Shrinking Violet (a Colors novel)

by Jessica Prince

  But despite the fact that he was no longer carrying around the extra muscle he wore in high school, he still had a self-righteous grin on his face. He honestly thought he was better than me.

  “Cut the bullshit,” I bit out. “You have two seconds to tell me what the hell you’re doing here, or I’m calling the cops and having your ass arrested for trespassing.”

  The bastard actually had the audacity to roll his eyes. “Still as bitchy as ever, I see. Some things really don’t change, I guess.”

  “Seth…” I warned.

  “I’m getting married.”

  I paused for several seconds, trying to absorb what he’d just said. “You’re getting married?” I asked in confusion.

  “Yeah. After you were shipped off to bum-fuck Egypt, I moved back to Sommerspoint…” I couldn’t suppress my cringe at the harsh reminder of what had led me to Texas. As if he didn’t see the pain he inflicted by letting me know just how dispensable I was, he continued on in a laid-back manner. “I started seeing Brynn, and we’re engaged.”

  Brynn…my former best friend. Or so we called each other back then. Truth be told, I never really liked her. She was just part of the circle I’d engrained myself in to keep from being alone. Honestly, I didn’t give two shits about the fact that Seth and Brynn were getting married—hell, they deserved each other and the misery they were sure to live in once wed—but I couldn’t understand how that explained his presence at my home.

  “Sorry if I’m not following, but what the hell does any of that have to do with me?”

  Reaching into the back pocket of his pressed jeans—seriously, who the hell wore pressed jeans? And how had I ever found this man attractive?—he pulled out a document that was folded into thirds, handing it over.

  “What’s this?” I asked as I unfolded the papers, befuddled by what I was looking at. “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m signing away my parental rights to your kid.”

  Not our kid, but your kid. He obviously didn’t realize that the kid in question was a little girl who was no more than a few yards away from him.

  “You’re what?”

  “You put my name on the birth certificate. With the wedding coming up, Brynn doesn’t want you popping back into our lives and demanding child support or some such shit. So I’m signing over all parental rights. I just need your signature on the document to make it official.”

  “You really are a piece of shit, you know that?” I fumed. It wasn’t that I was mad at what he was doing; I was upset at how easily he was dismissing Willow. He didn’t even know her. He’d never taken the chance to discover what an amazing little girl she was before writing her off completely. That asshole.

  “It’s been four years. Four. Fucking. Years!” My voice was growing louder and louder as I spoke, but I couldn’t control it. “I’ve never asked you for a single thing in all this time, and you’re going to show up here with this?” I lifted my arm, the document slightly crumpled in my clenched fist. “She’s your daughter, Seth. And she’s absolutely remarkable, but you wouldn’t know that, would you?”

  Just as he opened his mouth to respond, I felt Carson’s warmth on my back as his arm snaked around my waist, pulling me against his solid form as though he was offering me support. I appreciated the gesture more than he would ever know, but at that very moment, those two men standing face-to-face was my worst nightmare. And to make matters worse, Carson was holding Willow’s little hand in his own.

  “You okay, baby?”

  Seth scoffed and Carson narrowed his eyes, but I ignored both, turning to address the man holding me. “I’m fine. Can you take Bug back to the house?”

  “Mommy, who’s dis guy?” Willows asked from Carson’s side.

  “No one, baby girl,” I answered her with a quick smile before turning back to Carson. “Please, just take her inside.”

  “Hey, Mistew!” Willow shouted, addressing Seth to my dismay. “Do you gots a baby in youw belly? I seen a pictuwe of my mommy when I was in her belly, and it looked jus like youws.”

  A typical response from a parent when their kid asks an overweight person if they’re pregnant would be to pray for a hole to open up beneath their feet and swallow them. But it was Seth…and I was holding papers in my hands that declared he wanted nothing to do with my little girl, so I couldn’t help but let out a little snort of laughter before covering my mouth with my hand.

  Thank God for Milly and her impeccable timing, because she scurried up to our little group and took Bug by the shoulders, ushering her away with a, “Come on, baby girl. I need your help making cookies.”

  “COOKIES!” Bug shouted as she skipped off toward the house.

  Once the front door closed firmly behind them, I turned back to Seth.

  “Was that her?” he asked, looking off in the direction of the house.

  “Don’t worry about it,” I ground out.

  “Like mother, like daughter, I guess. Looks like I’m getting out of this shit just in time if you’re raising her to be anything like you.”

  I barely had time to process the slice of burning pain his words caused before Carson was in Seth’s face.

  “What the hell did you just say, asshole?”

  “Who the fuck is this guy?” Seth scoffed at me.

  “I’m the guy about to beat the shit outta you if you keep disrespecting my girls.”

  “Carson, please,” I begged, tugging at his arms. “He’s not worth it. Just let me handle it.”

  “Yeah, Carson. Just run along like a good little boy so we can take care of business. I’ve been in this Hell-hole long enough.”

  “Seth, stop!”

  “Seth?” Carson asked, stunned as his eyes darted back and forth between us before landing squarely on Seth. “You’re the asshole who knocked Cassidy up then just bailed on her and your child? What kind fucking bastard abandons his own kid?!”

  “Carson!” I shouted. “Please, just go!”

  “I see she’s already got you playing daddy. Not that I blame you; Cass always was a tight little piece of ass.”

  With that, Carson snapped.

  The punch he landed to Seth’s face was so brutal I could actually hear it when his nose broke.

  “Son of a bitch!” Seth’s voice was muffled by his hands as blood oozed from his face. “What the hell is your problem?!”

  “Don’t you ever talk about her like that again! You understand me?” I’d never seen Carson so furious before. It was like I was looking at a different person. His nostrils were flared, his breath coming out in ragged pants as he stood over Seth’s hunched form.

  “Jesus Christ,” he hissed, wiping at his bloody nose with the back of his hand as he stood up. “She’s really done a number on you. You poor bastard.”

  “Seth, shut up!” I screamed as I threw my body in front of Carson’s, struggling to keep him from attacking again. It was like trying to hold back a raging bull.

  “I’m gonna kick your ass!”

  Seth took a step back and held up his hands. “Don’t make me the bad guy. I’m the victim here. See how quick you are to jump to her defense when she intentionally gets pregnant to trap you, too.”

  “Shut up!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, turning to shove Seth to his car. “Just get the hell out of here!”

  “Holy shit!” Seth laughed. “You never told him?” He looked over my head at Carson. “Dude, this is classic! We weren’t even together; we just hooked up every once in a while. She tell you she’s on the pill? Don’t believe her, man. That’s how she got me.”

  Tears trickled down my cheeks as I continued to push him. From behind me, I could sense that Carson had gone completely still. “Just stop! Please.”

  But of course, he didn’t. “I told her I was done, that I didn’t feel like dealing with all her drama anymore, then BOOM, she winds up pregnant after swearing up and down there was no need to wear a condom. She’s been a fucking headcase all her life, man. She even blackmailed her ex-boyfr
iend to try and get him back. Take my advice, and steer the fuck clear. Trust me, you don’t want to deal with this bitch.”

  All of a sudden, I was shoved out of the way just as Carson launched himself at Seth. The two of them hit the ground in a heap of grunts and punches. I couldn’t even tell who had the upper hand as I scrambled to pull Carson off Seth to no avail.

  “Carson, stop! STOP!”

  I tried pulling on his arm only to stumble and fall when he landed another punch to Seth’s face. They rolled back and forth in the dirt and grass, delivering blow after blow as I screamed at them. By the time Kal and Zeke came running over to break them up, both men were a panting, bloody mess.

  “Enough!” Kal bellowed, effectively halting everything. “Carson, go get your ass cleaned up before Willow comes out here and sees you like this. And I suggest you take the time to calm your ass down.”

  Jerking his shoulder out of Kal’s hold, Carson stormed off in the direction of his house, and I felt like my world had just crumbled.

  Turning my anger on Seth, I walked over to where I’d dropped the papers on the ground, snatching them up before slamming them on the hood of his fancy car and flipping through to the correct page. “Where the hell is a pen?”

  Seth pulled a black pen from the front pocket of his soiled polo shirt and handed it over. Snatching it up, I scribbled my name on the lines indicated and slapped the documents against his chest as hard as I could, but not before taking the opportunity to dig the ballpoint end of the pen into his pretty paint job and drag it all the way across the hood.

  “That’s a rental, you crazy—”

  “I suggest you don’t finish that sentence, boy,” Kal told him as he stepped into Seth’s personal space. If I hadn’t just had my happiness ripped out from under me, I might have found enjoyment in watching Seth cower before my giant uncle, but I didn’t.

  “Get the hell out of here, and don’t you ever come back,” I growled.

  “Gladly.” Seth scampered around to the driver’s side, muttering something that sounded like psychotic hillbilly assholes. He had the car started before his door was shut all the way and reversed out of the driveway so fast, he spit up gravel in his wake.

  “You okay, baby girl?” Kal asked, placing his hands on my shoulders and looking down at me.

  “N-no,” I cried. “I need to talk to Carson.”

  I could see he wanted an explanation, but wasn’t about to push for one. “Go on, sweetheart. But if you need me, you know where to find me, yeah?”

  I gave a quick nod before taking off at a full run toward Carson’s house. My heart thumped a rapid beat against my ribs, apprehension clawing at me the closer I got, and once I stepped onto his porch, I knew that whatever was about to happen wasn’t going to be good.

  “Carson?” I called through the screen door. When I didn’t get an answer, I slowly pulled it open and walked inside, blood whooshing in my ears with each hesitant step. “Oh, God,” I gasped as I entered the kitchen to find him leaning against the sink. His grip on the edge of the counter was so tight his knuckles had gone white.

  I rushed to him and turned his face toward mine. His left cheekbone was marred with a deep purple bruise and blood trickled from the cut on his eyebrow. His bottom lip was busted, swollen red and puffy, but if I had to guess, I’d say Carson fared much better than Seth had. The cuts and bruises on his face were nothing in comparison to what I’d seen on Seth’s before he’d jumped into his car and sped away.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, reaching out to gently touch his cheekbone, hoping it wasn’t broken. Carson’s hand shot out, wrapping around my wrist to stop me before I could make contact.

  “Tell me what that guy was saying isn’t true, Cassidy.” His voice was cold, his mossy eyes dark with rage as he stared down at me. Never once had Carson looked at me with anything but warmth, but the coldness in his eyes right then sent a chill down my spine.

  “Carson…you have to let me explain—”

  “I don’t have to do anything, Cassidy. Clearly you’ve been lying to me all this time.”

  “I wasn’t lying!” I cried out. “You don’t understand. What I grew up with—”

  Carson interrupted me yet again. “Of course I don’t understand!” he shouted. “You’ve never told me a damn thing about yourself from before moving here!”

  “I’m telling you now,” I insisted. “If you’d just listen—”

  “Jesus, Christ, Cassidy! I don’t want excuses. Just tell me he was lying.” He demanded harshly. “Because the person he described isn’t the person I thought I knew.”

  “It wasn’t a lie,” I admitted weakly, no longer attempting to explain myself. It was clear he didn’t want to hear it. I rushed to continue when he let out a sting of curses. “But I’m not that person anymore, Carson. I swear!”

  He pushed off the counter and came to stand in front of me. “Did you really get pregnant on purpose just to trap him? Tell me the truth.”

  “You have to understand,” I sobbed, “I was so lonely back then—”

  “Jesus! So you lied about being protected and got pregnant? Christ, Cassidy! What about with me, huh? When you said you were on the pill, did you lie to me, too?”

  “No! God! No, Carson. How could you even think that?”

  “Because you’ve been lying to me!” He began to pace the kitchen, pulling at his hair in frustration. “Who the fuck does something like that?”

