“I do not.”
Kieran begrudgingly stuck out his hand and was surprised when the monk gripped his forearm in a firm warrior’s handshake. The men stared at one another as their grips tightened on each other’s arms. Maude watched and wanted to roll her eyes. She understood there was some sort of silent standoff; she’d seen her brother engaged in such plenty of times, but she still didn’t understand what this one was about.
“If we might make our way there. I’d like to be back on the road well before dusk,” Maude attempted to ease the tension.
“Lady Maude’s correct. She won’t be on the roads in the dark,” Kieran decreed, which earned him another scowl from Maude. He followed the priest and Maude toward the back of the monastery, where a large garden spread before them. Kieran noticed that it was a multipurpose patch of land. He spied vegetables, herbs, and flowers, each in their separate plots. He tripped over Maude when she came to an abrupt stop.
“Father Michael, to make this quicker, could you please show the laird the spense and assist him with collecting the dry medicinals while I cut fresh shoots?” Maude handed Kieran a basket. As his fingers wrapped around the handle, they grazed Maude’s. A charge of electricity surged up his arm, and from the way Maude held her breath, he sensed she experienced it, too. Father Michael turned toward a building that ran parallel to the garden and began walking, expecting Kieran would follow him. Maude whispered, “Please. I’m sorry for earlier. I would appreciate the help. It will make this go faster. I promise I’m safe here.”
Kieran nodded. He recognized that she had added the last bit to reassure him once she watched him scan the area, his hand involuntarily on the hilt of his sword. Kieran kept Father Michael in his periphery, but he didn’t turn to follow the man until he saw Maude settled in a patch of chamomile. He joined the priest in a cool storage room with poor lighting, where the holy man already gathered bunches of dried herbs and flowers.
“How long have you known Lady Maude?” Father Michael asked, adopting a tone meant to sound conversational. Kieran didn’t believe the priest meant to chat.
“I met her last eve.”
His response made the priest pause, and the expression of shock might have been comical if Kieran’s temper wasn’t already on the brink of getting the better of him. Father Michael turned away and reached overhead to lift a basket from a top shelf. As his arms extended, his sleeves slid down his arms, and Kieran was surprised to see the corded muscles in his forearms. He’d felt them when they shook hands but seeing them confirmed his suspicions. This man was familiar with physical labor that went beyond anything that a priest would know, even those who served as farmers.
“I wasn’t born a priest, ye ken,” Father Michael let his burr surface and smiled at Kieran’s obvious surprise. “I’m a Sutherland. I’ve kenned Lady Maude since we were weans.”
“You’re a long way from home.”
“Aye, but I was able to secure a place at this monastery, which is what I wanted. I heard God’s calling and wanted to join the Augustinians. Aye, I trained as a warrior before I trained as a novice. I was fortunate that my father allowed me to follow my calling.”
“Very lucky indeed.” Kieran found he couldn’t muster more than a few brusque words at a time. He recognized the emotion that had a stranglehold on him. It was jealousy. He recognized it as one he experienced often as a child when his mother paid more attention to his sisters and overlooked him except to chastise him. Except this time, his jealousy wasn’t over not receiving a sweetmeat or attention. It was about a woman. The emotion choked him, but he couldn’t seem to push it aside. He realized it was illogical to feel this way after meeting the woman less than a day ago, but he did. And it was even more irrational to be jealous of a priest, but he was.
“Lady Maude is a kind soul. She’s always had a talent for healing. I ken she’s missed back at Sutherland, but Queen Elizabeth requested Maude serve her. Fortunately, her sister, Blair, is there. Blair often overshadows Maude, but I think Maude prefers that. She can hide that way.” Father Michael added the bunches to the basket Kieran set on the table, but he stopped to look Kieran squarely in the eye. “The other boys and I weren’t very kind to her when we were younger. It hurt her deeply. She made herself ill trying to fix what we said were her flaws. Her brother and I fought more than one of other the boys our age once we learned how she’d taken our taunts to heart. Lachlan and I made certain the other boys kenned we’d erred and made certain they stopped. While her health improved, I think the damage was already done. She’s not shy by nature; she’s painfully insecure.”
