These last days have seen so curious, unreal almost, and at times everything is so normal that I cannot believe I am in the middle of such intrigue. Nella West continues as always, never giving any hint of this dreadful business which lies between us.
I cannot imagine how it is she is able to behave as normally as ever she did, for I struggle every day in seeing her. I would give anything to be able to dismiss her from my presence and to take the services of another maid in the house, but I am already very clear of the consequences of such an action.
How nice it would be, though, never to see her again. She really is an unsettling creature, just as Mr Winchester says, and I still can hardly believe that she has made such a curious demand of him. I cannot think that she knows him well enough to be in love with him, but who can truly say what goes on in the heart and mind of a young woman such as Nella West?
And she is such a secretive creature who can clearly move around the house unnoticed that she might well have watched him in the past and developed some sort of infatuation. He is not without his attractions, although as I have said before they are not immediately apparent. But there really is something in his bearing that one cannot ignore, and once one is drawn in that way, his handsomeness finally shows itself.
Perhaps a man of standing and bearing as Daniel Winchester really does provide a draw of some kind to my maid. Or perhaps she is just keeping an eye on the main chance, seizing an opportunity to have a different sort of life.
I suppose, if she is a young woman of common sense, to ask for money alone is not a long-term plan of any kind. After all, she must surely realize that she could not ask for any amount from Daniel Winchester that would keep her for the rest of her life. But a marriage would, would it not? She would have that elevated status as the wife of a successful and accomplished attorney, not to mention what I am sure is a very fine home in town.
Whatever his circumstances, they are undoubtedly preferable to a life spent fetching and carrying for the Duchess of Lytton. And yet she never shows any particular displeasure in seeing to my day-to-day needs. All in all, she is a most curious person, and I think I could study her for the rest of my days and never get to the bottom of who she truly is.
If only I had another friend here, members of this household whom I could trust in the way I used to trust my father’s servants. As Daniel Winchester says, it would be a simple thing to gather their opinions of Nella West or any little knowledge they might have of her background. But it is not a thing to be risked, so I shall not waste too much time in discussing it.
Although we are both being very cautious, I have seen Mr Winchester almost every morning in the library for just a few minutes. I have the greatest hope that we are not being watched, for he has taken every care. He tells me that his enquiries are progressing, and it is clear that he his throwing all of his attention into this little problem at the moment.
He seems already to be making some headway and is currently investigating something of an anomaly in her work history which he thinks might be of interest to us. As tawdry as it seems, I daresay what we are both hoping for is to discover something in her past with which we can threaten her instead. I can hardly imagine myself a part of such a thing, and yet I know it is necessary, and when the time comes, I am certain that I can see it through without a hint of compunction.
Perhaps I am becoming a little too used to the idea of people getting their just rewards. I would hope that it is not changing me as a person and yet, at the same time, I am certain that it can do no other. But I intend to survive, Ariadne, and I console myself that you would give me the very same advice were you standing before me now.
I will be very pleased to have another letter from you, although you must be sure to continue to address them care of Mr Winchester at his home address. It is the safest way, and he easily managed to get your first letter to me without incident.
I cannot help wondering where all of this is going to lead, and I wish that there were areas of my life in which there was at least a little certainty. It is not even certain that Augustus will keep to his bed for very much longer, for some days I think I see an improvement in his colour, and I find myself a little ashamed when I regret that improvement.
My solitary nights have been a great relief to me, although I have not been able to enjoy them entirely as I might if I had not such a great weight of concern hovering around me. If only that dreadful maid had never seen me tearing off into the woodland to speak to Mr Winchester. If only she did not have such a mind as would turn an innocent event into something very different, for I am sure that she would be most convincing in my husband’s presence.
In fact, if it were not for Nella West, I think that my own nerves would be greatly settled currently. I have, as I have mentioned to you before, been playing a very wise game in visiting my husband daily and enquiring, as genuinely as I can manage, after his health. And some days I truly am genuine in my concern, for I cannot help feeling sorry for him as he lays there.
His need for strong liquor is clear, and since he has taken none for some time now, he shakes and shakes until he can no longer hold a glass to drink nor even a spoon with which to feed himself. It is as if his entire body is objecting to the deprivation, and I am certain as I can be that as soon as he is well enough to be downstairs again, he will not be able to abstain as he has been forced to do in his illness.
He still will not accept the presence of Dr Ellis, and I have stopped asking him. It is clear that he does not want to hear the man’s judgement of his mode of living, and I suppose, in his situation, I might feel the same. After all, the thing is done now, is it not? He has ruined his body with his excesses, and even if he chooses never to take another drop, I am sure that some of its effects would be irreversible.
