by Jana Janeway
‘You know I love you. Please don’t hate me for too long.’
Leaning forward, she settled her forehead against his shoulder. ‘I don’t hate you. I’m scared for you.’
He wrapped his arms around her, his gaze back on Marcy, knowing she was watching. ‘Don’t be. Please.’
“Ahem.”
At the sound of a throat being cleared, he glanced out the van’s sliding door. ‘Bibi’s waiting for you.’
‘Yes, peeing is so much more important than my husband waging a war against the devil.’ Pulling back and away from him, she avoided eye contact as she left the vehicle. “Let’s go use the facilities, so my husband can discuss throwing our lives away with Marcy.”
Marcy watched them walk away out of her peripheral vision; her outward attention was still on Craddock. “She doesn’t want you to do this.”
“She’ll come around,” he assured her, though he wasn’t as confident as he sounded. “Now, what did you want to talk to me about? If you’re planning on talking me out of this…”
“I’m not,” she said after he trailed off, “but you should understand what you’re getting yourself into.”
“I understand enough,” he muttered. Though she said she wasn’t going to try and talk him out of it, the conversation seemed to be headed that way. Irritated, he redirected it slightly. “Just tell me the plan. I know there is one. Elsa said something about gathering evidence.”
Marcy nodded. “For years now, all to achieve one goal. To unseat Liam Becket.”
“So Liam Becket is the problem here?”
“Yes. He’s not even the rightful president. He bribed and threatened his way into office.”
“If that’s common knowledge, why is he still in office?”
“It’s not common knowledge. Of the few that figured it out… some have mysteriously disappeared.”
Craddock closed his eyes, absorbing that for a moment. And then he reopened them. “Don’t tell Jess that. It will make her worry needlessly.”
“It’s not me you have to worry about. It’s not my mind she can read.”
A smirk accompanied his scoff. “I’ll construct a wall. She hates it when I do that, but I’d rather have her hate me for that than worry about me.”
“If she doesn’t know, she’ll use her imagination. She’ll worry anyway.”
“Let me worry about that. What’s the plan? I mean, I know it’s to unseat him, but how?”
“That’s a lengthy conversation we don’t have time for.” She glanced in the direction of the bathrooms. “We’ll include you in the next meeting. We’ll catch you up.”
“You do have use for me, right?”
“Pretty sure we do. It won’t be what you’re expecting, but I think it will strengthen our case.”
Before he could even express his gratitude, his attention snapped to the right, in same direction Marcy had glanced in. “Jessica’s coming.” The wall in his mind immediately went up.
****
The moment she was out the door, Jessica stopped dead in her tracks, almost tripping over her own feet with the abruptness of it. Then she glared at the van a short distance away.
“What’s wrong?” Bibi asked, stepping up beside her, confused.
“He’s blocking me.” Jessica’s angry expression dropped as she looked towards the ground. “He doesn’t want me to know what they were talking about.”
“He can do that?”
Jessica nodded as fresh tears sprung to her eyes. “He shouldn’t, though. I have the right to know if I’ll be needing to plan his funeral.”
“I don’t think he’s planning on getting himself killed,” Bibi offered, trying to be helpful.
“Does anyone who’s not suicidal ever plan for that? He’s not thinking clearly. He’s angry, and making rash decisions that affect both of us.” She looked up at Bibi then, her eyes determined despite the tears falling from them to her cheeks. “Shouldn’t I get a say in this?”
Conflicted, not wanting to be caught in the middle, Bibi answered vaguely. “I would want a say.”
Jessica scoffed, shaking her head as her focus dropped back to the ground.
“What?” Bibi asked.
“He wants me to get back in the van.” She wiped the proof of her sorrow from her face. “He wants to talk to me.” ‘I’ll get back in when I’m good and ready. I’m gonna go see what Josiah’s up to.’ “Want to come?” she asked Bibi, who just looked back at her like she didn’t understand the question. “Sorry. Half of that was inside my head. Wanna go check up on Joe?”
