by Rowe, Brian
“Well, I’m twenty-seven,” Brandon said. “What do you think of me?”
He unbuttoned his shirt and started posing as if he were a Tom Ford fashion model. He turned around and tried to flaunt his unremarkable ass that was lost inside his baggy jeans.
“I’m not impressed,” she said.
“You’d hit me,” Brandon said. “Come on. If you bumped into me at a bookstore or something, you’d take me to the biography section and try to re-write mine.”
Vivien looked perplexed. “Did you just come up with that little doozy?”
“Yeah, that was lame. My mind works better on paper.”
“Well first of all, Brandon, if I bumped into you at a bookstore, you’d be in the men’s erotica section. I would know you were gay. I have very good gaydar. I always have. I see actors on a day-to-day basis, for Christ’s sake.”
“Yeah, but say I was straight.”
“But you’re not,” she reminded him.
“Whatever,” he said. “Your loss!” He buttoned up his shirt. “Look, I’m sorry today didn’t work out for you. Let’s make Wednesday your day to remember.”
“Yes. Let’s.”
Brandon put his backpack over his shoulders and walked out of the casting office, turning off most of the overhead lights.
Vivien looked into the dark abyss, and a tangible wave of loneliness flowed through her body like undigested Chinese food. She turned to her laptop and focused on e-mails she had yet to answer. She searched through over forty subject lines to see at least two pertaining to projects looking for casting directors. While she didn’t object to working on other films while taking on this little white lie known as The Men, she didn’t necessarily want to. Her other projects, except for the postponed Christmas in Quebec, were completely done. Her priority had changed from casting movies to finding a new man. And she knew, with perseverance, reckless abandonment, and a short skirt, she could pull this off.
Her phone vibrated. It was Patrick.
She picked it up right away without even thinking. “Hello?”
There was no response. She couldn’t even hear breathing. The call was terminated before she was able to say another word.
She sat in her office for another hour, waiting to see if he would call back. Vivien had already moved on from Patrick and didn’t see any possibility for reconciliation. But she still quietly cared for the guy. She knew he would always have a small place in her heart. And on this quiet night in Chatsworth, California, she actually started looking forward to the day when they could sit down and have a civilized conversation. That is, after she stuck a large bucket on his head and kicked him around for a few hours.
---
Vivien spent most of her weekend picking all the actors for the next few sessions for The Men. She had chosen over sixty actors for Brandon and Alyson to set up on Monday morning, and they all looked super gorgeous, so much so that just staring at their headshots online was turning her on.
She tried masturbating a couple of times on Saturday. Lila and Walter were vacationing in Maui, Gavin was camping with some friends, and Vivien had the whole house to herself. She wanted to start practicing for her upcoming sexual encounters, as she felt she hadn’t had an orgasm in years.
But her fingers alone weren’t doing the trick. She needed assistance—vibrational assistance.
On Sunday morning she woke up early and started researching sex shops on Yelp. She found five-star reviews for a little hole-in-the-wall in North Hollywood and took the 101 freeway to the 170. She pulled off on Magnolia and found the parking lot to the shop near the metro station. It was called Pleasures & Things, and it looked shady from the outside.
Vivien had purchased a vibrator once over ten years ago online, but she didn’t want to have to wait another week to get it in the mail—she wanted it today. Plus, she thought it would make an awkward moment to come home from one of her casting sessions to find Lila trying to locate a place on the shelf for the giant flesh-toned object she assumed was a work of art.
She walked inside to find mostly books and posters in the front of the store. A young, nerdy brunette walked up to Vivien and nodded to her.
“Good morning to you,” she said. “You’re our first customer of the day!”
“Oh, thank you. Hello.”
“What can I do for you?”
“I’m looking for a vibrator. A good one.”
“Yes.” The girl seemed to get this request a lot. “Follow me.”
Vivien followed her to the back of the store, where she found a shelf filled with buzzing appliances of love.
“What are you looking for, specifically?”
“I’m not really sure,” Vivien said.
“We got all kinds. Traditional, Rabbit, G-Spot, Clitoral. We got the VibroPod, the Rock Chick. We got toys for couples. We got anal vibrators, if you’re into that sort of thing.” She started laughing as if she had said something Vivien would find amusing. She tapped Vivien with her left elbow as if she wanted her to join in on the laughter.
“I just want the one that’ll give me the most pleasure, you know?”
“Yes, I do know. Let me take a look at you, pretty lady.” She inspected Vivien up and down, forward and backward. “I have just the thing.”
She went into the back of the store and left Vivien alone to browse. Vivien took a special interest in the Rock Chick, which looked like something she would find at the gym and not in a woman’s bedside drawer.
The girl returned with a long vibrator whose color and shape reminded her of the pellets that Catalina Sandino Moreno had to swallow in Maria Full of Grace.
“Sleek Chic,” the girl said. “You look to me like a Sleek Chic.”
Vivien held it up and started waving it around. She touched it all over. The texture felt so much like a penis that she wanted to try sucking it right there in the store.
“What are the benefits of this one?” Vivien asked.