He is an appalling colour, a horrible mixture of grey and yellow. I cannot help thinking that the jaundice speaks volumes about his internal condition, and there are times I wonder if he will ever completely recover at all.
Perhaps he will never be well enough to move from that chamber and come downstairs again. Perhaps he will never be well enough to return to the chamber that we share. And how grateful I would be for that; may God forgive me.
But I never asked to be here and never wanted this life. I did not want to spend my married years with anyone other than Miles Gainsborough, and so I am loathed to entertain the guilt which tries to overwhelm me from time to time.
Perhaps the only good thing to come of all my current concerns is the fact that it has distracted me from my old thoughts of Miles and the love we once shared. After all, my every waking moment seems to be taken up with thoughts of what will happen if the worst comes to the worst, and when I am not involved in such catastrophic thinking, I am devising ways in which I can defeat Nella West. But it is all to no avail, and it is exhausting.
And when I do think of Miles from time to time, I realize that my feelings for him have not changed. I would give anything in this moment to go back, to have these last months erased from existence and to be the same young woman who walked hand-in-hand with her love and looked forward to the rest of her life with him. I cannot picture his handsome face, his thick dark hair, and those wonderful eyes, without being hit afresh with everything I have lost.
Perhaps that is why I divert myself constantly; I turn my back on the very thought of Miles as he turned his back on me in reality.
But this perpetual diversion does nothing to free me from my bindings, and I wonder if I will ever be set free from my love for him, my want of him. I daresay that at some point I will need to face all of it, to truly sit down and feel my feelings in order to let them go finally. But I am afraid that there is so much of concern in my life currently that I do not have any spare strength with which to attempt it. And so, I must be subconsciously bound a little longer, must I not?
Perhaps I only maintain this bond for the fear of something else entirely. I am almost afraid to commit this to paper, but I cannot help admitting my
growing feelings for Mr Winchester. I know that you will be rolling your eyes as you read this, my dear Ariadne, for why on earth would I add to my ever-lengthening list of problems by admitting such a complication.
And when I think of it, perhaps the closeness I feel for Mr Winchester is nothing more than my reliance upon him. He is currently my only link to the outside world, the only channel through which I might converse with you, my dear. And inside this house, he truly is my only friend.
Perhaps that is why I come to see him as more handsome each day; taller, broader, and stronger. Perhaps that is why I am loathe to let him go after the handful of minutes we spend in each other’s company every morning in the library. In terms of a friend made physically manifest, he is all I have in the world at the moment, and I wonder if that is why I find myself thinking of him for the rest of the day, conjuring his face and his physicality every time our few minutes are up and he secretly makes his way out of the library.
But these are not things that I can dwell upon, are they? I have greater issues at hand, bigger fights to be fought and won, and I must put all my energy there, must I not? Daydreaming like a carefree girl will not serve me well, and I shall, instead, find a way to concentrate on what is coming.
With luck, I will have something greater to report to you when I write tomorrow, for I am sure that I shall.
Mr Winchester has arranged to meet with an employer of Nella West, although there was not time enough this morning for him to give me much by way of detail. But I hope to be able to report the matter to you in full as soon as possible, and more than that, I can only hope that he finds something that can free us both from this nightmare.
My dear Ariadne, I hope that you remain well and do not grow tired of my constant complaints and the terrible drama of my life. I miss you more than I can say and wish that I at least had you to counsel me as once you did. But in the meantime, I must content myself with our letters and be grateful to have that much at least.
With much love,
Eliza.”
Chapter 21
Eliza was so keen to hear what news Daniel might have that she had to fight against an urge to forego her breakfast entirely and make her way directly to the library where she knew he would be waiting.
But to do so would be to break her routine and draw suspicion to herself. Instead, she ate as normal, appearing as calm as ever she did.
When she had finished her breakfast, Eliza made her way demurely to the library, surreptitiously peering all around her. Feeling as if she was constantly being watched had become exhausting to her, and although she knew that Nella could not possibly follow her all the time, the idea that she had done so successfully in the past was never far from her mind.
When she finally reached the library and closed the door behind her, Ella let go of the breath that she had not realized she had been holding.
“Good morning,” Daniel said and rose to his feet, tipping his head politely.
“Good morning, Mr Winchester,” she said and hurried to that far corner of the room where he had begun to sit by custom. “Forgive me for getting straight to the point, but how did your meeting proceed yesterday?”
Eliza had hardly slept for wondering what, if anything, Daniel had been able to find out from Nella West’s previous employer.
“As I said yesterday, I had managed to trace the household in which Nella West worked before coming here to Lytton Hall. Her employer was a Mrs Humphries, and her home is clear across the county from here.”
“Then you had something of a journey to contend with yesterday.”
“Forgive me, but it is a fortunate thing that the Duke is currently unwell. As uncharitable as that sounds, I could never have afforded this time if he was up and about.”