Father Michael handed the full basket to Kieran and came around the table before walking to the door. He stepped through into the bright sun and waited for Kieran. When both sets of eyes adjusted to the light, Father Michael turned back to Kieran.
“I don’t ken what you intend, but if it’s aught less than honorable, be assured I will find you. I may be a priest, but I’m also a warrior. Don’t let the robe and tonsure fool you. I haven’t forgotten the skills drilled into me for years. Play her for a fool, and I will be sure it’s more than just God’s wrath that rains down on you.”
Before Kieran had the opportunity to respond, Maude walked toward them with an overflowing basket that she struggled to carry. Kieran aided Maude rather than argue with the priest.
“Thank you once more. Until next time, cousin.” Maude grinned as she shook out her arm before wrapping her arms around the priest, who pinched her cheek before she gave him a peck on his own.
“Take care, lass. Send for me if you need aught.” Father Michael proffered a chaste kiss on her cheek before smirking at Kieran. Maude looked back and forth between the two men. Her cousin had grown into one of her closest companions. They had a rough patch during their adolescence, but they’d become close again just before Michael left for the abbey. When she arrived at court, it relieved her to discover the monastery’s proximity to the castle. She was able to visit every few weeks. Between Blair and Michael, the early days of being at court were tolerable. With Arabella’s friendship, she was able to survive the rigors of her service and navigate the treachery of the other ladies-in-waiting. As her gaze settled on Kieran, she had a shocking realization that she already accepted that Kieran would be an important person in her life. She wasn’t sure how she was so confident about her intuition, but she was.
When they reached the horses, Father Michael stepped forward with his arms outstretched to assist Maude onto her horse, but Kieran stepped in front of him, using his larger frame to prevent the priest from reaching Maude. His fingers tingled as they gripped Maude’s trim waist. He forced himself to release her as soon as she was in the saddle. He tied the baskets back onto her saddle and mounted his own steed. They rode out of the gate, and Kieran watched as Maude turned back once to wave to her cousin. He felt foolish that he’d wanted to plow his fist into the priest’s gut, but how was he to know the man was her kin? Neither said anything until the end of the visit. Maude glanced at Kieran, but the scowl that remained in place convinced her to remain silent. He realized his surliness made her retreat, but he wasn’t prepared to converse with her guards in earshot.
Chapter Five
Maude breathed a silent sigh of relief half an hour later when they rode into the bailey. Her head hurt, and she wanted nothing more than to slip into a hot bath, request a tray for the evening meal, and spend time alone until she fell asleep. Kieran helped her down once more, but he didn’t allow his body anywhere near hers. He unfastened the baskets and shook his head when Maude tried to take them.
“No, Maude. They’re cumbersome. I’ll take them wherever you need. Point me in the right direction.” Kieran accepted that his foul mood had ruined the outing that started out with Maude smiling and laughing and ended with her trying to rub her temple inconspicuously.
“Thank you, but I must put everything away in their place to make sure they keep.”
“Let me help you.” Kieran looked into her s
moky brown eyes. The hue closest to her pupils was like young whisky that had only been in the barrel a few months, but the outer iris was the deep amber of the barrel-aged spirit, and he wanted to drown in both colors of her open and questioning gaze. “Please let me help you. I’ll explain when there aren’t so many ears to overhear us.”
Maude nodded and led the way to the castle’s spense. When they arrived, Kieran wanted to groan because the monk who oversaw the storage room was there. He wanted to speak to Maude alone. If he was to humble himself, he didn’t want an audience.
“Lady Maude, I am relieved you brought more supplies from the abbey. We sorely need skullcap and lungwort. I hope you brought bunches of each.”
“Good afternoon, Master Spenser. I have both in abundance. I will put everything away. You needn’t linger on my account. It must be getting close to the evening meal, and the other priests will expect you.”
