by Magan Vernon
“I gotta work in a few hours. You’re probably going to need to head out, unless you want another quickie,” she said, grabbing the pipe from me and taking a hit.
“I’m good.”
She laughed. “Wouldn’t want to be fucked up when you go back to work for Daddy.”
“Yeah. I’m sure he’d love it if I came in high.”
“Why do you even work for him, man? Don’t you have like a degree or something and can do something better?”
I could have snapped back with something about the girl who works at a tattoo parlor but I had nothing. She voiced what I was thinking. I had everything in my corner yet all I could do was continue to drown. Some days I wanted to try and breathe, but most days I would rather just suffocate.
Of course I’d never tell her any of that. She was just there to take my mind of things. To make me feel like I was doing something right in my fucked up life.
“How about instead of you asking questions you do something better with your mouth?”
She smiled and smacked her lips. “Sure thing.”
Chapter 17
When all the hot water was gone, I finally washed up and got out of the shower. I threw on my pajama pants and walked back out of the bathroom. I expected Sam to be ready to shower or something, but instead she was running around the apartment. She had a pancake in her mouth and was pinning her hair up with a free hand while using the other to button her work uniform.
I raised an eyebrow. “What’s up? I thought you didn’t have to work today.”
She groaned. “I didn’t. Someone called in. They always fucking call in after Thanksgiving.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. I wasn’t expecting to feel awkward. I should have known, but I still didn’t want to face it.
She stopped and pinned the last piece of her hair up. Instead of all the dark makeup she was still natural. Something she rarely did. Seeing her face so pure, so clean, made me forget about the anxieties I had just a few seconds before. This wasn’t the type of girl I just wanted to kick out of my apartment. This was the girl I never wanted to leave.
“I’m sorry. I know you had things planned a certain way and I feel like an ass,” she said, running her tongue along her bottom lip before she bit it.
I put my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. “Sometimes the best things don’t always happen how we plan them to.”
She pulled away from me, keeping her eyes on the ground. “Is it cool if you come by work tonight? I should be off by seven. Hopefully that doesn’t fuck up your plans too much.”
“No. That should be fine.”
She smiled and grabbed her purse off the counter. “Sorry. Again. I didn’t mean to be a fuck up.”
Before she could turn, I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me. “You didn’t fuck anything up. It’s fine. I promise.”
I leaned in for a kiss but she only pecked me on the lips before turning and scurrying out the front door.
I shook my head and stared at the cat, who was still curled up on the bed. “Your owner is one fucking enigma.”
Hashtag Cat snorted and rolled onto his back. I’d take that over him scratching me any day.
But now I was alone in my apartment with a fucking cat. I hadn’t been alone much in the past month and now it felt weird. Like something was missing and I needed to fill that void.
I looked at the clock above my TV. There were still so many hours left in the day. I could sit around and watch mindless TV. Maybe spend some time going over stuff for the business.
Or I could call up Tawny and get a dime.
I shook that thought out of my head. No. There was no way I wanted to be high when I saw Sam again.
So there was really only one other choice.
I grabbed my cell phone from where it was charging on the night stand. I unplugged it in and searched my contacts until I found the number. I pressed it and put it up to my ear.
“Hey. What’s up?”
I blew out a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair. “Yeah, Trigg? Think it’d be okay if I came by and helped you and Trey babysit?”
***
It had started to snow.
I fucking hated snow.
But I took my happy pills, made a note that they needed to be refilled and sucked it up.
The walk to Trey and Monica’s place in River North was bitter cold, but I needed to walk off some tension. Preferably the tension of my balls.
I let out a deep breath that came out like a frozen wisp. I had no idea what the temperature was, but by the time I got to Trey and Monica’s it felt like my toes were ice cubes that had fallen off in my shoes.
Their apartment was more of a duplex brownstone. If that was even a thing. They were only attached to one other unit and it looked like those picturesque houses from house hunting shows. I went to ring their buzzer but stopped when I saw a note on their front door.