Fidgeting a little, Bibi glanced towards the van before nodding. “If he’s left in charge, he’ll get Maddies. Those are a pain to chase around the car when they get loose.”
Jessica could tell she was trying to lighten the mood, but her mind was filled with Craddock’s thoughts, which effectively prevented her from joining in.
‘Please don’t be mad. I’m just trying to keep you from worrying.’
‘Too late for that! Not that you care!’ As she hobbled into the convenience store, with Bibi beside her, his thoughts weakened and disappeared. She was then left with just a vague sense of his remorse.
She didn’t want to feel pity for him. Her anger was the only thing keeping her from collapsing, once again, into a mental abyss. To steady herself against that probability, she forced his guilt from her mind. She was so focused on that, she didn’t even realize he was closing in on her until he was right behind her.
Startled, she gasped; he ignored the sharp intake of breath, wrapping his arms around her waist. ‘Don’t be mad. I’m only trying to protect you from the details.’
She tried to retain her anger, but it became nearly impossible to do so when he nuzzled against her neck. Mind and body at war, she held her stern expression as she melted into him.
‘I don’t want to like you right now.’
‘I know, and I’m sorry. If there was any way to do this without upsetting you, I would.’
‘If you get yourself killed, I’m going to beat your corpse to death.’ She couldn’t help but smile when he laughed, though she dropped it quickly as she turned to face him, still in his arms. ‘I’m serious.’
‘I don’t doubt that.’ He grew serious then, too. Cupping her cheek in his hand, he whispered, “I need you to be okay with this.”
‘How can I be?’
‘By trusting me.’
‘It’s not about trust. Let’s turn the tables for a moment. How would you feel if it was me about to go to war?’ The fear that suddenly appeared in his eyes gave her his answer. ‘Exactly. Now imagine how I must be feeling.’
He didn’t have to imagine. He was inside her head.
‘It’s different, though. It’s my job to protect you, Jess. It’s my job to give you your happily ever after. I can’t sit by while someone else does my job for me.’
‘And I can’t sit by and accept that you’re potentially throwing away any bit of life we might have together. Whatever they have in the works, they were planning to do it long before we showed up. If they could do it without you before, they can do it without you now.’
‘I’m sure they could. I’m not doing this because they can’t do it without me.’
‘You’re doing it for the wrong reasons. If they can reach the same conclusion without you…’
“Jess, please,” he whispered, his lips inches from her ear. “Stop fighting me on this.”
His breath tickled her, causing her heart to race with the intimacy of it, but she fought against it. Getting swept away by his affection would only cloud her mind – something she couldn’t allow to happen.
‘You don’t play fair. I’m not budging on this. I will fight you until the last moment, if I have to.’
He sighed, but continued to brush his lips against her neck. ‘Then may I suggest a compromise?’
She pulled away from his embrace, her eyes searching his for a moment before responding. ‘What sort of compromise?’
; ‘Hate me when the day comes. Yell, scream, hit me… I’ll let you. I won’t fight back or argue or anything. But, until then, you drop this.’
‘You won’t fight back, but you’ll go anyway, won’t you?’
‘Yes. I’m sorry.’
‘Then it won’t do me much good to yell and hit.’
‘Might make you feel better.’
‘Doubtful.’
“Guys?”
Craddock and Jessica both turned at the sound of Jeramey’s voice, but remained in each other’s arms.
“Marcy’s about to have a conniption. We gotta go.”
Craddock gave an upnod of acknowledgement, but then his eyes were back on Jessica. ‘The compromise? Do we have a deal?’
She nodded. ‘But with one stipulation.’
‘And that is?’
‘I want to know what the plan is.’
He started shaking his head before the thought was even fully formed. ‘No. It will only upset you.’
Pushing out of his arms, she huffed as she walked away from him. “Then no deal.”