“That they will, my lady.” He glanced at Kieran and furrowed his brow, unsure if he should leave the unwed couple together.
“Laird MacLeod will assist with the items that belong beyond my reach. It’ll only take us a few minutes, and then we will be on our way, too. I must ready for the evening.”
“Very well, my lady. Then I shall bid you a good eve.”
“Thank you,” Maude nodded.
Kieran had taken a place by the door after placing the baskets on the floor. He stood across the room from Maude, ostensibly to appear as though he wouldn’t act untoward to her, but he wanted to close the door behind the man and ensure no one would walk in on them. Maude heard the key click in the lock and crossed her arms.
“Explain.”
“Which part? Why I locked the door or why I was an utter arse all afternoon?”
“Both,” Maude’s clipped tone warned Kieran that he had better not dawdle in his apology and explanation.
“I locked the door because I don’t want anyone to interrupt me eating crow.” When Maude’s eyes darted between the lock and Kieran, he put his hands up. “I won’t keep you trapped here. You can leave at any time. I won’t force you to remain. I’ll never force you. Ever.”
Maude uncrossed her arms and sighed. Her shoulders drooped as though the effort was too great to maintain her perfect posture. She didn’t disguise rubbing her forehead. Kieran eased his way across the room, and when she didn’t retreat or push him away, he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek.
“What did you want to tell me?” Maude whispered.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being an arse, a jealous arse. I’m sorry for ruining your day and the little time you had with your cousin. I’m sorry for causing you discomfort, especially the headache I obviously gave you.”
“I didn’t understand you earlier, and I still don’t. What were you jealous of? What did you want?”
Kieran eased closer and wrapped an arm around her. He settled her against his chest as he had the night before. It was easier to make his confession when her penetrating gaze wasn’t boring into him.
“My jealousy was directed at the priest. You greeted him with such warmth, and it’s obvious you’re well acquainted. I didn’t like that such a handsome mon was so familiar with you. I wanted that smile directed at me. I wanted that excitement to be for my arrival, my welcome, not for another mon. I realize he’s a priest, and trust that he’d never take advantage of you, but I feared you held a different affection for him than what you would for a cousin.”
Maude leaned back enough to glance up at his face, but all she saw was the underside of his chin. She gave up trying to meet his eyes, so she returned to leaning her head against his chest. Her deep inhale and sigh pressed her body against his before her body released the tension.
“Maude, I was unaware he was your cousin until we were aboot to leave. By then, I’d already ruined the outing. I didn’t want to push you further, so I tried to give you peace on the ride back. I feel like such an eejit. Worse than that. I feel guilty for my unkind thoughts toward your kin and jumping to conclusions and for being self-centered. I joined you because I feared your guards wouldn’t protect you to my standards when, instead, you really needed protecting from my foul temper.”
“Kieran, I understand what you’re saying, but I still don’t understand why it mattered to you who I smiled at.”
“Because I want you.”
“Want me to what?”
Maude’s innocent question flooded his mind with lurid images of all the things he wanted with Maude, but when he pushed those aside, he glimpsed very different scenes. He imagined them walking together on his land holding hands. He saw them sharing a chalice of wine as they laughed together on the dais in his great hall, her sitting in his lap before a fire in his–no, their–chamber. The last image was of them once again walking, but this time, they were elderly. He had a stick, and she leaned against him, their hair white. It was his turn to lean back as he felt himself getting lost in the warm pools of chocolate that were her eyes. He wanted to taste her lips, but he forced himself not to rush. Just as Father Michael warned, he wanted Maude to believe his intentions were sincere. He hadn’t known her long enough to kiss her without her assuming he only wanted one thing. He tilted her chin up but placed a chaste kiss at her temple.
“I want you for many things, many of which are too inappropriate for me to share aloud, but I also want you to consider allowing me to court you.”
“Why would you want to do that?”
Kieran realized Father Michael hadn’t exaggerated Maude’s lack of confidence. She couldn’t fathom why he wanted her.
