her knees on the ground. It wasn’t that she was surprised by the snow—she’d done this plenty of times. She was surprised by everything else she felt. When she could finally lift her eyes to Axel, only a few feet away, she saw that he was as well.
The moment he noticed her watching him, he began crawling to her. He was sweaty from the transformation, his hair hanging over his eyes. He pulled her toward him, on top of him, and the warmth of his body made her shiver. When he kissed her, it was so much more than that feeling of electricity. It was a lightning storm. One of her hands was in the snow, the other at his jaw, lightly stubbled. He smelled and tasted of booze. Keira could feel him hardening against her, and she pushed her body against him. Yes, please. Do that for me.
Axel pulled back, and she strained forwards, but he held her face lightly. All his force was in his arm, while his hand caressed her cheek. In the light of the streetlamp, his blue eyes glittered against his dark hair and the white snow.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, “now and when you’re shifted.”
Keira laughed. “So are you.” Intentionally, she shifted against him. His breathing quickened, and he kissed her again.
“Let’s go back to my place?” he asked, though he was pulling her damp, panting body against his. “We’ll freeze to death out here like this. No more fur.” Her reply was just to kiss him again. He tasted so good. Like whisky, warm against the cold of the air and sweet against the snow’s tang. “You’re shivering,” he said when Keira pulled back.
“So are you,” she breathed as she twisted around him to nibble at his ear.
“I’m lying in the snow,” Axel laughed. “Of course I’m cold.” He put an arm around her, pushed his hips up, and flipped them over. Keira gasped as her thighs, then her butt and back, hit the snowy ground. “See,” he said, “it’s cold.” As he said this, he bent his head down to kiss along her collarbones. She shuddered, and not from the cold, though it was a sharp tingle reaching from her back all through her.
“Take me home,” Keira half-moaned, pulling his hair a little.
Axel stood up, pulling her up with him, picking her up briefly before they were both standing. They pulled on their clothes, watching one another. He was pink cheeked, pale. He was slim, but his shoulders were broad and covered with a few scars, probably received in his bear form. He moved fluidly and without thought. This was the best of what shifting meant for them as people: when you came back into your human body, you kept some of the animal grace, some of the ability to feel and not think, at least for a while. It could become almost an addiction.
Keira pulled her t-shirt on, not bothering to tuck it in. As it brushed down over her breasts her desire for Axel reached new heights. She had to step forward in her unlaced boots, pull his face down, and kiss him deeply.
“It’s just a few blocks away,” Axel mumbled, even as he pulled her back to meet his lips one more time. She wanted him so badly, more than she could remember wanting any other man.
Coats zipped up, they almost ran, hand in hand, back toward the street. Their fingers were interlaced, no gloves. Keira pulled his hand up to her face and kissed it, and he made a noise like a contented animal. Almost a purr.
It was still snowing, though only lightly. She glanced back over her shoulder; the snow in the field behind them was scuffed from their human bodies rolling in it, but the prints of the dancing bears were all but filled in. It was a shame. She wanted to see their patterns.
Axel led her back toward town, then a left and a right, and he stopped at a small, two-story house. It was cladded with wood and had a deeply sloped roof to deal with the snow. He pushed her gently against the front door as he searched his pocket for his keys, kissing her neck. His big soft hand against her waist was warm as a paw. He was lapping and nipping, and when he finally got the door open, Keira almost fell into the living room, but he swung his arm behind her and caught her. She stumbled
backward while he stepped forward and kicked the door closed.
She unzipped his coat, and he swung her around so that he was pulling her toward the staircase in the corner of the room. On the stairs, they fell in a heap, both trying to kick off their boots. Axel’s laugh was infectious, and soon they were laughing and kissing in their socked feet. The room was spinning a little. Keira couldn’t tell if it was the drink, the sudden warmth after the cold, the tumble to the carpet, or the way he smelled. Damp animal mixing with warm skin, whisky, the scent of herself. They pulled off one another’s coats, left them on the stairs. Then his hands were under her untucked shirt, cupping her breasts, his calloused thumbs brushing her nipples. He lifted her top with his teeth, grabbed it with one hand, and pulled it off over her head. She lifted her arms for him, then put her mouth close to his ear.
“I want you inside me so badly.”
Axel’s breath caught. He dropped her t-shirt, stood, picked her up, and carried her to a room at the top of the stairs. His bed was a queen mattress on the floor. Placing her down on it, he said, “Sorry about my room—” But Keira didn’t care at all. She didn’t let him finish.
She kissed his stomach as he pulled off his own shirt, and she put both hands on his belt buckle, undoing it. She felt him swelling beneath her, teasing him until she pulled down his boxers, then enjoying his moans as she took him in her mouth, holding the backs of his thighs and taking as much of him into her mouth as she could until he squeaked and groaned and leaned one hand out to support himself against the bedroom wall.