“I have thought the same thing myself, for all manner of reasons,” she said and smiled at her new admission.
“Anyway, when I asked Mrs Humphries if I might speak to her about Nella West, she did not seem entirely surprised. It was almost as if she had been expecting that somebody would, one day, come to her with such a question.”
“And how long is it since Nella left Mrs Humphries’ establishment?”
“It has been more than two years.”
“And so that is how long she has worked for Augustus?”
“Not entirely, there was a gap of two or three months in which I have no idea how she lived and how she spent her time.”
“I see,” Eliza said, feeling a little excited by the idea that there was something to tell about the young woman who had caused her so many sleepless nights. “And how did Nella West get on with Mrs Humphries?”
“For the first two years, I understand that she was an excellent employee.” He shrugged. “I suppose just as she has been here. Anyway, that all changed.”
“Why? What happened?” Eliza said urgently, willing him to continue.
“At first, I did not think that Mrs Humphries would tell me for she looked most uncomfortable. In the end, I had to give her a little idea of my own concerns before she would say anything. Anyway, it appears that Miss West treated Mrs Humphries in very much the same way she has treated you.”
“She threatened her?” Eliza said, her eyes wide with interest.
“She did indeed. She threatened to go to Mrs Humphries’ husband with the idea that there was some romantic intrigue between the lady of the house and the gardener.”
“Good heavens,” Eliza said aghast. “And what happened? Did Mrs Humphries have to pay her off?”
“It appears that is what Nella West demanded, but Mrs Humphries did not do it. Apparently, Mr Humphries is very reasonable man, and his wife did not think that he would believe such a thing for a minute. In fact, Mrs Humphries went directly to him and told him exactly what their maid of all works had threatened.”
“And so Mr Humphries dismissed her?”
“Yes, he dismissed her on the spot, throwing her out of his house without references.”
“Then how on earth did she manage to get employment here? How could she go from a reasonably small establishment to Lytton Hall, the home of a Duke, without a very fine reference indeed?”
“It appears she did have a reference from Mrs Humphries.”
“But I thought you said her husband dismissed her without?”
“Oh, Mrs Humphries did not write any reference for Nella West.” He paused for a moment and ran a hand through his silvery blonde hair in a way which made Eliza hold her breath. “But a reference was sent here to the Duke’s housekeeper in Mrs Humphries’ name.”
“A forgery? Well, well I never,” Eliza said and smiled at him brilliantly. “But how does Mrs Humphries know of all this? Has she seen her since?”
“No, Mrs Humphries has never laid eyes on Nella West since Mr Humphries ejected her. But some months after she had seen her for the last time, Mrs Humphries received a letter from the Duke’s housekeeper, Mrs Norwood.”
“And what did Mrs Norwood have to say?” It was true to say that Eliza did not particularly warm to her husband’s housekeeper, and much as the rest of the staff, she did not trust her.
“She thanked Mrs Humphries kindly for such a fine reference and stated that Nella West was turning out to be every bit as industrious as her former employer had claimed her to be.”
“And did Mrs Humphries not write back to enquire after the circumstances? Did she not even tell Mrs Norwood that the reference must surely be a forgery?”
“In the end, she chose not to. In part, I think she was simply glad to have the young woman out of the way, clear across the county. She did say that she felt a little sorry for her, that she worried that the girl might need something so badly that she was prepared to stoop to blackmail for it when she had ordinarily been a very fine employee.”
“You seem a little sceptical, Mr Winchester,” Eliza said and was surprised that she was able to read his expression so well.
She realized then that she had come to know Daniel Winchester bit by bit, that he
was a very firm presence in her life, one she was growing very used to. It struck her for a moment that she could never have imagined such a friendship on that first day when he had regarded her so coldly in the chapel.
She could never have believed then how much she would come to rely upon him. And nobody seeing how the two of them glowered at one another on that day could ever have hoped to successfully convince the Duke that there was a single fond feeling between them.
“I am sceptical, Your Grace,” he said and nodded firmly. “There was something in Mrs Humphries’ manner which made me believe that she was glad to be rid of Nella West, relieved that she is now somebody else’s problem. In short, I think Mrs Humphries found herself a little afraid of that young woman.”
“And so, she chose to simply forget all about it, to live out her life and hope she never saw or heard from her again,” Eliza said. “As much as I would like to be annoyed with her for her oversight, I cannot say that I entirely blame the woman. There is something about Nella West that is rather frightening. I think it is her extreme composure at all times, the fact that she never seems to be rattled by anything. It is almost as if she is not real, somehow. She is not quite human. I suppose that sounds ridiculous, but there it is.”
For the Love of a Duchess: A Historical Regency Romance Book Page 16