Baby is sleeping. Call first.
Well, that was a sight I’d have to get used to.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Trigg’s number. He didn’t answer so I called Trey.
It took a few rings but Trey finally answered breathlessly. “Hey, Tripp, I’ll be right there.”
All I heard in the background was screaming, crying, and cartoon music. Maybe me coming over wasn’t the best idea. I wasn’t exactly the best with kids. Maybe it was because I hadn’t actually been around them that much. This would literally only be one of a handful of times that I’d seen Bella.
Trey rushed to the door and threw it open. I rarely ever saw my brother out of his dress clothes and today he was in some high school band shirt, that I’m pretty sure was Monica’s, and a worn out pair of jeans. “Hey, glad you didn’t freeze out there. Come in.”
I raised an eyebrow and walked in, closing the door behind me before I hung my coat on the rack by the door.
The crying echoed into the front hallway and I don’t know how I didn’t hear it from outside the front door. There was also some kind of cartoon voices and Trigg singing loudly. I followed Trey into the living room. The place was usually cleaned and pristine, but now there were toys spread all over the floor, various snack foods ground into the carpet and every baby contraption available.
Trigg rocked in front of the TV, where some creepy anime-looking cartoon was playing. Bella was just in her diaper and a giant pink bow in her curly brown hair. But it was hard to notice since she was screaming her head off.
Trigg’s bloodshot eyes spotted me and he rushed across the room. “Here! Take her! See if you can calm her down!” He held Bella out to me.
“Um. What? I’m not exactly the best with kids,” I said, staring at Bella with her big, gummy mouth open.
“I think she has some teeth coming in and we’ve tried everything, but she’s just miserable. Please?” Trigg asked.
I sighed. “Okay. I’ll try.”
I took her in my arms and she still wailed so I rocked her back and forth. “It’s okay Bella. It’s okay.”
She still kept crying.
“Maybe she’s upset because she’s named after a teenage vampire.” I laughed.
“It’s not a vampire. It’s the teenage vampire’s girlfriend and it was a book! Roni loved it,” Trigg said, running his hands through his already tussled hair.
Bella’s crying slowed down to a sniffle and she grabbed at my Adam’s apple. I looked down at the little girl and her eyes were fixated on my neck with her mouth in a perfect O.
“Bwoooo,” she said, patting her chubby hands on my neck.
Trigg and Trey stared at me as if I was some sort of science experiment.
Bella just giggled and patted both hands on my neck. “Bwoo! Bwoo!”
“I think she likes your tattoos,” Trigg whispered as if he was afraid to say it out loud.
I smiled. “Yeah? Do you like Uncle Trippy’s ink?”
I moved slowly until I was able to sit on the couch and pull one of my sleeves up. “See, Bella? Uncle
Tripp has more. We have some foxes. Some rabbits. And look green leaves.”
Bella giggled and tapped her palm on my arms.
I looked up at Trigg. “I think your daughter’s going to be the next tattooed Chapman. I can call and get her an appointment if you need to.”
Trigg smirked. “Very funny.”
Bella tapped on my arms and tried to pull my sleeve up. “Bwoo! Bwoo!”
“Okay, Okay, I’ll show you more.” I pulled my sleeve up as high as it could go and turned my arm over. She clapped her hands and giggled, slapping my arm.
“I think we may be calling you as a babysitter soon for Oveta,” Trey said, taking the seat next to me.
I raised an eyebrow and glanced at Trey. “Oveta? That’s seriously what you’re going to name your kid?”
Trey nodded and looked at me like I was an idiot. “Yeah, Oveta Culp Hobby was the first female secretary of the Department of Health, Education, and Welfare and the US Army Corps.”
I laughed. “So, Monica didn’t want to go with Condoleezza and you wouldn’t go with Hilary?”
He sighed. “Something like that. Okay, naming kids is hard!”
I glanced at Trigg, who was still standing and watching us. “I guess it could be worse. It could be a teenage vampire.”