“Jess,” he said, following after her, “be reasonable.”
“Why? You’re not being reasonable!”
He caught her arm when she was just outside the door, bringing her back around to face him. For a brief moment, she considered hitting him, demanding her release, but she refrained, and only glared at him instead.
‘Go ahead. It will make you feel better.’
“We don’t have time for this!” Marcy’s voice was low but harsh. She was standing a mere few feet away, her hands on her hips, her eyes angry. “Get in the van!”
No one moved, and the spectacle started to attract onlookers.
“Lovers’ spat,” Wade offered in explanation, stepping up beside Craddock and Jessica. “This isn’t the time or place for this. Get in the van.” His demand was whispered, sounding more like a plea, which cracked through the tension slightly.
Jessica blinked, her expression easing from furious to nervous as she looked away. The audience they had gained gaped at them curiously, with the concern of limited knowledge. One was Mengliad, but the rest were Human.
Craddock extended his hand towards her. ‘Please.’
‘I didn’t mean to cause a scene.’
‘I know. Take my hand.’
In slow motion, she did, allowing him to lead her towards the vehicle without resistance.
‘One was Mengliad. Did you see him?’
Gesturing for her to enter the van first, he climbed in after her. ‘I did.’
‘Are we fucked?’
‘Not sure.’ “Marcy?”
She knew what he was asking. “I think we’re okay. He didn’t seem interested beyond what anyone else was.”
“Let’s not stick around to find out,” Jeramey added. They were out of the parking lot in seconds. “Wade? Keep an eye out. Marcy?” He jerked his head in the general direction of behind him, his eyes still on the road.
Suddenly, Jessica felt very small, and she wanted to be smaller still. Bracing herself for what she knew was coming – a tongue lashing, essentially – she sunk into Craddock’s side.
Sensing her discomfort, he wrapped his arm around her supportively.
“Jess…” Marcy sighed, shifting in her seat; she clearly didn’t want to be the heavy. Her saddened expression conveyed that. “You know I love you, but I need you to get a grip.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
Exasperated, Marcy shot back, “And that’s all well and good, but I don’t need you to be sorry! I need you to be careful!”
Guilt prevented her from defending herself. Initially, she was planning on explaining – she wasn’t looking to start a fight with Craddock, her fears just caused the argument to bubble up inside her, until it had nowhere to go but out. She didn’t even see it getting out of hand until it was too late.
But she didn’t say any of that. Instead, she only whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“If apologies were time machines, we’d be set, but they’re not!”
“Easy, Marcy,” Craddock warned, though it sounded more like a request.
“I am taking it easy on her!” Marcy snapped. “If she was an agent in the field, she would be on the receiving end of a demotion right now!”
“But she’s not an agent,” Craddock countered. “She’s a wife who’s scared for her husband.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t join us.” Marcy’s tone was hard. Absolute.
“No!”
Everyone stared at Jessica in shock, especially Craddock. She had been fighting with him about joining… why all of a sudden was she okay with it, simply because Marcy suggested he step away?
‘I don’t want you to hate me,’ she explained. ‘I don’t want you to do this, but I want you to stay out of it for me, not because of me. Does that make sense?’
He kissed her hair in answer.
“He wants to do this, Marcy,” Jessica said, full of conflicting emotions. “Don’t take it away from him because of me. I’ll behave.”
Sighing again, Marcy turned to face forward, her eyes on the road as she muttered, “Fine, then.”
Silent tears fell to Jessica’s cheeks, unchecked. Attempting to hide them, she buried her face deeper into Craddock’s side. She wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all her husband.
‘I’ll be surrounded by highly trained agents, Jess. They won’t let anything happen to me.’
‘Will you tell me the plan?’
‘I don’t know the plan.’
‘When you do?’
‘No.’
Whimpering accompanied her crying. Kindly, he raked his fingers through her hair as he shushed her.
“Wade? Next pit stop, you take over?” Jeramey’s request broke the silence, but the tension was still thick.
“Sure.”
‘At the next stop, I want you to go lie down in the back. You need the rest.’
‘Without you?’
‘No, with me. I’m sorry I’m being so bossy right now, but you’re… delicate… at the moment.’
She knew what he meant, and he wasn’t wrong. While she was mentally coherent, she felt she could lose the battle to remain so at the slightest provocation. The fragility of it was unsettling. To both of them.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Craddock held Jessica as she slept, unable to himself. His thoughts were racing, no one subject remaining in focus for long before it jumped to the next.
The reluctant acceptance she had given him eased his conscience, but only slightly. Things would never be the same between them, if he continued on the path he was determined to take. Even if he was successful, which he had every intention of being, she would forever feel betrayed by him for taking the risk.
But to honor her wishes meant a death of sorts. The man, the protector, could not shirk this responsibility. It would signify the demise of who he was, to be reborn a pathetic shell of a man, hollow and unworthy.
Nauseated by the dilemma, he disentangled himself from her and sat up, his face falling into his hands as he sighed.
“Stressed?”
Craddock lifted his head, meeting Josiah’s gaze. His friend was peering at him over the back of his seat, his chin resting on the faded gray upholstery. He could seem so innocent at times; Craddock often forgot how perceptive he was.
“There’s an understatement,” he finally answered.
“She’s doing okay with things now, though, right?”
“She’s trying,” he glanced at Jessica, “but no, not really.”
“So… what are you gonna do?” Josiah asked hesitantly, as if the question were somehow inappropriate.
“I don’t know.” He knew he would still join Pardaze Ahme. That was a given. The problem was, he didn’t know how to alleviate Jessica’s fears.
“Hence the stress,” Josiah mused. Craddock arched an eyebrow back at him. “Wrong word?”
“Which word? Hence?” When Josiah nodded in answer, Craddock sh
ook his head, stifling a laugh. “No, that was the right word, Joe.”
“‘Kay. I get words confused with other words sometimes.” He shrugged indifferently. “So, you don’t know if you’ll join?”
“That part I know. It’s just something I have to do, ya’know?”
“So then it’s Jess you’re not sure about.”
Though it was a statement, Craddock answered anyway. “Yes. I hate hurting her, but I can’t see a way around it.”
“I think you worry too much. I think she’ll be okay, after things sink in a bit. She’s been through a lot, ya’know? I mean, we have, too, but damn! This woman has been through more shit in the past year than I have in my entire life! And somehow, she always manages to be okay in the end. I think this is just one of those times. One of those things that’ll take her some getting used to.”
The simplified take on the situation made Craddock smile. He wasn’t sure if he believed it, but he appreciated it all the same. “Thanks. And hey, I’m sorry about before.”
Josiah waved the apology away, a crooked smirk inching onto his face. “I think Jeramey was about to tackle you, though.”
Craddock smirked too, but before he could respond, Jeramey spoke up.
He seemed to be asleep, sitting on the seat in front of Josiah’s with Marcy by his side, both of them leaning against each other with their eyes closed. Apparently, he wasn’t.
“You weren’t gonna get off that easy, trust me.”
Grins exploded across Craddock and Josiah’s faces, both staring back at the other before shifting to address Jeramey directly.
“Oh, yeah?” Josiah asked teasingly. “Two on one, dude? Really?”
“Marcy would’ve killed you for sure,” Craddock added.
Scoffing, Jeramey asked, “You think I’m afraid of my wife? ‘Cause, trust me, I’m not.”
Craddock’s smile dropped. “You guys got married?”
Finally opening his eyes, Jeramey moved just enough to look back at them. “Four months ago. Ain’t that a kick in the head?”
“I’m gonna kick you in the head if you don’t shut up so I can sleep.” Typical for Marcy, she sounded angrier than she was, but Jeramey knew her well enough to know she wasn’t.