“Because I’ve never been drawn to a woman more than I am you. Because I’ve never been so curious to get to know another person. Because I struggle to keep my hands from roaming everywhere on you as I taste your lips. Because I want you.”
Maude’s mouth formed a perfect circle, and Kieran’s cock stood at full attention. He’d tried to keep their hips apart, so she wouldn’t brush against his semi-aroused shaft, but now there was no hiding it. Her eyes widened to match her mouth as her mound rubbed against his cock because her hips moved forward as she leaned back to gaze at him. Kieran blushed. He hadn’t blushed since he was a child. His ears burned.
“Do you understand now?”
“Yes. Well, not really, but sort of.”
Kieran laughed, his deep baritone filling the room. He kissed her temple once more. He glanced around the small room and spotted two chairs. He led Maude to them, and once they sat, he took her hands in his. He couldn’t keep holding her and hope to overcome temptation. He’d be riding back to the abbey to confess if he wasn’t careful. But he also couldn’t bring himself to let go of her. Her earnest expression made him realize she was too innocent for him to speak in euphemisms, and he suspected she would prefer the candor.
“When I approached from the gardens and caught a glimpse of you on the terrace last night, I only saw the back of you, but my reaction was instant. It surprised me for more than one reason, but I wanted to touch you, press your body against mine. Even when I was consoling you, my body wanted yours. I didn’t question Father Michael’s vow of celibacy or your respect for such, but seeing another mon with you, any mon, made me want to bay at the moon. The thought of another mon touching you suffocates me.”
“So, you want to couple with me? Like you’d been doing just before we met.” The second part was a statement, and his ears were going up in flames.
“Yes and no.” Kieran wanted to sink through the floor. “Yes, I’d like to do those same things. But no, it’s not the same. I want it to mean something with you. I want it to be more than just the act. I can’t describe it, Maude, because I’ve never felt this way before. I want to be the mon who introduces you to passion, but I also want to be the only mon who ever sees that side of you.”
“I still don’t understand why.”
Kieran released one of her hands to run his through his hair. After tugging his hair until it stood on end, which garnered one
of Maude’s half-smiles, he returned his hand to hers.
“I told you. I desire you. I found you on the terrace and then I held you in my arms. I told you last night that those lasses didn’t know what they were talking aboot. You are all that a mon desires. You are what I desire.”
“So, Laurel was right. I’m better suited as a tavern wench since you want to tup me.” Maude tugged her hands away and stood. Tears threatened, but she refused to allow Kieran to witness her cry twice in as many days.
“That bitch is awfully haughty for a chit with little dowry and no mon sniffing at her skirts,” Kieran grumbled. He looked up at Maude, shocked at what he’d just uttered.
“Men are always asking her to dance.”
“Aye, because she’s the daughter of Laird Ross, but she’s the fourth daughter. Her father has neither coin nor land left to give away. The men who ask her to dance are hoping for introductions and to rub elbows, but no mon wants to be saddled with that shrew, not without land to go along with her.”
“But men never ask me to dance. They may stare at my bosom, but they aren’t interested in me.”
“Good,” Kieran huffed until he realized how that would sound to a woman with insecurities. “That didn’t come out right at all. That was jealousy once again. I’d rather not share you. But the reason the men don’t ask is that you hide away. I asked around this morning under the guise of looking for a potential husband for Madeline. God bless the mon who ends up with her. I feel guilty aboot that alliance already. But I asked aboot which women might be more desirable candidates for marriage. Your name came up over and over, and before you say it was for your dowry, it wasn’t. I wanted to smash my fist into more than one face after hearing some of the more lascivious reasons you’re considered a catch.”
“Wonderful. The men who don’t want my father’s coin or land only want me because they suspect I’ll be a good swive. Laurel is still right. I appear little better than a tavern whore. I don’t resemble a lady.”
A Wallflower at the Highland Court: A Slow Burn Highlander Romance Page 4