Trey laughed and Trigg groaned. “It’s not...” He stopped and shook his head. “Whatever. I’m not going to argue about this. Maybe you should pick a name for your future unborn daughter with Sam? I’m sure you guys have some hipster names picked out like Juniper or Paisley.”
“Wait, who’s Sam?” Trey asked, looking between Trigg and me.
I glared at Trigg while bouncing Bella on my knee. “A friend.”
Trigg laughed. “Yeah, a friend that has been sharing a bed with him and he has a date with tonight.”
I growled. “If your daughter wasn’t on my lap right now, so help me God, I would punch you in the testicles.”
That made Trigg laugh even harder. “Hey, you never said you were trying to keep what was going on a secret. I don’t exactly know what the hell is going on between the two of you, but I do know she has you whipped.”
“I’m not whipped! And she’s not my girlfriend. She’s just a girl who is a friend and...fuck...” I rubbed the back of my head. I sounded like some middle school boy trying to say he didn’t have a crush.
Trey patted my back. “Aw. There, there. Nothing wrong with admitting that you’re whipped.”
“Fuck you guys. I’m going to leave you un-tattooed fucks to yourselves with the crying baby,” I said, standing up with Bella still in my arms.
Trigg’s eyes widened so far that I thought they might pop out of his head. “No. No. Sorry, you’re right, you’re not whipped.”
I nodded. “I know.”
Trigg laughed and smacked my arm. “But you’re still kind of a pussy.”
“If I wasn’t holding your vampire baby right now.” I held my fist up.
Trigg and Trey both laughed, then Trey stood up. “Sorry. We really will stop. Well, we’ll stop if you finally just spill and tell us about this girl and what’s going on.”
I looked between Trey and Trigg. “You know you two sound like a bunch of girls right now? I should just start calling you two my sisters.”
“Hey, fuck nut, sometimes it’s okay for guys to talk to other guys about their relationships. Especially when they’ve had some pretty messed up things going on in their life the past few months.” Trigg put his hand on my shoulder, his eyes serious.
I looked away, bouncing Bella. “All right, since you guys won’t leave me alone about it...”
I sat on the floor with Bella on my lap but she soon crawled off and found something to chew on. I guess babies did that? I thought maybe only dogs did?
I ran my fingers through my hair then down my face. “I met her the night of Dad’s election. She’s the waitress at this dive diner on Belmont. I actually didn’t think I’d see her again until I went to get a tattoo and found her getting kicked out of her place. Something about her being vulnerable like that made me feel like I needed to protect her or some shit and I invited her to crash at my place until she got on her feet.”
I looked between Trey and Trigg. “Are you both happy now? I just spilled my soul like a fucking mom on Doctor Phil.”
Trey laughed. “You weren’t spilling your soul. You’re just sitting here, talking to your brothers about chicks.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Okay, I don’t think anyone seriously calls them chicks.”
Trey scoffed. “They do too. Monica makes me watch those reality TV shows all the time and they say chicks.”
I shook my head. “I’m not even dignifying that with an answer.”
Trigg picked up Bella and took the remote out of her mouth. She screamed, so he gave it back to her and she went back to gumming the thing down. “Look, I’ve seen you with Sam. You two like each other and I just think you’re afraid to fuck things up since you’ve never had a real relationship since Katie Busse in eighth grade. The one you got grounded for because she gave you a hickey.”
“Hey!” I pointed at Trigg. “I told you, it wasn’t a hickey. I fell trying to play basketball in gym class.”
Trey laughed. “Okay, that’s actually kind of believable. Out of all of us, you’re probably the least athletic.”
“Fuck you guys. I’m athletic.”
“If lifting your beer bottle up counts as an exercise then yes, you’re athletic,” Trigg said.
“Hey, I lift weights and shit sometimes.” Okay it had been awhile since I really worked out. Probably not since I left rehab where I was working out all the time for something to do. I don’t think I’d seen the inside of the gym at my apartment complex since I’d been back.