“Well, it’s one of the simpler ones, but it’s still an enhanced version of our biggest seller. This one is my personal favorite. It has a really great texture to it that feels really good on the clit. Plus, it has six different speeds of your choosing.”
“Wow,” Vivien said. “How much is it?”
“Fifteen.”
“Fifteen? That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
Vivien stared at the vibrator in awe, as if she had just encountered a dog that could talk. “I’ll take it.”
“Very nice choice, Ms. Slate.” The girl took Vivien’s money and walked to the register.
Vivien followed right behind her. It took her a few seconds to react to the girl’s last sentence. “Whoa, wait a second.”
“Yes?”
“How do you know my name?”
The girl smiled. “My name’s Karen Katovich. I’ve auditioned for you a few times. You brought me in for a callback last year.”
Vivien didn’t even recognize the girl, but she nodded to her, anyway. “That’s right. I remember you, now.” She didn’t know what to say further. “Well, thank you again. Keep, you know, honing your craft.”
“I will,” she said as she dropped the vibrator into a tiny white bag and handed it to her customer. “Come visit Pleasure & Things again. We appreciate your business.”
---
As soon as Vivien sat down on her bed, she pulled the Sleek Chic out of the bag. She examined it for a few minutes. It had been a long time since she had used a vibrator. While sex with Patrick hadn’t exactly been memorable in the last few years, they fooled around with each other enough to make a vibrator unnecessary.
Vivien pulled down her underwear and started massaging her clit with her right index finger. She closed her eyes and fantasized about that hottie from Bilbao, Spain.
Jonathan Korlajarean, ravish me with your giant cock.
She got wet right away. She was in the mood and ready.
She looked at the settings on the vibrator. There were speeds ranging from one
to six. She thought it would be funny to turn the vibrator to speed six and ram it inside her vagina like a power drill.
She turned it to the lowest speed. And she waited.
Nothing happened.
She turned it to other speeds, then back to the slowest speed. The vibrator was as lifeless as Patrick’s penis had been on a cold day. She hit it against the side of her bed a few times. Then she looked at the bottom. She slapped her forehead with stupidity.
Batteries, doofus.
Vivien made her way into the kitchen, where she thought she had seen a drawer with batteries a few days prior. She looked through all the drawers and didn’t see any. She got down on her knees and looked through some cupboards. The third one on the right had what she needed. She pulled out a box and grabbed two triple A batteries. She slipped them in the bottom of the vibrator, gently, so she wouldn’t break the damn thing. She turned it to its lowest setting, and it started making a humming noise as musical as Kristin Chenoweth.
Vivien jumped up on the kitchen island and spread her legs apart. She wasn’t as wet as before, but she willed herself to get back in the mood. She closed her eyes and imagined Jonathan’s ravishing brown eyes and voluptuous lips heading toward her belly button. She imagined him taking his tongue and bringing it down from the belly button all the way to her pussy. Within seconds she was wet again.
She gripped the vibrator firmly with her right hand and brought it closer to the magic spot. As the end of the vibrator started bouncing off her clit, she immediately started moaning and bending backward.
“Ohh… Oh my God…”
She tried to grip the side of the island, but there was nothing to grab onto. She turned around, her right foot striking the large gold faucet.
“Owwwww!”
She scooted back and tried to stay outside of reach of anything that could interrupt this sublime moment. Her breathing became more erratic, and she could start to feel sweat on her upper lip.
She removed the vibrator for a moment and turned up the speed setting.
Within a couple of minutes, she was having the most fun of her life. She imagined Jonathan thrusting inside of her, his cute butt smashed up against the refrigerator, his tongue making its way from her nipples to her bottom lip.
“Oh, oh, oh, oh.” She couldn’t stop moaning.
She removed the vibrator again. She turned it to its highest speed.
She scooted down toward the end of the island so that she could grip her hand on the phallic faucet. The vibrator was so loud that Vivien wondered if a neighbor could hear her.
“OH… MY… GOD…”
She was close. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. Her heart started beating three times faster. Her mouth opened wider than she ever imagined possible. She thrust her head back against the cold marble tile.
Her whole body went into spasms. To an observant she might have looked like she was going into cardiac arrest.
“OHHHHH FUUUUUUUUCK!”
Five intense contractions followed, her face lost all its color, and she ejaculated over the kitchen sink with one quick spray.
Vivien collapsed on the island and slowed her breathing. She let out a long sigh and sat up.
She turned off the vibrator.
Then she heard a footstep.
Vivien turned to her left to see Lila and Walter standing in the living room, their sunglasses still on, noticeable tans on their faces.
“We came home early,” Lila said.
She dropped her luggage on the living room couch and walked toward her bedroom.
Walter didn’t follow her.
-31-
By the time Vivien reached the office for her second session on Wednesday, she breathed a sigh of relief. She looked inside to see only half of the amount of guys who had been crowding up her waiting room on Friday. Plus these hotties looked more her type—tall, mature, more definition in their arms and faces.
She nodded to them as she made her way inside, and they all bowed their heads to her like she was Cleopatra.
Vivien turned the corner to see Brandon fiddling with his camera. He was the only one there. “Where’s Alyson?”
“She called in sick.”
“Sick? Interns aren’t allowed to get sick.”
“She said she’s throwing up every ten seconds.”
“Whatever. We’ll make it work.” She threw down her purse and marched into the audition room. “Are we set? Are we ready to go?”
“Yes. Batteries are charging, and a new tape’s in the machine.”
Vivien rubbed her palms together and smiled at Brandon. “I think this is gonna be a good day.”
Brandon smiled back at her but not with the same energy and excitement he had shown her on Friday.
“Oh come on,” Vivien whispered, taking a few steps closer to Brandon. “These guys too old for you?” She opened one of the red folders in front of Brandon’s laptop to see a nineteen-page session sheet.
Brandon bit down on his bottom lip. “Honestly? Yeah.”
Vivien slapped him across the back of his head. “Come on you pedophile. Let’s get to work.”
They had about 140 guys to see today, and Vivien was ready to get started. She grabbed her finest pen and nodded at Brandon, who cracked his neck and tinkered with his camera for a few more seconds. They were ready.
Vivien looked into the waiting room one last time before they started. Most of the guys were wearing white t-shirts and gym shorts of varying colors. She hadn’t bothered to look at the audition scene yet, but she imagined it took place in a gym. All the guys’ arms were on display, as well a delightful set of bulges in all of those tight shorts.
I’m living a wet dream.
There was a mix of different ethnicities, but this time the Caucasians outweighed everyone else. She passed over a couple of redheads and zoned in on some brown-haired studs who looked promising.
But then Vivien’s eyes caught someone truly special. He had short blond hair and a six-pack she wanted to caress with every inch of her body.
He looked familiar.
The boy with the chin scar, she thought. I remember you.
---
The first hour of the session went by smoothly. The actors were not only more handsome today, but more talented as well.
The clock struck noon when the guy with the scar walked in. He was wearing a black tank top and blue gym shorts. His hair was spiked, and he looked as if he had been tanning for the last few days. He looked perfect. Even Brandon, who liked guys between the ages of five and eleven, sat up in his chair and took notice of the guy.
“Uhh, hi,” Brandon said as if he had forgotten what he was doing.
“Hello,” the young man said.
“Could you please slate your name for the camera?”
“OK,” he said. “Hi, I’m Nathan LeMille. I’m with Paragon Agency. Reading for the role of Ryan.”
“Thank you.”
Nathan smiled at Vivien. “Hello.”
“Hi,” Vivien said, not masking her attraction toward him. She said the following more like a statement than a question: “We’ve met before, haven’t we.”
“Yes, at the acting school. It’s nice to see you again. Although I still think you should be in front of the cameras, not behind them.”
Vivien laughed and leaned forward. “You are too kind. It’s good to see you too, Nathan.”
“Likewise, Ms. Slate.”
“Please. Call me Vivien.”
Brandon stared at the two lovebirds as if he were invisible. He cleared his throat as loud as possible.
Vivien jerked her head toward her associate. “Oh. Right. The audition.” She turned back to Nathan. “Please, take a seat.”
“Is it OK if I stand for this?” he asked.
Most of the actors that morning were sitting, but she shrugged her shoulders. “You can do whatever you’d like. Whatever makes you comfortable.”
She could see Brandon rolling his eyes while Nathan took a step
back and prepared for the scene by clenching his fists.
Vivien loved this guy already. She propped her elbows on the desk and looked down at the session sheet. Nathan’s name was at the bottom of page four. She circled it and wrote three exclamation points on the side of the sheet. She set her pen down and readied herself for some magic.
Nathan remained standing, staring down at the ground, his eyes welling up with tears. He looked toward the camera. “So what are you saying? You’re saying you don’t love me anymore? How can you even stand there and look at me in the face? Do you have any idea what just happened today? It’s my father, babe! You don’t get to stand there and judge me on the same day my father dies, OK? You don’t!”
Vivien smiled. He’s the whole package. Super cute, and a pretty good actor.
Nathan started pacing back and forth. He got closer to the camera. “Did you hear what I said? Huh? Did you?”
He jumped forward and swung at the camera, clearly trying to fake a slap. But to Nathan’s surprise, the tips of his fingers brushed against the tripod, and the camera started to tip over.
“Oh shit!” Brandon had just relaxed into his chair. He tried to jump up and grab the tripod, but he was too late. The camera smashed against the wall, and the tripod collapsed to the ground. Brandon’s expression turned into one of horror, as if he had just witnessed the execution of his closest family member.
“MY CAMERA!”
Brandon kneeled down and started sorting through the battleground. He looked most worried about the camera lens.
Nathan looked at Vivien, then Brandon, and then back at Vivien. “Oh God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s quite all right,” Vivien said. “It happens.”
Brandon put his hands up in the air like he didn’t know what to do. “Sorry, V. I’m gonna need a minute.”
“That’s fine. Can you fix it?”
“I don’t know. Be right back.”
Brandon left the tripod on the ground as if it were a wounded soldier and instead attended to his camera. He glared at Nathan while walking out of the room and slammed the door behind him so hard Vivien jumped a little in her chair.
“What can I say?” Vivien said. “The most important relationship in that man’s life is the one he has with an inanimate object.”