  “I wasn’t trying to trap him!” I yelled as the tears streamed down my cheeks. “It wasn’t even about Seth…not really, anyway. I was just…I was so alone. I never had anyone who loved me unconditionally, and I know how messed-up it sounds, but I just thought that if I had a baby I could love it with all my heart and get that same kind of love in return. I was only eighteen years old, Carson. I was a stupid kid.”

  His lip curled up in disgust. “You brought a baby into the world because you were lonely? Do you have any fucking clue how many kids are in the foster system for that very reason? That’s the most selfish thing I’ve ever heard!”

  I clenched my fists at my side and lifted my chin in indignation. “There are a lot of things I did in the past that I regret, but I’m not going to let you make me feel bad for my choice. It might not have been a good reason to have a baby, but I’m a damn good mother. I’ll never regret having that little girl.”

  “And what was all that shit about blackmailing your ex-boyfriend?” he continued as if he hadn’t heard me. “I want the whole truth, Cassidy, not some watered-down version that’ll make it sound like it wasn’t as bad as it was. Tell me exactly what you did.”

  I lost all steam at the callousness in Carson’s voice. Dropping down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table, I kept my gaze on the intricate grain of the polished wood, my shoulders slumped in defeat as I confessed the ugly details of my past.

  “Parker and I dated for two years in high school. I’d convinced myself that I was in love with him, and when we broke up…I guess you could say I didn’t take it very well. We kept hooking up for a little while after and I convinced myself that we were going to get back together, even though it was just sex for him. Our senior year, he started dating this girl, Freya, and I—I kind of lost it…”

  “What did you do?” he asked after I’d trailed off. I blinked away the tears in my eyes and looked up at him. His body stood rigid, his arms crossed over his chest, feet planted firmly. Nothing about his stance was welcoming, but somehow I forced myself to hold his gaze as I told him the rest, hoping and praying he’d see the regret in my eyes.

  “I found out his dad was having an affair and took pictures. I told him if he didn’t break up with her, I’d show them to his mother. She was…she was sick. She’d had a breakdown a few years prior, and I knew Parker would have done anything to protect her. So I used that. After he broke up with Freya, I did everything in my power to make her life hell. My friends and I spent the rest of the year tormenting and bullying her just because we could.
I knew the whole time that what I was doing was wrong, but I got this sick…gratification out of making her feel as bad as I did every single day.”

  I laughed humorlessly, appalled by the person I used to be. “You know that saying, misery loves company? Well, it’s true. I thought that if I was stuck living a miserable existence day after day then it was only fair that she was miserable, too.”

  The sound of the screen door slamming pulled our attention to the living room, where Navie stood with a shell-shocked expression on her face. “How could—how could you do that?” she asked quietly, unshed tears glistening in her dark blue eyes.

  I swallowed audibly, trying my best to speak past the bile rising in my throat at the realization that she’d just heard every word I’d just said.

  “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” I croaked as more tears streamed down my face. “I’m so, so sorry.” I’d always expected Carson’s hatred once I told him the truth about me, but I’d convinced myself that I could somehow keep it all from Navie. I knew the pain she struggled with at school, and I never wanted to risk having her look at me like she was looking at me right then—like I was a stranger, like she had no clue who I was.

  “You need to go,” Carson’s voice rumbled, drawing my gaze back to him. “Now. You need to leave, Cassidy.”

  With a nod, I stood from the chair, heartsick and beaten down. I wiped at my face as I made my way past Navie and to the front door. With my hand on the knob, I looked over my shoulder. There was just one last thing I needed to say.

  “I can’t excuse the things I did, and I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting my actions. But I’ve spent the last four years doing everything in my power to be a better person. You know me,” I said to the both of them. “You know the real me. And you know the person I am now would rather die than hurt someone else.”

  With that, I walked out the door, silently praying with each and every step that what Milly had said was true, that Carson would find some way to look past my sins to see the good that was in me.