Trigg shook his head. “Whatever you say, man.”
Before I could get in another word, my phone vibrated in my pocket. As soon as I pulled it out, Bella was crawling for me, her eyes on the phone as a large wad of drool dribbled down her chin.
“No phone, Bella, that could be your future Auntie,” Trigg said, picking her up and sitting down with her on the floor.
I glared at Trigg, then looked down at my phone. “It’s not Sam. But maybe someone just as important.”
“Hey Jam Sammich, what’s up?”
Chapter 18
I stayed another couple hours at Trey’s place. Bella really seemed attached to me and I couldn’t resist when Trey and Trigg said they’d order pizza. I think they just wanted to make sure the kid was happy before she napped and her mom got back.
I have to admit that there was something utterly amazing about having a baby fall asleep on my chest and listen to her sigh with content. I never thought I’d get all sentimental about those types of things, but spending time with my niece wasn’t actually too bad.
Instead of taking a cab, I’d take the L to the diner. I wanted to be out before Monica and Roni got back because I wasn’t exactly sure what kind of odd meeting that would be. Trigg was silent on where their relationship was going, but I was sure the guy would bare his soul at one point or another.
It was still cold as hell and now that it was getting darker earlier, everything took on this ominous glow that was somewhere between menacing and beautiful.
I hopped off the train at the Belmont stop and took the brisk walk to the diner. Another light had gone out in the sign and pretty soon it would just be another part of the darkness. I asked Sam on more than one occasion why the owner never fixed it. She told me, “Why? Everyone knows this place is here and for those who don’t, they’ll find it if they really want to.”
I didn’t know if that was some sort of metaphor that I should have gotten but I didn’t question it anymore.
The bell went off as usual when I slipped inside. There were a few random people sitting alone at booths, but the place wasn’t busy. It never was.
Sam slipped out of the back and smiled as soon as she saw me. She’d changed out of her rockabilly waitress dre
ss and into a long black sweater and those black tight things. I didn’t know if they were leggings or yoga pants or whatever girls called them. Whatever they were, they hugged every one of her curves along with the sweater. I swallowed hard, wishing I would have taken her up on the offer in the shower.
“Glad you didn’t stand me up,” she said, tying a skull print scarf around her neck and letting her hair down. It curled in waves near her shoulders and I had no idea how the hell she did that just by pulling it out of a bun. Girls were like fucking Houdini with hair.
I put my hands in my pockets and sauntered over to her. “Yeah, I couldn’t exactly do that when we go home to the same place.”
“Well, since you’re wearing jeans, I’m guessing you aren’t planning on taking me somewhere too fancy. Good thing I didn’t wear my ball gown.”
I snapped my fingers. “Damn! I knew you had that big puffy dress in the closet for a reason.”
Her face fell. “The one in the closet is my mom’s wedding dress...”
I widened my eyes. “Oh, shit. Sorry I was trying to make a joke.”
She smiled slightly. “No. I didn’t say it before because it’s kind of weird. I mean my dad was never around, but she kept that damn thing. I didn’t keep much else of hers but a cat and a dress. What the hell does that say about me?”
I raised an eyebrow. “That you’re kind of sentimental.”
“Don’t flatter me, Swampy.”
I took her hand, squeezing it slightly. “Then let’s go. Our reservation is waiting.”
***
We went back to the L stop and I paid the whopping $5.00 for her pass. It was the right thing to do instead of making her drive me on the date. And since I decided not to do the carriage ride, people watching on the L would have to do.
Most of the people were minding their own business except for a guy in a large brown coat and a red stocking cap. He ran his hands through his greasy hair and approached anyone he could and started up a conversation. Most people ignored him and he moved on, but when he stopped in front of Sam and me, I guess he figured we would be the best to talk to.
“You two look like a happy couple,” he said, his voice coming out half-yell and half-cough. He almost sounded like the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons.